Tim Little Photography wrote:

I'm sorry you lost your job Star. I lost my last job because of a panic attack and a flashback to the explosion. I thought I was on fire and was screaming for help. The first thing you want to do is apply for unemployment. You are sure to get it. Have you considered applying for disability? It isn't much money but it keeps me going while I face all my medical issues. Whatever you decide know that you are loved here and you have friends that care!

My staffing agency came through like a champ. I'm starting my new job (same shift) tonight making seventy-five cents per hour more than at the last one.

Star Child wrote:

My staffing agency came through like a champ. I'm starting my new job (same shift) tonight making seventy-five cents per hour more than at the last one.

Awesome
File this in the category of "things happen for a reason"

Star Child wrote:

My staffing agency came through like a champ. I'm starting my new job (same shift) tonight making seventy-five cents per hour more than at the last one.

FANTASTIC! I love it when good things happen to wonderful people! I hope your new gig is fun and rewarding!

Star Child wrote:
My staffing agency came through like a champ. I'm starting my new job (same shift) tonight making seventy-five cents per hour more than at the last one.

That's GREAT Kevin!   I was looking for the "Like" button ... but then I realized that this is not Facebook!  So I @ myself!  Best wishes on your new job!

M A U I wrote:
Suicide is NEVER a good option. I really hope most people would really make use of the sites given above, talk to some therapists, professionals...etc before they can even think about offing themselves.

True, it's not, but sometimes all the options out there just don't really hear you deep inside where the pain lives..I know this from my own current daily struggle with emotional and physical pain...I have to fight a daily struggle to stay alive...I have to argue with myself daily and even though I am  seeing all kinds of specialists. I really feel like I'm loosing this internal and physically painful war.

Tim Little Photography wrote:

FANTASTIC! I love it when good things happen to wonderful people! I hope your new gig is fun and rewarding!

It was neither fun or rewarding details and after two difficult nights my knees made it clear to me that I'm no longer physically able to work under such conditions. I gave it up last night. Back to the job hunt.

The upside is since I'm in the process of starting my own photography business this will provide the incentive to make it so as well as stop blocking my path. I'm not certain of any of this. Getting money for survival trumps everything. Still at this point I'm slowly dying from just trying to survive.
I'm 55 and although it ain't young I've still got viable years left in me, so it's really a straight bummer to have this feeling of being just a used up rag that needs to be thrown out.

cue next heavy depression low

Taboo Nudes wrote:

True, it's not, but sometimes all the options out there just don't really hear you deep inside where the pain lives..I know this from my own current daily struggle with emotional and physical pain...I have to fight a daily struggle to stay alive...I have to argue with myself daily and even though I am  seeing all kinds of specialists. I really feel like I'm loosing this internal and physically painful war.

Suicide is not chosen.  It happens when pain exceeds the resources for coping with pain.

You've been through a lot. Your struggle has been tremendous. I can so appreciate how dire you must feel at times.

Sometimes the only thing that keeps me going is my belief that if I woke up this morning that there is a reason for me to be in this world and... that reason isn't just for me to continue to suffer and struggle just to be here. As we all are I'm here to be a blessing to this world, to help make it a better place and not just take up space. I can honestly say that many, many days I have no idea of how I'm supposed to accomplish this or what I'm supposed to be doing to that effect, but I know if I woke up to this world then I'm needed for a purpose.  Sometimes, that's the only hope that keeps me alive.

Gulag wrote:
CDC says Steep Rise in Suicides Among Middle-Aged Americans in the Land of the Brave.

More Americans now commit suicide than are killed in car accidents. In 2010, the CDC reported, 33,687 people died in car crashes, but 38,364 took their own life.

http://health.usnews.com/health-news/ne … s-cdc-says

And when you look at those car accidents some of those are suicides. Death by car, motorbike and truck accident is more 'socially acceptable' for men than many of the other methods - and often times easier to disguise either knowingly or subliminally.

