Forums > Off-Topic Discussion > Buying Drinks For Ladies??

Photographer

Mad Hatter Imagery

Posts: 1325

Buffalo, New York, US

I was wondering. I personally don't drink and don't know the best ways to show interest in women. I hate the idea of buying a woman a drink because I think it is poison, and I worry she might think I am trying to compromise her judgement so she finds me interesting as well. lol. Is there any other way to offer meaning praise that won't amount to cheap words? Of course I'd like to help someone enjoy their evening or night, but I really think the monks fucked up when they invented alcohol. lol.

Apr 29 13 10:16 pm Link

Photographer

Image Works Photography

Posts: 2890

Orlando, Florida, US

http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8542/8695324908_0f4817d5c6.jpg

Apr 29 13 10:22 pm Link

Model

T A Y L O R

Posts: 2977

Austin, Texas, US

Mad Hatter Imagery wrote:
I was wondering. I personally don't drink and don't know the best ways to show interest in women. I hate the idea of buying a woman a drink because I think it is poison, and I worry she might think I am trying to compromise her judgement so she finds me interesting as well. lol. Is there any other way to offer meaning praise that won't amount to cheap words? Of course I'd like to help someone enjoy their evening or night, but I really think the monks fucked up when they invented alcohol. lol.

Treat women like people and not like a foreign species. Find something funny or interesting to say. Figure out ways to attract the type of woman you want. If you want someone who's interested in your money, show off your money. If you want someone who's interested in your conversation, show off your conversation. smile

Apr 29 13 10:55 pm Link

Photographer

Run of the Mill

Posts: 334

Seattle, Washington, US

T A Y L O R  wrote:

Treat women like people and not like a foreign species. Find something funny or interesting to say. Figure out ways to attract the type of woman you want. If you want someone who's interested in your money, show off your money. If you want someone who's interested in your conversation, show off your conversation. smile

This suggests the strategy enacted by my buddy, "no-pants bob."

Apr 29 13 10:57 pm Link

Model

T A Y L O R

Posts: 2977

Austin, Texas, US

Run of the Mill wrote:

This suggests the strategy enacted by my buddy, "no-pants bob."

I get the feeling no-pants Bob was showing off his complete inability to respect social norms in public along with his direct desire to get arrested instead of what he was intending to show off. Take note OP, you want to make sure both you AND the lovely lady you're talking to interpret your actions in a similar fashion. wink

Apr 29 13 10:59 pm Link

Model

Emil T

Posts: 298

Dortmund, North Rhine-Westphalia, Germany

T A Y L O R  wrote:

Treat women like people and not like a foreign species. Find something funny or interesting to say. Figure out ways to attract the type of woman you want. If you want someone who's interested in your money, show off your money. If you want someone who's interested in your conversation, show off your conversation. smile

+1

Apr 30 13 12:03 am Link

Model

Mares

Posts: 517

Maitland, New South Wales, Australia

I'll agree with the idea of just treating them as humans. Because, well, we are.

Another tip though, perhaps don't mention your hatred of alcohol with so much fiery passion? If she is there drinking with her friends, there's a chance she won't appreciate you informing her on the mistakes she making by drinking that wine.

Apr 30 13 12:19 am Link

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Photographer

-JAY-

Posts: 6689

Las Vegas, Nevada, US

1) make friends with the bartenders. This takes time.

2) Tell your friend/bartender you think "that girl over there is cute" buy a drink for yourself/and her and tip well

3) girl will come up to you within 10 minutes. Girls talk.

Apr 30 13 12:27 am Link

Model

Jules NYC

Posts: 16228

New York, New York, US

T A Y L O R  wrote:

Treat women like people and not like a foreign species. Find something funny or interesting to say. Figure out ways to attract the type of woman you want. If you want someone who's interested in your money, show off your money. If you want someone who's interested in your conversation, show off your conversation. smile

smile
This

Apr 30 13 12:34 am Link

Model

Laura UnBound

Posts: 27371

Toronto, Ontario, Canada

If you hate alcohol what are you doing picking up chicks in a bar? Obviously if shes drinking she doesnt share your idea that its poison and wont be offended you tried to buy her poison to consume.


