Forums > General Industry > dealing with unaccepting relatives

Model

MrsNikki H

Posts: 2

Albuquerque, New Mexico, US

I most recently received a text message from my husband's aunt who pointed out to me that she unfriended me from facebook because she's constantly embarrassed and offended by my pictures.  I had a portfolio album on my facebook,  but don't feel anything was embarrassing or offending. I am very proud of my portfolio, but i do admit some pictures are sexy, but they are tasteful imo.  My own family is extremely supportive. 
I am not sure what to say or how to deal.  I haven't responded.  I thought I should ask how any of you have dealt with similar situations.
Nicole

Mar 24 13 04:13 pm Link

Model

Amber Dawn - Colorado

Posts: 6244

Castle Rock, Colorado, US

It's your Husband's Aunt ... She's not really Family, I wouldn't worry about it.

Mar 24 13 04:15 pm Link

Photographer

SensualThemes

Posts: 3042

Swoyersville, Pennsylvania, US

Ask him if he considers her family. Or is concerned,  my aunt is my family. Dearly

I created a 2nd fb for this specific reason.

Mar 24 13 04:16 pm Link

Photographer

IrisSwope

Posts: 14857

Dallas, Texas, US

Everyone has to learn how to use facebook to keep things they don't like from their timeline. She figured it out....

Do you really care if your husband's mother's sister thinks your pictures are too sexy? Do you really care if she chooses not to see them?
Do you need her support?

Mar 24 13 04:18 pm Link

Photographer

Swank Photography

Posts: 19015

Key West, Florida, US

MrsNikki H wrote:
I most recently received a text message from my husband's aunt who pointed out to me that she unfriended me from facebook because she's constantly embarrassed and offended by my pictures.  I had a portfolio album on my facebook,  but don't feel anything was embarrassing or offending. I am very proud of my portfolio, but i do admit some pictures are sexy, but they are tasteful imo.  My own family is extremely supportive. 
I am not sure what to say or how to deal.  I haven't responded.  I thought I should ask how any of you have dealt with similar situations.
Nicole

Yup. In spades. My husband and myself just excluded them from our lives.

Mar 24 13 04:18 pm Link

Photographer

JOEL McDONALD

Posts: 608

Portland, Oregon, US

Let him deal with her. She's not your family.

Mar 24 13 04:18 pm Link

Photographer

Erlinda

Posts: 7221

London, England, United Kingdom

Don't reply. It's not worth it. Not to mention it's non of her business...

If you are happy with what you are doing and you have a man that supports you thats all that matters.

Just ignore her smile

Mar 24 13 04:26 pm Link

Photographer

M Pandolfo Photography

Posts: 12116

Tampa, Florida, US

Soooo....exactly how many pounds overweight is your husband's aunt?

Mar 24 13 04:30 pm Link

Photographer

M Pandolfo Photography

Posts: 12116

Tampa, Florida, US

MrsNikki H wrote:
I most recently received a text message from my husband's aunt who pointed out to me that she unfriended me from facebook because she's constantly embarrassed and offended by my pictures.  I had a portfolio album on my facebook,  but don't feel anything was embarrassing or offending. I am very proud of my portfolio, but i do admit some pictures are sexy, but they are tasteful imo.  My own family is extremely supportive. 
I am not sure what to say or how to deal.  I haven't responded.  I thought I should ask how any of you have dealt with similar situations.
Nicole

If her only interest was unfriending you she would have done it without a word. The fact that she announced it to you means she wants an angry, defensive response so she can get into it with you. It would be satisfying to respond, "well, the photos you post of your hideous children embarrass me but I can rise above it and just look away..." but it's not worth it to say that lol.

As much as you want to respond back...I PROMISE YOU...if you say nothing it will irk her to no end.

Don't feed into what she wants. Let her deal with her issues of jealousy on her own.

Mar 24 13 04:32 pm Link

Photographer

SitronStudio

Posts: 1064

Venice, Florida, US

Michael Pandolfo wrote:
Soooo....exactly how many pounds overweight is your husband's aunt?

smile

Mar 24 13 04:33 pm Link

Photographer

JOEL McDONALD

Posts: 608

Portland, Oregon, US

Michael Pandolfo wrote:
Soooo....exactly how many pounds overweight is your husband's aunt?

It's not the overweight thing, it's those long hairs growing out of that great big, dark mole on left jaw that's truly bothersome.