Stay strong everyone.

S K E L E T O N  K E Y wrote:
Don't think I've ever posted in here for myself, But just really haveing a down day, and don't think the next few  days are going to be great either. Trying not relapse into something i've been trying to recover from for over a month, after years of behaviour.
Nerves are wearing thin I guess.

We all have good days and hard days. But for some of us those bad days are very bad. I hope you can get through the hard times. You are always welcomed here!

Star Child wrote:
We push people away for multiple reasons. Some of them good.  Some of them bad.  We don't always mean to do it.  It's a part of the struggle.

We need, but we don't want them to hurt us.
We need, but we don't want to burden.
We need, but we don't know how to ask for help.
We need, but we're afraid it'll scare them away.
So we sit in an empty room alone
and we hurt.

Dp

Star Child wrote:

We push people away for multiple reasons. Some of them good.  Some of them bad.  We don't always mean to do it.  It's a part of the struggle.

We need, but we don't want them to hurt us.
We need, but we don't want to burden.
We need, but we don't know how to ask for help.
We need, but we're afraid it'll scare them away.
So we sit in an empty room alone
and we hurt.

Again that's so true, i feel like no one understands what Im going through. And I'm so sorry about your job, but congrats on the new one

Presley ONeil wrote:

Again that's so true, i feel like no one understands what Im going through. And I'm so sorry about your job, but congrats on the new one

I wish I could honestly say I know what you go through Presley but the fact is I don't. I don't think any of us can ever really know the other persons personal hell.

But I do know that you are like me and others in that you carry a burden that hurts your soul. Hopefully, that is a place where we can at least all start and try to be whatever the other person needs. And that differs for each of us.

I need people that appreciate that I at least try to be helpful and kind. I need people to be encouraging when it is deserved. Beyond what anyone can do here, I need to be loved.

I hope that this thread can be of help to you Presley. I know you help many people here.

M A U I wrote:
Suicide is NEVER a good option. I really hope most people would really make use of the sites given above, talk to some therapists, professionals...etc before they can even think about offing themselves.

Taboo Nudes wrote:
True, it's not, but sometimes all the options out there just don't really hear you deep inside where the pain lives..I know this from my own current daily struggle with emotional and physical pain...I have to fight a daily struggle to stay alive...I have to argue with myself daily and even though I am  seeing all kinds of specialists. I really feel like I'm loosing this internal and physically painful war.

I think that at heart we all KNOW that ending our lives isnt what we ultimately would want for ourselves. That wasnt our plan we we were born. Things happened along our path in life which led us to where we are now. It is a miracle for some of us that we have even survived this far, and even if it hurts to do this, you should pat yourself on the back for doing so. Each second, minute, hour, day, week, etc......... is something that you have survived and you are believe it or not stronger for it.

You may feel weak from what has happened and you may feel completely hopeless at times, but each time that clock ticks, you have grown stronger. Life is made out to seem like it is one big happy time when you are young. Grow up, white picket fence, become an astronaut maybe, have kids, and then as you age, reality sets in. HEY! What the HELL were they all talking about. People get sick, they die, I lose friends, I thought people who cared about me did but im realizing some may not, things dont come easy at all. THAT, my friends is the reality of life.

You start to learn that you have to play a more active role in your life to make that things you want to happen come true. By this point, you may be utterly disconnected, disappointing, shut down, and not even want to get out of bed. You might stare at "happy" people and wanna vomit. Listen to people saying little cheer you up things and say to yourself "yeah right. not happening for me" and curse them out in your head, but all it takes is for you to make it through one more day. Tomorrow, us a day that something new MIGHT happen.

You can only live one day at a time. How the heck can you plan a week or a  month from now if you are having trouble with right now? Its not fair to ask that of yourself. You have to learn to give yourself a break a little bit. We ask so much of ourselves and are often our own worst critics. I know I am.

