Forums > Off-Topic Discussion > Buying Drinks For Ladies??

Photographer

Eastfist

Posts: 3558

Green Bay, Wisconsin, US

Mad Hatter Imagery wrote:
I was wondering. I personally don't drink and don't know the best ways to show interest in women. I hate the idea of buying a woman a drink because I think it is poison, and I worry she might think I am trying to compromise her judgement so she finds me interesting as well. lol. Is there any other way to offer meaning praise that won't amount to cheap words? Of course I'd like to help someone enjoy their evening or night, but I really think the monks fucked up when they invented alcohol. lol.

If something in the normal convention doesn't work for you, I'm a strong believer that you must break from convention.

Try picking up women at the grocery store when their guard is completely down (it has to be, they are shopping for survival). Of course, your guard needs to be down too.

Apr 30 13 09:13 pm Link

Model

T A Y L O R

Posts: 2989

Austin, Texas, US

sdgillis wrote:
wtf, you guys ever hear of a compliment?

Wow, your hair is great, did you get it styled just for tonight?

Holy shit that tat is awesome, mind if I check it out?

(old but still kinda works) Compliment footwear.

Your eyes are so awesome, I'm sorry, but I just can't stop looking at them!

That necklace is cool!, rad, awesome. 

Didn't I see you at Cochella?

Oh hey, I know you, we shop at the same grocery store.

I saw you reading a book in a bar.... mind if I ask what you are reading?

And the winner is:

Hey want to dance?
(because there is no reason to go to a bar and not drink if you don't disco.)

I literally shuddered at all of these. Eesh.

Apr 30 13 10:22 pm Link

Photographer

Solas

Posts: 10291

Calgary, Alberta, Canada

Mad Hatter Imagery wrote:
Is there any other way to offer meaning praise that won't amount to cheap words? Of course I'd like to help someone enjoy their evening or night,...

http://i173.photobucket.com/albums/w64/hoarf/funny-pictures-disregard-females-acquire-currency.jpg

Apr 30 13 11:12 pm Link

Photographer

Orca Bay Images

Posts: 32526

Poulsbo, Washington, US

Mad Hatter Imagery wrote:
And according a dating guru I talked to those of women in my 25 to 35 age range are very choosy these days due to career and other time constraints. But getting back to the point, I don't think a simple hello, I enjoy photography, long walks, and topics of science make women that interested in me, so it almost seems like being some type of a showman or provider right from the start seems necessary.

Pushing an "I'M LOOKIN' TO CLOSE THE DEAL RIGHT NOW!" agenda as your introduction is probably going to get the lady running away from you or tasering you.

May 01 13 12:04 am Link

Model

Less Than Two

Posts: 23401

Ann Arbor, Michigan, US

sdgillis wrote:
wtf, you guys ever hear of a compliment?

Wow, your hair is great, did you get it styled just for tonight?

Holy shit that tat is awesome, mind if I check it out?

(old but still kinda works) Compliment footwear.

Your eyes are so awesome, I'm sorry, but I just can't stop looking at them!

That necklace is cool!, rad, awesome. 

Didn't I see you at Cochella?

Oh hey, I know you, we shop at the same grocery store.

I saw you reading a book in a bar.... mind if I ask what you are reading?

And the winner is:

Hey want to dance?
(because there is no reason to go to a bar and not drink if you don't disco.)

Welcome to how to get myself and most women I know to blow you off. No. No. No. Gross. Do you have any idea how often we hear this stuff on the streets by people who forcibly impose themselves into our space, and refuse to take no for an answer?
No. No. No.

May 01 13 06:37 am Link

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Model

Damianne

Posts: 15978

Austin, Texas, US

Best way to show interest in a woman: "Hey, I'm interested in you"


Playing games only attracts people who also play games.

May 01 13 07:05 am Link

Model

Jules NYC

Posts: 18032

New York, New York, US

Damianne wrote:
Best way to show interest in a woman: "Hey, I'm interested in you"


Playing games only attracts people who also play games.

