Forums > Model Colloquy > No, it's YOU disappointing ME

Photographer

Matty272

Posts: 219

Dunfermline, Scotland, United Kingdom

Jojo West wrote:

That would be like the opening line to a great joke. smile

"A Scotsman and a Brit walk into a pub..."

Not to take this into politics, but........

If that idiot Salmond gets his way, this will be true!

Dec 23 12 02:34 am Link

Photographer

Matty272

Posts: 219

Dunfermline, Scotland, United Kingdom

P.S. Bump!

Dec 23 12 02:34 am Link

Model

Olivia Cheyenna

Posts: 1

New York, New York, US

A  M E N.

Jan 07 13 06:25 pm Link

Model

Buh bye

Posts: 14

Lowell, Massachusetts, US

I stumbled upon this thread after dealing with the same issue. A family member I barely speak to had the gall to tell me that my modelling is not appropriate (I wasn't nude hmm I was in a bikini top with shorts) and went off on me. Told me that 'HER' family wouldn't approve of my work and that I need to take it down. She than reported me to facebook for sexual violations.

Oyee..

So I guess now I'll have to watch out for HER family calling me a sleazy whore because I posted some of my latest shoot on facebook. (And I KNOW they will. They've done it before hmm)

Jan 29 14 11:34 am Link

Photographer

R Byron Johnson

Posts: 767

Norman, Oklahoma, US

CAJPhoto wrote:
The wish list on your portfolio....uh, is this a common thing for models to do?

Yes, and why not?  If people were willing to buy me stuff, I'd do it too.

Jan 29 14 12:05 pm Link

Photographer

R Byron Johnson

Posts: 767

Norman, Oklahoma, US

Some people, particularly men, are still caught up in that outdated idea that only the one you love should ever see you naked.

Though photographers do sometimes face similar issues.  I'm newly single now and I always get nervous telling women I date about what I do out of concern for their reaction.  Like they'll think I'm just some perv who takes nekkid pics of chicks to whack off too or something.  For that reason, I try to date within artistic circles, because artists tend to get it more than the average person does.

Jan 29 14 12:10 pm Link

Model

Eleanor Rose

Posts: 2314

Santa Rosa, California, US

I'd like to send a thank you and a big hug to the OP. I found this thread three or so years ago and it's a big contributor to my still being around here.

Jan 29 14 01:25 pm Link

Photographer

Patrick Walberg

Posts: 43560

Salinas, California, US

Eleanor R wrote:
I'd like to send a thank you and a big hug to the OP. I found this thread three or so years ago and it's a big contributor to my still being around here.

Haahaa .. this certainly is one of those threads that keeps going and going!  I do think it is a very important message though.

Jan 29 14 03:17 pm Link

Photographer

Bravoscape

Posts: 259

Frederick, Maryland, US

Daniela Victoria wrote:
Nude modeling.
Glamour modeling.
Art modeling.
Showing any skin whatsoever....

Countless threads on "my family/boyfriend/husband/girlfriend doesn't approve and it hurts...what do I do?"

Has anyone ever thought to say to that person or those people that it's THEM disappointing YOU and not the other way around?

Why is it that people in our lives feel that it's simply perfect for them to tell us how we should conduct our modeling (i.e. nudes and not doing nudes) and it's not OK for us to be upset with them? Why do THEY get to be upset with US but we don't get to be upset and disappointed at how close minded they are?

Folks- if there is a person in your life, or people that say they can't handle your modeling (Esp. for you nude models out there) then express to them that you are hurt by that and move on. )Put it on them. Don't sit there and say "how do I handle this because my so-and-so doesn't approve", but instead say to that so-and-so that YOU don't approve of THEIR negativity toward modeling nude or just modeling in general.

I'm disappointed in those that are close to models and don't support them. I think it's bullshit. I think it's the models that should be upset and not their family or friends or significant others.

I'm just tired of these threads.

You don't approve of my modeling? I don't approve of you.
It's YOU disappointing ME.

Try that next time someone gives you crap. That doesn't work? Walk away.

/rant.

Well said.

