GRMACK wrote:
Some of your observations may be true, but I'd also be curious if they were adopted also.  Seems all I know who went with adoption had screwed up kids who tried to find their real parents, ran away, or rebelled against their adoption parents.

My significant other is adopted, as well as being an only child. He is a functional adult, with a good job, very intelligent. College degree. Actually the sweetest, kindest human I have EVER met. As in, I feel so blessed to have him in my life. He has no idea who is biological mother is, and expressed only a passing interest in ever knowing. He is very close to his adopted parents, and they are a deeply loving, open and sharing family.

Vintagevista wrote:
As a sociologist - I don't think that birth order matters a damn in predicting behaviors.

Me either.

I've never expected to "get my way" in most circumstances, because I rarely have a preference. In most social contexts, I am pretty ambivalent about things. I prefer that other people decide were we go eat, or what activities we do. I'm not really into making social decisions, so getting "my way" never made sense. I never had a "way" that I wanted things. Whatever other people in the group want and what makes them happy, makes me happy.

GRMACK wrote:
Some of your observations may be true, but I'd also be curious if they were adopted also.  Seems all I know who went with adoption had screwed up kids who tried to find their real parents, ran away, or rebelled against their adoption parents.

Man that's a shame. I've noticed the opposite for the most part in my experience. My opinion may be biased because everyone I've known that was adopted seemed to have an even greater appreciation and bond with their adoptive parents. Although I can certainly see why a child may go through a rebellious stage at some point, I have yet to notice it first hand.

Peach Jones wrote:
... they are unwilling to compromise, throw "fits" whenever they do not get their own way, and have a difficult time in relationships....

This describes my ex-boss to a T, and he had siblings.

None of them talked to him anymore though. They couldn't stand him.

Peach Jones wrote:
Being a psychology minor......many years ago that is.......I still find it interesting to watch people and try to figure out what makes them act the way they do. One thing that I am finding to be very common is the actions and behavior of someone who was an only child. All too often I find that they are unwilling to compromise, throw "fits" whenever they do not get their own way, and have a difficult time in relationships. Now I am not saying for a minute that other people may not have these difficulties, but in my observations it seems that I can pretty much pick who the only children are about 90% of the time.

What say you?

I wasn't an only child, i was however the youngest. I think what you mentioned would be more about youngest children, not only. That's just my opinion.

Koryn wrote:
I'm an only child. People say only children are "spoiled," but my mom and dad did not have a lot of resources growing up, were very thrifty, saving people - so I didn't get a lot of material things. For 2-3 years of my childhood, my dad was unemployed and I wore ill-fitting clothes that were sewn by my grandmother. That made me the butt of a lot of bullying at school. My parents were both pretty eccentric and sort of anti-social. They didn't have many (really, any) friends, and I was mostly just encouraged to study A LOT, and get a public servant job. I started showing an aptitude for sports in seventh grade, but that was not considered a practical or useful skill, so I was not permitted to pursue athletics.

I was a really private kid, for the most part, and never shared much of my emotional construct or thoughts with my parents. I was a good kid, obedient, did really well in school and did whatever was expected of me, but when I was old enough to leave and live my own life, I was more than ready to do so. I have always been pretty bold and fearless as an adult on my own, and eager to live and do things independently.  I moved out after high school, worked and went to college independently. I've been on my own ever since, have a "friendly" relationship with my parents, see them for 3-4 days each year. though I wouldn't say we were ever particularly close. It's hard to be close with my parents; they aren't touchy-feely at all and my mother especially could be very judgmental when I was growing up. 

I was very socially active throughout my 20s, dated a lot and had a lot of friends - once I found a social circle where I felt comfortable and welcomed. In my 30s, I'm far more of a loner and have become more socially isolated (like my own parents), but that has a lot to do with the fact that most women my own age are raising kids right now, or pursuing demanding careers. I have a more laidback, leisurely and child-free life, so I'm once again finding myself without a social group. My closest friends, I'm deeply attached to and have been best friends with for over a decade. I have a fierce commitment to my friends. I met someone in March, whom I'm quite sure I will spend the rest of my life with, though I did date a lot. I never had trouble forming close connections with people though; I've become good friends even with many of my exs.

You social group is MM.   

Koryn wrote:

cough cough come hang out with me when you're working down here cough

I think there are so many factors that go into what makes people the way that they are, you can't possibly figure someone out by their birth order alone.

I'm the oldest of 3 and my boyfriend is an only child. He doesn't have trouble sharing (we share clothes and he's given me the last of food... a lot), but is definitely super creative and private to the vast majority of people. I'm not very bossy (although I am stubborn as fuck). I am not a very confident person, either. My younger sister is generally assumed to be the oldest based on the way she acts, but that's another can of worms.

I'm also a Libra with Scorpio rising and he's a Cancer with Libra rising. Anyone into astrology laughs at our charts.

ValHig wrote:
Most people I know are pretty surprised when I tell them I'm an only child. It seems like these psychologists completely ignore parenting techniques, resources, other things that affect temperament in order to reinforce a conclusion rather than looking at all of the variables. That seems to be the problem with a lot of studies - they start with a statement and want to defend it, meaning that their confirmation bias seriously affects what they look at and how.

I like this response.

Instinct Images wrote:
...which shouldn't be a surprise when you grow up being the center of attention and  never having to share or compromise.

What constitutes the "center of attention" can mean different things. In families, in work, in life, the squeaky wheel get the grease. It's not the kids who are always the squeaky wheels in families. I recall my mother being the "center of attention," because she was aggressive and pushy, confrontational and never seemed satisfied or happy with anything.