If its 5pm, and you are stressed, look into some deep breathing tactics, in through your nose, out through your mouth, try to make the breaths last each way for 8 seconds each if possible. Breathing slows the whole system down, including thoughts. It is a great thing to do when you are having worries or stress. Sit down while you are doing it so you dont become lightheaded. 

What are some things you (and others here) enjoy during your free time? Do you do them? Its so important to make time for YOURSELF during the day. Even if it is just 15 minutes. Put it into a schedule form and make sure you make the "you" time a ritual. YOU COUNT. If there are people in your life that you wish to speak with, make it a mission to make calls to them on certain days of the week. If you are or arent working, add these little things to your "schedule" so you begin to have a new routine. Routines help a lot.

Do you enjoy taking baths? Do they relax you? Maybe try taking a bath with relaxing minerals in it. Are there certain movies that you enjoyed watching or want to watch? Maybe one day a week make it movie night?

I am suggesting these things so that you feel more balanced again. Do you write stories or sketch? Maybe you could sketch out ideas or write out ideas that may inspire your photos.

Its ok to feel depressed and lost, its all about finding your way back home to a safer and healthier place. Do you wish to do that? I believe that you can. Do you believe it? It starts one day at a time. Dont pass over the little improvements. I hope this has helped a little. feel free to talk with me anytime.

Presley ONeil wrote:

Again that's so true, i feel like no one understands what Im going through. And I'm so sorry about your job, but congrats on the new one

Part of the struggle we deal with is the feeling that no one else understands, that we're all alone.

Just this past Thursday night I had just finished mowing my lawn after a rather rough day. The big blast was my car broke down and I had to get a tow home. My neighbor from across the street came over to chat and to let me know that they were going to be moving away soon.  In the course of our conversation she let me know that she had been struggling with depression. I was surprised, but at the same time relieved to know someone else close to me could understand the feeling and I let her know that I struggled with depression as well. It was exciting for both of us to learn that someone we had been knowing for years was kind of in the same boat.

Damianne wrote:
Hey do you guys know of a good caregiver, friend/family of, depression support space?

I'm dealing with this again and my long history with other people being depressed means I have anger to deal with and hanging out in depression forums for support would probably be harmful to others reading if I am actually being honest about my feelings, which is part of what's helpful.

I found a local in-person group but since I'm now the primary income source I don't have the time to go right this second and some friendly faces would be awesome.


I've been looking but all I'm finding involves people who are dealing with depression.

a quick look at what you have written and brief talks with you is that you have suffered in your own way from dealing with the effects of what depression and other illnesses may have done to others and in effect, you. I know that you have stated you have been in therapy before to talk, and I am not quite sure if you were ever really quite able to focus on talking about your personal feelings and how you were being affected, or if you spent most of the time trying to problem solve and often felt the need to try and help. It sounds like you are saying that you are not capable of that anymore, because you forgot to take care of yourself.

Often people who are surrounded by others who are dealing with lots of things may "burn out". It is really important that you understand first WHAT your needs are to begin with, and how you can begin to help yourself. All of this stuff can be and is draining. Largely, people who are emotionally intelligent have been through the wringer.

Perhaps you may find that you identify with a certain type of "diagnosis" no matter how cliche you may find that to sound. Perhaps you feel that you just want to focus on the way you deal with "anger" type in the name of your town and then free or community groups for ________. Things should pop up locally that are free or very cheap. There is more help out there than people realize. Avoid certain triggers if possible, and I would suggest a head start by keeping a journal of triggers and writing down your reactions so that you can share this with a therapist or group when you start.

Deep breaths.

Lumen Sky wrote:

a quick look at what you have written and brief talks with you is that you have suffered in your own way from dealing with the effects of what depression and other illnesses may have done to others and in effect, you. I know that you have stated you have been in therapy before to talk, and I am not quite sure if you were ever really quite able to focus on talking about your personal feelings and how you were being affected, or if you spent most of the time trying to problem solve and often felt the need to try and help. It sounds like you are saying that you are not capable of that anymore, because you forgot to take care of yourself.

