As a photographer and former professional resume writer I sometimes read things in a model's bio that scream "red flag" or small things that might turn off the reader. As with a resume the bio should encourage responses, not discourage responses.
If you like I'll take a look at your port and bio and let you know if there are ways you might improve your presentation?
This is for fun and any suggestions I might make are just that -- suggestions.
Kyra, Your bio appears to be one long paragraph, i.e., it's wordy and hard to read. The information about when you graduate, etc., only takes up space and is of no use to the photographer. It is "I" and not "i." Use caps, please.
Keep it simple. Paint a simple word picture of yourself and make it no longer than perhaps 2 short paragraphs. Keep in mind that the MM template that you filled out provides most of the information a photographer or agency needs.
I think you have a bright future as a model. Shoot some more with photographers in your area and expand your port a bit.
Melinda, I would suggest dropping the "Hey I'm Melinda Blain" from your bio. It does not sound professional. Also, being home-schooled is not relevant. I would suggest saying "I have flexible hours." Noting that you are a ballet dancer is great. Most photographers love working with a model who has fluid moves.
You have a very, very bright future as a model. Work on that port some. Your port is good but try and work with photographers in your area to expand your port some. Show different looks, etc.
Coolbird, Your bio is wordy. May I suggest deleting the paragraph that begins with "Although I am only 5'7"..." and the paragraph that begins with "As for right now..." The paragraphs add nothing to your bio. Other than that it reads well.
Your bio "screams" I have energy and want to work with you! That's a good thing.
Your port needs work. If you care to message me I'll go into detail.
I am interested in having you review my bio. I have not updated it in awhile, but it seems to be working for me. I have gained a lot of notice, but i think it is time for a change, and i also need a new or reconstructed bio for another website i have for my modeling, I was wondering if you could review mine and give me a few tips. I have a resume also. What else needs to be said in a bio?