Forums > Off-Topic Discussion > Jesus Walks Through Heaven and Encounters...

Photographer

udor

Posts: 22378

New York, New York, US

Jesus walks through heaven when he sees this old man sitting on the side of the road and is crying bitterly.

Jesus walks over to him, lays a hand on the old man's shoulder and speaks softly "Good man, why are you crying? You are in heaven now, you should be happy and singing and enjoying eternity!"

The old man, looks up, with eyes red from the tears and sobs... "I have lost my son... and without him, I can't enjoy paradise..."

Jesus says: "Well... you see, I am walking through heaven all the time... so, if you tell me what your son looks like, I will look for him, and when I see him, I will tell you that you are looking for him."

The old man, a glimmer of hope in his eyes, raises his hands and looks at them... and days, still sobbing: "Well... he has holes in his hands and in his feet!"

So... Jesus... with huge joy in his heart, looks down on the man and exclaims: "FATHER!!!" and the old man is full of joy and reaches up and replies: "PINOCCHIO!!!"

Jan 30 13 11:16 pm Link

Photographer

R A V E N D R I V E

Posts: 15867

New York, New York, US

oh I get it, both Jesus and Pinocchio thought they were real boys


DOUBLE , NO, TRIPLE ENTENDRE!

Jan 30 13 11:31 pm Link

Model

Ronin_LLC

Posts: 2012

Louisville, Kentucky, US

Ha!

Jan 30 13 11:36 pm Link

Photographer

udor

Posts: 22378

New York, New York, US

R A V E N D R I V E wrote:
oh I get it, both Jesus and Pinocchio thought they were real boys


DOUBLE , NO, TRIPLE ENTENDRE!

LOL... great interpretation! big_smile

Jan 31 13 05:29 am Link

Model

Alexey VS

Posts: 256

Toronto, Ontario, Canada

You do realize that crucifixion is beyond inhumane... I am a firm believer that humor has an enormous power to bring to our attention all kinds of gross human negligence, but humour at the expense of people who were forced to sacrifice their lives because of that negligence is far from tactful.

Jan 31 13 05:56 pm Link

Photographer

Tonic Dog Studios

Posts: 12527

Minneapolis, Minnesota, US

I've re-read this a few times (inserting the typo corrections) and still am not sure. 

Is this a joke?  Is it meant to be funny?

Is it commentary?  An allegory?

Or just some short story that really doesn't make sense but allows anti-Christians another excuse to wallow in and masturbate to their hatred?

(I really don't care one way of the other; I'd just like to know that the OP thinks he posted.)

Jan 31 13 06:03 pm Link

Model

Russian Katarina

Posts: 1413

London, England, United Kingdom

Alexey Sky wrote:
You do realize that crucifixion is beyond inhumane... I am a firm believer that humor has an enormous power to bring to our attention all kinds of gross human negligence, but humour at the expense of people who were forced to sacrifice their lives because of that negligence is far from tactful.

Actually crucified people were bound to the crosses, not nailed (nails pushed through the extremities would never hold a human body in position). That's just a bloody, but fake detail the Roman-Catholic PR machine added later on for dramatic purposes.

The Church came up with many torture devices of their own that made the Romans look like humanists.

Jan 31 13 06:05 pm Link

Model

Ronin_LLC

Posts: 2012

Louisville, Kentucky, US

Alexey Sky wrote:
You do realize that crucifixion is beyond inhumane... I am a firm believer that humor has an enormous power to bring to our attention all kinds of gross human negligence, but humour at the expense of people who were forced to sacrifice their lives because of that negligence is far from tactful.

You also realize that the depiction and description of the crucifixion of Jesus was an incorrect vague description by a bunch of people who had never seen a real crucifixion and based on second or third hand accounts they had heard from others.

Jan 31 13 06:06 pm Link

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Photographer

Justin

Posts: 21892

Fort Collins, Colorado, US

Tonic Dog Studios wrote:
Is this a joke?  Is it meant to be funny?

Is it commentary?  An allegory?

Or just some short story that really doesn't make sense but allows anti-Christians another excuse to wallow in and masturbate to their hatred?

I just read it as an irreverent joke.  I've known priests and ministers who would retell that joke and enjoy it.

Kinda like the drunk who staggers into the Catholic church, knocking over pews, staggering against the wall, finally finds the confessional, and goes into one side. The priest sees him, feels sorry for the poor desperate man, goes to his station, takes his seat, and slides open the door.

"Can I help you, my son?" the priest asks softly.

"I dunno," slurs the inebriant. "You got any paper on that side?"




ETA: Fixed a really stupid typo.

Jan 31 13 08:21 pm Link

Photographer

Evan Hiltunen

Posts: 3249

Minneapolis, Minnesota, US

Alexey Sky wrote:
You do realize that crucifixion is beyond inhumane... I am a firm believer that humor has an enormous power to bring to our attention all kinds of gross human negligence, but humour at the expense of people who were forced to sacrifice their lives because of that negligence is far from tactful.

Perhaps, it is inhumane but it is very much human.

OTOH, didn't Lenny Bruce say something like, "If Jesus were alive today, we'd all have little electric chairs hanging from our necks"?

