Forums > Off-Topic Discussion > Compensating To Get Good Dates.

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my_other_profile

Posts: 666

Ankeny, Iowa, US

amb300 wrote:
I actually turned down a girl on my college volleyball team because she asked to hang out the same day Borderlands 2 came out.

"I was offered human interaction, but there were pixels."

Or:

"I am cool and edgy because I choose not to connect with people.  Also, I assume this forum assigns status to college volleyball players."

May 07 13 07:11 pm Link

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Koryn

Posts: 36708

Boston, Massachusetts, US

tonyfromsyracuse wrote:
the dating situation is very dismal for women.
feel sorry for them. not men.with women... their looks fade really fast and they start running out of options. and western culture is very youth craving.
so women get despondant when their looks fall, and their men cheat on them.
its just what guys do. all of them. the ones that arent...arent good looking.
chris rock is correct when he says, a man is only as faithful as his options.

if a hot young woman hits on a guy married to some old 40 year old, the man is going to cheat.

the point I am making is that womens reign of terror is a short one. their days of calling the shots, turns to one of sorrow,and daytime tv shows and plastic surgery and a drinking problem.

but it isnt all bad cause the men arent in the same boat. men can be in their 50's and still banging secretarys and flight attendants.because western culture is rightfully more forgiving of men as compared to old women from mid 30's onwards. but the good news for women is they can channel this dissapointment into being good mothers who are there for their children.

Sexist much?

May 07 13 07:21 pm Link

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Damianne

Posts: 15975

Austin, Texas, US

Koryn Locke wrote:
Sexist much?

I feel sorry for anyone that thinks that way, a good relationship must seem like a myth people tell each other to stave away the insecurity and loneliness that his cognitive dissonance is telling him everyone must also feel so he doesn't have to make any difficult changes to be worthwhile.

May 07 13 07:30 pm Link

Photographer

Edge of the Moon

Posts: 431

New York, New York, US

The only way I'll get a date is if I compensate someone really well. neutral

May 07 13 07:50 pm Link

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amb300

Posts: 218

Murfreesboro, Tennessee, US

May 07 13 07:52 pm Link

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Damianne

Posts: 15975

Austin, Texas, US

amb300 wrote:

The first. As far as human interaction goes, most games I play are online, with other people. In its defense, it is one of the best games I've ever played, and I have been PC gaming since 1988. For the second part, she was really hot. I also have had difficulty talking to women my whole life, I'm getting over it though.

You have difficulty talking to women?
WHAT

May 07 13 07:58 pm Link

Photographer

Chris Rifkin

Posts: 24635

Tampa, Florida, US

Erm....not for nothing....
Nevermind.......

May 07 13 08:08 pm Link

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amb300

Posts: 218

Murfreesboro, Tennessee, US

May 07 13 08:10 pm Link

Photographer

Christopher Carter

Posts: 7688

Indianapolis, Indiana, US

my_other_profile wrote:

"I was offered human interaction, but there were pixels."

Or:

"I am cool and edgy because I choose not to connect with people.  Also, I assume this forum assigns status to college volleyball players."

For the record, college volleyball players can be really hot. Something about those shorts.

May 07 13 08:14 pm Link

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Damianne

Posts: 15975

Austin, Texas, US

amb300 wrote:

Like asking them out, I get nervous and shy. I've been on 2 dates, and I'm 33. I also can't tell if a woman is flirting with me, or how I should respond.

I'm *shocked*

May 07 13 08:15 pm Link

Model

amb300

Posts: 218

Murfreesboro, Tennessee, US

May 07 13 08:23 pm Link

Photographer

udor

Posts: 22377

New York, New York, US

Mad Hatter Imagery wrote:
Compensating To Get Good Dates.

I was wondering. If a guy had above average looks, had a good paying job, had a nice place of his own, and was charming, how much of an asshole would he need to be to nearly always get rejected? Examples?

... and here I thought this was another "escort" thread... facepalm

                                                                                                  big_smile

May 07 13 08:39 pm Link

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amb300

Posts: 218

Murfreesboro, Tennessee, US

May 07 13 08:43 pm Link

Photographer

Brooks Ayola

Posts: 9735

Chatsworth, California, US

MM gold.

May 07 13 09:30 pm Link

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California Girls Skate

Posts: 343

Los Angeles, California, US

Koryn Locke wrote:
Sexist much?

http://www.myiconart.com/2212-thickbox/spinal-tap-hoodie-sweat-whats-wrong-with-being-sexy.jpg

May 07 13 10:41 pm Link

Model

JadeDRed

Posts: 5460

London, England, United Kingdom

Damianne wrote:
This whole thread feels like "but really, isn't it that people should have fewer needs in a partner, and I'm actually alright for not being useful to anyone?"

Haha, yeh.