Mar 24 13 04:36 pm Link

Photographer

DOUGLASFOTOS

Posts: 8462

Los Angeles, California, US

MrsNikki H wrote:
I most recently received a text message from my husband's aunt who pointed out to me that she unfriended me from facebook because she's constantly embarrassed and offended by my pictures.  I had a portfolio album on my facebook,  but don't feel anything was embarrassing or offending. I am very proud of my portfolio, but i do admit some pictures are sexy, but they are tasteful imo.  My own family is extremely supportive. 
I am not sure what to say or how to deal.  I haven't responded.  I thought I should ask how any of you have dealt with similar situations.
Nicole

seems to be a FB problem.....All Families have one or two or three nuts in them...nothing new...move along...it aint a biggie.

Mar 24 13 04:37 pm Link

Photographer

DOUGLASFOTOS

Posts: 8462

Los Angeles, California, US

JOEL McDONALD wrote:
It's not the overweight thing, it's those long hairs growing out of that great big, dark mole on left jaw that's truly bothersome.

oh my

Mar 24 13 04:41 pm Link

Photographer

rp_photo

Posts: 42495

Houston, Texas, US

Colorado Model Amber wrote:
It's your Husband's Aunt ... She's not really Family, I wouldn't worry about it.

She doesn't  need people like that in her life.

Assuming that she takes down all her pics or even quits modeling, the aunt will find fault with other things.

Mar 24 13 04:41 pm Link

Model

MrsNikki H

Posts: 2

Albuquerque, New Mexico, US

Thanks for the feedback (and laughs) everyone.  I don't plan on responding at all. Not gonna let her discourage me.

Mar 24 13 04:47 pm Link

Photographer

Image Studios

Posts: 177

Marengo, Illinois, US

It is not your problem it is hers. I once had Cardinal Bernadine see one of my photos. He thought it was art and showed off one of gods great works (the girl of course). I have had others look at it and say a good christian would not look a photos like that.

I asked the Cardinal about that. He said that if someone looks at a piece of art like this (looking at my photo) and see something wrong then it is that person who has a problem not the artist. Or in your case the subject.

Mar 24 13 04:48 pm Link

Photographer

Will Snizek Photography

Posts: 1387

Beckley, West Virginia, US

MrsNikki H wrote:
I most recently received a text message from my husband's aunt who pointed out to me that she unfriended me from facebook because she's constantly embarrassed and offended by my pictures.  I had a portfolio album on my facebook,  but don't feel anything was embarrassing or offending. I am very proud of my portfolio, but i do admit some pictures are sexy, but they are tasteful imo.  My own family is extremely supportive. 
I am not sure what to say or how to deal.  I haven't responded.  I thought I should ask how any of you have dealt with similar situations.
Nicole

Dealing with relatives being embarrassed by me when I've done nothing wrong at all plagued me probably until my 30s started six years ago.  I honestly learned to stop caring about what other people think about me.  My great wife taught me how to do it.  I have tattoos and that is highly frowned upon in my family and there are other things too.  Im in a mixed race marriage, i'm into artistic things instead of being a lawyer or professor.  I even had to censor things I said on Facebook.  I really think you've just got to let go and not even respond.  No one should be embarrassed for you being yourself and that's honestly a problem of theirs.  Just my two cents.  I'm no expert but I know all about relatives claiming to be embarrassed by me.  When I let this bother me in the least, I just start looking up Frank Zappa quotes.

Mar 24 13 04:49 pm Link

Photographer

ontherocks

Posts: 22615

Salem, Oregon, US

i've seen models post stuff on facebook i thought maybe shouldn't be on Facebook. it's not mayhem. i've also known of models who've had their photos take down or accounts shut down.

i'd just tell her you're sorry if you offended her and didn't mean any harm but that it's an important part of your life and you're going to keep on doing it. if facebook allows you to post those images then you aren't breaking any rules.

some models have two accounts. one for family and one for modeling.

one of my models has run into a similar issue where she was getting asked to stop modeling once she married into the family. her response was "over my dead body" lol

Mar 24 13 05:46 pm Link

Photographer

Michael McGowan

Posts: 3657

Tucson, Arizona, US

Family support? Haven't had it the past 45 years or so. They wanted me to be a physicist. Anything less was failure.

There's no way to please everybody. You got to please yourself. (Loosely taken from Ricky Nelson.)

Mar 24 13 05:52 pm Link

Model

Lynn Elizabeth

Posts: 1336

Coral Springs, Florida, US

It's your life, not her's. You are only young once so do what you want. If you are proud of your images be proud. Don't let anyone try to bring you down. No matter what you do in life someone will always try to discourage you. Be strong and proud! If it doesn't bother you or your husband than who cares what anyone else thinks.

