Forums > Off-Topic Discussion > Suicide and Violence Help Thread

Photographer

DougBPhoto

Posts: 38589

Portland, Oregon, US

Star Child wrote:
Serious question: Why do you care? Why are you making an effort to reach out?

To me, the better question is why are so many people uncaring or indifferent towards others.

There is something terribly wrong with our society where it is unusual or something to question when people care about the well-being of others.

Caring about others, and taking the time/making the effort to live that way, SHOULD be NORMAL for the majority of people in our society.

Depression and suicide are very serious things, and people dealing with those feelings deserve support, not greater alienation or shame.

Personally, I know that sometimes even one person can make a significant difference, and that people need to know that there are folks available to reach out to, even when times are bad.

Oct 12 12 11:43 am Link

Photographer

Star Child

Posts: 39277

Nashville, Tennessee, US

DougBPhoto wrote:

To me, the better question is why are so many people uncaring or indifferent towards others.

There is something terribly wrong with our society where it is unusual or something to question when people care about the well-being of others.

Caring about others, and taking the time/making the effort to live that way, SHOULD be NORMAL for the majority of people in our society.

Depression and suicide are very serious things, and people dealing with those feelings deserve support, not greater alienation or shame.

Personally, I know that sometimes even one person can make a significant difference, and that people need to know that there are folks available to reach out to, even when times are bad.

Yes and this is much truth; however why are you? We can easily make our observations about others and society, but what is your personal involvement?

Oct 12 12 12:58 pm Link

Photographer

Star Child

Posts: 39277

Nashville, Tennessee, US

Nicolette wrote:

Not sure if this is directed at me or not, but I'll answer anyway.

I went through depression and suicide attempts completely alone. My family either honestly didn't notice or ignored it.
The holidays are super hard for me, personally. I was reminded of how much my family resented me. I've started coping with it better recently.


I know how hard it is to try to fight this when you feel completely alone. I don't want anyone to feel like they have no one they can turn to. If you have no one, you can always talk to me. ALWAYS.

It's an open question, so yes it was for you as well as any who care to respond.

Thank you. Personal experience and being alone with it are big reasons for me, too.

Oct 12 12 01:00 pm Link

Photographer

DougBPhoto

Posts: 38589

Portland, Oregon, US

4getit

Oct 12 12 01:22 pm Link

Photographer

Chris Rifkin

Posts: 24641

Tampa, Florida, US

Man,that Amanda Berry story has triggered some PTSD symptoms....
feels like someone has kicked me in the nuts multiple times with a steel plated shoe sad

Shit hits home hard

Oct 12 12 01:35 pm Link

Photographer

Chris Rifkin

Posts: 24641

Tampa, Florida, US

Ooops

Oct 12 12 01:41 pm Link

Photographer

Star Child

Posts: 39277

Nashville, Tennessee, US

I'm concerned with the popular thought of tying bullying to suicide. I'm not arguing against bullying or that it does push people into wanting to end their lives. Instead I feel that we're starting to trivialize the act of choosing suicide. Just because someone is bullied doesn't mean that person is going to commit suicide. There are other conditions of mental illness that make a person susceptible to suicidal thoughts and in the highly publicized cases where someone has been bullied to the point of suicide I feel that these additional conditions of mental illness are being overlooked.

It's not enough to say "don't bully someone because they will commit suicide." We need to be aware of the conditions of mental illness present in that person as they are extremely important. People get bullied in life. People will bully others in life. Understanding who is much more susceptible to falling under such pressure and choosing suicide and being able to help them before it's too late is a strategy that needs more publicity.

Oct 15 12 11:22 am Link

Model

DivaEroticus

Posts: 14720

Fayetteville, Arkansas, US

Chris Rifkin wrote:
Man,that Amanda Berry story has triggered some PTSD symptoms....
feels like someone has kicked me in the nuts multiple times with a steel plated shoe sad

Shit hits home hard

I read about that yesterday morning, on that thread here on MM.  I wrote the following on Tumblr in response (I posted it in that particular thread, as well):


Being a Mother

I read a thread in a forum, this morning, that made me sad, and it made me afraid for my daughter.  My daughter is 20, and so beautiful and intelligent.  But she’s angry and I can’t fix that for her.  I’ve tried to give her the tools to cope, but she doesn’t use them.  I’ve tried to reach out.  She doesn’t respond.  The last words out of her mouth when she walked away were, “fuck you.”  I don’t know where she is, other than she’s here in the area.  One of my brothers sees her posts on Facebook, occasionally.  Her boyfriend’s been hitting her.

