Forums > Model Colloquy > Feeling Torn/Down On Myself

Model

Shilo Von Porcelaine

Posts: 233

Los Angeles, California, US

Hey,

So I guess I'm having a little bit of a crisis. I've been modeling for around a year now, and I love it, and people tell me I'm good at it. I've worked with designers and am featured on SuicideGirls and Zivity. However, I just don't see it.

I know it's not all about being pretty, but I see myself as too short, with a big nose and generally unattractive, but can look okay with a talented photographer and photoshop!

I don't know, I was looking for agency representation and basically got turned away/no replies mainly because of my height...and even from the ones that claimed they accepted petites.

I suppose what I'm asking is, do I keep doing what I love or does it just make me look like an idiot for trying to even get into this?

Oct 01 12 08:27 pm Link

Photographer

GER Photography

Posts: 8397

Imperial, California, US

The fact that you can do work like this,
http://photos.modelmayhem.com/photos/120227/20/4f4c53ceb3574_m.jpg

tells me you should stick with modeling. You may be drawn more to alt type stuff but it's not all you can do, and I think it makes allot of photographers pass up your port.

Oct 01 12 08:50 pm Link

Model

Jules NYC

Posts: 17952

New York, New York, US

This is very cool.

http://photos.modelmayhem.com/photos/120824/09/5037a7b7edb4d.jpg

Stick with it; you are good at your genre...
& don't worry about the self-loathing... ha, it's just a part of growing up.

Oct 01 12 08:54 pm Link

Photographer

Eastfist

Posts: 3558

Green Bay, Wisconsin, US

Keep going, you have something about you.  Maybe try some other genres so that your portfolio is a little more diverse.

Oct 01 12 08:56 pm Link

Model

Misty R H

Posts: 471

Anaheim, California, US

First of all we are all our own worst critics.  We often see flaws in ourselves that other people don't see.  So don't be hard on yourself.

Modeling will have ups and downs.  Sometimes you will be on a high when you get some great pictures.  But it can have it's lows like when you don't get selected for casting calls. 

The best thing to do is have realistic expectations. Modeling is extremely competitive so it is hard to do and make a good living at.  I suggest having another career that will be your main income and doing modeling on the side for the fun.

If you are relying on modeling as your main income it puts a tremedous amount of pressure on casting calls.  If you don't get a particular job it can mean the difference in making your rent/car payment etc.  But if it is something on the side, the money (what there is of it) is just gravy.

So don't give up on modeling.  Do it for the enjoyment and rely on something else for your livelyhood. You have some very beautiful pictures in your port so you do nice work.

Oct 01 12 08:56 pm Link

Photographer

howard r

Posts: 518

Los Angeles, California, US

part of the fun of modeling is seeing your beauty thru the eyes of others, so when your confidence is low - you can say "well these talented people saw something beautiful and that something was me!" 

and the fact that you don't have mass appeal? most of the coolest people don't . . .

ps: if you ever get out this way, i would love to shoot with you. wink

Oct 01 12 08:59 pm Link

guide forum

Photographer

ChadAlan

Posts: 4069

Los Angeles, California, US

"...do I keep doing what I love...?"

YES! Do it because you love it. Dream big, but have a backup plan. It's ok to create beautiful art while never achieving fame and fortune. Be realistic about the possibility of this never becoming a full time career, but that doesn't mean you can't inspire others along the way smile

Oct 01 12 09:01 pm Link

Model

Stormee

Posts: 2463

San Antonio, Texas, US

Oct 01 12 09:02 pm Link

Model

Stacey S

Posts: 3131

Long Beach, California, US

Misty R H wrote:
First of all we are all our own worst critics.  We often see flaws in ourselves that other people don't see.  So don't be hard on yourself.

Modeling will have ups and downs.  Sometimes you will be on a high when you get some great pictures.  But it can have it's lows like when you don't get selected for casting calls. 

The best thing to do is have realistic expectations. Modeling is extremely competitive so it is hard to do and make a good living at.  I suggest having another career that will be your main income and doing modeling on the side for the fun.

If you are relying on modeling as your main income it puts a tremedous amount of pressure on casting calls.  If you don't get a particular job it can mean the difference in making your rent/car payment etc.  But if it is something on the side, the money (what there is of it) is just gravy.

So don't give up on modeling.  Do it for the enjoyment and rely on something else for your livelyhood. You have some very beautiful pictures in your port so you do nice work.

^ +1.

Learn to love yourself a bit more.
Focus on features you do like vs what you don't.