Jan 31 13 08:29 pm Link

Photographer

udor

Posts: 22378

New York, New York, US

Alexey Sky wrote:
You do realize that crucifixion is beyond inhumane... I am a firm believer that humor has an enormous power to bring to our attention all kinds of gross human negligence, but humour at the expense of people who were forced to sacrifice their lives because of that negligence is far from tactful.

Well... Alexey...

You see... I am writing my artist name in all lower case... as a reminder not to take myself too serious!

Reading your "finger raised, holier than thou" response to a joke that many people find funny, because it deals also with cultural understandings and cross references... show me that you are taking yourself waaayyyy tooo serious...

It also shows that you really don't have a clue about religious history etc... just take a look what Katarina is writing about the cruci-fiction method...

Jan 31 13 08:40 pm Link

Photographer

Gianantonio

Posts: 8035

Minneapolis, Minnesota, US

Alexey Sky wrote:
You do realize that crucifixion is beyond inhumane... I am a firm believer that humor has an enormous power to bring to our attention all kinds of gross human negligence, but humour at the expense of people who were forced to sacrifice their lives because of that negligence is far from tactful.

Wake up, dude.  Pinocchio and Jesus are stories--not real people...

Jan 31 13 08:42 pm Link

Photographer

Good Egg Productions

Posts: 15706

Orlando, Florida, US

R A V E N D R I V E wrote:
oh I get it, both Jesus and Pinocchio thought they were real boys


DOUBLE , NO, TRIPLE ENTENDRE!

http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lwpftgNjB91r38gc2o1_400.jpg

Jan 31 13 08:45 pm Link

Photographer

EdwardKristopher

Posts: 3377

Tempe, Arizona, US

udor wrote:
Jesus walks through heaven when he sees this old man sitting on the side of the road and is crying bitterly.

Jesus walks over to him, lays a hand on the old man's shoulder and speaks softly "Good man, why are you crying? You are in heaven now, you should be happy and singing and enjoying eternity!"

The old man, looks up, with eyes red from the tears and sobs... "I have lost my son... and without him, I can't enjoy paradise..."

Jesus says: "Well... you see, I am walking through heaven all the time... so, if you tell me what your son looks like, I will look for him, and when I see him, I will tell you that you are looking for him."

The old man, a glimmer of hope in his eyes, raises his hands and looks at them... and days, still sobbing: "Well... he has holes in his hands and in his feet!"

So... Jesus... with huge joy in his heart, looks down on the man and exclaims: "FATHER!!!" and the old man is full of joy and reaches up and replies: "PINOCCHIO!!!"

:-)

Jan 31 13 08:45 pm Link

Photographer

EdwardKristopher

Posts: 3377

Tempe, Arizona, US

Alexey Sky wrote:
You do realize that crucifixion is beyond inhumane... I am a firm believer that humor has an enormous power to bring to our attention all kinds of gross human negligence, but humour at the expense of people who were forced to sacrifice their lives because of that negligence is far from tactful.

Really?!  Have we really gone that far?!

Jan 31 13 08:46 pm Link

Photographer

EdwardKristopher

Posts: 3377

Tempe, Arizona, US

udor wrote:

LOL... great interpretation! big_smile

I didn't think that, yet an interesting interpretation!

Jan 31 13 08:46 pm Link

Photographer

EdwardKristopher

Posts: 3377

Tempe, Arizona, US

Tonic Dog Studios wrote:
I've re-read this a few times (inserting the typo corrections) and still am not sure. 

Is this a joke?  Is it meant to be funny?

Is it commentary?  An allegory?

Or just some short story that really doesn't make sense but allows anti-Christians another excuse to wallow in and masturbate to their hatred?

(I really don't care one way of the other; I'd just like to know that the OP thinks he posted.)

A joke is a joke which then is a joke!  :-)

Jan 31 13 08:48 pm Link

Photographer

EdwardKristopher

Posts: 3377

Tempe, Arizona, US

Russian Katarina wrote:

Actually crucified people were bound to the crosses, not nailed (nails pushed through the extremities would never hold a human body in position). That's just a bloody, but fake detail the Roman-Catholic PR machine added later on for dramatic purposes.

The Church came up with many torture devices of their own that made the Romans look like humanists.

Most of this was Spot On!  Tied was correct!

Jan 31 13 08:49 pm Link

Photographer

EdwardKristopher

Posts: 3377

Tempe, Arizona, US

Justin wrote:

I just read it as an irreverent joke.  I've known priests and ministers who would retell that joke and enjoy it.

Kinda like the drunk who staggers into the Catholic church, knocking over pews, staggering against the wall, finally finds the confessional, and goes into one side. The priest sees him, feels sorry for the poor desperate man, goes to his station, takes his seat, and slides open the door.

"Can you help you, my son?" the priest asks softly.

"I dunno," slurs the inebriant. "You got any paper on that side?"

:-)

Jan 31 13 08:50 pm Link

Photographer

EdwardKristopher

Posts: 3377

Tempe, Arizona, US

Gianantonio wrote:

Wake up, dude.  Pinocchio and Jesus are stories--not real people...