She’s been an angry child since I left her father in 2001, and I didn’t take her with me.  Hell, I’m angry with myself every day for the very same reason.  There is very little in my life that I regret.  Nothing, in fact.  Except that.  Something happened to her.  I think her father did something.  I know what fathers can do, and I know “we” still protect them.  Love them.  But I was angry with my own mother for so many years.  I hated her, even if I didn’t put that name to it.  It took until I was in my 40s to forgive her, to find that she did all she was able to protect me.  But I didn’t do that for my own daughter.  If, I mean, what I feel deep down is correct.  Her anger towards me, her actions, her words, her self-harm, her sadness…all those things…I recognize.  I recognize me.

So the information I read, this morning, was of a young girl who was bullied, who felt she had no one, who thought she wasn’t worth it.  She took her own life, a few days ago.  I don’t want that to happen to my own daughter.  Now, she’s not a teenager, anymore, she’s an adult.  I mentioned that, already.

For you, Rachel Elizabeth…I love you so much, and I want you to come home.  I would rather have a bad relationship with you than none at all.

Oct 15 12 11:50 am Link

Model

hgldhlhgfh

Posts: 576

Dumont d'Urville - permanent station of France, Sector claimed by France, Antarctica

Oct 15 12 04:30 pm Link

Model

Genevieve Devine

Posts: 48

Saint Paul, Minnesota, US

Star Child wrote:
I'm concerned with the popular thought of tying bullying to suicide. I'm not arguing against bullying or that it does push people into wanting to end their lives. Instead I feel that we're starting to trivialize the act of choosing suicide. Just because someone is bullied doesn't mean that person is going to commit suicide. There are other conditions of mental illness that make a person susceptible to suicidal thoughts and in the highly publicized cases where someone has been bullied to the point of suicide I feel that these additional conditions of mental illness are being overlooked.

It's not enough to say "don't bully someone because they will commit suicide." We need to be aware of the conditions of mental illness present in that person as they're are extremely important. People get bullied in life. People will bully others in life. Understanding who is much more susceptible to falling under such pressure and choosing suicide and being able to help them before it's too late is a strategy that needs more publicity.

Agreed.

Instead of focusing on the bullying component solely, the other factors that go into play in situations involving suicide (of anyone, not just a teen) need to be looked at too. Anti-bullying is a great cause, but there are other things that need to be focused on also. This story is so sad, what a beautiful girl.

Oct 15 12 04:36 pm Link

Photographer

Star Child

Posts: 39277

Nashville, Tennessee, US

There really is recovery.
There really is victory.
It really is for you.

Oct 18 12 09:57 am Link

Photographer

Dannielle Levan

Posts: 12857

New Westminster, British Columbia, Canada

I wrote something on bullying this week:
http://strangekitty.ca/have-you-ever-been-bullied/

Oct 18 12 01:03 pm Link

Photographer

Dannielle Levan

Posts: 12857

New Westminster, British Columbia, Canada

Star Child wrote:
about time...

Sorry mister, i've been working my butt off tongue
Lots of stuff has happened this year.

Oct 18 12 01:04 pm Link

Photographer

Scottsworld71

Posts: 3587

Mount Vernon, Ohio, US

Feeling very apathetic today .. having a hard time feeling anything lately. Havent had sex in well over a year ... dont care ... lost 2 people I thought were among my best briends .. dont care ..... havent picked up my camera in so long that I just packed it in a box a mailed it to a friend that lives about 600 miles away .. dont care .. got some kind of funky looking sore on the side of my head, kinda painful ... yep ... just cant seem to make myself care. Im honestly not sure whats going on w me right now, I just feel like this is the place to express it

Oct 18 12 01:35 pm Link

Photographer

Tim Little Photography

Posts: 11598

Wilmington, Delaware, US

Reading about Amanda also put me into a mental state where I don't know what I'm doing. I replied to the thread about her death and when I saw it I had no memory of writing it. She is near the age of my beloved niece and my mind in its PTSD state confused it all. I deleted the posts when I saw them after my "event" for lack of a better term.

But this brings up a point about suicide. Amanda endured years of bulling. Her parents moved her to different schools and it followed her. The adult man who started all of this continued to torture her.

