Forums > General Industry > When your SO is a photographer of women.........

Photographer

Robert Lynch

Posts: 2484

Bowie, Maryland, US

Julian  W I L D E wrote:
I've been married to my beautiful stylist wife for almost 10 amazing years  now.  It's not for everyone, that's for sure.  I mean, who are we kidding?   It's probably the toughest thing for a couple to face and ultimately to deal with.

Really?  I can think of a lot of tougher things, like actual infidelity and the list goes on from there.  If something as trivial as photographing naked women is the biggest thing that a couple can face, then they got things (relatively) easy.

Dec 14 12 06:10 am Link

Model

Jen B

Posts: 3178

Hopkinsville, Kentucky, US

Also,

I mentioned before. Jealousy is also offensive to the other person because it is all about not them. When in reality is should make them realize or suspect that it is truly because you don't trust yourself.

It can only destroy a relationship, (if it isn't dealth with.) Personally I have ended two relationships that were destroyed by the 'insecurities' of the partner. Jealousy is very ugly.

Insecurities are also all about the owner of them and there is no amount of placating or hoop jumping that the other person can do to appease that.

Meliana, its more than just a simple fix. It requires intention and attention on your part to fix yourself...or...end the relationship before it implodes into a ball of hell.

Jen

Dec 14 12 06:11 am Link

Photographer

Aaron Lewis Photography

Posts: 5083

Catskill, New York, US

Anna Adrielle wrote:
jealousy isn't always about trust. another reason could be insecurity, for instance.

Insecurity is pretty much the same thing as trust. If you're insecure you lack trust. If you don't trust someone  you're insecure with them. Same thing

Jealousy is an emotion and typically refers to the negative thoughts and feelings of insecurity

Jealousy often consists of a combination of presenting emotions such as anger, resentment, inadequacy, helplessness and disgust.

So as you see the work Jealousy is a word used to describe the feelings you have when you're, insecure, angry, resentful, or have low self esteem. So everyone including the OP stop trying to bid them as different things, they are all bundled under the term jealousy and the bottom line is in fact TRUST

To further elaborate, if you feel jealous then you don't trust him, period

/thread

Dec 14 12 06:59 am Link

guide forum

Model

Anna Adrielle

Posts: 18763

Antwerp, Antwerp, Belgium

nm

Dec 14 12 08:19 am Link

Photographer

PIEntertainment

Posts: 1290

Tokyo, Tokyo, Japan

Laura UnBound wrote:
I don't get feelings of jealousy. I trust my partner. And if I don't trust them, then they have no buisness being my partner.



It's that easy.

Not all people are as mature as you are, and you do have experience from the other side of the lens as well. So you're more open to this due to being in the business, I think if the SO of the photographer is not in the business they will find it hard to understand.

Some women get upset if their bf or husband even looks at clothed women at the mall when they walk by, how can they possibly ever live knowing their bf or husband takes photos of fully nude women...it's a different state of mind.

I agree with Laura, if they're not open to that and trusting then find another one. smile

Dec 14 12 09:49 am Link

Photographer

Ezhini

Posts: 1601

Wichita, Kansas, US

In matters of relationships, the best course of action is to discuss your concerns with your significant other.

No amount of discussing this with a panel of 10,000 people from around the world, or years of conselling sessions with great experts all by yourself or reading 100 books on relationships will get you any fruitful solutions.

The resolving will and the means for solutions are only in your hands, with the participation of your BF. Even if you spend half the time you have spent here talking about this, in talking to your BF, I am sure there will be some good in it.

Regardless of how anyone defines the way you feel, and all the rights and wrongs about how you feel, the fact is you do feel so! So, the goal for you is to find out if how you feel actually matters to your BF and if it does, then how is he planning to help you to work through it one way or another.

If you already have been talking to him, just continue the talks. If he does not show interest in discussing this with you with the same degree of concern you have, then time for a shake up!

Best wishes for you to find some peace while enjoying life with someone you love.

Dec 14 12 02:51 pm Link

Photographer

David Kilper

Posts: 505

Saint Louis, Missouri, US

model emily  wrote:
No photographer I know of or have ever worked with has ever been interested in the nudity.  Too busy messing around with the lights and camera and making sure the shot is perfect.  The process quickly becomes very desexualized -- in my own experience.

If he's just in it to take pictures of boobs -- next photographer, and next boyfriend.

This

Dec 14 12 08:45 pm Link

Photographer

JGC Photography

Posts: 134

Victoria, British Columbia, Canada

Hmmm...Interesting thread!