As for sharing, kids at school were pretty evil to me and would often steal. That included lunch money, school supplies, or walking up behind me at recess, pushing me around and taking whatever I happened to be playing with. I was pretty passive, never liked fighting, so by fourth grade, I just accepted people were going to take stuff. I remember, around that time, a little blond girl whose name I can't remember just randomly told me one day she liked my coat and was going to take it. I didn't say anything, because she was a lot bigger than me. She wore it home and I had to ride the bus home without a coat. The girl brought it back the next day.

I never particularly enjoyed being a kid. I can't recall there really being that many pleasant things about it. Maybe if I'd grown up in a different socio-economic bracket, in an area where kids were taught to be more pleasant at home, things like sharing and compromising would have mattered. Instead, the primary focus seemed to be just to keep the kids from stealing and causing bodily harm to each other.

Koryn wrote:
What constitutes the "center of attention" can mean different things. In families, in work, in life, the squeaky wheel get the grease. It's not the kids who are always the squeaky wheels in families. I recall my mother being the "center of attention," because she was aggressive and pushy, confrontational and never seemed satisfied or happy with anything.

As for sharing, kids at school were pretty evil to me and would often steal. That included lunch money, school supplies, or walking up behind me at recess, pushing me around and taking whatever I happened to be playing with. I was pretty passive, never liked fighting, so by fourth grade, I just accepted people were going to take stuff. I remember, around that time, a little blond girl whose name I can't remember just randomly told me one day she liked my coat and was going to take it. I didn't say anything, because she was a lot bigger than me. She wore it home and I had to ride the bus home without a coat. The girl brought it back the next day.

I never particularly enjoyed being a kid. I can't recall there really being that many pleasant things about it. Maybe if I'd grown up in a different socio-economic bracket, in an area where kids were taught to be more pleasant at home, things like sharing and compromising would have mattered. Instead, the primary focus seemed to be just to keep the kids from stealing and causing bodily harm to each other.

It's pretty admirable for you to be so well-adjusted (from what I see/read through your posts) from that kind of background.  Not everyone can pull themselves up like that.  Kids can be mean!

Good job... being you.

Jules NYC wrote:
It's pretty admirable for you to be so well-adjusted (from what I see/read through your posts) from that kind of background.  Not everyone can pull themselves up like that.  Kids can be mean!

Good job... being you.

This kid I grew up with contacted me on Facebook in 2010. I hadn't heard from her since before we graduated. She just said she'd always wondered if I'd, "Made it out alive." I wasn't sure what to make of it and waited a few days to answer, but she mentioned having always wondered if I'd actually reached adulthood unscathed. She got pregnant in high school and graduated by the skin of her teeth. Many of the kids we went to school with have had chronic substance abuse and been in an out of the prison system, including my male cousins. The first boy I ever kissed went to jail a few years back for molesting kids.

Once I moved out, went to college, I had a normal, socially healthy life. I've always had strange jobs and live in a deeply frugal way that amuses people who know me, but yeah, I was pretty mentally healthy. It was amazing how easy life suddenly became when I was an adult and could make my own decisions for myself. Things were so ... Chill and peaceful. Lol

Koryn wrote:

This kid I grew up with contacted me on Facebook in 2010. I hadn't heard from her since before we graduated. She just said she'd always wondered if I'd, "Made it out alive." I wasn't sure what to make of it and waited a few days to answer, but she mentioned having always wondered if I'd actually reached adulthood unscathed. She got pregnant in high school and graduated by the skin of her teeth. Many of the kids we went to school with have had chronic substance abuse and been in an out of the prison system, including my male cousins. The first boy I ever kissed went to jail a few years back for molesting kids.

Once I moved out, went to college, I had a normal, socially healthy life. I've always had strange jobs and live in a deeply frugal way that amuses people who know me, but yeah, I was pretty mentally healthy. It was amazing how easy life suddenly became when I was an adult and could make my own decisions for myself. Things were so ... Chill and peaceful. Lol

This is good.  Good that it confirms my belief that people can determine their path and happiness factor by choice.  You'd think it would seem natural to wallow in an endless vat of self-loathing and pity, ultimately playing the victim but no.  It takes a particular verve in temperament to say, "I'm an adult and I can surround myself with supportive, healthy people".

It makes me smile when people like yourself escape the world they could have easily gravitated towards, not ever realizing their full potential.  If you kept anything positive from your background it is being frugal and grounded.

retired light reflector wrote:
... (although I am stubborn as fuck). I am not a very confident person, either.

Interesting!  I would think these two characteristics would conflict, or be contraindicated.

Managing Light wrote:

Interesting!  I would think these two characteristics would conflict, or be contraindicated.

Pretty much everything about me is a giant contradiction. People are complicated.

I can power through just about anything through sheer stubbornness, but still have anxiety and insecurity.

Managing Light wrote:
Interesting!  I would think these two characteristics would conflict, or be contraindicated.

retired light reflector wrote:
Pretty much everything about me is a giant contradiction. People are complicated.
I can power through just about anything through sheer stubbornness, but still have anxiety and insecurity.

You must be an interesting lady to hang out with - as long as one remembers that great rule: "know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em, know when to walk away, know when to run..." 

BTW - your MM name kills me!

[/hijack]

Sandra Vixen wrote:
I don't know of anyone who does not want things their way. O.o

I figure if people want everything their way, then they should be alone and not close to anyone.
Some people live their entire lives like a Tsunami hit them.