And yet it continues!  :-)

Ready for the rant?

Jan 31 13 08:52 pm Link

Photographer

udor

Posts: 22378

New York, New York, US

Jan 31 13 09:14 pm Link

Photographer

udor

Posts: 22378

New York, New York, US

Tonic Dog Studios wrote:
I've re-read this a few times (inserting the typo corrections) and still am not sure.

I sincerely apologize for not being 100 percent perfect in YOUR native language... I do my best and am still learning...

If you want to have it flawless... I can write it in German to you!

Maybe you'll get it THEN!  roll

Jan 31 13 09:18 pm Link

Photographer

photographybyStavros

Posts: 5397

Bainbridge Island, Washington, US

Gianantonio wrote:
Wake up, dude.  Pinocchio and Jesus are stories--not real people...

Please don't insult billions of peoples beliefs ..  Please re state "in my opinion Pinocchio and Jesus are stories-not real people" Because what you stated is just that, your opinion. Not that of billions of people who actually do believe in the creator of all that is and will be, and Jesus.

Jan 31 13 09:27 pm Link

Photographer

Virtual Studio

Posts: 5808

Toronto, Ontario, Canada

Alexey Sky wrote:
You do realize that crucifixion is beyond inhumane... I am a firm believer that humor has an enormous power to bring to our attention all kinds of gross human negligence, but humour at the expense of people who were forced to sacrifice their lives because of that negligence is far from tactful.

Jesus = just a sorry. Lighten up.

The little mermaid didn't really have to walk on broken glass either.

Feb 01 13 05:31 am Link

Photographer

Gianantonio

Posts: 8035

Minneapolis, Minnesota, US

photographybyStavros wrote:

Please don't insult billions of peoples beliefs ..  Please re state "in my opinion Pinocchio and Jesus are stories-not real people" Because what you stated is just that, your opinion. Not that of billions of people who actually do believe in the creator of all that is and will be, and Jesus.

The truth is never an insult.

And do you really think the Pinocchio story really happened!?

Feb 01 13 06:21 am Link

Model

angel emily

Posts: 1020

Boston, Massachusetts, US

I am a Christian and I laughed.

Feb 01 13 06:24 am Link

Photographer

Vito

Posts: 4177

Brooklyn, New York, US

Gianantonio wrote:
Wake up, dude.  Pinocchio and Jesus are stories--not real people...

photographybyStavros wrote:
Please don't insult billions of peoples beliefs ..  Please re state "in my opinion Pinocchio and Jesus are stories-not real people" Because what you stated is just that, your opinion. Not that of billions of people who actually do believe in the creator of all that is and will be, and Jesus.

And besides, whether or not you believe that Jesus is the Son of God, he DID historically exist. Records have been found that show that.

Feb 01 13 06:28 am Link

Photographer

R A V E N D R I V E

Posts: 15867

New York, New York, US

Gianantonio wrote:
Wake up, dude.  Pinocchio and Jesus are stories--not real people...

photographybyStavros wrote:
Please don't insult billions of peoples beliefs ..  Please re state "in my opinion Pinocchio and Jesus are stories-not real people" Because what you stated is just that, your opinion. Not that of billions of people who actually do believe in the creator of all that is and will be, and Jesus.

I have mixed feelings about that. A prayer for a gag order because over a billion people believe something else?

Feb 01 13 06:29 am Link

Photographer

Paolo Diavolo

Posts: 8792

Martinez, California, US

udor wrote:
Jesus walks through heaven when he sees this old man sitting on the side of the road and is crying bitterly.

Jesus walks over to him, lays a hand on the old man's shoulder and speaks softly "Good man, why are you crying? You are in heaven now, you should be happy and singing and enjoying eternity!"

The old man, looks up, with eyes red from the tears and sobs... "I have lost my son... and without him, I can't enjoy paradise..."

Jesus says: "Well... you see, I am walking through heaven all the time... so, if you tell me what your son looks like, I will look for him, and when I see him, I will tell you that you are looking for him."

The old man, a glimmer of hope in his eyes, raises his hands and looks at them... and days, still sobbing: "Well... he has holes in his hands and in his feet!"

So... Jesus... with huge joy in his heart, looks down on the man and exclaims: "FATHER!!!" and the old man is full of joy and reaches up and replies: "PINOCCHIO!!!"

HAHAHA! this is funny.
Everyone else lighten up.

Jesus was real.
he was some brown dude with short hair that lived a couple thousand years ago.
the church was corrupt.
he spoke out against it.
got killed for opening his mouth.
he died.
centuries later people painted him to look like a long haired white hippy.
he had no super powers.
but was an important person in history.

the story of Pinocchio is also enjoyed by millions of people.

Feb 01 13 06:30 am Link

Photographer

Managing Light

Posts: 1944

Salem, Virginia, US

Wow!  Only on MM...

Feb 01 13 05:23 pm Link

Photographer

In Balance Photography

Posts: 3372

Boston, Massachusetts, US

Managing Light wrote:
Wow!  Only on MM...

I find that hard to believe smile

Feb 01 13 11:14 pm Link