Oct 01 12 09:03 pm Link

Model

Kitty LaRose

Posts: 12717

Las Vegas, Nevada, US

Trust me, we all feel like that at some point or another. When I feel particularly down, I either take a break for awhile and recenter myself or I book with photographers/talent that I know will make killer photos--and when I see them, even if they aren't perfect for my portfolio but just general good photographs--I smile and move on.

And then there's always chocolate and Ben&Jerry's wink

Oct 01 12 09:04 pm Link

Photographer

Pantelis Palios

Posts: 252

Birmingham, England, United Kingdom

"Black clouds cross'd my mind.
Blue mist round my soul,
I feel so suicidal
even hate my rock and roll,

Wanna die. Yeah, wanna die.
If I ain't dead already, ooh,
girl, you know the reason why."

John Lennon. Yer Blues.

A lot of us feel down even when we're doing good stuff. And yer doin' good stuff.

Oct 01 12 09:28 pm Link

Photographer

DreamOrchid

Posts: 8

Austin, Texas, US

If you want one more post telling you not to quit modeling.  Here's my two cents. First do you like it?  I know that's a crazy concept but modeling can be tough.  You take very stunning photos and any photographer would be crazy to pass up an opportunity to shoot with you.  With that said I've seen an amazing dancer quit dance. She had the legs, the feet, technique, but she just didn't like doing it.  It was her attempt at fitting into what other people wanted of her.  With how stunning your photos are I can chalk this post up to a "pitty boost me up phrase" OR you just don't like modeling and need an excuse to quit.  Either way do what you want to do in life that's the most important thing and love it.

Oct 02 12 12:47 am Link

Model

CamiAnn

Posts: 794

Las Vegas, Nevada, US

DreamOrchid  wrote:
If you want one more post telling you not to quit llamaing.  Here's my two cents. First do you like it?  I know that's a crazy concept but llamaing can be tough.  You take very stunning photos and any photographer would be crazy to pass up an opportunity to shoot with you.  With that said I've seen an amazing dancer quit dance. She had the legs, the feet, technique, but she just didn't like doing it.  It was her attempt at fitting into what other people wanted of her.  With how stunning your photos are I can chalk this post up to a "pitty boost me up phrase" OR you just don't like llamaing and need an excuse to quit.  Either way do what you want to do in life that's the most important thing and love it.

1  I know about crisis...I know its tough sometimes not to be down on yourself...but look at the bright side...you are still young...slim, beautiful and have a fantastic look.

I'm shorter than you, 53 years old and still won't give up because I love it...I do understand that sometimes you question yourself...I know I do...but I know it will pass and I will shoot again and feel that fabulous feeling again.  We tend to see our flaws and not the good things...you photography beautifully, but in the end, its up to you if you want to continue...I think you should, but its in your hands really...signing with an agent isn't always the road to success...most of the time you have to market yourself.  smile  Just my 2 cents.

Oct 02 12 01:07 am Link

Photographer

Alluring Exposures

Posts: 11360

Mesa, Arizona, US

If I was in Chicago I'd be begging to shoot wiht you and then I'd tell the whole world how awesome you are and show them the pics. DON'T STOP!!!

Shilo Suicide wrote:
Hey,

So I guess I'm having a little bit of a crisis. I've been modeling for around a year now, and I love it, and people tell me I'm good at it. I've worked with designers and am featured on SuicideGirls and Zivity. However, I just don't see it.

I know it's not all about being pretty, but I see myself as too short, with a big nose and generally unattractive, but can look okay with a talented photographer and photoshop!

I don't know, I was looking for agency representation and basically got turned away/no replies mainly because of my height...and even from the ones that claimed they accepted petites.

I suppose what I'm asking is, do I keep doing what I love or does it just make me look like an idiot for trying to even get into this?

Oct 02 12 01:18 am Link

Model

Magda Kulpinska

Posts: 582

Paris, Île-de-France, France

If I may... smile

You say you love llamaing and you're asking whether you should give up... Well, I think you've found your answer! Passion is the greatest reason to keep doing something - as long as you do it for yourself and not to prove something to others.

I've started llamaing 7 years ago and have done it full-time for about 3. It's my full-time job. The amount of times I wanted to drop it...? I dont think I could count them all. It takes a lot of mental strenght, I find, to keep going and believing in yourself. It's great to have others tell you you're wonderful and really amazing when they give you paid gigs. BUT reality (at least mine) is that moSt of the time things dont just come by themselves. What comes easiest is self-doubt and fear of tomorrow, that there won't be any work etc etc

My 1st agency told me, when llamaing was still just a dream, that I was old, that I had to lose weight and strongly consider a nose-job. Guess what, Im even older now, I'm pretty much the same weight I was back then and I didnt get my nose done. I work well. The older I get the more confidence I gain in myself. I know what I can and can't do.

