Star Child wrote:
Overcoming

Me too.

Clare-Alana wrote:
Please help me.
I don't think I can do this anymore.

I just sent you a private message. Let me know how I can help and I will.

Tim

Clare-Alana wrote:
Please help me.
I don't think I can do this anymore.

PM me if you feel like it....either here of fb...

N Mcguire Photography wrote:
No matter how alone and unwanted you may feel you are always loved, Be it your Mother, Father, Brother, Sister or just someone you havent had the pleasure of meeting yet you are always loved.

No matter how dark your darkest moments will be always look to the east for the beginning of a new day.

Noone can hear you cry if your not willing to cry and let it out.

So please just hold onto something you love when its the hardest to fight dont let the bastards win (whoever or whatever your bastard be) you are worth it.

This....
unfortunately I have not been on this thread lately as I kinda had a few "stalkers"whom I thought were friends basicly mock me in other threads and I don't feel this is as safe a place to vent as I don't think getting anything said here thrown back in my face would end well with the one or 2 that have done this if I ever saw them face to face....

However...

What you said makes so much sense..when the "cancer"(which is what I call my extreme loniness induced depression)starts to invade me again....I just go through PMs of friends of mine that care,mainly a few models I am close to,and a few photographers...
Unfortunately I feel and have felt my family have written me off and have since HS,just hoping that I don't self destruct,though IMO they kinda have resigned themselves that I either will do so or just fade away out of sight/out of mind...
This family here(the MM) has been my real family....

N Mcguire Photography wrote:
I dont know if the main post gets updated or not But here in Australia we have a organisation called Lifeline thanks to some people realising the need you can call their number for free from Mobile phones or the cost of a local from any other phone, They also have a limited hours online support for those who need it.

Lifeline.com.au : 13 11 14

If your a Aussie and in need of help dont be afraid to reach out to them i have and they help me often.

Also i have a few things i say to myself to help:

No matter how alone and unwanted you may feel you are always loved, Be it your Mother, Father, Brother, Sister or just someone you havent had the pleasure of meeting yet you are always loved.

No matter how dark your darkest moments will be always look to the east for the beginning of a new day.

Noone can hear you cry if your not willing to cry and let it out.

So please just hold onto something you love when its the hardest to fight dont let the bastards win (whoever or whatever your bastard be) you are worth it.

Neil, thanks for posting this information. It's a great resource for MMer's in Australia. Thanks also for your wise advice!

Chris Rifkin wrote:

This....
unfortunately I have not been on this thread lately as I kinda had a few "stalkers"whom I thought were friends basicly mock me in other threads and I don't feel this is as safe a place to vent as I don't think getting anything said here thrown back in my face would end well with the one or 2 that have done this if I ever saw them face to face....

However...

What you said makes so much sense..when the "cancer"(which is what I call my extreme loniness induced depression)starts to invade me again....I just go through PMs of friends of mine that care,mainly a few models I am close to,and a few photographers...
Unfortunately I feel and have felt my family have written me off and have since HS,just hoping that I don't self destruct,though IMO they kinda have resigned themselves that I either will do so or just fade away out of sight/out of mind...
This family here(the MM) has been my real family....

Chris, I hope you know how much you mean to me. Time and again you have been here when I needed encouragement. And you are kind enough to use your experience to reach out to others who are in need. You are a great friend and I am blessed to know you!

Tim

Chris Rifkin wrote:

This....
unfortunately I have not been on this thread lately as I kinda had a few "stalkers"whom I thought were friends basicly mock me in other threads and I don't feel this is as safe a place to vent as I don't think getting anything said here thrown back in my face would end well with the one or 2 that have done this if I ever saw them face to face....

However...

What you said makes so much sense..when the "cancer"(which is what I call my extreme loniness induced depression)starts to invade me again....I just go through PMs of friends of mine that care,mainly a few models I am close to,and a few photographers...
Unfortunately I feel and have felt my family have written me off and have since HS,just hoping that I don't self destruct,though IMO they kinda have resigned themselves that I either will do so or just fade away out of sight/out of mind...
This family here(the MM) has been my real family....

Chris have you honestly reached out to your family? sure some may have written you off but maybe some are sitting there wanting to be there but are scared to say Im here for you?

