Mad Hatter Imagery wrote:
I was wondering. I personally don't drink and don't know the best ways to show interest in women. I hate the idea of buying a woman a drink because I think it is poison, and I worry she might think I am trying to compromise her judgement so she finds me interesting as well. lol. Is there any other way to offer meaning praise that won't amount to cheap words? Of course I'd like to help someone enjoy their evening or night, but I really think the monks fucked up when they invented alcohol. lol.

Treat women like people and not like a foreign species. Find something funny or interesting to say. Figure out ways to attract the type of woman you want. If you want someone who's interested in your money, show off your money. If you want someone who's interested in your conversation, show off your conversation.

T A Y L O R  wrote:

Treat women like people and not like a foreign species. Find something funny or interesting to say. Figure out ways to attract the type of woman you want. If you want someone who's interested in your money, show off your money. If you want someone who's interested in your conversation, show off your conversation.

This suggests the strategy enacted by my buddy, "no-pants bob."

Run of the Mill wrote:

This suggests the strategy enacted by my buddy, "no-pants bob."

I get the feeling no-pants Bob was showing off his complete inability to respect social norms in public along with his direct desire to get arrested instead of what he was intending to show off. Take note OP, you want to make sure both you AND the lovely lady you're talking to interpret your actions in a similar fashion.

T A Y L O R  wrote:

Treat women like people and not like a foreign species. Find something funny or interesting to say. Figure out ways to attract the type of woman you want. If you want someone who's interested in your money, show off your money. If you want someone who's interested in your conversation, show off your conversation.

+1

T A Y L O R  wrote:

Treat women like people and not like a foreign species. Find something funny or interesting to say. Figure out ways to attract the type of woman you want. If you want someone who's interested in your money, show off your money. If you want someone who's interested in your conversation, show off your conversation.

This

Laura UnBound wrote:
If you hate alcohol what are you doing picking up chicks in a bar? Obviously if shes drinking she doesnt share your idea that its poison and wont be offended you tried to buy her poison to consume.

That. Plus, she's gonna notice sooner or later that the OP has been ordering Shirley Temples.

He'd probably have better dating luck by joining a temperance union.

Laura UnBound wrote:
If you hate alcohol what are you doing picking up chicks in a bar? Obviously if shes drinking she doesnt share your idea that its poison and wont be offended you tried to buy her poison to consume.


You could just talk to her like a normal person, you dont have to buy things or make material gestures.

+1

T A Y L O R  wrote:
I get the feeling no-pants Bob was showing off his complete inability to respect social norms in public along with his direct desire to get arrested instead of what he was intending to show off. Take note OP, you want to make sure both you AND the lovely lady you're talking to interpret your actions in a similar fashion.

Robert MacGregor (known to his friends as "No-Pants Bob") is Scottish and prefers to wear kilts. A sad day when a guy gets arrested for wearin' a kilt!

Laura UnBound wrote:
If you hate alcohol what are you doing picking up chicks in a bar? Obviously if shes drinking she doesnt share your idea that its poison and wont be offended you tried to buy her poison to consume.


You could just talk to her like a normal person, you dont have to buy things or make material gestures.

I would certainly prefer not to be in a bar ever, but there is a limit to the number and quality of women one can find at match.com, pof.com, okcupid.com, etc. People tend to drink at the end of their busy day. If there was a tea bar or something like that in my area I'd hang out there. But I would expect health nuts to go there, and I'm chubby and don't honestly expect fit women to look at me more than once. lol.

Mad Hatter Imagery wrote:

I would certainly prefer not to be in a bar ever, but there is a limit to the number and quality of women one can find at match.com, pof.com, okcupid.com, etc. People tend to drink at the end of their busy day. If there was a tea bar or something like that in my area I'd hang out there. But I would expect health nuts to go there, and I'm chubby and don't honestly expect fit women to look at me more than once. lol.

I've had very good luck with meeting people on dating sites, but absolutely TERRIBLE luck meeting any decent people in "real life." If I try to talk to someone in a bar, they look at me like I'm holding them at gunpoint. If I post an attractive photograph on a dating site, I have my pick of young, incredibly handsome, employed and educated people. I just stopped assuming I would be able to meet any compatible matches any other way than online. It's not going to happen.

Laura UnBound wrote:
If you hate alcohol what are you doing picking up chicks in a bar? Obviously if shes drinking she doesnt share your idea that its poison and wont be offended you tried to buy her poison to consume.


You could just talk to her like a normal person, you dont have to buy things or make material gestures.

This... if buying a drink for someone is such a huge issue for you, why not just do what everyone else does and talk to the person?

People make it sooo much more stressful than it has to be.

Less Than Two wrote:
However, if you were to stop trying to get girls at bars, and instead were to find a social hobby, like a sport or an exercise, an art class, etc and meet and make friends who just might happen to be female, you might make a genuine connection. And it would be WITHOUT alcohol.

^^^This.^^^

T A Y L O R  wrote:
Treat women like people and not like a foreign species. Find something funny or interesting to say. Figure out ways to attract the type of woman you want. If you want someone who's interested in your money, show off your money. If you want someone who's interested in your conversation, show off your conversation.

^^^And this.^^^

Don't know what to say to a woman? Try this.
"Hi. My name is _____."

Or this.
"Hi. My name is ______. That's an interesting _______. Where did you get it?"

Or this.
"Hi. My name is ______. I couldn't help but overhear your conversation about ______ a minute ago. You sound like an interesting person so I came over to introduce myself."

It works in a bar. It works in a car. It works in a church. It works in a lurch.
Maybe you make a connection. Maybe you don't. But at least you don't look like a dweeb who has no social skills, can't get a date or has to rely on alcohol to get the town slut into your bed.