This a million times

May 01 13 07:37 am Link

Photographer

Mad Hatter Imagery

Posts: 1358

Buffalo, New York, US

Damianne wrote:
Best way to show interest in a woman: "Hey, I'm interested in you"


Playing games only attracts people who also play games.

Fair enough.

May 01 13 08:55 am Link

Photographer

Jerry Nemeth

Posts: 29383

Dearborn, Michigan, US

Less Than Two wrote:

Welcome to how to get myself and most women I know to blow you off. No. No. No. Gross. Do you have any idea how often we hear this stuff on the streets by people who forcibly impose themselves into our space, and refuse to take no for an answer?
No. No. No.

I promise to stay far away from your space.

May 01 13 08:57 am Link

Photographer

-Ira

Posts: 2191

New York, New York, US

http://cdn.memegenerator.net/instances/400x/19683064.jpg

May 01 13 11:26 am Link

Photographer

Will Snizek Photography

Posts: 1387

Beckley, West Virginia, US

Damianne wrote:
Best way to show interest in a woman: "Hey, I'm interested in you"


Playing games only attracts people who also play games.

Honesty is and always will be the best policy.  It's saves a lot of wasted time too.

May 01 13 11:28 am Link

Photographer

Cherrystone

Posts: 37171

Columbus, Ohio, US

Laura UnBound wrote:
If you hate alcohol what are you doing picking up chicks in a bar?

C'mon.....you seriously need to ask why some folks might do this?

May 01 13 11:32 am Link

Photographer

Marc Damon

Posts: 6562

Biloxi, Mississippi, US

Will Snizek wrote:

Honesty is and always will be the best policy.  It's saves a lot of wasted time too.

+ infinity

May 01 13 11:34 am Link

Photographer

Cherrystone

Posts: 37171

Columbus, Ohio, US

Less Than Two wrote:
I'm a believer in 'the drink contract':
"Can I buy you a drink?"
"Sure"
Person A purchases drink, person B receives drink, contract is over, and neither has any further obligation to the other. Person B is free to blow off Person A at any time.

Fixed!! big_smile

May 01 13 11:35 am Link

Photographer

37photog

Posts: 704

Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, US

Thought of one more thing.  A suggestion would be take a class somewhere in something you're interested in.  Photography, web design, something.  I've found it to be a relaxed, casual setting, with girls with actual brains and ambition, weeding out those who look good but have sh!tty attitudes.  Plus you get to know them a bit more that a Friday night in a crowded bar.

May 01 13 05:31 pm Link

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Model

Koryn

Posts: 37563

Boston, Massachusetts, US

Mad Hatter Imagery wrote:

Well that's interesting. Do you find that in online profiles people put up they express much higher standards for a match than they might in person? Like perhaps they don't consider the online dating thing to be their primary modality and therefore they feel they might as well raise their standards sky high on there? lol.

I think I probably *sound* like a great catch, who is also witty and interesting, when I talk about myself online. People who wouldn't look twice at me in the bar, because I would appear too "homely" to them in real life, will shit themselves to send me a message on a dating site because I look "hot" in the photo.

When I go out in public, I get elbowed in the head a lot by men who say, "Oh, I didn't see you there," so getting noticed in normal life, for me, is ... pretty impossible.

*shrug* With the internet, It's all in the advertising. I live with the reality of being really plain looking in daily life, but you stick a camera in my face, even a shitty cell phone camera, and the photo will come out looking like I'm a crazy-hot vixen.

I would rather show people photos of me, before they actually see me. I just look better in photos, even bad ones. Hell, I look awesome in pictures. Real life? Well, I get elbowed in the head a lot by people who don't see me.

May 01 13 05:39 pm Link

Model

JadeDRed

Posts: 5620

London, England, United Kingdom

Andialu wrote:

And you're a leech if you only talk to a guy long enough to get a free drink. smile

Nope, if you wan't something in return for your gift then make that known up front, works best with a professional, if you don't want to buy a drink for the sake of buying a drink then don't buy a drink, don't be hiding invisible strings in it. Or drugs.