As for the other issue of people on MM dont let them tell you what when and where you can speak freely about it as they come under the title of the bastards i talked about they dont deserve the power over you. They are weak and narrow minded people

N Mcguire Photography wrote:

Chris have you honestly reached out to your family? sure some may have written you off but maybe some are sitting there wanting to be there but are scared to say Im here for you?

As for the other issue of people on MM dont let them tell you what when and where you can speak freely about it as they come under the title of the bastards i talked about they dont deserve the power over you. They are weak and narrow minded people

I really don't need to talk to my family,just their actions twards me the past 25 or so years,I brought it up once to my father and he basicly told me this is something I have to figure out for myself(my mom,who was beyond useless,trying to raise me then fix my issues with extreme catholisism(sp) totally screwed me up)...I just try to remain good friends with him.My sister just tells me to get over myself,grow up,cut my hair,be a human being,lower my standards,that I need to learn and embrace my (mediocre,or in her eyes bottom feeding)role and have a family)

The issue with those 2 people on here was actually minor,and I think once they knew I was on to them stalking me...it ended quick....needless to say it was a case of those who cast stones better not have a glass house)

N Mcguire Photography wrote:
Well as i just posted in another forum im a member of i will share my story here just slightly edited for the different audience:


I suffer from Depression and currently being looked at for one of two disorders either Bipolar or Borderline Personality Disorder, Because of some of the traits that they have I also suffer from Public Anxiety to the extent i struggle to leave my room for more than a hour or two at times. I am only just coming to be comfortable with talking about the way i am now even though i have suffered with the majority of the issues for the best of 3-4yrs.

Being the way i am leaves me moody and combative at times to being completely withdrawn and not wanting to associate with people for days on end, And thats a good day my bad moments have left me scared and with many broken bones (Just on my right hand i have broken the knuckles so often i dont have proper knuckles for the last two fingers at the final joint) from the self harm from hitting something repeatedly or just cutting myself repeatedly with either a razor or a knife of some sort.

And thats the stuff that people can see, Mentally the war is worse from being able to concentrate on a simple task to being as i put it a human goldfish from the fact i will be lucid and ok for periods to moments my mind races so fast it would make Warp 9 look like first gear. Most of that would make life hard on people but at the same time i have the nagging doubts and abusive thoughts caused by a childhood scared by abuse (All three types) from people a kid should be able to trust and look to.

Just to give you a idea of my path and how it has been paved for me over the past month i have been into the Hospital three times twice voluntarlily and once on a Emergancy Examination Order after a couple of suicide attempts. In front of a magistrate cause of the swings leaving the mother of my Son terrified for her safety whilst she took out a protection order.

Please dont offer your sympathy (its apprecaited though believe me) pay me back for my openess by looking for some of the signs in those around you and you might just save them from the long lonely road they might feel they are trapped on, And give them someone they can feel safe with.

So if you know anyone who is:

Unusually moody sometimes excessivelly sad or angry
Withdrawn at times and over social at others
Has unusual injuries (Cuts or marks that have off sounding excuses)
Appears scatter brained at times whilst lucid at others

Whilst all of the above arent sure signs of mental illness or something they are signs of someone who might need someone to talk to so just let them know if they need someone to talk to your there and willing to listen, And if anyone here feels like they have a issue speak to your GP, A family member or even reach out to me as you can see i wont judge you just please dont bottle it up and feel like i did that you have to do it on your own ok.

Neil, I admire anyone who will be open about the issues in their life so that it can be of help to others.

I was burned badly in an explosion when I was a kid. Now, as an adult I have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder that manifest in severe chronic depression and overwhelming panic attacks. Flashbacks are rare but they do happen but severe, violent nightmares are common. I share my info because it helps me to let it out and not hold things in. And sometimes something I say might be of help to someone else.

I hope you can get a treatment program going with Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and the right medications bring some balance to your life. If you ever need to talk you are welcomed to message me anytime. There are also lots of great people here who are loving and caring and are going through their own issues as well.

Take care Neil!

Tim

Clare-Alana wrote:
Thank you for your PM's.
I am not very well at all...
I am frightened of myself and these feelings, they are so intense, I find myself frequently losing emotional self control and worry about what I might do to myself.

Do things to mentally distract yourself.  Positive things.

Clare-Alana wrote:
Thank you for your PM's.
I am not very well at all...
I am frightened of myself and these feelings, they are so intense, I find myself frequently losing emotional self control and worry about what I might do to myself.