I'd say in llamaing you have to kick your butt continuosly to keep going. Ignore the losses and reinforce the good things.

Oct 02 12 05:54 am Link

Model

CRIMSON REIGN

Posts: 829

Baltimore, Maryland, US

I was just asking myself the same thing a few days ago, especially since the work has been almost slim to none. We're our own worse critics. What we view as ugly or unattractive is viewed as art to some else. Keep doing your thing. You seem to have found your niche' in alt modeling. Awesome port!

Oct 02 12 06:17 am Link

Photographer

Cherrystone

Posts: 37171

Columbus, Ohio, US

Physically, you're drop dead cute and have a great figure

Figure out how to do this, and you will cruise. smile
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wHIWlKVU … re=related

Oct 02 12 06:30 am Link

Photographer

Photo Visions

Posts: 1034

Cape Coral, Florida, US

Why would you give up modeling???
Your port is full of great images.
If you love model....keep on doing it.

Oct 02 12 06:36 am Link

Photographer

The F-Stop

Posts: 2226

New York, New York, US

You look great as you are, I really like your shots.

Oct 02 12 07:15 am Link

Photographer

D0127H

Posts: 1135

Ottawa, Ontario, Canada

Shilo Suicide wrote:
I suppose what I'm asking is, do I keep doing what I love or does it just make me look like an idiot for trying to even get into this?

If you love the act of working with creative folks, and the images from it keep you doing it...then you're already arrived.  But only you know whether that's enough..good luck...

Oct 02 12 07:21 am Link

Model

Jen B

Posts: 3640

Nashville, Tennessee, US

howard r wrote:
part of the fun of modeling is seeing your beauty thru the eyes of others, so when your confidence is low - you can say "well these talented people saw something beautiful and that something was me!" 

and the fact that you don't have mass appeal? most of the coolest people don't . . .

ps: if you ever get out this way, i would love to shoot with you. wink

This is very nicely put.
Jen

Oct 02 12 07:43 am Link

Photographer

mike connor

Posts: 26

Belfast, Northern Ireland, United Kingdom

Don't have too rigid expectations. Otherwise  - yes - you're good.  I'd pay to shoot with you.

Oct 02 12 12:44 pm Link

Photographer

Stephoto Photography

Posts: 19957

Amherst, Massachusetts, US

Welcome to the club! We are all out own worst critics. We see things that others don't- and most times, photographs that we hate, others love. It isnt' just about what we thinking about ourselves, but more along the lines of how others see and enjoy our work.

Unless you're getting a ton of hate mail- and as long as you love what you do - sit back and enjoy the ride!

Oct 02 12 12:50 pm Link

Model

Evie Wolfe

Posts: 1201

Nottingham, England, United Kingdom

Everyone feels that way from time to time, even the best of us burn out sooner or later. We've taken one too many hits, one too many negative comments, one too many bumps along the road.

Maybe it is a shoot gone badly, or yet another message in your inbox for TF work that just won't benefit you, from someone you just know is going to get pissy if she/he doesn't get their way. Maybe it's family troubles, or a rough spot in a relationship.... We all have things that eat away at our creative energies and leave us feeling drained and unprotected, so when the next unflattering photograph or poorly worded comment comes our way, it bites us to the quick.

The only real way to get out of a dark patch is to make yourself strong enough to brush it off and carry on. Some people take a break and do something new, some people go on holiday, some people sit at home for a week eating ice cream and watching old movies, you've just got to find what works for you smile

I can give you a tip though - whenever I feel bad (and I am a miserable bugger by nature) I do something for someone else. I volunteer, I call my friends and listen to their troubles, I make cake and share it with the folks in my building.

And, if I really can't kick myself out of the dip, I know I can always call my Dad at 3am and cry hopelessly down the phone until the sound of his voice reminds me that I am a very lucky person, and I am strong enough to take the world by the throat and make it give me what I want.

So, don't let your problems tell you what you can and can't have, and don't let your insecurities take away your creativity. Kick 'em in the teeth and tell them to pack their bags, because on your death bed, you don't want to be saying 'I wish'.

In fact, don't just kick them. Jump them in an alley, beat 'em with a lead pipe and go through their pockets in case they've still got any of the tme and happiness they stole from you lying around smile

Oct 02 12 01:28 pm Link

Photographer

none11

Posts: 13

Armstrong, British Columbia, Canada

You know, the prettiest girls always see something that they don't like in themselves, all those things that are not visible for the others. Self-critique is a normal thing, everyone gets there time to time:) You are a stunning, unique model and a simply beautiful girl! If you love modelling, if you enjoy it, keep doing it!