Often people who are surrounded by others who are dealing with lots of things may "burn out". It is really important that you understand first WHAT your needs are to begin with, and how you can begin to help yourself. All of this stuff can be and is draining. Largely, people who are emotionally intelligent have been through the wringer.

Perhaps you may find that you identify with a certain type of "diagnosis" no matter how cliche you may find that to sound. Perhaps you feel that you just want to focus on the way you deal with "anger" type in the name of your town and then free or community groups for ________. Things should pop up locally that are free or very cheap. There is more help out there than people realize. Avoid certain triggers if possible, and I would suggest a head start by keeping a journal of triggers and writing down your reactions so that you can share this with a therapist or group when you start.

Deep breaths.

I've been in therapy before, and not just to talk, but to set a groundwork for being an emotionally healthy individual and it stuck pretty well (my loved one is actually seeing that same therapist, I've known her since I was 9), and I'm not overwhelmed by anger. I have the typical problems anyone close to someone going through a major depression has: wanting to help overmuch, guilt, betrayal, anger, my own feelings of sadness, feeling happy and mildly annoyed, supportive, hope, all of that.
Everything other than the anger is perfectly acceptable to talk about with people who are going through depression, hence why I mention it specifically. I can deal with all of it, I have the coping mechanisms and the understandings of the disease to deal with it well, I just kind of like the feeling of community I would have with others going through it. I don't need therapy, I need support. Honestly, if I could afford to see my therapist and she wasn't currently "taken" by my loved one (it would be unfair to him to have her deal with both, she needs to know about my needs only through his understanding of them, IMO), I would, but it really would just be to be heard, and a support group is better for that.

I've already written down my short term and long term goals, then figured out my specific needs from that, set aside time for me, talking to my loved one about how we can help him and what I'll need in order to do that without going crazy, how we can take care of both of us, all of that. I even, like I said, found a local support group and will go when I have the time, but I simply don't right now and was hoping to find something online.

A group of people dealing with depression can be supportive toward me with "I'm feeling sad about how sad he is" with a nice "it's not about you, he still loves you, and knowing you love him regardless is helping, don't put pressure on him to be happy", or "I'm feeling guilty that I'm happy right now about work and he's so depressed" with "you still have needs and you can be happy, in fact while he may not be able to feel it right now, having that positive energy can be relaxing and reminds you both it's not all about blues and pressure coming down" but I really think it's unfair to talk to people currently dealing with depression about the anger I feel over how inherently selfish someone who's depressed is, constantly. Then I have to work around other people needing to know they're not at fault for being sick and that it's just unfair to everyone and needs to be worked through. Then I have to be a carer to more people, which is the opposite of the goal.

I was wondering if someone here knew of a space where I could talk to people also trying to avoid being carers for a second, and could just hang out and get a quick rant out or be supportive of feelings that aren't centered around the depressed individual. I don't need to deal with my anger as an issue, it's natural and normal and reasonable, I just need to be heard and connect with people that are going through the same thing and aren't going to take my completely reasonable and natural feelings personally and get damaged by them.

It's also normal and natural and reasonable for my loved one to be damaged by me feeling angry, and it's part of my job as the support to negotiate my needs without bringing it into that place.


Meh, just if anyone here has heard of anything through their loved ones and support system finding help like what I'm describing, it would be greatly appreciated.

Star Child wrote:

Taboo Nudes wrote:
True, it's not, but sometimes all the options out there just don't really hear you deep inside where the pain lives..I know this from my own current daily struggle with emotional and physical pain...I have to fight a daily struggle to stay alive...I have to argue with myself daily and even though I am  seeing all kinds of specialists. I really feel like I'm loosing this internal and physically painful war.