Do not be afraid to express yourself in this thread...this is what its here for.
The fact you are in here posting your feelings and that you know you have an issue is the best sign,most people keep these feelings bottled up...
I will PM you when I get off duty in about 90 minutes..

Jules NYC wrote:
I am very pleased to see the great amount of sensitivity and grace that continues to reveal itself in this thread.

Big Love,
Julie

Speaking of sensitivity and grace it is great to hear from beautiful Julie. I'm loving the new pics!

Tim Little Photography wrote:
I just went through a 27 hour battle with my butt. As a public service I want to warn my S&V friends that when in the hospital for a week they often give you narcotics. In my case they gave me massive amounts of really excellent narcotic pain killers. They kept the horrible pain from triggering a PTSD event.

But these medications cause one to become extremely constipated. I know this is something we don't like to discuss in polite company but I love you people dammit and I don't want any of you to go through the terror I have experienced.

The gross details don't matter. Lets just say a bowling ball made of poo does not pass through a regulation size orifice. Oh it will want to and it will make mad attempts to pass. Attempts that you cannot control. You will cry out "Lord, Lord, why hast thou forsaken me?" Don't expect an answer.

So I went to the all night drug store and purchased everything they had that addresses poo problems. Several poo pills and 10 hours later the ghastly Beast escaped the confines of my colon. I will never be the same.

So, a word of warning my friends. If you are going to be on heavy pain meds for a while do yourself a favor and start taking Poo softeners ahead of time. You will thank me.

I know this post is gross, but I love you people dammit!

A very gross topic but one that most definately should be talked about.If it spares even ONE person from going through that,then its a good thing you talked about it.

I've been there myself when I donated a kidney.Take the stool softeners prior to whatever you go through,if possible,and your bottom will thank you later! OMG was my experience AWFUL

Chris Rifkin wrote:
unfortunately I have not been on this thread lately as I kinda had a few "stalkers"whom I thought were friends basicly mock me in other threads and I don't feel this is as safe a place to vent as I don't think getting anything said here thrown back in my face would end well with the one or 2 that have done this if I ever saw them face to face....

I'm new to this thread so I'm not sure if this has been addressed but,if anyone takes things that are said in here and throws them at you in another thread,I would think that would be(should be)immediate grounds for brigging and not just 3 days.I would think it would be deemed a very serious offense so that we could keep this as a safe haven for everyone.

Scarlett Candee wrote:
Had an emotional breakdown yesterday... I know it's probably normal, but I felt awful. Work was very stressful and then a tiny misunderstanding with my fiance made me lose it. Then I got into an argument about who to invite to our wedding and felt so bad... Also had to deal with my mom who kept trying to tell me how to plan my wedding.

I'm still struggling with some self-image issues. And my parents still try to shove down their ideas down my throat. These days, it's about my wedding. They were very controlling about who I should invite, and what I should put on the menu. I have to mention they are not paying for anything... I want to point that out to them, but I know they'll tell me I'm being selfish, blah blah blah... Fuck it, it's MY wedding, I will invite whoever the fuck I want.

I'm thankful my fiance is mega supportive. He knows what it is to deal with anxiety, as he's dealt with panic attacks and anxiety as well. We are always looking to help each other. My parents though... Not so much. They still treat me like a kid, even though I've moved out a year ago. They feel I'm incapable of taking decisions. Frustrating.

I don't know where I'm going with this, but I just wanted to share.

I'm glad you did share Scarlett. It sounds like you are marrying a great guy and I'm sure he feels the same about you. Parents can drive us mad. They know just how to say the wrong thing and the wrong time in the wrong tone to just destroy us. Maybe they have control issues. I suggest you comfort yourself that this wedding is all yours. By yours I  mean you and your fiance. When mom starts to get on you try to take the conversation to another place. Some parents always see their children as children. You can gently remind them that you are an adult. Be kind about it. There must be strong emotions on their side seeing their little girl get married. Feel free to PM me if you feel the need. I'm always happy to provide whatever feedback I can!

Kozmina wrote:

I'm new to this thread so I'm not sure if this has been addressed but,if anyone takes things that are said in here and throws them at you in another thread,I would think that would be(should be)immediate grounds for brigging and not just 3 days.I would think it would be deemed a very serious offense so that we could keep this as a safe haven for everyone.

To my knowledge we have never had that happen here. This has to be a place where people feel safe to talk about the most intimate things. Sometimes it can help a lot. It sure has for me!