Mar 24 13 06:25 pm Link

Photographer

Loki Studio

Posts: 3023

Royal Oak, Michigan, US

Why do you have "to deal"?  Why is her approval necessary at all?

Mar 24 13 06:31 pm Link

Photographer

Lumatic

Posts: 13750

Brooklyn, New York, US

Well, let's put this into perspective.  If she has an issue with your pictures, whether for herself or for them being visible to the rest of her network, that's her prerogative.  But Facebook isn't the issue, your actual relationship with her is.

If you care about your relationship with her, then find out if your pictures have any other effect on that and then you can figure it out from there.  If it's simply an issue of visibility on Facebook, then don't interact with her on Facebook, simple as that.  It's just a website.

If you don't care about your relationship with her, then there's really no issue at all, is there?

Mar 24 13 07:27 pm Link

Model

V for Victory Modeling

Posts: 436

Roseville, California, US

I have this issue with my mom and my brother mostly. They have no idea why I model and just assume that I am infatuated with pictures of myself. My mom often assumes I am doing something "slutty" if she doesn't see all my photos that I hide her from on facebook. She also thinks I need an llama herder even when working multiple times with the same person. I know she's not going to change, so I simply do not tell her when I don't bring an llama herder and I do not talk about or share any photos with her I think she will have an issue with.

Mar 24 13 08:23 pm Link

Photographer

ontherocks

Posts: 22615

Salem, Oregon, US

lol. makes me think of a parrot looking in the mirror to check himself out.

my family thinks i shoot porn. i guess they haven't ever been to pornhub.

Valerie Kelly wrote:
They have no idea why I model and just assume that I am infatuated with pictures of myself.

Mar 24 13 08:27 pm Link

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Model

Damianne

Posts: 15975

Austin, Texas, US

I stop talking to them.

Sounds like your relative already handled it for you.

I might respond with "oh, I see! Well I'm glad you took care of that for us, have a great life" because fuck her, but probably not.

Mar 24 13 08:28 pm Link

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Model

Damianne

Posts: 15975

Austin, Texas, US

Mar 24 13 08:28 pm Link

Model

Jen B

Posts: 3183

Hopkinsville, Kentucky, US

MrsNikki H wrote:
I most recently received a text message from my husband's aunt who pointed out to me that she unfriended me from facebook .... I haven't responded.  I thought I should ask how any of you have dealt with similar situations.
Nicole

Hi,


As to what I'd say in response I guess it'd be something like, "oh, you UN friended me? I hadn't noticed." and maybe leave it at that...better yet, maybe not replying is best. Let her know you could care less why she did it.

Its just fb... but, apparently she felt the need to be rude to you so, that is her story.

Jen

Mar 24 13 10:11 pm Link

Model

Jen B

Posts: 3183

Hopkinsville, Kentucky, US

Michael Pandolfo wrote:

If her only interest was unfriending you she would have done it without a word. The fact that she announced it to you means she wants an angry, defensive response so she can get into it with you. It would be satisfying to respond, "well, the photos you post of your hideous children embarrass me but I can rise above it and just look away..." but it's not worth it to say that lol.

As much as you want to respond back...I PROMISE YOU...if you say nothing it will irk her to no end.

Don't feed into what she wants. Let her deal with her issues of jealousy on her own.

this ++

Mar 24 13 10:14 pm Link

Photographer

Charlie-CNP

Posts: 2644

New York, New York, US

MrsNikki H wrote:
Thanks for the feedback (and laughs) everyone.  I don't plan on responding at all. Not gonna let her discourage me.

good deal. Your portfolio is tame by a long shot from some out there. haha  She is just most likely very old school and unhappy with her own life which is why she has to troll on others. good luck with your modeling!

Mar 24 13 10:22 pm Link

Model

Erica Jay

Posts: 151

New York, New York, US

A maternal aunt has had a problem in the past with my images showing up on Facebook. She contacted my parents, thinking that I hadn't told them what I was doing; they told her they are proud of me!

She posts TONS of 'sexy facebook' photos, which I find just appalling.

Mar 24 13 10:23 pm Link

Model

Stormee

Posts: 2463

San Antonio, Texas, US

Mar 24 13 10:40 pm Link

Photographer

Nico Simon Princely

Posts: 1887

Las Vegas, Nevada, US

Michael Pandolfo wrote:
Soooo....exactly how many pounds overweight is your husband's aunt?

ROFL! My first thought too!

