Forums > Off-Topic Discussion > outgrowing friends

Model

Courtney Virginia

Posts: 201

Atlanta, Georgia, US

Christopher Hartman wrote:
I don't think you're outgrowing these friends. I think you're realizing they are dangerous assholes that don't give a shit about you.

Yeah. So right. I think once they tried to steal money from me when I moved out I realized they weren't friends in the first place. That was kinda the last straw.

Jun 14 13 08:53 am Link

Photographer

Orca Bay Images

Posts: 32234

Woodinville, Washington, US

courtney virginia  wrote:

Yeah. You're right. I started to look at them and wander why we were even friends in the first place. Then I remembered, you used to drink and party with them... as someone said above this they were drinking buddies and that alone.

Friendships based on alcohol usually last until one of the people is sober when the other is drinking.

Jun 14 13 09:57 am Link

Photographer

Christopher Hartman

Posts: 54149

Buena Park, California, US

courtney virginia  wrote:

Yeah. So right. I think once they tried to steal money from me when I moved out I realized they weren't friends in the first place. That was kinda the last straw.

When I think of outgrowing friends, I think of situations like...well...when I was in my teens and early 20s, I did a lot of role-playing games.  And while I had a great time and probably would still have a great time, I got into other activities whereas those friends still just wanted to do their role-playing games not much anything else.  So we all drifted apart.

There's an episode of Friends that Monica gets reintroduced to a guy she liked back in high school or college.  She couldn't wait to go on the date...but then, it turned out him and his close friends were still doing the same things they did 10 years before.  He was still working at the movie theater, living at home, etc. big_smile

Jun 14 13 10:02 am Link

Photographer

Looknsee Photography

Posts: 21681

Portland, Oregon, US

courtney virginia  wrote:
Has anyone ever outgrown their friends?

You 20.  Me 60.

I can say, at 60, that we never stop growing, and part of that growth is the shifting of priorities & passions.  Outgrowing friends happens throughout.

For example, as soon as some couple in your crowd starts having children, things change.  If other people in the crowd also start having kids, their relationships might continue, but if some have kids & some don't, they'll find themselves with less & less in common.

Don't worry.  It's natural.

Jun 14 13 10:09 am Link

Model

Courtney Virginia

Posts: 201

Atlanta, Georgia, US

Looknsee Photography wrote:

You 20.  Me 60.

I can say, at 60, that we never stop growing, and part of that growth is the shifting of priorities & passions.  Outgrowing friends happens throughout.

For example, as soon as some couple in your crowd starts having children, things change.  If other people in the crowd also start having kids, their relationships might continue, but if some have kids & some don't, they'll find themselves with less & less in common.

Don't worry.  It's natural.

Yes. I think that this all happened for a reason. I don't think I was ever meant to be a huge party girl

Jun 14 13 11:48 am Link

Model

Courtney Virginia

Posts: 201

Atlanta, Georgia, US

Christopher Hartman wrote:

When I think of outgrowing friends, I think of situations like...well...when I was in my teens and early 20s, I did a lot of role-playing games.  And while I had a great time and probably would still have a great time, I got into other activities whereas those friends still just wanted to do their role-playing games not much anything else.  So we all drifted apart.

There's an episode of Friends that Monica gets reintroduced to a guy she liked back in high school or college.  She couldn't wait to go on the date...but then, it turned out him and his close friends were still doing the same things they did 10 years before.  He was still working at the movie theater, living at home, etc. big_smile

That's how it is though... I know several people from my home town who got pregnant our senoor year of highschool or are now, while at the same min. Wage jobs. Things change like crazy.

Jun 14 13 11:49 am Link

Model

fluffycakes

Posts: 426

Chicago, Illinois, US

yeah, outgrowing friends is pretty easy at my age, and i imagine always some friends are worth keeping, some aren't, its just the matter of deciding which are/aren't. My best friend i've far outgrown, we don't talk or hangout at all really, but still call eachother on the holidays and i see her over summer. We could never not be friends, but we really don't have much in common anymore.

Jun 14 13 01:41 pm Link

Model

NicoleNudes

Posts: 3861

Toronto, Ontario, Canada

Imo, you're better off without them.

If they were actually your friends they would have supported you - obviously they didn't.

I'm more of a loner myself, so I know how you can sometimes feel like you don't have any friends. I've stopped talking to people for reasons way less than your situation.

Jun 14 13 01:46 pm Link

Model

fluffycakes

Posts: 426

Chicago, Illinois, US

courtney virginia  wrote:

Yeah. So right. I think once they tried to steal money from me when I moved out I realized they weren't friends in the first place. That was kinda the last straw.

also this. ive also lost a friend who wasn't really a friend, ever. took advantage of me, stayed t my house n entire summer and then when school came she was too cool for me. recently she decided my boyfriend looked pretty good to her and that was it. about time i dropped that "friendship" too. For her bday i forced everyone out to her favorite restaurant, and for mine we were supposed to do the same, except not my favorite restaurant as he&her bf didn't want to go there, when my bday came it was excuses& well go later, we went a few months later to somewhere she wanted, and before that she texted me saying she baked cupcakes for someone in her class's bday and what a great friend she was. yeah.. i'm a little too nice when it comes to sucky people.