Tim Little Photography wrote:

To my knowledge we have never had that happen here. This has to be a place where people feel safe to talk about the most intimate things. Sometimes it can help a lot. It sure has for me!

I'm sure it doesn't happen much but Chris said it has happened to him so thats what I was responding to.Might be just an isolated incedent.

It does look like this is a really safe place for everyone.That is awesome

Tim Little Photography wrote:

I'm glad you did share Scarlett. It sounds like you are marrying a great guy and I'm sure he feels the same about you. Parents can drive us mad. They know just how to say the wrong thing and the wrong time in the wrong tone to just destroy us. Maybe they have control issues. I suggest you comfort yourself that this wedding is all yours. By yours I  mean you and your fiance. When mom starts to get on you try to take the conversation to another place. Some parents always see their children as children. You can gently remind them that you are an adult. Be kind about it. There must be strong emotions on their side seeing their little girl get married. Feel free to PM me if you feel the need. I'm always happy to provide whatever feedback I can!

Thank you Tim, this warmed my heart.

My parents have controlling issues. Even though I'm their oldest daughter, they think I'm made of porcelain. They'll probably keep being like this for as long as they live. I gave up trying to make them change... It's pointless. What I *can* do, though, is remind them that I am a grown up. I have a younger sister, and she seems to not get as much crap as me from them. It's probably the 'first-born curse".

You see, I went from this super introverted girl who never spoke her mind much, to a fully-assuming woman. I came out as bisexual to them 4 years ago and I was less than impressed by their reaction. My dad even called me a freak... It's funny how things work sometimes. They keep telling you to accept people as they are, but when it comes to their own, somehow this is the exception to the rule. They also didn't like that I was more artistic, or in their words, weird. What my mom once told me: "Why can't you be normal like everyone else?", to which I responded that I didn't want to be normal because that's boring!

And bless my fiance. I have never met anyone as dedicated and full of unconditional love like this guy. I have never taken his love for granted, ever. I don't know where I'd be without him. I feel that I'm recovering more from my depression and anxiety since having met him. 5 years ago, when I was diagnosed, I never thought I'd ever get married. Things turned up to be a LOT better. I'm going to be doing my first burlesque number on a REAL stage this Saturday, and I've taken up painting. Artistic expression is amazing. Modeling, for me, has also been very therapeutic.

RebeccaChristine wrote:
crap night.
that's all really.
no one to tell.

I'm sorry you are having a bad night Rebecca. There is a lot of that going around today. I hope you are doing better soon! You have friends here, let me know if there is anything I can do.

Tim

RebeccaChristine wrote:
crap night.
that's all really.
no one to tell.

I'm sorry you are having a bad night Rebecca. There is a lot of that going around today. I hope you are doing better soon! You have friends here, let me know if there is anything I can do.

Tim

RebeccaChristine wrote:
crap night.
that's all really.
no one to tell.

*hug*

Scarlett Candee wrote:

*hug*

Thanks and thank you Tim x

Tim Little Photography wrote:
I just went through a 27 hour battle with my butt. As a public service I want to warn my S&V friends that when in the hospital for a week they often give you narcotics. In my case they gave me massive amounts of really excellent narcotic pain killers. They kept the horrible pain from triggering a PTSD event.

But these medications cause one to become extremely constipated. I know this is something we don't like to discuss in polite company but I love you people dammit and I don't want any of you to go through the terror I have experienced.

The gross details don't matter. Lets just say a bowling ball made of poo does not pass through a regulation size orifice. Oh it will want to and it will make mad attempts to pass. Attempts that you cannot control. You will cry out "Lord, Lord, why hast thou forsaken me?" Don't expect an answer.

So I went to the all night drug store and purchased everything they had that addresses poo problems. Several poo pills and 10 hours later the ghastly Beast escaped the confines of my colon. I will never be the same.

So, a word of warning my friends. If you are going to be on heavy pain meds for a while do yourself a favor and start taking Poo softeners ahead of time. You will thank me.

I know this post is gross, but I love you people dammit!

Organic rather than pill-form laxatives are preferable, I expect. The pain can be intense and the whole situation very uncomfortable. If you have the luxury to experiment, try lots of fiber, and fluids. If you find an organic solution, say peanuts or some other solution, have a supply available and use them in conjunction with lots of fluids to help. Hope you feel better!