Forums > Critique > Serious Critique > Offering help with profile writing

Photographer

Jose Deida

Posts: 1174

BLANDON, Pennsylvania, US

Go for it!

Jan 24 13 07:17 pm Link

Model

angel emily

Posts: 1020

Boston, Massachusetts, US

Maruschke wrote:
I would love some advice.

Hi, your current profile:

I know I've been on here for a while but I took a bit of a break, I got married and had babies big_smile but now I'm back.

My name is Maruschke Barnard.
I speak 2 languages ( Afrikaans and English).

I love artsy type shoots so feel free to shoot some artsy ideas at me big_smile
I do not do nudes. Implied nudes is fine on some level. have a look at the things I listed and you'll understand how nude I'll go.

I appreciate posing direction, and learn quickly with a few pointers.
* I mainly do TFP.

I would love to work with photographers, makeup artists and hair stylists to develop both my skilss as a model and also give you a great outcome. If your interested in working with me just let me know.

* Scars- Left leg, right leg and foot from where a dog attacked me and on my tummy appendix

* I have a few stretch marks comes with having a baby unfortunately

* Piercings - I only have My earlobes and navel piercings but I can easily remove it.

*100% Drama free big_smile
Thank you for taking the time to view my profile big_smile and have a nice day.


This is my Public facbook page if you want to have a look: https://www.facebook.com/#!/pages/Marus … 41?fref=ts

My suggestions:

My name is Maruschke Barnard.
I speak two languages (Afrikaans and English). 

I would love to work with photographers, makeup artists, and hair stylists on a trade basis.  I'm interested in artistic concepts. 

I welcome posing direction, and learn quickly with a few pointers.

Please note, I do not do nude work. I will consider concepts requiring implied nudity. 

Scars:  Left leg, right leg, right foot, and my lower stomach.  I have a few stretch marks.

Piercings:  Earlobes and navel pierced; both can be removed.

If you'd like to work with me, please send me a message.

Thank you for taking the time to view my profile!

For more work, please visit my Facebook page:  https://www.facebook.com/#!/pages/Marus … 41?fref=ts

Jan 25 13 06:00 am Link

Model

angel emily

Posts: 1020

Boston, Massachusetts, US

Jose Deida wrote:
Go for it!

Your current profile:

Jose Deida is not a renowned photographer from Brooklyn NY who relocated to PA. His work doesn't really pull depth and emotion through the lens and it's easy to see how he has not made a name for himself in the industry.
He is most noted for his inability to capture and translate the essence of every subject that steps in front of his lens.
It is for this reason that many of the best models on the east coast don't have a clue as to who he is.
   


What you get is a photographer who loves what he does, who can provide great images.
Come get some....


psst...  I like Bowmore Dark 

Exposure my ass. Absolutely no TF for ANY commercial work. Ex: Content for paid website.

My suggestions:

Jose Deida is not a renowned photographer from Brooklyn NY who relocated to PA. His work doesn't really pull depth and emotion through the lens and it's easy to see how he has not made a name for himself in the industry.

He is most noted for his inability to capture and translate the essence of every subject that steps in front of his lens.  It is for this reason that many of the best models on the east coast don't have a clue as to who he is.
   
... OK, I am being funny.

Truthfully, I am a photographer who loves what he does, and I can provide great images.  Please contact me if you'd like to work together.

No TF for commercial work; please contact me for my rates.

I get the humor/sarcasm, but the thing about it, is that it can scare people off who might not "get it" -- but maybe that's what you want, so I'm not going to mess with it too much, just put in a disclaimer and take out the cussword.  Style is style...

Jan 25 13 06:09 am Link

Photographer

Jose Deida

Posts: 1174

BLANDON, Pennsylvania, US

Thank you.

Jan 25 13 06:46 am Link

Model

ErinPaige

Posts: 85

Salt Lake City, Utah, US

Oh if you're still doing that I would love that!

Feb 24 13 12:45 am Link

Photographer

CapePhotographicStudio

Posts: 45

Cape Town, Western Cape, South Africa

I would appreciate you advise smile

Feb 24 13 12:49 am Link

Photographer

CapePhotographicStudio

Posts: 45

Cape Town, Western Cape, South Africa

Feb 24 13 12:49 am Link

Model

Trey Fleming

Posts: 1470

Las Vegas, Nevada, US

I'm in if you're still going.

Feb 24 13 08:29 am Link

Model

AniikB

Posts: 2

Montreal, Quebec, Canada

My turn now smile?

Feb 24 13 08:44 am Link

Model

Lethal Leta

Posts: 94

Denton, Texas, US

Oh, I'm stream of consciousness, elaborately excessive and about to redo and create an alt port so this is great!

Feb 26 13 03:05 am Link

Photographer

RobertOPhoto

Posts: 59

Royal Oak, Michigan, US

I would love some advice on my profile.

Feb 26 13 11:04 am Link

Photographer

255 West

Posts: 6468

New York, New York, US

OOPS. I first thought you were asking for a copy edit of YOUR writing.

Well, for what it's worth, here it is (and feel free to critique my profile, if you like -- fair's fair wink ).



I am an agency represented model.  
or
I am represented by ____ agency.

I need little direction, but take direction well.   I am professional and always come prepared. (Switch first two sentences.)
(Paragraph) I have clear, smooth skin, thick, natural hair, and clear, natural nails.  I am available for travel throughout New England and regularly visit the Boston.

I don't do erotica or fetish. Thanks for looking.
(drop the exclamation point unless you are screaming out those words.)

Credits (insert colon -- : )
I've appeared on television (give an example or two), in commercials and print ads, catalogs, (ONE comma) and fashion shows.
(Paragraph) I appeared in Taylor Swift's POPULAR music video ("Mine") (italics, no parenthesis or quotes) [s]that was[/i] featured on Top Video Countdowns.
I have worked with so many fantastic artists. ♥  (I don't know what this means. Cut it. It seems unnecessary. )

I'll be graduating with (insert "a")  Masters (degree) in Human Resource Management in July.
(Ummmm, I'm not sure if this is relevant to the modeling, but maybe a nice personal interest detail.)
Also, mention any relevant interests and experience, such as professional or special dance (Latin, ballet,ballroom, etc.) , gymnastics, yoga, singing (or any kind of performance experience), do your own makeup and hair?, have your own wardrobe?, acting experience (any at all, pro or not), etc.

(I could do an even tighter edit, but there are these are my basic impressions.)

Feb 27 13 06:27 am Link

Model

Becca Wolski

Posts: 19

St Catharines, Ontario, Canada

I'm sure I could use some help!

Mar 10 13 01:03 pm Link

Model

Danielle Reid

Posts: 4389

Little Rock, Arkansas, US

Profile writing is the hardest thing for me. So please help! Thanks

Mar 13 13 01:01 am Link

Photographer

Brett Hunt

Posts: 2129

Washington Court House, Ohio, US

I never had a flair for the written word

Mar 13 13 01:08 am Link