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When I am important I will convert this nonsense to 'third-person', but for now......
Very few people care what I say, fewer still believe any of it. That is not important. I suffer for my art so you don't have to - I'm good like that.
I
do not and
will not shoot glamour or porn or babies or little princesses or happy families or cheesey smiles or anything else that I deem to be shite - and that is a lot of stuff!. I would rather use my eye sockets for cultivating anthrax than shoot a wedding or christening.
I maintain this profile, on MM, in the pursuance of photographic and artistic objectives. Nothing more, nothing less. I am reliably informed that I am happily married and have the scars to prove it. I am a reasonably well adjusted, wholly irreverent, honest professional with a proven track record. I am not here looking for girlfriends, dates or notches on my casting couch. Helmut will gladly provide references if required.
If you are Juliette Binoche or Audrey Tautou and happen to be reading this, please ignore the bit about me being married and not looking for girlfriends.
For the record...
MM is not the centre of my universe, hence, I do not routinely put my latest or 'best' work on here. That's not to say that the images on here are
not the best or the latest, just that they are not
necessarily the best or most recent. I have a proper website for that - it's actually quite good too, if you squint a bit.
http://www.rlgfx.com
How it works...
I always treat models with the utmost respect and appreciate the same in return before, during and after a shoot. However....a 'no-show' is a 'no-show' and will be terminal - I don't care how many times your Granny has died or if your hamster has suddenly developed a nut allergy and suffered a life-threatening seizure.
• I do have a very fertile sense of humour. I do not suffer fools.
• I do care, very much, about what I shoot. I do not care for models who don't.
• I do aim at very high standards. I am human, I sometimes fail.
• I am not a prima donna. If you are - or think you may be - please ignore me, honestly, I am not worthy.
• I am inspired by many artists and photographers. I do not aspire to be them.
• I will not rush shoots. If you haven't got all day, you shouldn't be here (unless it doesn't take all day).
• I do not give overly detailed briefings before a shoot, but I do give a more than adequate overview and I do not spring 'surprises' - ever!
• I haven't - so far, at least - broken any models and I (almost) always share my biscuits and/or cakes.
• Do not feed Floyd.
•• Absolutely, positively, definitely, NO ESCORTS -
apart from being a bloody nice bloke, at my age, I'm way past being dangerous!
Here endeth the waffle - well, apart from these few late additions.....
If I forget to respond to comments and/or tags, it's because I forgot, so please don't feel bad for, or about, either of us. In case I did forget....'Thank you'. I forget a lot of stuff.
If there is no model credit on any of my images, that will be because the model is not on MM (yes, it really can happen!).
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That really is all now....well, almost....
FRIENDS: I am not here to 'impress' or to fawn over the 'cliques', nor am I here to collect random internet 'friends' - I already have almost three real ones and an invisible one called Helmut.
If I add - or ask to add - you, it's either because (a) I admire your work; (b) I have worked with you; or (C) I might want to work with you at some time.
Please do not be offended if I decline your friend request.
NOTE TO VERY IMPORTANT PEOPLE It just takes a moment to politely decline.
I'm married. I never get credit for anything.
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