You could just talk to her like a normal person, you dont have to buy things or make material gestures.

Apr 30 13 01:03 am Link

Photographer

255 West

Posts: 6468

New York, New York, US

If you so despise alcohol, why are you trying to meet women at a place that caters to drinkers? Whoever you meet there is almost certain to be a drinker ... maybe even a cute lush. (It won't last.)

Apr 30 13 01:45 am Link

Photographer

Orca Bay Images

Posts: 32233

Lodi, California, US

Laura UnBound wrote:
If you hate alcohol what are you doing picking up chicks in a bar? Obviously if shes drinking she doesnt share your idea that its poison and wont be offended you tried to buy her poison to consume.

That. Plus, she's gonna notice sooner or later that the OP has been ordering Shirley Temples.

He'd probably have better dating luck by joining a temperance union.

Apr 30 13 04:57 am Link

Photographer

Will Snizek Photography

Posts: 1387

Beckley, West Virginia, US

There's nothing wrong with a drink from time to time.  If you are so mad at alcohol, don't go to bars.  You can meet women anywhere.

Apr 30 13 04:59 am Link

Photographer

Stephen Dawson

Posts: 29247

Toronto, Ontario, Canada

Laura UnBound wrote:
If you hate alcohol what are you doing picking up chicks in a bar? Obviously if shes drinking she doesnt share your idea that its poison and wont be offended you tried to buy her poison to consume.


You could just talk to her like a normal person, you dont have to buy things or make material gestures.

+1

Apr 30 13 05:21 am Link

Photographer

Edge of the Moon

Posts: 431

New York, New York, US

Like others state above, why are you in a bar if you hate alcohol?
Make girls interested in you and buy you the drinks. big_smile

Apr 30 13 06:03 am Link

Photographer

Kincaid Blackwood

Posts: 23403

Atlanta, Georgia, US

T A Y L O R  wrote:
I get the feeling no-pants Bob was showing off his complete inability to respect social norms in public along with his direct desire to get arrested instead of what he was intending to show off. Take note OP, you want to make sure both you AND the lovely lady you're talking to interpret your actions in a similar fashion. wink

Robert MacGregor (known to his friends as "No-Pants Bob") is Scottish and prefers to wear kilts. A sad day when a guy gets arrested for wearin' a kilt!

Apr 30 13 06:18 am Link

Photographer

Carlos Occidental

Posts: 10546

Glendora, California, US

Your best bet would be to bring a smartphone with you when you go anywhere.  When you find a woman, chat for a bit, then show her all the threads you've started here on MM.  Your rapier wit and interesting, pertinent thread topics will rope her in for sure.

Apr 30 13 06:54 am Link

Photographer

Mad Hatter Imagery

Posts: 1325

Buffalo, New York, US

Laura UnBound wrote:
If you hate alcohol what are you doing picking up chicks in a bar? Obviously if shes drinking she doesnt share your idea that its poison and wont be offended you tried to buy her poison to consume.


You could just talk to her like a normal person, you dont have to buy things or make material gestures.

I would certainly prefer not to be in a bar ever, but there is a limit to the number and quality of women one can find at match.com, pof.com, okcupid.com, etc. People tend to drink at the end of their busy day. If there was a tea bar or something like that in my area I'd hang out there. But I would expect health nuts to go there, and I'm chubby and don't honestly expect fit women to look at me more than once. lol.

Apr 30 13 09:02 am Link

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Koryn

Posts: 36708

Boston, Massachusetts, US

Mad Hatter Imagery wrote:

I would certainly prefer not to be in a bar ever, but there is a limit to the number and quality of women one can find at match.com, pof.com, okcupid.com, etc. People tend to drink at the end of their busy day. If there was a tea bar or something like that in my area I'd hang out there. But I would expect health nuts to go there, and I'm chubby and don't honestly expect fit women to look at me more than once. lol.