If you absolutely have to tie strings of dating etiquette to buying someone a drink you should see it as making your inclination towards them known, not purchasing a service. And even then its kind of hazy, some people will even go so far as to buy drinks for people just as a pleasantry without even wanting to have sex with them, let alone expecting escort services for the night.

Women seem to be completely different from men in this regard.

May 01 13 05:52 pm Link

Photographer

Andialu

Posts: 14029

San Pedro, California, US

JadeDRed wrote:

Nope, if you wan't something in return for your gift then make that known up front, works best with a professional, if you don't want to buy a drink for the sake of buying a drink then don't buy a drink, don't be hiding invisible strings in it. Or drugs.

If you absolutely have to tie strings of dating etiquette to buying someone a drink you should see it as making your inclination towards them known, not purchasing a service. And even then its kind of hazy, some people will even go so far as to buy drinks for people just as a pleasantry without even wanting to have sex with them, let alone expecting escort services for the night.

Women seem to be completely different from men in this regard.

You're not understanding me. I'm not saying I want something in return. I'm only saying that I don't want to be used for free drinks.

May 01 13 05:55 pm Link

Photographer

Carle Photography

Posts: 9262

Oakland, California, US

sdgillis wrote:
wtf, you guys ever hear of a compliment?

Wow, your hair is great, did you get it styled just for tonight?

Holy shit that tat is awesome, mind if I check it out?

(old but still kinda works) Compliment footwear.

Your eyes are so awesome, I'm sorry, but I just can't stop looking at them!

That necklace is cool!, rad, awesome. 

Didn't I see you at Cochella?

Oh hey, I know you, we shop at the same grocery store.

I saw you reading a book in a bar.... mind if I ask what you are reading?

And the winner is:

Hey want to dance?
(because there is no reason to go to a bar and not drink if you don't disco.)

No. Maybe. Yes.

No matter what the silly opening line is is she is into you she will spend time chatting you up.

If she is NOT into you she will tell you to go away.

If she answers your opening line and chats with you great, if she does not then go ask the next cute girl.

If she is REALLY into you, she will approach you first.

yikes

May 01 13 05:55 pm Link

Model

JadeDRed

Posts: 5620

London, England, United Kingdom

Mad Hatter Imagery wrote:
Of course I'd like to help someone enjoy their evening or night

Have you tried conversation? Like a normal conversation you'd have with anyone not tainted by the fact you're trying to pick them up.

May 01 13 05:57 pm Link

Photographer

Carle Photography

Posts: 9262

Oakland, California, US

37photog wrote:
Thought of one more thing.  A suggestion would be take a class somewhere in something you're interested in.  Photography, web design, something.  I've found it to be a relaxed, casual setting, with girls with actual brains and ambition, weeding out those who look good but have sh!tty attitudes.  Plus you get to know them a bit more that a Friday night in a crowded bar.

THIS!!!

Some of us busy women do do the friday night bar thing any more.

May 01 13 05:57 pm Link

Photographer

Damon Banner

Posts: 85307

Hayward, California, US

buy her recreational drugs instead?  do you consider those poison? I don't know, I'm also pretty bad at this...

May 01 13 05:59 pm Link

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Model

Koryn

Posts: 37563

Boston, Massachusetts, US

Death of Field wrote:
If she is REALLY into you, she will approach you first.

yikes

If I'd waited for people to approach me, I would probably still be a virgin.

May 01 13 05:59 pm Link

Model

JadeDRed

Posts: 5620

London, England, United Kingdom

Andialu wrote:

You're not understanding me. I'm not saying I want something in return. I'm only saying that I don't want to be used for free drinks.

You can only be used if you expect something in return. If you give freely without wanting anything in return its not possible to be used. Being used implies you didn't get your end of the bargain. Which means there was something you wanted out of the "gift".

