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Photographer
Star Child
Posts: 39,276
Nashville, Tennessee, US


What's the hardest part of your day?

What do you enjoy the most about MM?
Jul 28 12 07:22 pm  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Tim Little Photography
Posts: 11,536
Wilmington, Delaware, US


Star Child wrote:
What's the hardest part of your day?

What do you enjoy the most about MM?

Good questions Star Child! The hardest part of my day is just getting through it. I work on the PTSD and the depression. I treat the open wounds on my leg and I deal with the physical pain from that. But the thing I find most troubling these days is this never ending sense of fear. It's constantly in the background. I know where it's coming from, at some point I will be evicted when the foreclosure on my condo is complete. Nothing I can do about that. Also, every month I have a money crisis and I have to choose between medicine or food. I tend to get the medicine if I can. Two months ago I couldn't afford either. But, I'm fat, and water fasting can be very good for you. The longest has been six days and that was hard.

What I enjoy most about MM is easy. You guys! You have held my hand during some hard times. A couple of years ago you convinced me not to kill myself. I love you all.

Jul 28 12 09:20 pm  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Chris Rifkin
Posts: 24,470
Tampa, Florida, US


Star Child wrote:
What's the hardest part of your day?

waking up alone in my truck,watching everyone be in love and knowing I will probably never know what that drug is like ever again,going to sleep at night in my truck wondering if I will ever know what its like to hold a beautiful girl in my arms ever again as we fall asleep

Star Child wrote:
What do you enjoy the most about MM?

90% of the people here

Jul 28 12 10:05 pm  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Star Child
Posts: 39,276
Nashville, Tennessee, US


Suicide is not chosen. It happens when pain exceeds resources for coping with pain.
Aug 02 12 09:28 am  Link  Quote 
Model
hgldhlhgfh
Posts: 576
Dumont d'Urville - permanent station of France, Sector claimed by France, Antarctica


Aug 02 12 04:10 pm  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Tim Little Photography
Posts: 11,536
Wilmington, Delaware, US


Post hidden on Jan 08, 2013 01:48 pm
Reason: other
Comments:
Anonymity request by quoted poster.
Aug 02 12 05:26 pm  Link 
Model
hgldhlhgfh
Posts: 576
Dumont d'Urville - permanent station of France, Sector claimed by France, Antarctica


Aug 02 12 05:56 pm  Link  Quote 
Photographer
S A L I N G E R
Posts: 602
Melbourne, Victoria, Australia


What's the hardest part of your day?
The loneliness. Social, intellectual and emotional isolation is so utterly draining. When you're exhausted and have to face the world and you realise everyone's in it for themselves there's precious reason to get out of bed most days.

What do you enjoy the most about MM?
The inspiration of seeing great - and let's face it - not so great images in a huge big melting pot. I can spend hours following photographers, models, MUAs, stylists and other artists, chasing lists and forum threads, exploring shots, learning about posing, lighting and composition and the other million elements that make for great shots, and just plain recharging my creative juices.

Stay safe everyone.

- Bret
Aug 02 12 09:45 pm  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Tim Little Photography
Posts: 11,536
Wilmington, Delaware, US


Good questions Bret. The hardest part of my day depends on how bad the PTSD is affecting me. On the worst days my mind can't think of anything but the most horrible times of my life. And of course this spills over into anything you try to do. I'm losing my home soon to foreclosure and I'm frightened. But I try to be helpful to others and hope for the best.

What I love most about MM is easy. I just posted it recently. All of you guys. The friends I have here are special. A couple of years ago I really learned just how amazing these great people are. The great art and talent inspires me but the kindness of the heart saves my soul.
Aug 02 12 10:13 pm  Link  Quote 
Photographer
S A L I N G E R
Posts: 602
Melbourne, Victoria, Australia


Hey Tim,

I was waiting for Star to post his answers to the questions he posed above but thought I'd chip in with mine.

I hear you on the PTSD. Been 23 years now for me. Throw in general depression too and life's not exactly a barrel of laughs.