Jun 14 13 01:47 pm Link

Model

Courtney Virginia

Posts: 201

Atlanta, Georgia, US

fluffycakes wrote:

also this. ive also lost a friend who wasn't really a friend, ever. took advantage of me, stayed t my house n entire summer and then when school came she was too cool for me. recently she decided my boyfriend looked pretty good to her and that was it. about time i dropped that "friendship" too. For her bday i forced everyone out to her favorite restaurant, and for mine we were supposed to do the same, except not my favorite restaurant as he&her bf didn't want to go there, when my bday came it was excuses& well go later, we went a few months later to somewhere she wanted, and before that she texted me saying she baked cupcakes for someone in her class's bday and what a great friend she was. yeah.. i'm a little too nice when it comes to sucky people.

Haha I totally identify. One of my old roommates/ close 'friend' made a huge production over her birthday... had a huge party at our place for her, I bought her a nice present, and as usual I was designated driver to the bar later that night.

When time for my birthday came, this same friend didn't buy me a present, when we went out she was bitching the whole time and belittling me in front of her boyfriend and she left ten minutes after getting to the bar because she was 'in a bad mood.'

Some fucking birthday. I didn't say anything about it because I really don't like confrontation or drama.. but it really annoyed me.

Friends just really aren't as nessecart as people say they are.

Jun 14 13 01:58 pm Link

Model

Courtney Virginia

Posts: 201

Atlanta, Georgia, US

NicoleNudes wrote:
Imo, you're better off without them.

If they were actually your friends they would have supported you - obviously they didn't.

I'm more of a loner myself, so I know how you can sometimes feel like you don't have any friends. I've stopped talking to people for reasons way less than your situation.

Yeah you just get to the point where you wanna live your life and do exactly as you please without concern of others.. I'm at that point. You don't support my decisions, I'm done. I can be okay alone.

Jun 14 13 02:00 pm Link

Model

Courtney Virginia

Posts: 201

Atlanta, Georgia, US

Orca Bay Images wrote:

Friendships based on alcohol usually last until one of the people is sober when the other is drinking.

Lesson learned.  Haha so true

Jun 15 13 06:06 am Link

Photographer

Solas

Posts: 9537

Toronto, Ontario, Canada

courtney virginia  wrote:

Yeah you just get to the point where you wanna live your life and do exactly as you please without concern of others.. I'm at that point. You don't support my decisions, I'm done. I can be okay alone.

Yup, been there.

Am at there now and loving it smile

Jun 15 13 10:38 am Link

Model

Courtney Virginia

Posts: 201

Atlanta, Georgia, US

Karl Johnston wrote:

Yup, been there.

Am at there now and loving it smile

Its the best.. more people should try it, lol.

Jun 15 13 05:10 pm Link

Photographer

Lawrence Guy

Posts: 17683

Spring Valley, California, US

courtney virginia  wrote:
Has anyone ever outgrown their friends? This has happened to me recently.. I didn't have a problem with them or anything, but all they cared about was getting drunk every night, doing cocaine, and the next frat party. I lived with them this past year in a house and I used to be a big partier when we first met, and about 40 pounds heavier than I am now. But I was hospitalized twice from alcohol and almost died both times. So I had to stop drinking while living in a house of huge partiers that were all friends of mine. They made fun of me for it, would constantly try to make me drink, and I never would and would politely decline. They never cared to supporty decision. They also made little jabs at me for attending all of my classes and studying constantly. And once I made the decision to start modeling this spring semester and started working out and eating very strictly healthy foods, they just got plain mean and would try to say I had an eating disorder, etc. (I never told them I was trying to model... they found out through Facebook once I got representation, lol) I also would drive them everywhere and pick them up late at night when they called drunk at the bars.. I feel like I did a lot for them and only got scrutinized for my healthy decisions, when I never told them they should stop drinking, doing blow, failing classes, etc.. I moved out point blank and made up a lame excuse. I was just tired of putting up with it and made the decision they were probably toxic to my life. I am happy that I am signed to an agency now and achieved my goal, but at the same time I feel bad just dropping people out of my life. I wasn't mean to them, didnt tell them how I felt, I just point blank told them I was moving out. Has anyone else ever been in a similar situation? I know deep down inside I made the right decision but at yhe same time it kind of feels weird having no friends.

Sounds to me like you didn't "outgrow friends" so much as discover that they weren't friends to begin with.

I had a friend for 25 years that I ultimately had to walk out on. Discovered that he was basically a sociopath. Sometimes you just have to put your own well-being first. Scratch that - almost always you have to put your own well-being first.

Jun 15 13 05:17 pm Link

Model

Courtney Virginia

Posts: 201

Atlanta, Georgia, US

Lawrence Guy wrote:

Sounds to me like you didn't "outgrow friends" so much as discover that they weren't friends to begin with.

I had a friend for 25 years that I ultimately had to walk out on. Discovered that he was basically a sociopath. Sometimes you just have to put your own well-being first. Scratch that - almost always you have to put your own well-being first.

Agreed. Always.. if you don't, who will.

Jun 15 13 05:50 pm Link