May 01 13 06:01 pm Link

Photographer

Damon Banner

Posts: 85307

Hayward, California, US

JadeDRed wrote:

You can only be used if you expect something in return. If you give freely without wanting anything in return its not possible to be used. Being used implies you didn't get your end of the bargain. Which means there was something you wanted out of the "gift".

no. 

if i buy a young lady a drink and she accepts that drink but has no intention on talking to me at all, she is using me.

May 01 13 06:03 pm Link

Model

JadeDRed

Posts: 5620

London, England, United Kingdom

Damon Banner wrote:

no. 

if i buy a young lady a drink and she accepts that drink but has no intention on talking to me at all, she is using me.

So you are expecting something in return then.

Then tell her that before you offer the drink. She may be unaware that you are not giving but bargaining, we're not psychic.

May 01 13 06:05 pm Link

Photographer

Chicchowmein

Posts: 14580

Palm Beach, Florida, US

I don't think the bar scene is for you.

I am not a big drinker but I probably would not want to date someone who has such a strong opinion about alcohol. So I think that you would be better off meeting women in a different situation altogether.

May 01 13 06:05 pm Link

Photographer

Damon Banner

Posts: 85307

Hayward, California, US

JadeDRed wrote:
So you are expecting something in return then.

Then tell her that before you offer the drink. She may be unaware that you are not giving but bargaining, we're not psychic.

you think I bought you a drink just so your throat wouldn't be parched?

it doesn't take a mind reader to know that if a guy buys you a drink, he is hitting on you.  If you accept it and then bounce, you used him.

May 01 13 06:08 pm Link

Photographer

Carle Photography

Posts: 9262

Oakland, California, US

Andialu wrote:

You're not understanding me. I'm not saying I want something in return. I'm only saying that I don't want to be used for free drinks.

If you don't want to be "used" for free drinks then offer something OTHER than free drinks.

So many guys just walk up and start right in with the drink buying, they don't even give a chance for conversation to happen, so of course you're going to get used.

Now if you are having a good conversation and you offer to buy a drink then that is great, and I doubt she will walk away from you since you have already established some sort of conversation that did NOT revolve around you buying her a drink.

May 01 13 06:08 pm Link

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Model

Koryn

Posts: 37563

Boston, Massachusetts, US

Damon Banner wrote:
no. 

if i buy a young lady a drink and she accepts that drink but has no intention on talking to me at all, she is using me.

JadeDRed wrote:
So you are expecting something in return then.

Then tell her that before you offer the drink. She may be unaware that you are not giving but bargaining, we're not psychic.

I assume that if someone wants to buy me a drink, it is an invitation to sit and talk.

That conversation is what is expected in return. Nothing else. Conversation.

I like free drinks, and I like talking to people. *shrug*

May 01 13 06:11 pm Link

Photographer

Carle Photography

Posts: 9262

Oakland, California, US

Damon Banner wrote:
it doesn't take a mind reader to know that if a guy buys you a drink, he is hitting on you.  If you accept it and then bounce, you used him.

What if I just bounce up and down a bunch in front of him.. is that ok?

May 01 13 06:13 pm Link

Photographer

Damon Banner

Posts: 85307

Hayward, California, US

Koryn Locke wrote:

Damon Banner wrote:
no. 

if i buy a young lady a drink and she accepts that drink but has no intention on talking to me at all, she is using me.

I assume that if someone wants to buy me a drink, it is an invitation to sit and talk.

That conversation is what is expected in return. Nothing else. Conversation.

I like free drinks, and I like talking to people. *shrug*

thank you. 

it's never happened to me (i don't go to bars and i don't buy drinks for people I didn't come with) but it has happened to people I know....  if you take that drink and leave, you are using the person.

May 01 13 06:13 pm Link

Photographer

Damon Banner

Posts: 85307

Hayward, California, US

Death of Field wrote:

What if I just bounce up and down a bunch in front of him.. is that ok?

depends on the guy.  I wouldn't tolerate that and I'd take you over my knee.