I appreciate the pain of impending foreclosure and feel for you. As an outsider to the States it's hard to fathom just how tough the economy is at present and has been for a while. We lost a major, major client recently and dammit it doesn't half scare the hell out of you as you sit there in front of the computer screen trying to work through budgets. Plenty of sleepless nights - which is not exactly out of the ordinary - but hey, I can cope with 4 hours a night - 2 is ridiculous though.

It's odd how my creativity spikes the shittier I feel, but my business brain crashes, and vice versa if I'm feeling okay. Are you the same?

Are there ways to forestall foreclosure? We got thrown out of a lot of places when I was a kid but I thought I'd read where companies were being forced to hold off on foreclosing in some instances. I'm sure you've explored all that but where there's hope… Spent a bit of time couch surfing in my day so you'll find that what you give out to others in terms of helping will come back in spades.
Aug 03 12 12:52 am  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Tim Little Photography
Posts: 11,536
Wilmington, Delaware, US


Bret Salinger wrote:
Hey Tim,

I was waiting for Star to post his answers to the questions he posed above but thought I'd chip in with mine.

I hear you on the PTSD. Been 23 years now for me. Throw in general depression too and life's not exactly a barrel of laughs.

I appreciate the pain of impending foreclosure and feel for you. As an outsider to the States it's hard to fathom just how tough the economy is at present and has been for a while. We lost a major, major client recently and dammit it doesn't half scare the hell out of you as you sit there in front of the computer screen trying to work through budgets. Plenty of sleepless nights - which is not exactly out of the ordinary - but hey, I can cope with 4 hours a night - 2 is ridiculous though.

It's odd how my creativity spikes the shittier I feel, but my business brain crashes, and vice versa if I'm feeling okay. Are you the same?

Are there ways to forestall foreclosure? We got thrown out of a lot of places when I was a kid but I thought I'd read where companies were being forced to hold off on foreclosing in some instances. I'm sure you've explored all that but where there's hope… Spent a bit of time couch surfing in my day so you'll find that what you give out to others in terms of helping will come back in spades.

Hi Bret, My PTSD comes with the severe depression too. In fact it was the depression and horrible anxiety attacks that led me to seek treatment a long time ago. But Dr's never really looked into it and just tried to treat the anxiety. Finally, a great Dr. quietly listened to my life story and diagnosed PTSD. The therapy helps but it is a horrible slow slog through the valley of fear.

I've done a great job of pushing back the foreclosure, well over a year now. And I still have some time, I'm not being forced out but it's coming at some point. My brother and his family are going to take me in and I'm anxious to go. I just need $2,125 to pay for shipping my stuff, closing up here and my train ticket. It might as well be 2 million. I don't know how I'm going to come up with the money but I'll think of something.

I don't sleep either Bret. I nod off for a few minutes and I wake up in a panic. I repeat that throughout the night.

My creativity dies under the depression. There will be times when the depression backs off and I come up with great ideas though. Business stuff is a train wreck. I try to make decisions and I can't. So I sit, doing nothing, with it all racing through my brain.

Aug 03 12 05:28 am  Link  Quote 
Photographer
S A L I N G E R
Posts: 602
Melbourne, Victoria, Australia


Tim Little Photography wrote:
I've done a great job of pushing back the foreclosure, well over a year now. And I still have some time, I'm not being forced out but it's coming at some point. My brother and his family are going to take me in and I'm anxious to go. I just need $2,125 to pay for shipping my stuff, closing up here and my train ticket. It might as well be 2 million. I don't know how I'm going to come up with the money but I'll think of something.

My creativity dies under the depression. There will be times when the depression backs off and I come up with great ideas though. Business stuff is a train wreck. I try to make decisions and I can't. So I sit, doing nothing, with it all racing through my brain.

It's amazing how just one professional who cares enough to listen can make a difference with your diagnosis. I've been through my share of specialists and there were a couple over the journey that made major breakthroughs. The medical doctors...not so much. For me, it's sleep, nightmare, wake, sleep, nightmare, wake, wake, wake some more, sleep, rinse and repeat. I'm lucky my partner puts up with it.

Glad to hear you've fought off the foreclosure thus far. I don't know what would be worse - being blindsided if it came as a surprise, or having it sit on your shoulders for so long. Either way it sucks.