To the OP...Keep it real with your man...Honesty is not jealousy.
BTW you are smoking hot! smile

I am 48 and have been married (100% faithful) for almost 30 years.
I'm just picking up a camera again after a long career in construction and real estate development.
I am a dynamic A type that functions through personal connection with others...people know me for minutes and the next thing I know we will be discussing intimate details that they tell nobody else...I can build relationships in minutes because the person can tell I am real and genuine...so a real relationship is formed. I try to to bring that connection through the lens.

Most guys say they look at nude model no more personally that a piece of meat...That is not me....At least not me being honest.
I love women, I love naked women, I love porn, and I love sex. I know I'm alone on this (yah the porn industry is starving).....maybe that is just me. My wife knows all of this...She knows me through and through. She also knows I would never cheat ....In fact she has never asked me not to shoot nudes....So what's the problem you say?

Well...I will connect with the model in front of me and my wife knows that...Its partly why she married me.
For me (this is just me and not you) it comes down to respecting her near lifelong commitment to me. Also, my wife is the same age as me and at nearly 50 you don't look like you did at 20, 30, or even 40 years old...I don't want my wife to feel insecure or insufficient in any way never mind when we are in bed or after I shoot a smoking hot 20 something.



Like I said...this is just me. What you do is on you.
Peace

Dec 15 12 12:47 am Link

Model

Cole Morrison

Posts: 3958

Portland, Oregon, US

Whats to be jealous about? Im naked in mens homes and hotels.

Dec 15 12 01:22 am Link

Photographer

Aaron Lewis Photography

Posts: 5083

Catskill, New York, US

model emily  wrote:
No photographer I know of or have ever worked with has ever been interested in the nudity.  Too busy messing around with the lights and camera and making sure the shot is perfect.  The process quickly becomes very desexualized -- in my own experience.

If he's just in it to take pictures of boobs -- next photographer, and next boyfriend.

This is true but try to explain that to someone who thinks otherwise.

Dec 15 12 08:46 am Link

Photographer

ontherocks

Posts: 22603

Salem, Oregon, US

um, i think for some guys the nudity is the reason for the photography!

i think there's potentially a big difference between art nude guys and glamour nude guys. the art nude guys are deeply into what type of ilford paper to use. the glamour nude guys are deeply into whether the tits are real. lol.

it's all good so long as no one gets hurt. but this thread is about someone who is getting hurt to some extent.

and i think it's wrong to say that it's never about sex. sometimes it is about sex. not so much having sex with the model (except for TR) but sexing it up for the images. that's kind of the whole point of glamour. as a glamour shooter i feel it when it's good (it's more soft porn than art). nude model on driftwood is a different vibe of course.

Art of the nude wrote:
But the photography is the reason for the nudity.

Dec 15 12 10:09 am Link

Photographer

Art of the nude

Posts: 11892

Olivet, Michigan, US

Poses wrote:
I am assuming that your facebook comments were more eloquently phrased than "nice tits!" I think that if someone I was with made those kinds of comments, I'd most likely object. Sometimes it can be about your partner's feelings. Not saying that this is the case with your story, but just that it's possible for these kinds of requests to make sense.

Seems like that would apply whether or not the guy was a photographer.  If someone you care about is a crude jerk, it's hard to stick around if you have any self esteem.  Naturally, if they joke around with friends, it's a different matter.

Dec 16 12 03:12 pm Link

Photographer

Art of the nude

Posts: 11892

Olivet, Michigan, US

Art of the nude wrote:
But the photography is the reason for the nudity.

twoharts wrote:
um, i think for some guys the nudity is the reason for the photography!

i think there's potentially a big difference between art nude guys and glamour nude guys. the art nude guys are deeply into what type of ilford paper to use. the glamour nude guys are deeply into whether the tits are real. lol.

it's all good so long as no one gets hurt. but this thread is about someone who is getting hurt to some extent.

and i think it's wrong to say that it's never about sex. sometimes it is about sex. not so much having sex with the model (except for TR) but sexing it up for the images. that's kind of the whole point of glamour. as a glamour shooter i feel it when it's good (it's more soft porn than art). nude model on driftwood is a different vibe of course.

That may be, but you were talking about nudity during a hike, or in other casual, recreational settings.

Dec 16 12 03:34 pm Link

Photographer

Giacomo Cirrincioni

Posts: 21373

New York, New York, US

Jules NYC wrote:
If a member of the opposite sex and you had a physical relationship, it's just disrespectful to keep it, unless you had kids together.

So, if you hooked up with someone six years ago, and you stopped sleeping together but you maintain a friendship and have for six years, you should stop communicating with that person entirely just because you started dating someone new?

What if it was someone you dated in high school fifteen or twenty years ago, that you're still friends with? 

At what point do you draw the line that it's disrespectful?

Your post implies that you can never be friends with someone you once dated or slept with.