Jan 29 14 06:41 pm Link

Photographer

NothingIsRealButTheGirl

Posts: 35354

Los Angeles, California, US

Aug 03 14 04:42 pm Link

Photographer

DAVISICON

Posts: 546

San Antonio, Texas, US

Daniela Victoria wrote:
Nude modeling.
Glamour modeling.
Art modeling.
Showing any skin whatsoever....

Countless threads on "my family/boyfriend/husband/girlfriend doesn't approve and it hurts...what do I do?"

Has anyone ever thought to say to that person or those people that it's THEM disappointing YOU and not the other way around?

Why is it that people in our lives feel that it's simply perfect for them to tell us how we should conduct our modeling (i.e. nudes and not doing nudes) and it's not OK for us to be upset with them? Why do THEY get to be upset with US but we don't get to be upset and disappointed at how close minded they are?

Folks- if there is a person in your life, or people that say they can't handle your modeling (Esp. for you nude models out there) then express to them that you are hurt by that and move on. )Put it on them. Don't sit there and say "how do I handle this because my so-and-so doesn't approve", but instead say to that so-and-so that YOU don't approve of THEIR negativity toward modeling nude or just modeling in general.

I'm disappointed in those that are close to models and don't support them. I think it's bullshit. I think it's the models that should be upset and not their family or friends or significant others.

I'm just tired of these threads.

You don't approve of my modeling? I don't approve of you.
It's YOU disappointing ME.

Try that next time someone gives you crap. That doesn't work? Walk away.

/rant.

Bravoscape wrote:
Well said.

+1

Aug 03 14 04:51 pm Link

Photographer

L O C U T U S

Posts: 1529

Rumford, Maine, US

Daniela Victoria wrote:
I'm disappointed in those that are close to models and don't support them.

I have friends, that do things, I disapprove of. It's part of life. people do things that annoy others.
If I do something people don't like, so be it.
Same with you or anyone else.
WE don't have to like/approve of what anyone does.
smile

Aug 03 14 05:25 pm Link

Photographer

NothingIsRealButTheGirl

Posts: 35354

Los Angeles, California, US

Locutus wrote:
I have friends, that do things, I disapprove of. It's part of life. people do things that annoy others.
If I do something people don't like, so be it.
Same with you or anyone else.
WE don't have to like/approve of what anyone does.
smile

It's an old thread but she's already accepting that they disapprove. That's where this thread begins.

The turnaround is that while they think they occupy the moral high ground and are the only ones who get to do the disapproving she rains disapproval down onto them from even higher ground they didn't suspect existed.

Aug 03 14 05:51 pm Link

Photographer

Garry k

Posts: 27873

Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada

Great Thread , Nice to see it back

Aug 03 14 06:30 pm Link

Photographer

L O C U T U S

Posts: 1529

Rumford, Maine, US

lol

Aug 09 14 05:58 am Link

Retoucher

Natalia_Taffarel

Posts: 7665

Buenos Aires, Buenos Aires, Argentina

NothingIsRealButTheGirl wrote:
It's an old thread but she's already accepting that they disapprove. That's where this thread begins.

The turnaround is that while they think they occupy the moral high ground and are the only ones who get to do the disapproving she rains disapproval down onto them from even higher ground they didn't suspect existed.

Im going to post in an old thread just because I disagree partly.

Is not always about moral grounds.
I wouldn't have a relationship with someone that I know frequents prostitutes, for example.
If I was told, I would explain that and leave them.

I wouldn't date someone who participated in creating violent images or glamour. (Not a model, not a photographer) it's not about moral high ground and its entirely personal, I reject being judged for it.
I wouldn't tried to convince someone to stop I would simply walk away.


But this concept that you have to approve what the people you love do, is ridiculous.

People you love can do things you don't approve of, that hardly makes you close minded.

Aug 09 14 06:13 am Link

Photographer

Marin Photography NYC

Posts: 7319

New York, New York, US

Natalia_Taffarel wrote:
Im going to post in an old thread just because I disagree partly.

Is not always about moral grounds.
I wouldn't have a relationship with someone that I know frequents prostitutes, for example.
If I was told, I would explain that and leave them.

I wouldn't date someone who participated in creating violent images or glamour. (Not a model, not a photographer) it's not about moral high ground and its entirely personal, I reject being judged for it.
I wouldn't tried to convince someone to stop I would simply walk away.