You've been through a lot. Your struggle has been tremendous. I can so appreciate how dire you must feel at times.

Sometimes the only thing that keeps me going is my belief that if I woke up this morning that there is a reason for me to be in this world and... that reason isn't just for me to continue to suffer and struggle just to be here. As we all are I'm here to be a blessing to this world, to help make it a better place and not just take up space. I can honestly say that many, many days I have no idea of how I'm supposed to accomplish this or what I'm supposed to be doing to that effect, but I know if I woke up to this world then I'm needed for a purpose.  Sometimes, that's the only hope that keeps me alive.

thanks...I am seeing so many doctors and I'm sick of them all.  My main doctor is trying to take me off of the pain medicines and the detoxing is a living hell, but they also cause depression.  I have and continue to do so much research on pain meds and depression.  I will be seeing my acupuncturist again this friday and ask him to place the needles in places on the face that I saw on WebMD that are supposed to help with detoxing off these pain meds...they shouldn't be on the market.

I tell myself that even though my grown sons and other family members live in other states and countries they would be devastated if I killed myself.  this is the hardest struggle of my life and just talking to others that are suffering helps to know that I'm not alone and people do care.

Lumen Sky wrote:

M A U I wrote:
Suicide is NEVER a good option. I really hope most people would really make use of the sites given above, talk to some therapists, professionals...etc before they can even think about offing themselves.

I think that at heart we all KNOW that ending our lives isnt what we ultimately would want for ourselves. That wasnt our plan we we were born. Things happened along our path in life which led us to where we are now. It is a miracle for some of us that we have even survived this far, and even if it hurts to do this, you should pat yourself on the back for doing so. Each second, minute, hour, day, week, etc......... is something that you have survived and you are believe it or not stronger for it.

You may feel weak from what has happened and you may feel completely hopeless at times, but each time that clock ticks, you have grown stronger. Life is made out to seem like it is one big happy time when you are young. Grow up, white picket fence, become an astronaut maybe, have kids, and then as you age, reality sets in. HEY! What the HELL were they all talking about. People get sick, they die, I lose friends, I thought people who cared about me did but im realizing some may not, things dont come easy at all. THAT, my friends is the reality of life.

You start to learn that you have to play a more active role in your life to make that things you want to happen come true. By this point, you may be utterly disconnected, disappointing, shut down, and not even want to get out of bed. You might stare at "happy" people and wanna vomit. Listen to people saying little cheer you up things and say to yourself "yeah right. not happening for me" and curse them out in your head, but all it takes is for you to make it through one more day. Tomorrow, us a day that something new MIGHT happen.

You can only live one day at a time. How the heck can you plan a week or a  month from now if you are having trouble with right now? Its not fair to ask that of yourself. You have to learn to give yourself a break a little bit. We ask so much of ourselves and are often our own worst critics. I know I am.

If its 5pm, and you are stressed, look into some deep breathing tactics, in through your nose, out through your mouth, try to make the breaths last each way for 8 seconds each if possible. Breathing slows the whole system down, including thoughts. It is a great thing to do when you are having worries or stress. Sit down while you are doing it so you dont become lightheaded. 

What are some things you (and others here) enjoy during your free time? Do you do them? Its so important to make time for YOURSELF during the day. Even if it is just 15 minutes. Put it into a schedule form and make sure you make the "you" time a ritual. YOU COUNT. If there are people in your life that you wish to speak with, make it a mission to make calls to them on certain days of the week. If you are or arent working, add these little things to your "schedule" so you begin to have a new routine. Routines help a lot.

Do you enjoy taking baths? Do they relax you? Maybe try taking a bath with relaxing minerals in it. Are there certain movies that you enjoyed watching or want to watch? Maybe one day a week make it movie night?

I am suggesting these things so that you feel more balanced again. Do you write stories or sketch? Maybe you could sketch out ideas or write out ideas that may inspire your photos.