I had a sit-down with my staff a few weeks ago to come up with some ideas to drive revenue through the door. Unfortunately revenue is king when you have wages to pay, so that was a help. One of my staffers is really creative and a think outside the box kind of person and she's been especially helpful of late. Let me know if you want to hear any ideas. Might help go towards the moving costs.

Aug 03 12 07:02 am  Link  Quote 
Model
hgldhlhgfh
Posts: 576
Dumont d'Urville - permanent station of France, Sector claimed by France, Antarctica


Aug 05 12 05:17 pm  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Tim Little Photography
Posts: 11,536
Wilmington, Delaware, US


I'm about to begin a really hard period. As of today I have run out of money. I was hit with unexpected expenses for my leg treatment and it looks like a guy that owes me $150 for retouching isn't ever going to pay.

So I will be doing a protein shake fast until the 28th. I need to lose weight and this is safe.

I will have to stop cold turkey my Anti-Depressant, Anti-Anxiety and antibiotic cream for my leg. I'll also run out of the Angro Gel for the low Testosterone.

I don't know what happens when you suddenly stop taking all of this at the same time but I don't suspect it can be good. I ask that you pray or send some good karma my way. Thanks, I love you all.

Tim
Aug 07 12 11:48 am  Link  Quote 
Photographer
S A L I N G E R
Posts: 602
Melbourne, Victoria, Australia


Jeez Tim, that sounds awful.

You're right: going cold turkey is going to bounce you around a fair bit.

Here if you need to chat.

- Bret
Aug 07 12 07:33 pm  Link  Quote 
Model
hgldhlhgfh
Posts: 576
Dumont d'Urville - permanent station of France, Sector claimed by France, Antarctica


Aug 07 12 08:19 pm  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Chris Rifkin
Posts: 24,470
Tampa, Florida, US


Bret Salinger wrote:
Jeez Tim, that sounds awful.

You're right: going cold turkey is going to bounce you around a fair bit.

Here if you need to chat.

- Bret

I really don't think this is going to be pleasnt sad
Unlike me Tim needs all his meds...
I hope for his sake this is only short term(and when I say short term I mean only till Sept..

Aug 07 12 08:27 pm  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Tim Little Photography
Posts: 11,536
Wilmington, Delaware, US


Thanks guys. I really love you people!!! I'll be OK. It's going to be difficult but I'll get by. My doctor had samples of the Cymbalta so that will cover me for the depression. That was the one I was really scared of missing. The Klonopin for anxiety may be on the $4.00 list at Wal-Mart, I'll find out tomorrow. The stuff for my leg will have to wait. I can always go to the hospital if it starts getting bad.

I appreciate all your concern. Knowing that I have people that care makes all the difference. And, I'm looking forward to losing some weight!
Aug 07 12 08:58 pm  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Star Child
Posts: 39,276
Nashville, Tennessee, US


Tim Little Photography wrote:
I'm about to begin a really hard period. As of today I have run out of money. I was hit with unexpected expenses for my leg treatment and it looks like a guy that owes me $150 for retouching isn't ever going to pay.

So I will be doing a protein shake fast until the 28th. I need to lose weight and this is safe.

I will have to stop cold turkey my Anti-Depressant, Anti-Anxiety and antibiotic cream for my leg. I'll also run out of the Angro Gel for the low Testosterone.

I don't know what happens when you suddenly stop taking all of this at the same time but I don't suspect it can be good. I ask that you pray or send some good karma my way. Thanks, I love you all.

Tim

This is something too dear to my heart. I want to cry. I'm so sick of "money" being the reason behind so many people's suffering.

I know that you will be well, my friend.. sometimes the road gets even darker and even scarier.. we have to believe we will overcome. Not hope, but actually believe. We have to recognize that we're not here to just go down, fade away and die. We are here for a purpose and to live. That Life Power is for us.. we have to believe it.

Aug 08 12 10:07 am  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Tim Little Photography
Posts: 11,536
Wilmington, Delaware, US


Star Child wrote:

This is something too dear to my heart. I want to cry. I'm so sick of "money" being the reason behind so many people's suffering.

