Oct 03 12 07:19 am Link
Oct 03 12 07:21 am Link
Savannah, Georgia, US
Ashley Graham wrote:
This is a good point as well.
Oct 03 12 07:25 am Link
Champaign, Illinois, US
Celine B wrote:
1. This is not about being considerate of his feelings. It is about you doing something that is a confidence booster and your BF being considerate of that.
Oct 03 12 07:43 am Link
Frederick, Maryland, US
I think everyone dealt with this previously. My "problems" are that nude photos (art nudes/glamour) were some how pornography. It never clicked in her head I didn't want anyone but her. Not to mention nude does not automatically equal porn.
As someone said before...if they aren't willing to support your decisions (assuming you are taking their side into account, as I did)...cut them loose. It's a disservice to you and him.
Glendora, California, US
P I X I E wrote:
Yup. Historically speaking, you're going to have to choose between your SO or modeling. Usually, the SO gets kicked to the curb.
Anchorage, Alaska, US
Many other people have hit the nail on the head. I would factor in how long you've been dating when deciding what I would ultimately do, but his jealousy raises a red flag for me.
I started dating a new guy. He knew I modeled on occasion, said he was very jealous and insecure, but that it was "cute." He said he wouldn't have a problem with it, but still didn't last long.
I don't deal with jealousy well. As others mentioned, it speaks to something more deeply rooted that will likely cause problems later. If this is a long-term, serious relationship and this is the only warning sign you've seen from him, I might be willing to can the modeling to make him happy. As someone else mentioned, springing it on him after you've been dating for a while might make him feel like he has reason to be concerned. But I would take a deeper look at your relationship, because jealousy isn't an attractive quality.
Oct 03 12 04:03 pm Link
Joliet, Illinois, US
Jersey Kelly wrote:
Oct 03 12 04:16 pm Link
Spokane, Washington, US
"I don't want you to do something because I don't like the way it makes me feel... even though I know it's important to you."
Seems we're conditioned as a society to accept and expect control/jealousy/insecurity issues in relationships. In 40 years from now, would your modeling "now" be a big deal "then?" Or is he just being a bit emotional?
I'm not a fan of just disposing of a relationship without trying to resolve the issues first. Instead of looking at this as a choice between your SO and modeling, try to fix the problem first. Help him understand that he's being really selfish and jealous. Ask him why this makes him feel so insecure and see what he can do to get over it.
Oct 03 12 04:21 pm Link
Newark, Delaware, US
Celine B wrote:
Whenever this topic comes along. Someone will go thru the stage of the beginning of the end of the relationship".
Oct 03 12 04:42 pm Link
Seattle, Washington, US
Some people consider their SO as a model (and also as photographer) to be violating the trust of their relationship to wish to pursue this as a hobby. They see it similar to cheating on them, since the relationship between photographer and model is seen by some as more intimate than it is by others, even if it is conducted entirely professionally. Even the most professional photographers, professional in every possible sense of the word, can see their subjects as a muse, and often that will provide the inspiration for better work than if it were conducted as a robot. But there is definitely a connection that transcends the normal interactions between co-workers that could be considered intimate by those who don't understand the artist/muse relationship. What kind of work would be produced if that wasn't the case? Since models are professional muses who, if successful, will provide the means for that connection, it is easy for me to imagine that there are many people who misunderstand.
It's not necessarily that the person is controlling or insecure, but perhaps has a value set that does not include this perceived photographer/model relationship as one that is normal, but rather deviant and improper. It's entirely too judgmental on the part of those here to determine that he is controlling or jealous. For all we know he feels that his relationship is being violated by an outside improper relationship, based on his values.
Our values are the fundamental factor by which we conduct our lives, but the problem is that we all have different values which we hold dear. Also, some people are more flexible about things that do not fit within their values and will adjust them to accommodate the needs of others, while others are view their values as obligatory and not to be adjusted under any circumstance.
We all just don't have enough information or knowledge of the actual relationship or persons to make any realistic comment as to what the problem is or how the OP should handle it.
Oct 03 12 04:48 pm Link
Carmel, New York, US
Bad news. Very. I have run into this from time to time and the brutal truth is: he is not the guy for YOU. The end.
Oct 03 12 04:57 pm Link
Sioux Falls, South Dakota, US
Talk to your boyfriend and come to an understanding. When I first started dating my boyfriend, he was very jealous of my modeling as well, but after much talk about it, we've come very far, and now he is very supportive.