May 01 13 06:14 pm Link

Photographer

scrymettet

Posts: 32854

Quebec, Quebec, Canada

Death of Field wrote:

What if I just bounce up and down a bunch in front of him.. is that ok?

there is money made that way.
just have some clothes falling tongue

May 01 13 06:15 pm Link

Model

JadeDRed

Posts: 5620

London, England, United Kingdom

Damon Banner wrote:

you think I bought you a drink just so your throat wouldn't be parched?  really?  are you one of those girls who just accepts random drinks and then bounces?   You are using men.

No i buy people drinks and then don't get pissy if they don't feel the need to be my friend for a while. Just because your mentality is that buying someone is a drink is a some kind of unspoken contract does not mean that everyone thinks like that. Maybe its a US/UK divide but sometimes over here you give someone something just to be nice. The last time i went out i bought a girl a drink because it was her birthday. We barely spoke. I didn't feel used because i had no agenda for buying her a drink. Hey, you're talking to me, and i have to go to the bar, then i might offer to buy you one whilst i'm there, no that doesn't mean you have to continue to sit and talk with me for x amount of time, i don't need to buy company with alcohol.

May 01 13 06:20 pm Link

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Model

Koryn

Posts: 37563

Boston, Massachusetts, US

Damon Banner wrote:

thank you. 

it's never happened to me (i don't go to bars and i don't buy drinks for people I didn't come with) but it has happened to people I know....  if you take that drink and leave, you are using the person.

That being said, I can think of only three times in my adult life when a random male I did not know, in a bar, offered to buy me a drink. All the other times were in strip clubs where I was dancing, and it was considered polite to offer the dancer you were sitting with a drink.

In regular life, it hasn't happened much, but on the few occasions it did, I socialized with the people for awhile - fifteen or twenty minutes, and went on my way. Everyone seemed satisfied with the interaction, and I got a free beverage.

May 01 13 06:22 pm Link

Model

JadeDRed

Posts: 5620

London, England, United Kingdom

Koryn Locke wrote:

I assume that if someone wants to buy me a drink, it is an invitation to sit and talk.

That conversation is what is expected in return. Nothing else. Conversation.

I like free drinks, and I like talking to people. *shrug*

That's still an expectation of something in return. I like those things too but i don't feel i need to get all irritable because someone doesn't want to give them to me.

I'd be interested to know exactly how long you have to continue talking to someone after the free drink to stop it being 'using'.

Honestly people would be a lot happier if they didn't pretend to give but expect things in return, it keeps stress levels down. Even if that means not giving, it's not a requirement.

May 01 13 06:22 pm Link

Photographer

Damon Banner

Posts: 85307

Hayward, California, US

JadeDRed wrote:
No i buy people drinks and then don't get pissy if they don't feel the need to be my friend for a while.

Cool story.  I don't believe you, but cool story. 

Just because your mentality is that buying someone is a drink is a some kind of unspoken contract does not mean that everyone thinks like that. Maybe its a US/UK divide but sometimes over here you give someone something just to be nice.

Maybe in the US we are a bit more polite (in general), because I only imagine the most selfish of people would accept a drink and then leave. 


So just admit it, you're one of those girls that has dudes buying her drinks and then leaves.  We all know.

May 01 13 06:22 pm Link

Photographer

Damon Banner

Posts: 85307

Hayward, California, US

Koryn Locke wrote:
In regular life, it hasn't happened much, but on the few occasions it did, I socialized with the people for awhile - fifteen or twenty minutes, and went on my way. Everyone seemed satisfied with the interaction, and I got a free beverage.

I think, officially, you are required to chat for 25.8 minutes if someone buys you anything with hard liquor in it.

May 01 13 06:23 pm Link

Photographer

Carle Photography

Posts: 9262

Oakland, California, US

Damon Banner wrote:

I think, officially, you are required to chat for 25.8 minutes if someone buys you anything with hard liquor in it.

So if I buy you hard booz you will actually talk to me for a whole 25.8 minutes?

May 01 13 06:34 pm Link