Suicide is now the number one cause of non-illness death in the United States. I'm not proud to admit it but I don't hide it either. I tried to kill myself sometime ago. We live in what can be a horrific world. Amanda felt like she had no one and the torment would never end. She was too young to know that a flashing picture is nothing. The bullies never understood they were killing her.

I believe this thread is here because there are times when we need to reach out and scream HELP ME! And the blessed souls of this thread come. Let us never forget each other here. Let us commit to one another "I have your back" and you can tell me anything.

Oct 18 12 01:44 pm Link

Model

DivaEroticus

Posts: 14720

Fayetteville, Arkansas, US

Scottsworld71 wrote:
Feeling very apathetic today .. having a hard time feeling anything lately. Havent had sex in well over a year ... dont care ... lost 2 people I thought were among my best briends .. dont care ..... havent picked up my camera in so long that I just packed it in a box a mailed it to a friend that lives about 600 miles away .. dont care .. got some kind of funky looking sore on the side of my head, kinda painful ... yep ... just cant seem to make myself care. Im honestly not sure whats going on w me right now, I just feel like this is the place to express it

I know what you mean.  I put on a face, have occasional sex, go out with friends, go through the motions, etc...but I.Do.Not.Care.

I don't feel anything.

Nothing.

Oct 18 12 01:55 pm Link

Photographer

Tim Little Photography

Posts: 11598

Wilmington, Delaware, US

DivaEroticus wrote:

I know what you mean.  I put on a face, have occasional sex, go out with friends, go through the motions, etc...but I.Do.Not.Care.

I don't feel anything.

Nothing.

I'm sorry you are in this void Barbara. Is there anything I can do to help? I'm always happy to talk by PM or phone if you want. It's not much but it is sincere.

Oct 18 12 01:58 pm Link

Photographer

Scottsworld71

Posts: 3587

Mount Vernon, Ohio, US

DivaEroticus wrote:

I know what you mean.  I put on a face, have occasional sex, go out with friends, go through the motions, etc...but I.Do.Not.Care.

I don't feel anything.

Nothing.

"Going through the motions" describes it perfectly. I wear the "everything is fine" mask, and its RARE anyone ever sees any thing else because im pretty amazing at keeping that part hidden, and for the most part, im ok with that. Lately though ... my world has been feeling very different ... I just dont seem to care

Oct 18 12 02:14 pm Link

Photographer

Tim Little Photography

Posts: 11598

Wilmington, Delaware, US

Scottsworld71 wrote:
Feeling very apathetic today .. having a hard time feeling anything lately. Havent had sex in well over a year ... dont care ... lost 2 people I thought were among my best briends .. dont care ..... havent picked up my camera in so long that I just packed it in a box a mailed it to a friend that lives about 600 miles away .. dont care .. got some kind of funky looking sore on the side of my head, kinda painful ... yep ... just cant seem to make myself care. Im honestly not sure whats going on w me right now, I just feel like this is the place to express it

I'm so sorry Scott. I didn't see your post. I have to admit that I am on some pain meds that have me a little loopy today. But like I wrote to Barbara I'm here to help if I can. The apathy you describe sounds a great deal like depression. Do you think you are going through a depressed period? You are right that this is the place to express your feelings. Private message me if you want or whatever you think might be best for you. There are people who care here.

Oct 18 12 02:23 pm Link

Photographer

Scottsworld71

Posts: 3587

Mount Vernon, Ohio, US

Tim Little Photography wrote:

I'm so sorry Scott. I didn't see your post. I have to admit that I am on some pain meds that have me a little loopy today. But like I wrote to Barbara I'm here to help if I can. The apathy you describe sounds a great deal like depression. Do you think you are going through a depressed period? You are right that this is the place to express your feelings. Private message me if you want or whatever you think might be best for you. There are people who care here.