I've had very good luck with meeting people on dating sites, but absolutely TERRIBLE luck meeting any decent people in "real life." If I try to talk to someone in a bar, they look at me like I'm holding them at gunpoint. If I post an attractive photograph on a dating site, I have my pick of young, incredibly handsome, employed and educated people. I just stopped assuming I would be able to meet any compatible matches any other way than online. It's not going to happen.

Apr 30 13 10:01 am Link

Model

Fifi

Posts: 58133

Annapolis, Maryland, US

Laura UnBound wrote:
If you hate alcohol what are you doing picking up chicks in a bar? Obviously if shes drinking she doesnt share your idea that its poison and wont be offended you tried to buy her poison to consume.


You could just talk to her like a normal person, you dont have to buy things or make material gestures.

This... if buying a drink for someone is such a huge issue for you, why not just do what everyone else does and talk to the person?

People make it sooo much more stressful than it has to be.

Apr 30 13 10:04 am Link

Model

Less Than Two

Posts: 23401

Ann Arbor, Michigan, US

I'm a believer in 'the drink contract':
"Can I buy you a drink?"
"Sure"
Person A purchases drink, person B receives drink, contract is over, and neither has any further obligation to the other. Person B is free to blow off Person A at any time.
Why would you want to be Person A? Especially if you see booze as a poison?


However, if you were to stop trying to get girls at bars, and instead were to find a social hobby, like a sport or an exercise, an art class, etc and meet and make friends who just might happen to be female, you might make a genuine connection. And it would be WITHOUT alcohol.

Apr 30 13 10:31 am Link

Photographer

Marc Damon

Posts: 6562

Biloxi, Mississippi, US

Less Than Two wrote:
However, if you were to stop trying to get girls at bars, and instead were to find a social hobby, like a sport or an exercise, an art class, etc and meet and make friends who just might happen to be female, you might make a genuine connection. And it would be WITHOUT alcohol.

^^^This.^^^

T A Y L O R  wrote:
Treat women like people and not like a foreign species. Find something funny or interesting to say. Figure out ways to attract the type of woman you want. If you want someone who's interested in your money, show off your money. If you want someone who's interested in your conversation, show off your conversation. smile

^^^And this.^^^

Don't know what to say to a woman? Try this.
"Hi. My name is _____."

Or this.
"Hi. My name is ______. That's an interesting _______. Where did you get it?"

Or this.
"Hi. My name is ______. I couldn't help but overhear your conversation about ______ a minute ago. You sound like an interesting person so I came over to introduce myself."

It works in a bar. It works in a car. It works in a church. It works in a lurch.
Maybe you make a connection. Maybe you don't. But at least you don't look like a dweeb who has no social skills, can't get a date or has to rely on alcohol to get the town slut into your bed.

Mad Hatter Imagery wrote:
I'm chubby and don't honestly expect fit women to look at me more than once. lol.

Is your self esteem that low or do you truly believe women are hung up on looks rather than what's coming out of your mouth, between your ears and in your heart?

Apr 30 13 10:49 am Link

Artist/Painter

Two Pears Studio

Posts: 3397

Wilmington, Delaware, US

Be honest...

Apr 30 13 10:52 am Link

Photographer

Chris Rifkin

Posts: 24634

Tampa, Florida, US

Carlos Occidental wrote:
Your best bet would be to bring a smartphone with you when you go anywhere.  When you find a woman, chat for a bit, then show her all the threads you've started here on MM.  Your rapier wit and interesting, pertinent thread topics will rope her in for sure.

Ouch
But
/thread

Apr 30 13 10:56 am Link

Photographer

Chris Rifkin

Posts: 24634

Tampa, Florida, US

Laura UnBound wrote:
If you hate alcohol what are you doing picking up chicks in a bar? Obviously if shes drinking she doesnt share your idea that its poison and wont be offended you tried to buy her poison to consume.


You could just talk to her like a normal person, you dont have to buy things or make material gestures.