I know that you will be well, my friend.. sometimes the road gets even darker and even scarier.. we have to believe we will overcome. Not hope, but actually believe. We have to recognize that we're not here to just go down, fade away and die. We are here for a purpose and to live. That Life Power is for us.. we have to believe it.

Thanks Star, I love you my friend.

Aug 08 12 10:08 am  Link  Quote 
Model
DivaEroticus
Posts: 14,494
Fayetteville, Arkansas, US


Tim Little Photography wrote:
I'm about to begin a really hard period. As of today I have run out of money. I was hit with unexpected expenses for my leg treatment and it looks like a guy that owes me $150 for retouching isn't ever going to pay.

So I will be doing a protein shake fast until the 28th. I need to lose weight and this is safe.

I will have to stop cold turkey my Anti-Depressant, Anti-Anxiety and antibiotic cream for my leg. I'll also run out of the Angro Gel for the low Testosterone.

I don't know what happens when you suddenly stop taking all of this at the same time but I don't suspect it can be good. I ask that you pray or send some good karma my way. Thanks, I love you all.

Tim

Tim, go to this site:  https://www.pparx.org/ .

You have to do some legwork on your own, but it's worth it.

Aug 08 12 10:39 am  Link  Quote 
Model
hgldhlhgfh
Posts: 576
Dumont d'Urville - permanent station of France, Sector claimed by France, Antarctica


Aug 08 12 05:02 pm  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Chris Rifkin
Posts: 24,470
Tampa, Florida, US


Post hidden on Jan 08, 2013 01:49 pm
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Comments:
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Aug 08 12 08:07 pm  Link 
Model
hgldhlhgfh
Posts: 576
Dumont d'Urville - permanent station of France, Sector claimed by France, Antarctica


Aug 08 12 08:13 pm  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Chris Rifkin
Posts: 24,470
Tampa, Florida, US


Post hidden on Dec 27, 2012 10:42 am
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Aug 08 12 08:28 pm  Link 
Photographer
Star Child
Posts: 39,276
Nashville, Tennessee, US


For every negative there is a positive. This is the balance of life. We can't deny the existence of either; however the one that we give credence to is the one that will guild us.

When it comes to matters such as depression this is about hope and belief that we can overcome.
Aug 09 12 10:09 am  Link  Quote 
Model
hgldhlhgfh
Posts: 576
Dumont d'Urville - permanent station of France, Sector claimed by France, Antarctica


Aug 09 12 04:28 pm  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Chris Rifkin
Posts: 24,470
Tampa, Florida, US


Post hidden on Dec 27, 2012 10:43 am
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Aug 09 12 04:42 pm  Link 
Photographer
Star Child
Posts: 39,276
Nashville, Tennessee, US


Time is gonna come
Aug 15 12 06:14 am  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Tim Little Photography
Posts: 11,536
Wilmington, Delaware, US


Hi everyone! I'm back. I was in the hospital for a few days and had surgery on my leg. I now have a pig skin graft on my leg. This will last for a few days and then the body will reject it. But in the mean time it builds up the graft site and allows capillaries and nerve endings to start growing.

I hope you are all doing great!
Aug 18 12 03:59 pm  Link  Quote 
Model
Gabrielle Heather
Posts: 10,064
Middle Island, New York, US


Tim Little Photography wrote:
Hi everyone! I'm back. I was in the hospital for a few days and had surgery on my leg. I now have a pig skin graft on my leg. This will last for a few days and then the body will reject it. But in the mean time it builds up the graft site and allows capillaries and nerve endings to start growing.

I hope you are all doing great!

sounds pretty amazing.

Aug 18 12 07:15 pm  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Star Child
Posts: 39,276
Nashville, Tennessee, US


Tim Little Photography wrote:
Hi everyone! I'm back. I was in the hospital for a few days and had surgery on my leg. I now have a pig skin graft on my leg. This will last for a few days and then the body will reject it. But in the mean time it builds up the graft site and allows capillaries and nerve endings to start growing.