Its ok, I understand smile Im not sure whats going on. A month ago I went on vacation with a bunch of friends on a cruise to the Bahamas .. while they were all understandably excited, I was just ... there. I was able to hide it and keep smiling .. but that pretty much faded when they were all either drunk ( not fun drunk, asshole drunk ) fighting, I even got locked out of my room by the woman ( just a friend ) who went with me so she could have a sex with a guy she just met, then ditched me .. it was all just so disrespectful, and I paid for her cruise and 2 of the other people who went. At one point, I just plugged in my ear phones, found a nice little hide away and laid there for hours ... feeling nothing. I remember laying on a couch literally for  several hours feeling nothing. It got worse from there and the friendships ended and it doesnt bother me ... im just starting to realize how numb ive become

Oct 18 12 02:39 pm Link

Photographer

Tim Little Photography

Posts: 11598

Wilmington, Delaware, US

Scottsworld71 wrote:

Its ok, I understand smile Im not sure whats going on. A month ago I went on vacation with a bunch of friends on a cruise to the Bahamas .. while they were all understandably excited, I was just ... there. I was able to hide it and keep smiling .. but that pretty much faded when they were all either drunk ( not fun drunk, asshole drunk ) fighting, I even got locked out of my room by the woman ( just a friend ) who went with me so she could have a sex with a guy she just met, then ditched me .. it was all just so disrespectful, and I paid for her cruise and 2 of the other people who went. At one point, I just plugged in my ear phones, found a nice little hide away and laid there for hours ... feeling nothing. I remember laying on a couch literally for  several hours feeling nothing. It got worse from there and the friendships ended and it doesnt bother me ... im just starting to realize how numb ive become

I would be pissed too. Getting locked out of the room you paid for. Damn that is cold. My parents were drunks so I can't stand to be around asshole drunks.

I know a lot about depression. Usually it is a phase that one goes through and I would not be surprised if you are in that phase. And why not. You really got screwed over. You really should have the thing on your head looked at by a doctor. Don't want it getting infected. While there talk to him/her about your lack of interest in things you used to love and ask for a blood test for low testosterone. I had it and it sucked the joy out of my life. No desire for sex or love or anything that I used to love to do. The good thing is the fix is easy. Its a gel that you put on your shoulders everyday. After a couple of weeks it was awesome to wake up to some morning wood. Too bad there was no one there to play with!!!

Oct 18 12 02:54 pm Link

Photographer

Scottsworld71

Posts: 3587

Mount Vernon, Ohio, US

yeah, this "vacation" was just horrible. I dont make a lot of money, but I was hapy to help my "friends" because they have less than I do and this was the only way they could have gone. I had no interest in being paid back, I only expected what I rightfully deserved, respect. What I got was the exact opposite. I turned 41 this past August ... I wonder if low testosterone is an issue for me? I definitly havent cared about much of anything lately. There was one thing that did make me smile ... the friend I gave my camera to has been posting pictures on facebook, shes really enjoying it and getting the hang of it. Its an old outdated Olympus E-1, but it was way better than the little pocket camera she was using and she couldnt afford anything "nice", so I believe I made the right decision giving it to her.
Thanks for the advice. A trip to the Dr is definitly needed, not having insurance is an issue, not nearly as much as just not wanting to go tho lol

Oct 18 12 03:10 pm Link

Photographer

Tim Little Photography

Posts: 11598

Wilmington, Delaware, US

Scottsworld71 wrote:
yeah, this "vacation" was just horrible. I dont make a lot of money, but I was hapy to help my "friends" because they have less than I do and this was the only way they could have gone. I had no interest in being paid back, I only expected what I rightfully deserved, respect. What I got was the exact opposite. I turned 41 this past August ... I wonder if low testosterone is an issue for me? I definitly havent cared about much of anything lately. There was one thing that did make me smile ... the friend I gave my camera to has been posting pictures on facebook, shes really enjoying it and getting the hang of it. Its an old outdated Olympus E-1, but it was way better than the little pocket camera she was using and she couldnt afford anything "nice", so I believe I made the right decision giving it to her.
Thanks for the advice. A trip to the Dr is definitly needed, not having insurance is an issue, not nearly as much as just not wanting to go tho lol

You are a generous guy. A MM member gave me a camera when I had to sell all my stuff when I went on disability. As for the money for the doctor keep in mind that you can do payment plans and so forth. The blood test is a very basic hormone levels test. You are in the age range for low T so its a good idea to find out. If you have it you are going to LOVE getting it back!! It feels good to feel vital again!

Oct 18 12 03:16 pm Link

Photographer

Scottsworld71

Posts: 3587

Mount Vernon, Ohio, US

Tim Little Photography wrote:

You are a generous guy. A MM member gave me a camera when I had to sell all my stuff when I went on disability. As for the money for the doctor keep in mind that you can do payment plans and so forth. The blood test is a very basic hormone levels test. You are in the age range for low T so its a good idea to find out. If you have it you are going to LOVE getting it back!! It feels good to feel vital again!