This
And I  will add,and I speak from experience
Social ineptness + trying to meet women,especially ones you find desireble=
Failure 95% of the time,especially buying them drinks..
And the rare time I did have success....see my story about my ex fiance...

While I can't help you in trying to find a means olf meeting a woman(other than try to get some help on improving the self induced reasons why you have issues that you can,which is what I have been trying to do since 2007),I sure as hell can tell you what not to do(bars,dating sites,ect)

Apr 30 13 11:02 am Link

Photographer

37photog

Posts: 692

Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, US

Chris Rifkin wrote:
This
And I  will add,and I speak from experience
Social ineptness + trying to meet women,especially ones you find desireble=
Failure 95% of the time,especially buying them drinks..

I agree.  Buying a girl a drink is pretty cheesy.  So is approaching a girl hanging out with her friends at a bar/club.  Unless she signals or in some way tips you off that she is somehow attracted to you, it's likely going to fail.  Some nights, girls just want to be with their friends and not hit on by loser dudes, which is basically what we are.  Plus, girls plus friends plus alchohol can be extremely stuck up  & standoffish, or at least respond with a quick "I have a boyfriend" line, whether or not its true (been there, done that, nailed it shut). That said, if by chance it does work, and she takes her drink & soon comes over to you, she'll soon be not interested when finding out you don't drink at all.

I agree with other, if you don't drink it's fine.  But you'll save yourself alot of crummy nights by not going to bars at all. You're setting yourself up for meeting people your not interested in, or they're not interested in you.  In fact, even those that drink are as well, only they drink as a result.  Take a poll of all those dating & marreid here, I bet most did not meet at a bar.

Pick up a hobby, biking, running, a gym, internet forums, work, friends of friends etc... You're more likely to meet someone there.

Apr 30 13 11:15 am Link

Photographer

Hero Foto

Posts: 878

Phoenix, Arizona, US

wear feathers ... and flap a lot ...

Apr 30 13 11:35 am Link

Model

Jules NYC

Posts: 16228

New York, New York, US

Buying your own drinks is great.
The only obligation you have is to yourself.

If a person takes a drink just because it's free and doesn't want to talk to you...
Well then that's lame.
Even worse expecting that person to talk to you because you bought them a drink.

It is a class act to buy someone a drink because you want to without expecting anything in return.

There are far more places to meet people then in bars.

...and just saying, a bitch is a bitch is a bitch.

In a bar or anywhere else, man or woman.

Apr 30 13 11:39 am Link

Model

T A Y L O R

Posts: 2977

Austin, Texas, US

Mad Hatter Imagery wrote:

I would certainly prefer not to be in a bar ever, but there is a limit to the number and quality of women one can find at match.com, pof.com, okcupid.com, etc. People tend to drink at the end of their busy day. If there was a tea bar or something like that in my area I'd hang out there. But I would expect health nuts to go there, and I'm chubby and don't honestly expect fit women to look at me more than once. lol.

Just my opinion:
Bars and clubs are where the higher than average attractiveness folks go to meet other higher than average attractiveness folks. If you don't like drinking, are chubby, and are asking how to approach women here's what I would suggest: get involved in a group activity that you like. If you like reading, join a book club, if you want to get in shape, join a group that hikes. This way you can tailor it to your age and interests and meet other people who may or may not be single.
Plus, you're in NY. Tea rooms and coffee shops ALWAYS have events. Go for stand up comedy or a poety reading or something that interests you. Strike up a conversation with the person sitting next to you.

Apr 30 13 11:43 am Link

Photographer

Andialu

Posts: 14029

San Pedro, California, US

I don't really go to bars anymore. But when I did, I never bought women drinks. I've known too many women that didn't bother taking money because they knew that chumps looking to score would subsidize their night out.

Apr 30 13 02:57 pm Link

Photographer

C h a r l e s D

Posts: 9304

Los Angeles, California, US

T A Y L O R  wrote:
Bars and clubs are where the higher than average attractiveness folks go to meet other higher than average attractiveness folks.

Where the heck are you going clubbing?  An equal mix of beauty and ugly go to clubs here.