May 08 13 12:53 am Link

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Koryn

Posts: 36708

Boston, Massachusetts, US

amb300 wrote:

Like asking them out, I get nervous and shy. I've been on 2 dates, and I'm 33. I also can't tell if a woman is flirting with me, or how I should respond.

You can just tell her you find her attractive, verbally, and see how she responds. That's the only way I can figure out any subtleties from people. "Flirting" goes right over my head.

The person I'm seeing now, whom I seem to connect with really well, for the most part -- we were drinking beer and talking about something, and I just randomly (and impulsively) said, "Hey, would you like to have sex with me?"

His initial response was, "Umm...what?" so I repeated myself, after which he said, "Yes, I would."

We paid the bar bill and went home, and have spent a considerable amount of time together over the past month, and a half. Easy peasy. Any additional negotiation is just a waste of my time, and annoying.

May 08 13 06:09 am Link

Artist/Painter

Two Pears Studio

Posts: 3398

Wilmington, Delaware, US

It is not about what one has, but about how you be that matters in life.

Sometimes your nonverbal says more than you intended...

It also helps to match the women you are interested in to what you are committed to. If you want a serious relationship don't attempt to date women who are not interested in that. If you want something casual... don't go after a woman who wants commitment. Attraction is a function of a few simple measures... it is not super complex. The problem often lies in being attracted to people who don't match your commitments in life.

May 08 13 07:04 am Link

Artist/Painter

Two Pears Studio

Posts: 3398

Wilmington, Delaware, US

Everything you want is on the other side of fear.

May 08 13 07:29 am Link

Photographer

Brooks Ayola

Posts: 9735

Chatsworth, California, US

Two Pears Studio wrote:
Everything you want is on the other side of fear.

Unfortunately, many of the things I want are on the other side if fear of robbing a bank.

May 08 13 07:48 am Link

Artist/Painter

Two Pears Studio

Posts: 3398

Wilmington, Delaware, US

Brooks Ayola wrote:

Unfortunately, many of the things I want are on the other side if fear of robbing a bank.

making lots of money is not hard.

May 08 13 07:59 am Link

Photographer

Cherrystone

Posts: 36702

Columbus, Ohio, US

tonyfromsyracuse wrote:
the dating situation is very dismal for women.
feel sorry for them. not men.with women... their looks fade really fast and they start running out of options. and western culture is very youth craving.
so women get despondant when their looks fall, and their men cheat on them.
its just what guys do. all of them. the ones that arent...arent good looking.
chris rock is correct when he says, a man is only as faithful as his options.

if a hot young woman hits on a guy married to some old 40 year old, the man is going to cheat.

the point I am making is that womens reign of terror is a short one. their days of calling the shots, turns to one of sorrow,and daytime tv shows and plastic surgery and a drinking problem.

but it isnt all bad cause the men arent in the same boat. men can be in their 50's and still banging secretarys and flight attendants.because western culture is rightfully more forgiving of men as compared to old women from mid 30's onwards. but the good news for women is they can channel this dissapointment into being good mothers who are there for their children.

I seriously cringe when I see shit like this.....cringe that woman will lump men together like Neanderthals/Cro-Magnon after reading this kind of drivel.
*goes back to MY part of the cave*

May 08 13 08:04 am Link

Photographer

Carle Photography

Posts: 9227

Oakland, California, US

tonyfromsyracuse wrote:
the dating situation is very dismal for women.
feel sorry for them. not men.with women... their looks fade really fast and they start running out of options. and western culture is very youth craving.
so women get despondant when their looks fall, and their men cheat on them.
its just what guys do. all of them. the ones that arent...arent good looking.
chris rock is correct when he says, a man is only as faithful as his options.

if a hot young woman hits on a guy married to some old 40 year old, the man is going to cheat.

the point I am making is that womens reign of terror is a short one. their days of calling the shots, turns to one of sorrow,and daytime tv shows and plastic surgery and a drinking problem.

but it isnt all bad cause the men arent in the same boat. men can be in their 50's and still banging secretarys and flight attendants.because western culture is rightfully more forgiving of men as compared to old women from mid 30's onwards. but the good news for women is they can channel this dissapointment into being good mothers who are there for their children.

Cherrystone wrote:
I seriously cringe when I see shit like this.....cringe that woman will lump men together like Neanderthals/Cro-Magnon after reading this kind of drivel.
*goes back to MY part of the cave*

Did he just call mid 30's + OLD for a woman?

May 08 13 10:02 am Link

Photographer

Orca Bay Images

Posts: 32233

Lodi, California, US

Death of Field wrote:
Did he just call mid 30's + OLD for a woman?

For Neanderthals and Cro Magnons, thirty-plus was absolutely ancient.

May 08 13 10:21 am Link

Photographer

Good Egg Productions

Posts: 15705

Orlando, Florida, US

Mad Hatter Imagery wrote:
I was wondering. If a guy had above average looks, had a good paying job, had a nice place of his own, and was charming, how much of an asshole would he need to be to nearly always get rejected? Examples?