I try to help out my friends when I can, and heather really has a good natural talent, she just needed something better to shoot with, I figured since I hadnt picked up my camera in months, I may as well put it in the hands of someone whod use it smile It would be nice to feel alive again .. then maybe id feel alive in someones hands other than my own lol

Oct 18 12 03:47 pm Link

Photographer

Photos 4 The Memories

Posts: 1287

Kewaskum, Wisconsin, US

I am sick and tired of being sick and tired! I just want to know what my purpose in life is! I feel like I am in auto pilot! I feel that I have no purpose in life! The only comfort I have is eating!

Oct 18 12 07:08 pm Link

Photographer

Dannielle Levan

Posts: 12857

New Westminster, British Columbia, Canada

Photos 4 The Memories  wrote:
I am sick and tired of being sick and tired! I just want to know what my purpose in life is! I feel like I am in auto pilot! I feel that I have no purpose in life! The only comfort I have is eating!

I went through that until I figured out what was really important to me. I just kept trying stuff and fell right in it.

Oct 18 12 08:35 pm Link

Photographer

Tim Little Photography

Posts: 11598

Wilmington, Delaware, US

Photos 4 The Memories  wrote:
I am sick and tired of being sick and tired! I just want to know what my purpose in life is! I feel like I am in auto pilot! I feel that I have no purpose in life! The only comfort I have is eating!

I know how you feel Russell. I've been in and out of the hospital all year. What would you like for your life's purpose to be? I know it isn't that easy but maybe its a place to start thinking. Maybe we can help you work out some answers. This is a good safe place to ponder and seek advice and input. I have to find a new purpose for my life since I am physically unable to do what I love. Maybe we can help each other. Feel free to pm me if you want to talk.

Oct 18 12 09:03 pm Link

Photographer

Tim Little Photography

Posts: 11598

Wilmington, Delaware, US

This is day five of me not being able to sleep at night. Anyone have any suggestions for beating insomnia?

Oct 21 12 01:12 am Link

Photographer

S A L I N G E R

Posts: 604

Melbourne, Victoria, Australia

Hey Tim,

Do you have any luck sleeping during the day? If you're exhausted and you can't sleep at night getting some day-time shut-eye might help to redress the lack of sleep and boost energy levels. Just kind of thinking 'screw it, I'm falling asleep on the couch today' can be enough to trigger a nana nap if you're lucky.

I'm pretty much the worst sleeper in the world so I probably can't give any definitive advice. Occasionally I do a complete re-set by staying awake for as long as possible and just crashing, setting my alarm to wake me in the morning at a reasonable hour to get my bio-rythyms back on track for a while.

You might need meds to get you to sleep but I've had no luck getting a quack to prescribe any.

Other things I have experimented with include the clock radio on really quiet, tuned to something dull like NPR so there's some comfortable, non-offensive background noise as I go to sleep. I also sleep with an eye mask to block out as much light as possible. And the usual like no coffee after noon all help. Whilst alcohol is usually a no-no dammit all if a glass of Baileys or some such doesn't help.

Hope you can get some sleep - I know how tough it is without it.

Cheers,

Bret

Oct 21 12 01:31 am Link

Photographer

A S Photography

Posts: 1217

Newark, Delaware, US

Without knowing if something is triggering your insomnia, no.

Things to try:

As Bret said, napping during the day (note: I've discovered if I nap after 2 pm, it takes me a lot longer to get to sleep at night),

Eating earlier (or later),

Blocking all light,

Turning on something that will make some noise: a fan (for white noise), radio, mp3 player, ... (although you may find instrumentals work better than songs).

Best of luck.

Oct 21 12 01:59 am Link

Photographer

Tim Little Photography

Posts: 11598

Wilmington, Delaware, US

Thanks for the advice guys. Brett, I do find it easier to sleep during the day and usually get a couple of hours throughout the day.

The reason I have trouble sleeping is complex. I have PTSD and it causes horrible nightmares that I struggle to get out of. I think my mind knows if I go to sleep I'll be tormented.

