Forums > Off-Topic Discussion > What upsets me about the holidays

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egyptmachine

Posts: 11364

El Paso, Texas, US

I'm not going to lie, first off this is a shitty end of the year financially for my family, and I'm working too now dayum!

But anyways, my husband and I made it crystal clear (apparently not) to our families that we probably just afford presents for the kids and not the adults, not without committing financial suicide. Even our parents were like yeah that's cool no problems we probably can only do the kids this year too.  So yesterday we had a small Christmas party becuase my in-laws were going out of town next week till the New Year, great wonderful party blah blah blah.... Until it was time to open gifts, we couldnt afford any gifts for not one, not even the kids. But I figured hosting at our house would be a nice gesture since we were unable to provide gifts...

Well my husband later tells me that his dad was very irritated by the fact that we didn't get his mom anything. (As previously mentioned we thought this was crystal clear) and then he started getting mad about rabbit poop in the back yard under the hutch. Which is what rabbits do, constantly poop... Anyways it annoyed my husband who now feels guilt to buy my mom-in law something when right now that make my wallet cry thinking about an expense for a gift when we're in such a bind right now.

I might actually crack before the months up and possibly poison a family relationship, but I will hold myself back. I'm just so pissed about that right now, its just like "I'm sorry?? Do you know about extra money that we might have to buy gifts? Because I'd love to fucking know about it too!!"

neutral

Dec 09 12 05:58 pm Link

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R A V E N D R I V E

Posts: 15867

New York, New York, US

wow that sounds like a lot of stress

I always try to get perspectives on how other families approach christmas, just imagine if you had to do it 8 times over and over again in a week

consider making an origami trinket?

Dec 09 12 06:04 pm Link

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angel emily

Posts: 1020

Boston, Massachusetts, US

Maybe try talking to your in-laws to clear up any bad air?

I always think homemade treats make good gifts when in a bind. 

It was kind of you to host!

Dec 09 12 06:06 pm Link

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Dannielle Levan

Posts: 12857

New Westminster, British Columbia, Canada

egyptmachine wrote:
I'm not going to lie, first off this is a shitty end of the year financially for my family, and I'm working too now dayum!

But anyways, my husband and I made it crystal clear (apparently not) to our families that we probably just afford presents for the kids and not the adults, not without committing financial suicide. Even our parents were like yeah that's cool no problems we probably can only do the kids this year too.  So yesterday we had a small Christmas party becuase my in-laws were going out of town next week till the New Year, great wonderful party blah blah blah.... Until it was time to open gifts, we couldnt afford any gifts for not one, not even the kids. But I figured hosting at our house would be a nice gesture since we were unable to provide gifts...

Well my husband later tells me that his dad was very irritated by the fact that we didn't get his mom anything. (As previously mentioned we thought this was crystal clear) and then he started getting mad about rabbit poop in the back yard under the hutch. Which is what rabbits do, constantly poop... Anyways it annoyed my husband who now feels guilt to buy my mom-in law something when right now that make my wallet cry thinking about an expense for a gift when we're in such a bind right now.

I might actually crack before the months up and possibly poison a family relationship, but I will hold myself back. I'm just so pissed about that right now, its just like "I'm sorry?? Do you know about extra money that we might have to buy gifts? Because I'd love to fucking know about it too!!"

neutral

Fuck them. No, seriously.
They're acting like children and you made it crystal clear. Don't make it hard on yourself because they want to be selfish. My mother in law does this all the time, so we don't get her presents any more, because she'd bitch about them and say we shouldn't get anything in a move to make us buy stuff we can't afford. You have to have boundaries. Your family/marriage comes first, then everyone else.

Dec 09 12 06:09 pm Link

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Marc Damon

Posts: 6562

Biloxi, Mississippi, US

The problem with Christmas - and most other holidays - is the commercialism that surrounds it. Get some nice paper and write a personal note or poem or story that the recipient would enjoy. Give that as gifts to those you can't (or won't) afford to buy presents.

Dec 09 12 06:10 pm Link

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egyptmachine

Posts: 11364

El Paso, Texas, US

R A V E N D R I V E wrote:
wow that sounds like a lot of stress

I always try to get perspectives on how other families approach christmas

consider making an origami trinket?

Its been really bad, its sucks. Its a damn slap to the face from his dad when I hear about that, he even in the beginning agreed to watch my son today while we both went to work, then after opening the gifts and his hissy fit he changed his mind and said he couldn't watch our son. Forcing my to call my mother at 10:30 in the night last minute to ask if she could babysit.