Oct 02 12 02:40 pm Link

Model

Andy Virus

Posts: 2230

Richmond, Virginia, US

Kitty LaRose wrote:
Trust me, we all feel like that at some point or another. When I feel particularly down, I either take a break for awhile and recenter myself or I book with photographers/talent that I know will make killer photos--and when I see them, even if they aren't perfect for my portfolio but just general good photographs--I smile and move on.

And then there's always chocolate and Ben&Jerry's wink

This.

Oct 02 12 02:42 pm Link

Photographer

Toto Photo

Posts: 3146

Belmont, California, US

Shilo Suicide wrote:
...do I keep doing what I love or does it just make me look like an idiot for trying to even get into this?

Get into what exactly?
1) Modeling, quite successfully apparently, not to mention "love" if I'm reading this sentence correctly? Yes, of course keep doing this, you're good at it and you love it. Why would you stop???

2) Agency hunting? No, stop this immediately.

Oct 02 12 02:48 pm Link

Photographer

SPRINGHEEL

Posts: 38210

Gibraltar, Michigan, US

I almost never shoot anymore but I certainly would with you


You are fantastic

Oct 02 12 03:54 pm Link

Model

Alabaster Crowley

Posts: 8282

Tucson, Arizona, US

You're awesome. A lot of alt models can look up to you and hope to be as good.

If you really do love this, keep doing it. If you're having doubts because you don't know if it's what you WANT to do, then really think about that. But if the only reason you're having doubts is because you don't think you're good and can't go anywhere with it, that's only your self criticism, which we all do.

Oct 02 12 04:17 pm Link

Photographer

GeM Photographic

Posts: 2397

Chicago, Illinois, US

Shilo Suicide wrote:
... I suppose what I'm asking is, do I keep doing what I love...?

That would be a "Yes"

Oct 02 12 04:46 pm Link

Model

V Nixie

Posts: 2065

Los Angeles, California, US

Shilo Suicide wrote:
Hey,

So I guess I'm having a little bit of a crisis. I've been modeling for around a year now, and I love it, and people tell me I'm good at it. I've worked with designers and am featured on SuicideGirls and Zivity. However, I just don't see it.

I know it's not all about being pretty, but I see myself as too short, with a big nose and generally unattractive, but can look okay with a talented photographer and photoshop!

I don't know, I was looking for agency representation and basically got turned away/no replies mainly because of my height...and even from the ones that claimed they accepted petites.

I suppose what I'm asking is, do I keep doing what I love or does it just make me look like an idiot for trying to even get into this?

Well first off I see 2 things. 1. You're doing very well in specific categories but then you're looking for agency representation which is a different category. 2. Most of the successful models I know out there don't think much of themselves.

You have a very alt look, you also have a very alt portfolio. If you're looking for agency representation you'll need to be more mainstream(unless you've found and alt agency). This means more natural hair color, more natural eyebrows(which does include no eyebrows sometimes but not super drawn on). A lot of agencies as well will take snap shots and you just as you are, not the portfolio you've made so keep that in mind.

Yes most or all of the successful models, both signed and freelance don't really think much about themselves OR have some issues with how they look and are slightly mystified at how they're doing this job.
I say yes always follow your dreams BUT realize if you want to do it full time and signed that you might have to bend a little in your looks to get what you want and even then you might not get signed and just have to do freelance for the entire time. Either way make sure you're enjoying it or it's not worth it!

Oct 02 12 04:46 pm Link

Photographer

okbyme

Posts: 325

Atlanta, Georgia, US

want the truth? your nose IS big, and you are short, and i am NOT a suicide fan nor are the agencies, BUT, you have great legs and a killer body AND best of all, you are amazing and i mean amazing in front of the lens... i would so make you my muse if you lived here and i never thought i would say that about a suicide gal...but your presence in fornt of the camera is THAT good.. ..

as to the year of experience....whoopie shit.. your just a beginner and look how great your images are...

so move to atlanta!

Oct 02 12 05:22 pm Link

Photographer

-Koa-

Posts: 5250

Castaner, Puerto Rico, US

You  can go all over the place with your modeling or rule (specialize in) a specific theme. I can see where you are best at.

Be the one everyone calls when they need "The One".

I specialize in one area.

I was asked to be involved in a video game (hopefully to be released this month for the iPad).

I just received a message today for my involvement in a movie.

Yes, stick with it. It takes time. But once you find your niche, you'll be golden.