Its ok to feel depressed and lost, its all about finding your way back home to a safer and healthier place. Do you wish to do that? I believe that you can. Do you believe it? It starts one day at a time. Dont pass over the little improvements. I hope this has helped a little. feel free to talk with me anytime.

Thank you...you have made some valid points and I have been struggling to do some of these things and just get through each day.  Some days are sheer emotional and physical hell while a few days I am actually starting to feel better.  I never know which day will be which...right now I'm trying to get off the pain meds that cause depression in and of themselves.....it's hell. and it's going to take a long time so each day on less pain meds is another day towards feeling like myself again.  I'd rather deal with the pain than this depression.

amb300 wrote:
I find that working out a lot and a light dose of meds helps my depression.

Yes I try going for walks...I shattered my left leg so badly that it took two surgeries to put it back together with steel plates and bolts.   I also have degenerative bone disease so the walks that use to be three miles a day have been cut down drastically.  I know that exercise increases dopamine, but the pain meds are blocking that so I am being weaned off, but the doctor did too much at one time and the last two weeks of detox have been a living hell both emotionally and physically, but I am bound and determined to get off all these pain killers...they are dangerous drugs.

Taboo Nudes wrote:
thanks...I am seeing so many doctors and I'm sick of them all.  My main doctor is trying to take me off of the pain medicines and the detoxing is a living hell, but they also cause depression.  I have and continue to do so much research on pain meds and depression.  I will be seeing my acupuncturist again this friday and ask him to place the needles in places on the face that I saw on WebMD that are supposed to help with detoxing off these pain meds...they shouldn't be on the market.

I tell myself that even though my grown sons and other family members live in other states and countries they would be devastated if I killed myself.  this is the hardest struggle of my life and just talking to others that are suffering helps to know that I'm not alone and people do care.

I'm being stepped off a powerful drug the VA was prescribing me and giving me more than the maximum safe dosage for 4 years.  I'm taking about 25% of what I was taking before and it really sucks, so I feel your pain.  Have you tried learning meditation techniques?  I know it sounds like weird stuff, but that works for me quite a bit.

Things do get better the more off the powerful drugs you are.  3 months ago I couldn't even sleep most days and definitely couldn't do much photography.  Now I'm easing into doing several shoots per month and doing nature photography a few times per week.

Buggin Out Photography wrote:

I'm being stepped off a powerful drug the VA was prescribing me and giving me more than the maximum safe dosage for 4 years.  I'm taking about 25% of what I was taking before and it really sucks, so I feel your pain.  Have you tried learning meditation techniques?  I know it sounds like weird stuff, but that works for me quite a bit.

Things do get better the more off the powerful drugs you are.  3 months ago I couldn't even sleep most days and definitely couldn't do much photography.  Now I'm easing into doing several shoots per month and doing nature photography a few times per week.

I know exactly how you feel. It's going to take time and I can't wait until I am completely off of these pain meds.  Yes, I do meditation as well as see an acupuncture..it's helping.

Believe in yourself, be patient, be confident knowing “you got this.” You’re gonna get resistance. It may not come fast or as easy as you hoped or happen with your initial effort, but believe.. step back and analyze if you need. Shake off that sting and stick with it.. patiently with faith in yourself that you can do it.

You can

You will

You are

victory

Star Child wrote:
Believe in yourself

That is beautiful!

Taboo Nudes wrote:

I know exactly how you feel. It's going to take time and I can't wait until I am completely off of these pain meds.  Yes, I do meditation as well as see an acupuncture..it's helping.

Yeah.  I've been on all kinds of medications for a long time, but am continually trying find more natural ways to deal with things.  All the medications the VA has given me over the years has taken a toll almost as bad as the conditions they were treating.  I guess it's just funny..sometimes you need medication to survive bad periods, but you really can't stay on a high level of medication for too long either.