I hope you are all doing great!

smile

Aug 24 12 10:24 am  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Star Child
Posts: 39,276
Nashville, Tennessee, US


If you had a friend who you knew was on the verge of suicide, what would you tell them? What would you do for them?
Aug 28 12 10:11 am  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Star Child
Posts: 39,276
Nashville, Tennessee, US


Sep 02 12 06:23 am  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Tim Little Photography
Posts: 11,536
Wilmington, Delaware, US


Star Child wrote:
If you had a friend who you knew was on the verge of suicide, what would you tell them? What would you do for them?

It depends on the person. I would listen to him/her and offer any help I could. If I was convinced my friend was on the edge I would contact mental health services.

Sep 02 12 08:24 am  Link  Quote 
Photographer
S A L I N G E R
Posts: 602
Melbourne, Victoria, Australia


What can you say? Really?

I've been on both sides of the fence. Sometimes nothing you say will make a damn bit of difference. Sometimes saying nothing is what makes all the difference.

Every occurrence is utterly unique and the struggle is to struggle.
Sep 02 12 04:53 pm  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Star Child
Posts: 39,276
Nashville, Tennessee, US


Patience. Hard to find when one is in pain.
Sep 05 12 10:04 am  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Chris Rifkin
Posts: 24,470
Tampa, Florida, US


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iVr5RtEq … re=related
This has been my existance

lyrics here

Here I sit and watch my world come crumbling down
I cry for help but no one's around
Silently screaming as I bang my head against the wall
It seems like no one cares at all

Always an emotion, but how can I explain; how can I explain?
Kind of like the scent of a rose, with words I can't explain, the same with my pain
Caught up in emotion, goes over my head; goes over my head!
Sometimes I got to think to myself is this life or death, am I living or am I dead

The clock keeps ticking, but nothing else seems to change
Problems never solved, just rearranged
And when I think about all the times that I've had
Some were good most were bad

I search for personality and I look for things I cannot see
Love and peace flash through my mind; pain and hate is all I find
Find no hope in nothing new and I never had a dream come true
Lies and hate and agony; through my eyes that's all I see

If I'm gonna cry, will you wipe away my tears?
And if I'm gonna die, Lord please take away my fear
Before I drown in sorrow, I just want to say;
How will I laugh tomorrow, when I can't even smile today

Today today; when I can't even smile today
Today today; when I can't even smile today
How will I laugh tomorrow, when I can't even smile today
How will I laugh tomorrow, when I can't even smile today

You think it's so funny...
...laugh at this!

So when I look outside my room
I see the world, but not the reason
What is done to me is not fair
You call it fair I call it treason
But I don't know what to do
Give me a sign I'll take whatever
But if you want me here I am
Ain't gonna die forever

And I tried to hold ya
But you just turned away
And I tried to tell ya
But not a word I say
I cried out so loudly
But you just covered your ears
And gave me all the signs
That you don't want my tears

So if you want me here I am
I sit and wait your decision
But my body fights my mind
I headed straight for a collision
So am I getting near or am I still
Looking in all the wrong places
But the only thing that seems to change
Are the looks on the faces...

Doesn't anyone...seems like no one cares at all
I search for personality and look for things I cannot see
Does anyone even care at all?
Love and peace flash through my mind; pain and hate is all I find
Seems like no one cares at all
Find no hope in nothing new and I never had a dream come true
Does anyone even care at all?
Lies and hate and agony; through my eyes that's all I see
Seems like no one cares at all

How will I laugh tomorrow?
How will I laugh tomorrow?
How will I laugh tomorrow?
How will I laugh tomorrow, when I can't even smile today

Today today; when I can't even smile today
Today today; when I can't even smile today
How will I laugh tomorrow, when I can't even smile today
How will I laugh tomorrow, when I can't even smile today...
Sep 06 12 08:23 am  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Damon Banner
Posts: 85,269
Hayward, California, US


Post hidden on Dec 27, 2012 10:43 am
Reason: other
Comments:
Anonymity request of quoted poster.
Sep 06 12 11:18 am  Link 
Photographer
Damon Banner
Posts: 85,269
Hayward, California, US


You are stronger than you imagine yourself to be.
Sep 06 12 11:19 am  Link  Quote 
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