Oct 13 12 01:04 am Link
London, England, United Kingdom
Melissa Drew wrote:
Indeed, the first and most important thing you have to do is talk to him. Explain what you do, why you like it and that it's not a threat to him. He may just be scared that people are going to exploit you. Talk to him, he may come round.
Oct 13 12 03:05 am Link
Toronto, Ontario, Canada
Celine B wrote:
It's pretty wrong of one person in a relationship to want to control the actions of the other.
Oct 13 12 03:15 am Link
Canberra, Australian Capital Territory, Australia
Celine B wrote:
Yes it's wrong that you don't want to do as he says. You are his possession/property; Therefore, you must obey his commands and cater to his insecurities, while ignoring your own desires and dreams.
Oct 13 12 03:24 am Link
Dayton, Ohio, US
Lose him...You've got a control freak on your hands.
Oct 13 12 03:43 am Link
Sylvania, Ohio, US
he's insecure. if you want to stay with him you'll have to find some other way to make him feel important and validated. be very open with him about what you're doing and don't keep anything from him. don't give him any reason not to trust you, even though keeping it from him to keep the peace might be a tempting option. if possible, maybe he could tag along to a shoot if it's okay with the photographer. then he could see that what you're doing is a professional endeavor and not a bunch of evil men with cameras trying to bang you.
Oct 13 12 06:14 am Link
Salem, Oregon, US
i had one model who complained her boyfriend no longer cared what she did. at least yours still cares. it seems like everbody these days wants to be able to act single but with benefits. but relationships aren't always like that. sometimes you have to make your man feel like he's the most important thing. men can be a lot about ego and confidence. a male with no confidence just takes up space but sometimes we get that confidence from a woman.
he may not be worried that you'll have sex with the photographer, just jealous of the time you guys are spending together, especially if you spend more time on modeling than on him (unless it's your career) and especially if you get more excited about the shoots than about him.
maybe get him a camera and let him shoot you. something you guys can have fun doing together. or drag him along on a couple shoots (photographers willing) so he can see it's not all that. or shoot with some female photographers.
if he puts his foot down then you have to decide what's more important. your independence or this man. and then next time maybe go find someone who think it's cool that you model and likes to show you off to the other guys. whereas the one you have now seems like maybe he wants you all to himself (or he watches too much TV and is freaked that you'll wind up in a dumpster).
Oct 13 12 09:46 am Link
Jamil Nasir wrote:
Oct 13 12 09:57 am Link
Why does this have to be a lack of trust for the gf?? Couldn't it be a lack of trust of photographers?
Yes most of us know the vast majority of photographers aren't pervs, but look at the news stories of the sketchy ones. The media has distorted the perception of most photographers...non-industry people may not know any trustworthy photogs, so they don't have anything to compare against.
Oct 13 12 10:02 am Link
It's never about llamaing. It's about the inadequacies of the "significant" other. It's about control...and that doesn't go away.
Respect and trust goes both ways if the relationship is successful. In this case, he wants you to respect his wishes...while he doesn't respect yours.
Caving in isn't being respectful of his feelings, it's enabling it in all future scenarios.
And we all know this isn't an isolated incident. We all know he's also controlling in other areas and perhaps only in this case has it really manifested...when it's something you truly enjoy.
I'm going to bet my next paycheck that you've already seen signs of the jealousy in other areas but just brushed over it with some justification (oh, he must love me so much; he's just worried about my safety, etc.)
What if you wanted to be a bartender? What if you wanted to be an actress? What happens when you want to go out with your girlfriends? What happens when you're a "little too friendly" with the waiter.
Let's face it. The guy is a controlling tool and there is one thing we can ALL agree. It will only get worse.
You can choose to see this as a huge indicator of his future behavior and find a mature adult...or you can live your life according to what he deems appropriate, by his rules.
Oct 13 12 10:12 am Link
Lizzy Borden wrote:
"Oh, I do trust YOU baby...it's OTHER people I don't trust."
Oct 13 12 10:14 am Link
New York, New York, US
Not necessarily. While I agree with much of what you written, I think it also depends on what kind of life each individual wants.
Oct 13 12 10:15 am Link
Paramour Productions wrote:
So, the only way it works is for everything in the relationship to stay the same until the end of time? One partner isn't allowed to develop new activities, interests or beliefs and expect the support of their partner?
Oct 13 12 10:19 am Link
Michael Pandolfo wrote:
So if someone gets assaulted and raped, you blame the victim too? Because that's what i'm getting at..something *could* happen to the model that she doesn't want; in that case it would be not trusting others rather than the gf. It's not common but may be a fear a bf may have, however irrational it may seem.
