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Feeling Torn/Down On Myself
Hey, So I guess I'm having a little bit of a crisis. I've been modeling for around a year now, and I love it, and people tell me I'm good at it. I've worked with designers and am featured on SuicideGirls and Zivity. However, I just don't see it. I know it's not all about being pretty, but I see myself as too short, with a big nose and generally unattractive, but can look okay with a talented photographer and photoshop! I don't know, I was looking for agency representation and basically got turned away/no replies mainly because of my height...and even from the ones that claimed they accepted petites. I suppose what I'm asking is, do I keep doing what I love or does it just make me look like an idiot for trying to even get into this? Oct 01 12 08:27 pm Link The fact that you can do work like this,  tells me you should stick with modeling. You may be drawn more to alt type stuff but it's not all you can do, and I think it makes allot of photographers pass up your port. Oct 01 12 08:50 pm Link This is very cool.  Stick with it; you are good at your genre... & don't worry about the self-loathing... ha, it's just a part of growing up. Oct 01 12 08:54 pm Link Keep going, you have something about you. Maybe try some other genres so that your portfolio is a little more diverse. Oct 01 12 08:56 pm Link First of all we are all our own worst critics. We often see flaws in ourselves that other people don't see. So don't be hard on yourself. Modeling will have ups and downs. Sometimes you will be on a high when you get some great pictures. But it can have it's lows like when you don't get selected for casting calls. The best thing to do is have realistic expectations. Modeling is extremely competitive so it is hard to do and make a good living at. I suggest having another career that will be your main income and doing modeling on the side for the fun. If you are relying on modeling as your main income it puts a tremedous amount of pressure on casting calls. If you don't get a particular job it can mean the difference in making your rent/car payment etc. But if it is something on the side, the money (what there is of it) is just gravy. So don't give up on modeling. Do it for the enjoyment and rely on something else for your livelyhood. You have some very beautiful pictures in your port so you do nice work. Oct 01 12 08:56 pm Link part of the fun of modeling is seeing your beauty thru the eyes of others, so when your confidence is low - you can say "well these talented people saw something beautiful and that something was me!" and the fact that you don't have mass appeal? most of the coolest people don't . . . ps: if you ever get out this way, i would love to shoot with you.  Oct 01 12 08:59 pm Link "...do I keep doing what I love...?" YES! Do it because you love it. Dream big, but have a backup plan. It's ok to create beautiful art while never achieving fame and fortune. Be realistic about the possibility of this never becoming a full time career, but that doesn't mean you can't inspire others along the way  Oct 01 12 09:01 pm Link Oct 01 12 09:02 pm Link Misty R H wrote: ^ +1. Oct 01 12 09:03 pm Link Trust me, we all feel like that at some point or another. When I feel particularly down, I either take a break for awhile and recenter myself or I book with photographers/talent that I know will make killer photos--and when I see them, even if they aren't perfect for my portfolio but just general good photographs--I smile and move on. And then there's always chocolate and Ben&Jerry's Oct 01 12 09:04 pm Link "Black clouds cross'd my mind. Blue mist round my soul, I feel so suicidal even hate my rock and roll, Wanna die. Yeah, wanna die. If I ain't dead already, ooh, girl, you know the reason why." John Lennon. Yer Blues. A lot of us feel down even when we're doing good stuff. And yer doin' good stuff. Oct 01 12 09:28 pm Link If you want one more post telling you not to quit modeling. Here's my two cents. First do you like it? I know that's a crazy concept but modeling can be tough. You take very stunning photos and any photographer would be crazy to pass up an opportunity to shoot with you. With that said I've seen an amazing dancer quit dance. She had the legs, the feet, technique, but she just didn't like doing it. It was her attempt at fitting into what other people wanted of her. With how stunning your photos are I can chalk this post up to a "pitty boost me up phrase" OR you just don't like modeling and need an excuse to quit. Either way do what you want to do in life that's the most important thing and love it. Oct 02 12 12:47 am Link DreamOrchid wrote: 1 I know about crisis...I know its tough sometimes not to be down on yourself...but look at the