-Koa-
www.borikenwarrior.com
www.facebook.com/borikenwarriorstudiosmodels

Oct 02 12 07:14 pm Link

Model

Shilo Von Porcelaine

Posts: 233

Los Angeles, California, US

Thank you to everyone who has replied very much. I appreciate it very much.

I guess my main problem stems from my issues with myself--that I'm not overly fond of my appearance (and not looking for compliments at all, just stating a fact.) I am hoping to have rhinoplasty when I can afford it/have began paying off other loans I have so I can take one out for this.

It just hurts me in a way to know that agency llamaing, which I guess is seen as the most "professional" is so far out of my reach. I want to do alternative, which I am doing, but there is no real "alternative" agency...which really sucks. I guess I'm just wondering how to get out there like some of the really amazing alternative llamas and really be respected.

Oct 02 12 11:20 pm Link

Model

Margaux Burton

Posts: 3

Mexico City, Distrito Federal, Mexico

Shilo Suicide wrote:
Thank you to everyone who has replied very much. I appreciate it very much.

I guess my main problem stems from my issues with myself--that I'm not overly fond of my appearance (and not looking for compliments at all, just stating a fact.) I am hoping to have rhinoplasty when I can afford it/have began paying off other loans I have so I can take one out for this.

It just hurts me in a way to know that agency modeling, which I guess is seen as the most "professional" is so far out of my reach. I want to do alternative, which I am doing, but there is no real "alternative" agency...which really sucks. I guess I'm just wondering how to get out there like some of the really amazing alternative models and really be respected.

OMG you are BEAUTIFUL, CHECK out my pics, I had a huge issue with my nose when I was younger and my mom fortunately was a big participate for me NOT to get it. Not that there is anything wrong with it... But really it can eff u up for life.. You are already amazing. And if you do decide to get it, to a test... look at everyone who has a "perfect " nose and try and see if it is real or done ... do a countdown of who has fake noses vs. real noses and witch noses came out good and witch nose jobs you could tell where fake. By the way in Mexico City there are tons of models from all over the world and its a great place to start modeling, sometimes you need a place where they dont have many girls of your type like Mexico or China etc etc... Then when you have a portfolio you can have them kiss your ass.

Sincerely
MX
good luck dear

Oct 02 12 11:33 pm Link

Artist/Painter

Two Pears Studio

Posts: 3466

Wilmington, Delaware, US

Unless you are a sociopath... self doubt will creep into the minds of everyone from time to time. Rejection and the word no is a big part of this industry... most often it is not so much about you, but about what they like or want.

I find the best tool is to have some sort of guiding thought or principle to follow... that way when the mental coyotes start barking all you have to do is remind yourself what is important.

So maybe this is about self exploration or joy of modeling... or it is about financial gain. For me it is about solving visual problems and enjoying beauty. (That is why I am broke... lol)

so find that thing for you and keep reminding yourself every time you get down...

Oct 03 12 06:13 am Link

Model

Carrie Lexa

Posts: 12

Tucson, Arizona, US

I say keep at it. I get discouraged because I dont know where I quite fit in in this industry and I've been doing this for 5 years. smile

Oct 03 12 10:25 am Link

Photographer

howard r

Posts: 518

Los Angeles, California, US

btw - before you get your nose done, do yourself a favor and google "jennifer grey nose job"

what people think of as normal is not always better . . .

Oct 04 12 03:25 pm Link

Photographer

karenjerzykphotography

Posts: 1756

Boston, Massachusetts, US

I'm always down on myself, too. I see everyone around me getting EVERYTHING handed to them, and I'll be lucky if I get any recognition at all, EVER. Life just seems to shit on me- so much so that sometimes, I feel like packing it in.

Honestly, when I saw your avatar photo, I was like "Ohhh, I need to add this girl in case she ever comes to Boston/I go to Chicago so we can shoot". Like I said, I'm usually down on myself a lot, too, so coming from me, that may not mean much- but for what it's worth, I think youre doing well.

Don't be afraid to put your foot down and start charging people. Trust me, it's not always about being tall, or "glamorous", or whatever the fuck people SAY you should be- I know plenty of models getting paid a fuck-ton because they have CHARACTER.

Oct 04 12 03:38 pm Link

Model

BellaStacie

Posts: 373

Hollywood, Florida, US

Jules NYC wrote:
This is very cool.

http://photos.modelmayhem.com/photos/120824/09/5037a7b7edb4d.jpg

Stick with it; you are good at your genre...
& don't worry about the self-loathing... ha, it's just a part of growing up.

+1

Oct 04 12 03:40 pm Link