But this concept that you have to approve what the people you love do, is ridiculous.

People you love can do things you don't approve of, that hardly makes you close minded.

I agree.

The larger issue is that as an adult, you don't need anyone's approval. Life isn't Facebook where you wait for people to "like" your stuff. You make yourself happy, don't worry about everyone else and what they think. What matters is how you feel about yourself. You are the master of your emotions and your own destiny, not them. Don't waste your energy fighting for approval.

Aug 09 14 06:44 am Link

Photographer

NothingIsRealButTheGirl

Posts: 35354

Los Angeles, California, US

Natalia_Taffarel wrote:
I wouldn't date someone who participated in creating violent images or glamour. (Not a model, not a photographer) it's not about moral high ground and its entirely personal, I reject being judged for it.
I wouldn't tried to convince someone to stop I would simply walk away.

You can claim you are not making a moral judgment and reject assertions to the contrary but I don't buy it.

Aug 09 14 11:26 am Link

Retoucher

Natalia_Taffarel

Posts: 7665

Buenos Aires, Buenos Aires, Argentina

NothingIsRealButTheGirl wrote:

You can claim you are not making a moral judgment and reject assertions to the contrary but I don't buy it.

It's my opinion that a general morality is a ridiculous unsubstantiated concept to begin with so "moral higher ground" means nothing to me.

I could elaborate on the prostitution issue saying that I wouldn't see again a person who in an introduction makes an effort to make me aware of his material possessions.
It's not what I'm looking for.

As an individual you learn to recognize what you appreciate and what you don't. Getting judged because you disapprove what another person does and there for don't want o be associated with them is nonsensical.

Discrimination (without the negative connotation) is what survival is all about.

Aug 09 14 11:49 am Link

Retoucher

Natalia_Taffarel

Posts: 7665

Buenos Aires, Buenos Aires, Argentina

Marin Photography NYC wrote:

I agree.

The larger issue is that as an adult, you don't need anyone's approval. Life isn't Facebook where you wait for people to "like" your stuff. You make yourself happy, don't worry about everyone else and what they think. What matters is how you feel about yourself. You are the master of your emotions and your own destiny, not them. Don't waste your energy fighting for approval.

Pretty much, I never understood those threads.

It's very simple, if you enjoy something and the person you want to spend time with the most disapproves of that, you make a decision.
Do you like what you do more than the person ? You keep what you do.
Do you like the person more than what you do, you keep the person.

If the person disapproves of every other thing you do, you might want to think about it a bit longer.

Aug 09 14 11:53 am Link

Photographer

ilLOminatus

Posts: 9

Surabaya, Jawa Timur, Indonesia

Powerful article! I agree with you 100%!!!

Dec 12 14 10:21 pm Link

Model

fluffycakes

Posts: 445

Chicago, Illinois, US

Glad this was said!

Dec 15 14 04:22 pm Link

Model

Sarah_Elisabeth

Posts: 278

Sydney, New South Wales, Australia

Agreed! I can't stand it either. Well said smile I've realised that people are going to criticise you no matter what you do. People will always have something to say. Just ignore it and don't let it get to you. Just keep doing what you're doing and do what makes you happy. Only you know what's best for you and if others can't see that then that's their problem smile

Dec 15 14 05:19 pm Link

Model

SuzAnneDeCarma

Posts: 16

Lake Charles, Louisiana, US

This is one of the best things I've ever read. Bless you all!!!!!

Dec 15 14 07:53 pm Link

Model

dead and goneeeeeeeeee

Posts: 161

Aniak, Alaska, US

Well said!

Dec 15 14 07:56 pm Link

Photographer

Art Silva

Posts: 9709

Santa Barbara, California, US

wow, this thread is as old as my account




.... sorry, hehe tongue

Dec 15 14 10:08 pm Link

Photographer

DougBPhoto

Posts: 39106

Portland, Oregon, US

Art Silva wrote:
wow, this thread is as old as my account




.... sorry, hehe tongue

27 page rant that still has relevance and value.  smile

Dec 15 14 10:18 pm Link

Photographer

D-Light

Posts: 622

Newcastle, Limerick, Ireland

Well said, I agree with you 100%. No one has the right to tell you what to do with your life, from once you're an adult. Most people who do so are not doing it out of concern for you but in an attempt to control you, don't let them.