Likewise what if a guy had below average looks, had a low paying job, didn't have his own place, and wasn't particularly charming however not offensive, how amazing would he need to be otherwise to get nearly any girl he sets out to date? Examples?


I'd like to apply the same questions to men commenting on women, but I don't think most guys care if a woman is a wattress of an astrophysicist. smile

I decided to skip the drama and trollololing and address the OP.

Point 1:
Many women respond very strongly to "the asshole".  Obviously, there are different levels of assholery.  "Asshole" is pretty close to "cocky" which is just a step away from "confident".  Depending on the woman, and a single word, those three adjectives are interchangeable for any given situation.  Many women also choose a submissive role and look for a dominant man to be attracted to.  The disappointing truth is that for all of our humanity, we're still just animals and tens of thousands of years of nature are still hard wired into our brains for what we're attracted to.

So, to answer your question, if the man is good looking, charming, and perceived to be a provider, being an "asshole" actually plays to his favor.  Let's take the character of Bruce Wayne or Tony Stark. Compete assholes, but women would line up to offer themselves to those pretend people. 

The wildcard there is that many women ALSO want to "fix" the guy, or be "the one" who breaks through that asshole exterior to the creamy nougat center.

Point 2:
The "nice guy" who isn't all that attractive, charming and can't offer much will never be more than someone to get the Chemistry notes from or the guy who will help the girl move or pick her up from the airport after she was visiting the "asshole" at his summer vacation place in Cabo.

Certainly, there are exceptions, as there is someone for everyone in this crazy world.  But by and large, if you're not beautiful, hilarious, inspiring, interesting, or providing, you're going to be spending most Saturday nights at home watching Netflix.

Point 3:
It's very short sighted of you to think that most men don't care about a woman beyond her looks.  I'll confess that it's what gets her attention from most men, but most women would tell you it's mostly from men they wished didn't give them that attention.  Attractive women, while professing that they do not, KNOW they're attractive and know how they affect those around them, men AND women. 

Get a ridiculously hot friend and go to the mall with them.  Follow her about 10 paces behind and observe how men and women interact with her.  You might either laugh your butt off or be appalled by the behavior of most people.


So.  I don't really know what this thread is about.  Being nice is important.  It will help you sleep at night.  Being attractive is important, too, but it's certainly not everything.  In life, everyone wants something.  Be what that other person wants, and the other stuff is less important up front.

May 08 13 10:23 am Link

Photographer

A-M-P

Posts: 18211

Orlando, Florida, US

I don't care about looks, job or assets as long as they are a nice genuine person and our personalities were compatible.

May 08 13 10:29 am Link

Model

Jules NYC

Posts: 16229

New York, New York, US

Orca Bay Images wrote:

For Neanderthals and Cro Magnons, thirty-plus was absolutely ancient.

lol

May 08 13 10:53 am Link

Model

Jules NYC

Posts: 16229

New York, New York, US

I will say this...

No matter how intelligent, talented, a personality to die for...

In the end, speaking as a woman because I am -
If a man is not physically attracted to you as in 'Wow', 'gorgeous', 'beautiful', his eye will always wander.

May 08 13 10:57 am Link

Photographer

Orca Bay Images

Posts: 32233

Lodi, California, US

A-M-P wrote:
I don't care about looks, job or assets as long as they are a nice genuine person and our personalities were compatible.

EJECT! EJECT! EJECT! YOU DO NOT FIT THE ALGORITHM! YOU DO NOT COMPUTE!

May 08 13 10:58 am Link

Photographer

Carle Photography

Posts: 9227

Oakland, California, US

Jules NYC wrote:
I will say this...

No matter how intelligent, talented, a personality to die for...

In the end, speaking as a woman because I am -
If a man is not physically attracted to you as in 'Wow', 'gorgeous', 'beautiful', his eye will always wander.

That is the man you sit on a park bench with and look at the purty women as they run by... wink

May 08 13 11:01 am Link

Model

Jules NYC

Posts: 16229

New York, New York, US

Death of Field wrote:
That is the man you sit on a park bench with and look at the purty women as they run by... wink

No thanks:)
Even if I was 90, I don't want to be married to Frank Barrone.

Ever see 'The Notebook'?

Oh that's right, men like that don't exist.
smile

PS, I'm the one running now

lol

May 08 13 11:03 am Link

Photographer

Brooks Ayola

Posts: 9735

Chatsworth, California, US

Brooks Ayola wrote:
Unfortunately, many of the things I want are on the other side if fear of robbing a bank.

Two Pears Studio wrote:
making lots of money is not hard.

You billionaires are ALL THE SAME!

I'll remember not to make any jokes around you in the future.

May 08 13 11:42 am Link