"I never saw an ugly thing in my life: for let the form of an object be what it may - light, shade, and perspective will always make it beautiful." -John Constable
Okay... so this is where I tell you all about me right? Well read on my darlings! An update for all of you: I am currently looking to start up modeling again. I took a bit of a break and went back to work, but recently I've gotten a job that allows more time for shoots. I am also working in an industry that has helped me feel more comfortable with my body. It has gotten me back into good shape. Drop me a line if you are interested in working with me.
So here begins my travels through the world of modeling. I believe whole-heartedly that I am who I am today because of my past. My past is not a pretty one. It is filled with anger, sadness, frustration and love. My visions of the outcome of the art I want to create is based around my past. I believe that if I create this art, it will do two things: show others who and what I am inside, and help me face my inner demons. So here I list a bit about my past so you can see where I want to go with my art as a muse, model, and artist.
"The absence of flaw in beauty is itself a flaw." - Havelock Ellis
I had a lot of death and destruction early on in my life. I lost a dear friend of mine to MASSIVE HEART FAILURE at the age of eleven. He died due to a faulty heart valve. A friend of mine was hit while she was riding her HORSE down the road by a drunk driver, died of internal bleeding. I then lost my first true love to suicide in ninth grade. He hung himself in the barn at his parents house a mile from my home. I have lost many others sense, and never wanted to face the fact of loss and death.
I spent a great deal of time in the mental hospitals, in therapy, and out patient services, including a half way house. But none of these things helped me. I became a self mutilator at an early age. And before you think the nasty thoughts of "She did it for attention," or "It was an outcry for help" IT WAS NOT.
"A misery is not to be measured from the nature of the evil, but from the temper of the sufferer. " -Joseph Addison
The reason I was a cutter was this: I had so much mental anguish and pain I could stand it no longer. I found relief in being able to cure physical pain. It is easier to "fix" a physical problem. You can clean it, disinfect it, and bandage it. It is much more difficult to do this with a pain you can't touch.
Over the years my scars got worse, the cuts got deeper. When finally I found a love for tattoos and piercings. I could not only express my mental anguish through body art, but receive the pain that cutting gave me. Only now instead of ugly scars, I had beautiful body art. Art that I could show the world with out being judged for scaring. The point of this entire set of words, is to express my love for my art, so there for I do not want to cover it up for photo shoots. I would be willing to consider it for a special shoot... but I don't know what that shoot would be.
Some Visions I Have:
Eventually I want to this shoot. I have drempt about it for years, and want to create it with the right Photographer. Here it is:
THE SEVEN DEADLY SINS
I want to do a shoot revolving around the Seven Deadly Sins. I am not a religious woman in that sense, but have been interested in them sense I was a child. Then the movie Seven came out and it caused me to dream of doing a set of photos. If you can visualize this dream, and are either a model, hairstylist, make up artist, or Photographer. Contact me and tell me your dreams and thoughts on this, my vision of creation. I'm either interested in doing this as a bondage shoot, or in the original "Seven"(the movie) Darkness.
Osho Zen Taro or another Taro Deck Idea:
My favorite Taro deck is the Osho Zen Taro deck. It was my first deck I ever received, and my favorite to this day. It is a beautifully designed deck, that show life how it should be. I have one of the designs tattooed on my left upper arm, that is in the process of becoming my most prized tattoo. It is such an inspiring deck of art that it has inspired me to bring these cards to life. Check and see for yourself: http://www.osho.com/Main.cfm?Area=Magaz … hoZenTarot
In all reality I want to do not just the "look at me I'm pretty photos, though those can be nice. I want to do DARK, FREAKY, SCARY, MAKE YOU DOUBLE TAKE, FUCKED UP ART. Yeah I still want to do the other stuff, but I like art that gives you true emotion. Does this sound like something you want to do to?
"I'm tired of all this nonsense about beauty being only skin-deep. That's deep enough. What do you want, an adorable pancreas?" -Jean Kerr
And here I am again, speaking to those who chose to read this all the way through. I am an honest, hard working mother gone model. I am willing to work with you on your visions, if in return you are willing to work with me on mine. We don't have to do it in the same day, I just need to know that if I work on yours the first time, that you will return to work on mine with me. I truly believe that there are good people in the world, who want to work with other honest people.
I also would like to find one MAIN photographer to work with almost on a bi-weekly basis to get to work on a vision in my head not listed here due to the fact I don't want it taken. If you are interested in the following things, and think this might be for you, get in contact with me ASAP:
Alice in Wonerland
Fetish TYPE shooting
working with exotic animals
and most important: can keep a secret.
Types of work I am willing to do:
Types of work I want to specialize in:
*Fetish Fetish (bondage, suspension, Ponyplay, stockings/hosiery, costume, tickling, spanking/flogging, necro/strangle, ect (If you have any other ideas, please ask... I am open to discuss them.)
*SEVEN DEADLY SINS (see above)
*Osho (see above)
** I have recently gotten into the best shape of my life, and am NOW searching to do some fitness shoots as well!
*I will travel up to 25 miles for a shoot. If the location is farther than that, I will require compensation. I have no problem traveling anywhere in the world as long as travel, hotel and food costs are paid.
*I am willing to do TFCD shoots for photographers looking to expand their portfolio!
*My rates depend upon the assignment. I am willing to volunteer my time for great shoots or opportunities. Please message me for more info.
*Tats: I have a half sleeve in progress, with a lower piece started as well. I have several smaller ones on upper arm, upper shoulder, and back of my calf. I have a decent sized one on my lower back. As well as two just under my collar bones.
*Piercings: Ears, nose, Tongue, and eyebrows. (all can be removed)
*Major Marks, Scars, Etc: I have a great deal of scars on my left arm (see above), piercing scars on my belly button from an old piercing, some small ones on my left ankle and knee from Bmxing. I wear glasses, or contacts depending.