Apr 30 13 03:01 pm Link

Photographer

scrymettet

Posts: 32237

Quebec, Quebec, Canada

Mad Hatter Imagery wrote:
Buying Drinks For Ladies??

who's gonna drive ?

Apr 30 13 03:18 pm Link

Photographer

Chris Rifkin

Posts: 24634

Tampa, Florida, US

scrymettet wrote:

who's gonna drive ?

Benjiman Orr asked the same question

Apr 30 13 04:13 pm Link

Photographer

Andialu

Posts: 14029

San Pedro, California, US

scrymettet wrote:

who's gonna drive ?

http://ia.media-imdb.com/images/M/MV5BMTYyMzA5MjM3Nl5BMl5BanBnXkFtZTYwODQ3MTgz._V1._SY314_CR5,0,214,314_.jpg

Apr 30 13 04:17 pm Link

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JadeDRed

Posts: 5459

London, England, United Kingdom

Andialu wrote:
But when I did, I never bought women drinks. I've known too many women that didn't bother taking money because they knew that chumps looking to score would subsidize their night out.

You're only a chump if you do it with the expectation you should get something in return, amongst other things...

Apr 30 13 04:19 pm Link

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Photographer

Justin

Posts: 21892

Fort Collins, Colorado, US

I made friends with women a lot easier when I got in a commitment and the women were no longer sex objects for me.

Apr 30 13 04:20 pm Link

Photographer

Andialu

Posts: 14029

San Pedro, California, US

JadeDRed wrote:
You're only a chump if you do it with the expectation you should get something in return, amongst other things...

And you're a leech if you only talk to a guy long enough to get a free drink. smile

Apr 30 13 04:24 pm Link

Artist/Painter

sdgillis

Posts: 2444

Portland, Oregon, US

wtf, you guys ever hear of a compliment?

Wow, your hair is great, did you get it styled just for tonight?

Holy shit that tat is awesome, mind if I check it out?

(old but still kinda works) Compliment footwear.

Your eyes are so awesome, I'm sorry, but I just can't stop looking at them!

That necklace is cool!, rad, awesome. 

Didn't I see you at Cochella?

Oh hey, I know you, we shop at the same grocery store.

I saw you reading a book in a bar.... mind if I ask what you are reading?

And the winner is:

Hey want to dance?
(because there is no reason to go to a bar and not drink if you don't disco.)

Apr 30 13 04:26 pm Link

Photographer

Mad Hatter Imagery

Posts: 1325

Buffalo, New York, US

Koryn Locke wrote:

I've had very good luck with meeting people on dating sites, but absolutely TERRIBLE luck meeting any decent people in "real life." If I try to talk to someone in a bar, they look at me like I'm holding them at gunpoint. If I post an attractive photograph on a dating site, I have my pick of young, incredibly handsome, employed and educated people. I just stopped assuming I would be able to meet any compatible matches any other way than online. It's not going to happen.

Well that's interesting. Do you find that in online profiles people put up they express much higher standards for a match than they might in person? Like perhaps they don't consider the online dating thing to be their primary modality and therefore they feel they might as well raise their standards sky high on there? lol.

Apr 30 13 07:24 pm Link

Photographer

Mad Hatter Imagery

Posts: 1325

Buffalo, New York, US

Marc Damon wrote:
Is your self esteem that low or do you truly believe women are hung up on looks rather than what's coming out of your mouth, between your ears and in your heart?

I see value in my thoughts and empathy, but my self-esteem does get pretty bad, and I don't always think others will consider them to have the same value, or anything unique. I have posted up about my issues with hair loss in the past to mostly acceptance reviews, but still, it feels women care much more about appearance in this generation than in past ones. And according a dating guru I talked to those of women in my 25 to 35 age range are very choosy these days due to career and other time constraints. But getting back to the point, I don't think a simple hello, I enjoy photography, long walks, and topics of science make women that interested in me, so it almost seems like being some type of a showman or provider right from the start seems necessary.

Apr 30 13 07:31 pm Link