Star Child wrote:
Ever catch yourself thinking "I might have [insert mental wellness issue that you're struggling with], but I'm not crazy like [insert name or reference to someone who is making headlines due to a reprehensible action]"?

When you do are you inclined to take a step back and re-evaluate yourself and the stigmatization of mental illness?

A second question:

Most of us who like to laugh and do funny things will embrace the label of being crazy at some point. It's become a generalized attitude. We always laugh at so-and-so (including ourselves if the characteristic fits), claiming "you are so crazy."
Do you ever stop and think what crazy really is?
Do you ever stop and think there's nothing crazy about that person, but you really understand what crazy is - as you struggle with a mental wellness issue?

Loaded questions here! When referring to the idea of being "crazy like so and so" and referring to yourself as well it becomes tricky and often you can find yourself becoming defensive at times. Often people want to be their "own" kind of crazy and very much they are. They may share some of the same traits that may be linked to diagnostic criteria that fits the same diagnosis in the dsm(whatever version) as another person, but may be completely different. Many people overlap in certain symptoms but present differently externally. They also have different internal makeups.

For example, one persons depression may differ from another's depending on the severity, length, duration, cause, etc. This is just a tiny example. There are differences however in the levels of depressions and the symptoms. Depression is one of the most accepted things these days that people deal with. Often, people shrug it off and tell others to just deal or cope with it.

Mental illness is an illness just as much as any medical illness is and should not be looked down upon. It happens as a result of life and or genetic components. I constantly talk about how our people need to support each other more and also how we need to believe in ourselves more. This is a case where this is more true than ever. WE need to keep an eye out for each other, notice if one another are having issues and be more present for each other, take time to care for one another, and genuinely lend a hand.

Often the people who "stand out" are seen as crazy. When I say stand out I mean that in many ways. It can be their behavior being strange, either loud or unique in some way by being really really quiet. I suppose that I view extremists as being a bit odd. I find it hard to find a "normal". I guess you would go with what the mass appeal, but personally I find that underneath the mask of the "mass" there is often cracks that reveal an oddness to people. There is often more to see if you poke around.

Im not sure what crazy is. Perhaps it is the inability to see that you are not connected with reality. Most people who are that sick are not able to realize that they are sick. That I think, is what makes them as sick as they are.

Lumen Sky wrote:
just here to send hugs and strength

Right back atcha.

BelezaModel wrote:
I'm glad I found this thread because I have been going through major depression. I feel so unaccomplished in life. I'm 21 have no friends, my boyfriend is nice but sometimes I feel he doesn't care, I have no job, my family doesn't care to listein about my problems, I'm stressed with school, and have given up modeling (still use the website because I like to lurk in the forums). I have been having constant thoughts of ending my own life. Everyone of my accquiantances would rather label me a bitch because I have been so irritable and frustrated and angry at everything that I just unintentionally take it out on people. I don't know what to do or who to turn to anymore.

I wish our society was not such that it makes many people feel the same feelings as you're feeling.

There seems to be so much pressure, especially from 21 to 25 that make people that age think they are expected to be this or expected to accomplish that, otherwise they are unaccomplished.

Whatever happened to our society valuing people by what is in their hearts and minds rather than where they live, where they work, and what they drive to name a few.

So many people feel alone and feel like they are unusual to feel depressed over things, when the reality is these thoughts are far more common than people realize... because "these are feelings we just don't talk about", which just makes us feel more alone and more isolated.

Even if you don't have someone to listen, you're not alone.   Even if you're not where you hoped you would be, that does not make you unaccomplished.

I wish I knew of some easy answers for the depression, and probably the easiest things I can think of are to force yourself to do things for fun.  When our lives seem way out of balance and those negative things are weighing us down, try harder to do things that make you feel good about yourself and/or that you enjoy doing.

It may not help, but I've seen you around the site for a while and you always have made me smile, so that alone means you're not unaccomplished.  Anyone who knows me knows that making me smile is no small accomplishment!!