Dec 17 12 08:06 am Link

Photographer

Kincaid Blackwood

Posts: 23403

Atlanta, Georgia, US

model emily  wrote:
No photographer I know of or have ever worked with has ever been interested in the nudity.  Too busy messing around with the lights and camera and making sure the shot is perfect.  The process quickly becomes very desexualized -- in my own experience.

If he's just in it to take pictures of boobs -- next photographer, and next boyfriend.

David Kilper wrote:
This

Uh… not this.


I know lighting.  Even in the variable conditions in which I frequently shoot that would necessitate me making constant calculations (and certainly not in the times I set up studio lights and shoot), photography is not so overwhelmingly mechanical that I don't see what I'm shooting for what it is.  Yes, calculations need to be made but that's not nearly the overwhelmingly desensitizing endeavor people make it out to be.  What makes me a photographer is not that I know how to expose photos the way I want them exposed, what makes me a photographer is the fact that I compose visual composions.

If you think that I lack an awareness of the sexuality in my photographs you are naive at best or an idiot at worst.  And I am nothing less than a professional on my set.  But you better believe that I know when my photos are sexy; I compose them to be that way.  It's willful and purposeful and deliberate.  The shot is perfect not because of the lights (sure, lighting is a part of it) it's because of the composition.  Who are these fuckers who are so wholly consumed by their lights for the fullness of the shoot that they don't actually see the compositions they're shooting? 

I shoot what I think is sexy.  Doing otherwise sets you on a path for hallow photos which happen to be well-lit (or maybe just adequately lit; some of you should spend less time fiddling with your lights and more time on what you're actually shooting).  Sure, some women I've dated have had issues wrapping their minds around what I shoot but it isn't about the shooting for them, these women have had trouble with erotica in general.  I also write erotica and those women couldn't really get behind that either.  None were worried about me shooting sexy photos and something untoward happening (by either party).  Some people just aren't good with it.

And we couldn't date.  We did the mature thing and admitted it was an irreconcilable difference (because my erotica is not going away) and went our merrie ways.  You have to have your dealbreakers; thinks you cannot and will not handle.  I, for one, don't tell anyone to get over their jealousy… I just tell them to get out.  Be single and jealous but don't be with me.  Don't be with anyone else and be jealous either.

Dec 17 12 08:29 am Link

Photographer

Black Sunshine

Posts: 811

Austin, Texas, US

Because hot naked models throw themselves at me all the time...

Dec 17 12 08:32 am Link

Photographer

All Yours Photography

Posts: 2338

Toledo, Ohio, US

PTPhotoUT wrote:
My wife never got over it. I sold my equipment and stopped shooting for ten years. The day after she asked for a divorce, I scheduled a shoot again.

Shooting models likely wasn't the cause of the jealousy  & insecurity, just a point where it manifested itself.  Take away shooting models and it will just come out someplace else.

Dec 17 12 08:53 am Link

Photographer

EnlightendedPhotography

Posts: 823

Eugene, Oregon, US

Back in the 60's my girlfriend wanted me to shoot some nudes of her best friend.  After many arguments, I reluctantly said I would take the pictures of her girlfriend (to send pics to her boyfriend in Vietnam) only if she was present.  After the shoot, she got mad because I didn't want to shoot nudes of her... Her girl friend and boyfriend loved the pictures but the boyfriend hated that a male took the pics.  I finally did the shoot of my girlfriend and showed she showed them to her other girlfriends...referral after referral, I started a glamour, boudoir, nude small business while attending college.  My girlfriend was always present and finally after watching me shoot the all the sexy pictures, she knew I was focused on the technical aspects of photography and not the nude lady in front of the lens.  My girlfriend was my best marketing person, i got drafted and while I was in Vietnam she died in a car crash.  Sometimes while doing nude shoots, I have memories of my old girlfriend and tears come to my eyes.....woman will ask why I have teared up and I tell them it is because they look so beautiful....

If photography is a passion (as a hobbyist or professional) you should want to become a master of painting with light....take a chance and do some nudes of men and woman....if you don't like the results, go try flowers, and birds....just enjoy life and capturing a special moment in time.

Dec 17 12 09:37 am Link

Photographer

XavierRose

Posts: 6

Minneapolis, Minnesota, US

Caustic Disco wrote:

i love that my boyfriend shoots nudes, i actually encouraged him to try it. years ago when i was insecure in myself i would have had a huge problem with it, but after learning to love myself i rarely find myself jealous of anybody. my boyfriend barely even looks at anybody else, but when he does it's to make gorgeous images of lovely women. it makes me happy that he is boosting their self esteem and helping them to feel beautiful with his photography.

Awesome.  My Wife was the one who encouraged me to try nude work.

Dec 18 12 05:21 pm Link