Oct 21 12 06:10 am Link

Photographer

David Desoer

Posts: 148

Cayuga, Ontario, Canada

Oct 21 12 01:15 pm Link

Photographer

S A L I N G E R

Posts: 604

Melbourne, Victoria, Australia

Tim Little Photography wrote:
I have PTSD and it causes horrible nightmares that I struggle to get out of. I think my mind knows if I go to sleep I'll be tormented.

My mind does that too, though I suspect not to the same extent as you suffer from. Sometimes I think my clock re-set strategy is simply an excuse my mind is using to not go to sleep and face the nightmares.

Last year I did a sleep study at the hospital and got around 45 minutes of 'sleep' during the night, although the doctor's analysis suggested it wasn't exactly healthy, good quality re-energizing sleep lol.

Best,

Bret

Oct 22 12 12:32 am Link

Photographer

Alexandria Georgiades

Posts: 26753

Lancaster, California, US

It's good to see this thread is still going. I haven't been on MM in almost two years due to my Mother's death and then nearly my own.  I now suffer from the same Rheumatoid Arthritis my Mother died from.  I am having a hell of a time coping with her death and dealing with the same disease. Deep depression seems to be a part of this disease that I fight daily.

Just wanted to say hello to everyone.

Oct 24 12 11:55 am Link

Photographer

Dannielle Levan

Posts: 12857

New Westminster, British Columbia, Canada

Taboo Nudes wrote:
It's good to see this thread is still going. I haven't been on MM in almost two years due to my Mother's death and then nearly my own.  I now suffer from the same Rheumatoid Arthritis my Mother died from.  I am having a hell of a time coping with her death and dealing with the same disease. Deep depression seems to be a part of this disease that I fight daily.

Just wanted to say hello to everyone.

Hai hai! ^_^

Oct 24 12 12:26 pm Link

Model

DivaEroticus

Posts: 14720

Fayetteville, Arkansas, US

Taboo Nudes wrote:
It's good to see this thread is still going. I haven't been on MM in almost two years due to my Mother's death and then nearly my own.  I now suffer from the same Rheumatoid Arthritis my Mother died from.  I am having a hell of a time coping with her death and dealing with the same disease. Deep depression seems to be a part of this disease that I fight daily.

Just wanted to say hello to everyone.

My old nanny from when we were children in France lives in Sierra Vista. smile

Oct 24 12 12:27 pm Link

Photographer

Alexandria Georgiades

Posts: 26753

Lancaster, California, US

DivaEroticus wrote:

My old nanny from when we were children in France lives in Sierra Vista. smile

It's a nice size city.

Oct 24 12 07:05 pm Link

Photographer

Alexandria Georgiades

Posts: 26753

Lancaster, California, US

Does anyone here really suffer from deep depression and loneliness?  How do you cope with it?

Oct 24 12 07:06 pm Link

Photographer

Dannielle Levan

Posts: 12857

New Westminster, British Columbia, Canada

Taboo Nudes wrote:
Does anyone here really suffer from deep depression and loneliness?  How do you cope with it?

Yes, on and off, although the loneliness is a constant. It's much to do with having no family to rely on. I have a wonderful husband, but sometimes you need a mom or dad to talk to, and I don't have that. (They're not dead, just deadbeats).
The depression was helped greatly by adopting a Paleo lifestyle. Now my depression is not constant, and only comes around when i'm stressed for long periods. If you wanna know more I have plenty of resources on it.

Oct 24 12 09:43 pm Link

Photographer

Tim Little Photography

Posts: 11598

Wilmington, Delaware, US

Taboo Nudes wrote:
Does anyone here really suffer from deep depression and loneliness?  How do you cope with it?

I do Alexandria. My Post Traumatic Stress Disorder reveals itself in several ways but the worst is the pervasive soul crushing depression. Since going on disability because of it I'm either home a lot because I cannot afford to do anything, or I am at a doctor for the PTSD or my leg.

I deal with it in a number of ways. This forum. Staying in touch with friends. I went on a mission to reconnect with old friends and it has been as good for them as for me.

And I seek treatment. My depression is like a lake. Sometimes smooth and easy. Sometimes there are ripples and sometimes waves of depression. But it is nothing. Not anything like it was before I got started treatment. I have to chronic illnesses that I will have all my life and damn if I am going to let them get me.

When I can walk again, I can do about 40 feet now, I plan on getting out more to do charity work. I think it will help me feel better about myself. I want my life to have had some meaning.

Oct 24 12 10:18 pm Link