Oct 13 12 10:47 am Link
New Westminster, British Columbia, Canada
Drop the insecure boyfriend, they don't get better
Oct 14 12 01:42 am Link
Albany, New York, US
Celine B wrote:
This may simply be an issue of him not knowing how boring shoots can be. Cause think about it, whenever the outside media, talks about it its about something taudry like some photographer rapes & kills the model (which gets so much play because taudry ratings brings in more money).
Oct 14 12 06:03 am Link
Mesa, Arizona, US
He's insecure. 99% of the time, the dude is insecure with himself and doesn't want you getting the attention of other males, be it the photographer or your male friends if you post the pictures on Facebook.
I would suggest kindly talking to him, try to explain that you're careful about who you shoot with (you are, aren't you?) and no funny business is going on. Try to make sure you pay a little more attention to him otherwise, just to reassure him that you're not going anywhere. If it's just a little bit of jealousy, that should be a reasonable route to take.
If he continues to have a problem with it and it's really important to you, drop him. What's more likely to still be there in 10 years, the dude or the pictures and memories (and maybe still a hobby/career) ?
Oct 14 12 09:00 am Link
Portland, Oregon, US
What this usually means is that your boyfriend is insecure and is scared for you to put yourself out there because he thinks he is going to lose you. In other words, he's not concerned for what is in your best interest, but rather his. You have to do what you want to do and what you feel is right... Otherwise, you will develop resentment against him and the relationship will be over anyway.
Oct 14 12 09:03 am Link
Richmond, Indiana, US
Select Models wrote:
Very well put- in fact I think it's unfortunate that many women can't seem to "get it" that such men should be considered UN-significant in their lives.
Oct 14 12 09:10 am Link
Los Angeles, California, US
Jealousy is a complicated thing. There are good things about and bad things about it.
Oct 14 12 09:47 am Link
Chicago, Illinois, US
SO can change over time, either the viw of the one in the role, or the actual person in the SO role. If there is something you want to do and SO does not not like you involved it may well be time to move on. Not really enough info here to tell you that is the way to go. You indicate you are new to modeling and wanted to try it. That's cool, you may decide to go one way or another with it and or him. If you and he can't develop a basis communication on the topic, you probably should move on to a new relationship. If he has that much trouble with you doing what you want to try doing, he should move on and let you do the same. If he just wants you to do what he wants you to do, dump him now.
Oct 14 12 11:01 am Link
Farenell Photography wrote:
exactly, that's more or less what i was saying
Oct 14 12 12:18 pm Link
Portland, Oregon, US
George Ruge wrote:
That actually happened to my mom as well. Her boyfriend was incredibly controlling and manipulative, and when she tried to leave him, he came over to kill her. He didn't make it into the house though, and instead blew his head off in the front yard with his shotgun. Everyone but my mom saw this as an inevitable end to their relationship, but instead of listening to us and isolating him, she isolated us.
Oct 14 12 12:48 pm Link
New York, New York, US
There is a difference between someone genuinely not appreciating that line of work because of values/morals, etc. and someone who initially accepts it or perhaps is turned on by it...
to only give you grief when they understand the work you do.
I don't blame anyone for their convictions; we are free to have our creed.
What I do have a problem with are people who try to change others.
Change is good for working on weaknesses or say, quitting smoking or some shit like that, not changing the drives and motivations of a human being.
Dumbing it down, it's a typical, 'looks good in a short skirt, but now you're mine, stop wearing short skirts'.
Oct 14 12 05:52 pm Link
Westwood, California, US
I think having a healthy relationship is important, especially when most of the talented models i've shot with are either engaged or in a committed relationship. It allows you to put your personal life aside and focus on being professional, modeling can truly become a career and not an outlet for your thirst for approval or a badge of your sexual worth. Most boyfriends / husbands can understand that and are supportive of their woman, some are even helpful to me when they're brought along to a shoot. There should be an understanding between significant others and photographers that their relationship is strictly professional, if the photographer can't understand that you probably shouldn't be shooting with him to begin with and if the significant other can't understand that, then you probably shouldn't be dating him to begin with. Thats just my personal opinion, however i have always prioritized my career over my personal relationships.
Oct 14 12 06:17 pm Link
New York, New York, US
A real relationship is a meeting of the mind and no one truly changes at heart.
There is an air of flexibility and understanding which is patient, kind and makes love last.
What the hell do I know
Oct 14 12 06:20 pm Link
Adelaide, South Australia, Australia
Adelaide, South Australia, Australia