Its rude, flat out.  We may look like we have money right now, but we don't. I hate it when people assume things. Plus really, material bullshit during th holidays, its about being with the family not seeing who can give the most gifts. I'm speechless

Dec 09 12 06:13 pm Link

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egyptmachine

Posts: 11364

El Paso, Texas, US

Strangekitty wrote:

Fuck them. No, seriously.
They're acting like children and you made it crystal clear. Don't make it hard on yourself because they want to be selfish. My mother in law does this all the time, so we don't get her presents any more, because she'd bitch about them and say we shouldn't get anything in a move to make us buy stuff we can't afford. You have to have boundaries. Your family/marriage comes first, then everyone else.

no my mother in law was super cool, she knew. it was just my father in law, I had mentioned this to both of them on several occasions at their., House other times, talking to her about it, while he was in the room. And then he gets mad?? oh lord..

Dec 09 12 06:14 pm Link

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Gianantonio

Posts: 8113

Minneapolis, Minnesota, US

egyptmachine wrote:
I'm not going to lie, first off this is a shitty end of the year financially for my family, and I'm working too now dayum!

But anyways, my husband and I made it crystal clear (apparently not) to our families that we probably just afford presents for the kids and not the adults, not without committing financial suicide. Even our parents were like yeah that's cool no problems we probably can only do the kids this year too.  So yesterday we had a small Christmas party becuase my in-laws were going out of town next week till the New Year, great wonderful party blah blah blah.... Until it was time to open gifts, we couldnt afford any gifts for not one, not even the kids. But I figured hosting at our house would be a nice gesture since we were unable to provide gifts...

Well my husband later tells me that his dad was very irritated by the fact that we didn't get his mom anything. (As previously mentioned we thought this was crystal clear) and then he started getting mad about rabbit poop in the back yard under the hutch. Which is what rabbits do, constantly poop... Anyways it annoyed my husband who now feels guilt to buy my mom-in law something when right now that make my wallet cry thinking about an expense for a gift when we're in such a bind right now.

I might actually crack before the months up and possibly poison a family relationship, but I will hold myself back. I'm just so pissed about that right now, its just like "I'm sorry?? Do you know about extra money that we might have to buy gifts? Because I'd love to fucking know about it too!!"

neutral

It's really up to your husband to talk to his mom and dad about your financial situation.  I can't imagine his mom would want you to go into credit card debt to buy her something.  Well, I guess I don't know your in-laws...  big_smile

Dec 09 12 07:16 pm Link

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Gianantonio

Posts: 8113

Minneapolis, Minnesota, US

Marc Damon wrote:
The problem with Christmas - and most other holidays - is the commercialism that surrounds it. Get some nice paper and write a personal note or poem or story that the recipient would enjoy. Give that as gifts to those you can't (or won't) afford to buy presents.

Commercialism is only a problem if you let it.  It can be hard not to get sucked in.  But if you can keep from getting caught up in it all, the holidays can be quite fun and satisfying.

Dec 09 12 07:19 pm Link

Makeup Artist

T

Posts: 53557

Washington, District of Columbia, US

Old people who get upset over Christmas gifts are jackasses. Many times my husband and I didn't exchange gifts on Christmas. No sleep was lost. Focus on the children.

Dec 09 12 07:23 pm Link

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Lohkee

Posts: 13064

Maricopa, Arizona, US

Gianantonio wrote:

Commercialism is only a problem if you let it.  It can be hard not to get sucked in.  But if you can keep from getting caught up in it all, the holidays can be quite fun and satisfying.

Yeppers! Hue and I don't really do anything for christmas, but we love the lights, seeing young folk all bundled up holding hands as they go about their business, images of lovers skating in N.Y., eggnog, chestnuts (oh how I love freshly roasted chestnuts), and, in general, the overall sense of happiness. If only we could do this year-round.

Dec 09 12 07:51 pm Link

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Lisa Andresen

Posts: 8664

Abingdon, Illinois, US

I'm sorry you are going through this that is a horrible position to be in. This is why in my family we don't feed into the gift part of Christmas we believe in making the main focus about the birth of Christ, spending time with family, making cookies, decorating the tree. Those are the memories worth making I can't even remember half the gifts I opened last year, but I can remember sitting around as a family reading the Christmas story out of the Bible. Those are the memories worth hanging on to. I know you are angry right now but maybe after you calm down I would talk to her open and honest and remind her of the conversation you all had about money and gifts this year. Just let her know you are hurt by her actions, and that you really can't get her a gift but it's not out of wanting to it's just a money issue.

I hope that it gets better and you and your family have a great Christmas.

Dec 09 12 08:17 pm Link

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Dream-foto

Posts: 4368

Chico, California, US

Give her some incense. It was good enough for Jesus, should be good enough for her.

Dec 09 12 08:44 pm Link

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egyptmachine

Posts: 11364

El Paso, Texas, US

Dream-foto wrote:
Give her some incense. It was good enough for Jesus, should be good enough for her.

its not about my mom i law, its about my father in law! lol

Dec 09 12 08:52 pm Link

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DEACTIVATED ACCOUNT

Posts: 1294

Čaġčarān, Ġawr, Afghanistan

In my extended family we don't give gifts to anyone over eighteen. So I buy stuff for my sisters and parents, but not for cousins, uncles, aunts, grandparents etc.

Dec 09 12 08:59 pm Link