Mar 24 13 10:42 pm Link

Photographer

Patrick Walberg

Posts: 42746

Salinas, California, US

Valerie Kelly wrote:
I have this issue with my mom and my brother mostly. They have no idea why I model and just assume that I am infatuated with pictures of myself. My mom often assumes I am doing something "slutty" if she doesn't see all my photos that I hide her from on facebook. She also thinks I need an escort even when working multiple times with the same person. I know she's not going to change, so I simply do not tell her when I don't bring an escort and I do not talk about or share any photos with her I think she will have an issue with.

Interesting that you are not the only model I'm working with that has a problematic mom!  It's a little different though.  I've been a friend of this young lady's family for a long time, and had photographed her mom years ago.  Now I'm working with the daughter, helping her out, but the mom is pissed!  After she saw the images of her daughter, she called me up several times to cuss me out " ... for taking such beautiful pictures" of her daughter! 

The mom is an alcoholic, and probably bi-polar to boot!  She has lost her own looks, and become an angry woman who is jealous of her own daughter.  At least that is my opinion, and I used to consider the woman a friend of mine.  I even called this woman (the mom) up today to wish her a "Happy birthday" at 4 in the afternoon ... and got cussed out!  Said I woke her up?  I'm sorry, but my friendship with the mom is over.  I don't want to deal with alcoholics!  The daughter is taking a break from modeling to try and settle things down as she moves to another place away from her mom.  I'll continue to help her as much as I can.  She's going to need it!

In my own family, I've been doing this for so long ... they're all used to it. No biggy!

Mar 25 13 12:36 am Link

Photographer

AaronPawlak

Posts: 2708

New York, New York, US

MrsNikki H wrote:
I most recently received a text message from my husband's aunt who pointed out to me that she unfriended me from facebook because she's constantly embarrassed and offended by my pictures.  I had a portfolio album on my facebook,  but don't feel anything was embarrassing or offending. I am very proud of my portfolio, but i do admit some pictures are sexy, but they are tasteful imo.  My own family is extremely supportive. 
I am not sure what to say or how to deal.  I haven't responded.  I thought I should ask how any of you have dealt with similar situations.
Nicole

I have 2 facebook profiles.
One for relatives and hometown people,
the other for artists and so forth who are into the photos and know me from that.

Some people who are my real life friends may want to add both, but that's up to them.

I can't let my "worlds collide".
It's no secret what I do, but some people don't want the updates and posts popping up on their computers, when other people, children, may be around. ...and likewise, a fan of my photos may misconstrue something a relative posts on my facebook wall. Might think it's a sexual joke and comment on that (it's happened). I just keep the 2 worlds apart.

Mar 25 13 01:02 am Link

Model

Jules NYC

Posts: 16247

New York, New York, US

The more I read these posts on family the more I'm disgusted at the thought of being with anyone.

Mar 25 13 04:22 am Link

Photographer

Drew Smith Photography

Posts: 5210

Nottingham, England, United Kingdom

Michael Pandolfo wrote:

If her only interest was unfriending you she would have done it without a word. The fact that she announced it to you means she wants an angry, defensive response so she can get into it with you. It would be satisfying to respond, "well, the photos you post of your hideous children embarrass me but I can rise above it and just look away..." but it's not worth it to say that lol.

As much as you want to respond back...I PROMISE YOU...if you say nothing it will irk her to no end.

Don't feed into what she wants. Let her deal with her issues of jealousy on her own.

This is, I believe, what they call on MM a 'Quote for Truth'.  smile

Ignoring her irrelevant and petty viewpoint will piss her off more than words ever could.

Mar 25 13 04:34 am Link

Model

Dolce

Posts: 24

Tilburg, Noord-Brabant, Netherlands

Michael Pandolfo wrote:
Soooo....exactly how many pounds overweight is your husband's aunt?

hahaha!

Mar 25 13 04:41 am Link

Photographer

Jay Farrell

Posts: 13142

Nashville, Tennessee, US

Forget her bitter ass.

Mar 25 13 04:53 am Link

Photographer

Dorola

Posts: 310

Toronto, Ontario, Canada

Is Facebook reality?

Mar 25 13 05:00 am Link

Model

Julia Francesca

Posts: 2365

Maumee, Ohio, US

my grandmother told me she was offended by some of my photos on facebook. of course i was hurt, but i love her and wanted to respect her so i just block her from the albums that i know she won't want to view. a few people i talked to about it were all like "screw her! if she don't like it that's her problem!" but i feel like my family is important enough to make a few simple facebook changes for.

Mar 25 13 05:04 am Link