Mad Hatter Imagery wrote:
I'm chubby and don't honestly expect fit women to look at me more than once. lol.

Is your self esteem that low or do you truly believe women are hung up on looks rather than what's coming out of your mouth, between your ears and in your heart?

Carlos Occidental wrote:
Your best bet would be to bring a smartphone with you when you go anywhere.  When you find a woman, chat for a bit, then show her all the threads you've started here on MM.  Your rapier wit and interesting, pertinent thread topics will rope her in for sure.

Ouch
But
/thread

Laura UnBound wrote:
If you hate alcohol what are you doing picking up chicks in a bar? Obviously if shes drinking she doesnt share your idea that its poison and wont be offended you tried to buy her poison to consume.


You could just talk to her like a normal person, you dont have to buy things or make material gestures.

This
And I  will add,and I speak from experience
Social ineptness + trying to meet women,especially ones you find desireble=
Failure 95% of the time,especially buying them drinks..
And the rare time I did have success....see my story about my ex fiance...

While I can't help you in trying to find a means olf meeting a woman(other than try to get some help on improving the self induced reasons why you have issues that you can,which is what I have been trying to do since 2007),I sure as hell can tell you what not to do(bars,dating sites,ect)

Chris Rifkin wrote:
This
And I  will add,and I speak from experience
Social ineptness + trying to meet women,especially ones you find desireble=
Failure 95% of the time,especially buying them drinks..

I agree.  Buying a girl a drink is pretty cheesy.  So is approaching a girl hanging out with her friends at a bar/club.  Unless she signals or in some way tips you off that she is somehow attracted to you, it's likely going to fail.  Some nights, girls just want to be with their friends and not hit on by loser dudes, which is basically what we are.  Plus, girls plus friends plus alchohol can be extremely stuck up  & standoffish, or at least respond with a quick "I have a boyfriend" line, whether or not its true (been there, done that, nailed it shut). That said, if by chance it does work, and she takes her drink & soon comes over to you, she'll soon be not interested when finding out you don't drink at all.

I agree with other, if you don't drink it's fine.  But you'll save yourself alot of crummy nights by not going to bars at all. You're setting yourself up for meeting people your not interested in, or they're not interested in you.  In fact, even those that drink are as well, only they drink as a result.  Take a poll of all those dating & marreid here, I bet most did not meet at a bar.

Pick up a hobby, biking, running, a gym, internet forums, work, friends of friends etc... You're more likely to meet someone there.

Mad Hatter Imagery wrote:

I would certainly prefer not to be in a bar ever, but there is a limit to the number and quality of women one can find at match.com, pof.com, okcupid.com, etc. People tend to drink at the end of their busy day. If there was a tea bar or something like that in my area I'd hang out there. But I would expect health nuts to go there, and I'm chubby and don't honestly expect fit women to look at me more than once. lol.

Just my opinion:
Bars and clubs are where the higher than average attractiveness folks go to meet other higher than average attractiveness folks. If you don't like drinking, are chubby, and are asking how to approach women here's what I would suggest: get involved in a group activity that you like. If you like reading, join a book club, if you want to get in shape, join a group that hikes. This way you can tailor it to your age and interests and meet other people who may or may not be single.
Plus, you're in NY. Tea rooms and coffee shops ALWAYS have events. Go for stand up comedy or a poety reading or something that interests you. Strike up a conversation with the person sitting next to you.

T A Y L O R  wrote:
Bars and clubs are where the higher than average attractiveness folks go to meet other higher than average attractiveness folks.

Where the heck are you going clubbing?  An equal mix of beauty and ugly go to clubs here.

Mad Hatter Imagery wrote:
Buying Drinks For Ladies??

who's gonna drive ?

scrymettet wrote:

who's gonna drive ?

Benjiman Orr asked the same question

scrymettet wrote:

who's gonna drive ?

Andialu wrote:
But when I did, I never bought women drinks. I've known too many women that didn't bother taking money because they knew that chumps looking to score would subsidize their night out.

You're only a chump if you do it with the expectation you should get something in return, amongst other things...

JadeDRed wrote:
You're only a chump if you do it with the expectation you should get something in return, amongst other things...

And you're a leech if you only talk to a guy long enough to get a free drink.

Koryn Locke wrote:

I've had very good luck with meeting people on dating sites, but absolutely TERRIBLE luck meeting any decent people in "real life." If I try to talk to someone in a bar, they look at me like I'm holding them at gunpoint. If I post an attractive photograph on a dating site, I have my pick of young, incredibly handsome, employed and educated people. I just stopped assuming I would be able to meet any compatible matches any other way than online. It's not going to happen.

Well that's interesting. Do you find that in online profiles people put up they express much higher standards for a match than they might in person? Like perhaps they don't consider the online dating thing to be their primary modality and therefore they feel they might as well raise their standards sky high on there? lol.

Marc Damon wrote:
Is your self esteem that low or do you truly believe women are hung up on looks rather than what's coming out of your mouth, between your ears and in your heart?

I see value in my thoughts and empathy, but my self-esteem does get pretty bad, and I don't always think others will consider them to have the same value, or anything unique. I have posted up about my issues with hair loss in the past to mostly acceptance reviews, but still, it feels women care much more about appearance in this generation than in past ones. And according a dating guru I talked to those of women in my 25 to 35 age range are very choosy these days due to career and other time constraints. But getting back to the point, I don't think a simple hello, I enjoy photography, long walks, and topics of science make women that interested in me, so it almost seems like being some type of a showman or provider right from the start seems necessary.