I'll accept advice from anyone, as long as they know what they are talking about and I think everyone should. What you do with that advice is up to you, you can use it, ignore it or use some of it. The person giving the advice should then accept your decision and respect you for it.

Anyone who tries to get you to change your life in any way, just because they are not comfortable with it, is being selfish. If it doesn't have a negative impact of someone else, you should be free to do what you wish. Making a different choice for yourself does not impact on anyone else.

Dec 16 14 09:26 am Link

Model

SuzAnneDeCarma

Posts: 16

Lake Charles, Louisiana, US

I finally understand this completely.

You trust people to love you unconditionally, with no judgement, and then you find out that it''s not necessarily the case. I feel lost and betrayed. It doesn''t help that I feel like it is my duty to my husband to help out as much as I can, financially. My parents help as long as I live by their rules. Our plan was to wait for my husband to graduate from grad school (spring 2016) and move to Dallas. The money we get helps us quite a bit and I''m grateful for it, but i feel like I''m constantly being told to wait. I feel like a caged bird...

I''m still a bit emotional, obviously. My parents are just trying to help me. Here, our reputation means a lot. When someone does something out of the ordinary it, it hurts others. I feel like it's asking a lot from parents to just ignore what others are saying as the know me and where Im coming from.

Dec 21 14 05:37 pm Link

Photographer

Tim Summa

Posts: 2448

San Antonio, Texas, US

Daniela Victoria wrote:

Isn''t the definition of a whore someone that sleeps around?

Were your pictures showing you fucking a bunch of different people? No.

Throw dictionaries at those assholes calling you a whore.

Now, now! Daniela, your just gong to hurt some ones feelings!

What you were attempting to say was much more benign and instructive wasn’t it?

Much like, “Here is a dictionary for you dear, you will discover the word you seek is sympathy, it is between ‘shit’ and ‘syphilis’.

Dec 21 14 09:03 pm Link

Photographer

Patrick Walberg

Posts: 43560

Salinas, California, US

Sarah_Elisabeth wrote:
Agreed! I can''t stand it either. Well said smile I''ve realised that people are going to criticise you no matter what you do. People will always have something to say. Just ignore it and don''t let it get to you. Just keep doing what you''re doing and do what makes you happy. Only you know what''s best for you and if others can''t see that then that''s their problem smile

I am glad that this message is still coming to the top of the forum.   In my opinion, it is not so much a rant as it is a statement that needed to be made.   We need to call it what it is ... an attempt to manipulate others by finding fault with them.

Dec 21 14 10:34 pm Link

Photographer

Karl Barbosa Photo

Posts: 51

Montreal, Quebec, Canada

Hmmm, here''s my take on it:

- If you''re a model, have been for some time, and start dating a boy who insists you stop, then slap him hard across the face and let him go. This guy *knew* you were a nude model, and knew you enjoy doing what you do, and has zero say in the matter. He''s asking you to change for *him*. That''s no bueno.

- If you have are dating or married to someone, and THEN decide to start nude modeling, then you need to make sure he''s okay with it. This was not something that was present in your life and relationship beforehand, and any action that goes against what you had already agreed on could be questionable at best, considered cheating at worst. As always, you are absolutely free to do what you want with your body, but take note that there are potential consequences and he is also absolutely free to leave you and seek love elsewhere.

Dec 22 14 12:46 pm Link

Model

-Dasha U-

Posts: 161

Salt Lake City, Utah, US

Great thread and an awesome way to look at things (not just modeling!)

Jan 04 15 07:47 am Link

Model

LauraLuna

Posts: 230

Madrid, Madrid, Spain

Recently, I was asked what my boyfriend thought about my nude modelling. I answered: "Well, he is the one who poses, so..." Same answer I gave when I was asked the same about my parents.

Jan 04 15 10:53 am Link

Model

LauraLuna

Posts: 230

Madrid, Madrid, Spain

Recently, I was asked what my boyfriend thought about my nude modelling. I answered: "Well, he is the one who poses, so..." Same answer I gave when I was asked the same about my parents.

Jan 04 15 10:53 am Link