bright side...you are still young...slim, beautiful and have a fantastic look. Oct 02 12 01:07 am Link If I was in Chicago I'd be begging to shoot wiht you and then I'd tell the whole world how awesome you are and show them the pics. DON'T STOP!!! Shilo Suicide wrote: Oct 02 12 01:18 am Link If I may... You say you love llamaing and you're asking whether you should give up... Well, I think you've found your answer! Passion is the greatest reason to keep doing something - as long as you do it for yourself and not to prove something to others. I've started llamaing 7 years ago and have done it full-time for about 3. It's my full-time job. The amount of times I wanted to drop it...? I dont think I could count them all. It takes a lot of mental strenght, I find, to keep going and believing in yourself. It's great to have others tell you you're wonderful and really amazing when they give you paid gigs. BUT reality (at least mine) is that moSt of the time things dont just come by themselves. What comes easiest is self-doubt and fear of tomorrow, that there won't be any work etc etc My 1st agency told me, when llamaing was still just a dream, that I was old, that I had to lose weight and strongly consider a nose-job. Guess what, Im even older now, I'm pretty much the same weight I was back then and I didnt get my nose done. I work well. The older I get the more confidence I gain in myself. I know what I can and can't do. I'd say in llamaing you have to kick your butt continuosly to keep going. Ignore the losses and reinforce the good things. Oct 02 12 05:54 am Link I was just asking myself the same thing a few days ago, especially since the work has been almost slim to none. We're our own worse critics. What we view as ugly or unattractive is viewed as art to some else. Keep doing your thing. You seem to have found your niche' in alt modeling. Awesome port! Oct 02 12 06:17 am Link Physically, you're drop dead cute and have a great figure Figure out how to do this, and you will cruise. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wHIWlKVU … re=related Oct 02 12 06:30 am Link Why would you give up modeling??? Your port is full of great images. If you love model....keep on doing it. Oct 02 12 06:36 am Link You look great as you are, I really like your shots. Oct 02 12 07:15 am Link Shilo Suicide wrote: If you love the act of working with creative folks, and the images from it keep you doing it...then you're already arrived. But only you know whether that's enough..good luck... Oct 02 12 07:21 am Link howard r wrote: This is very nicely put. Oct 02 12 07:43 am Link Don't have too rigid expectations. Otherwise - yes - you're good. I'd pay to shoot with you. Oct 02 12 12:44 pm Link Welcome to the club! We are all out own worst critics. We see things that others don't- and most times, photographs that we hate, others love. It isnt' just about what we thinking about ourselves, but more along the lines of how others see and enjoy our work. Unless you're getting a ton of hate mail- and as long as you love what you do - sit back and enjoy the ride! Oct 02 12 12:50 pm Link Everyone feels that way from time to time, even the best of us burn out sooner or later. We've taken one too many hits, one too many negative comments, one too many bumps along the road. Maybe it is a shoot gone badly, or yet another message in your inbox for TF work that just won't benefit you, from someone you just know is going to get pissy if she/he doesn't get their way. Maybe it's family troubles, or a rough spot in a relationship.... We all have things that eat away at our creative energies and leave us feeling drained and unprotected, so when the next unflattering photograph or poorly worded comment comes our way, it bites us to the quick. The only real way to get out of a dark patch is to make yourself strong enough to brush it off and carry on. Some people take a break and do something new, some people go on holiday, some people sit at home for a week eating ice cream and watching old movies, you've just got to find what works for you I can give you a tip though - whenever I feel bad (and I am a miserable bugger by nature) I do something for someone else. I volunteer, I call my friends and listen to their troubles, I make cake and share it with the folks in my building. And, if I really can't kick myself out of the dip, I know I can always call my Dad at 3am and cry hopelessly down the phone until the sound of his voice reminds me that I am a very lucky person, and I am strong enough to take the world by the throat and make it give me what I want. So, don't let your problems tell you what you can and can't have, and don't let your insecurities take away your creativity. Kick 'em in the teeth and tell them to pack their bags, because on your death bed, you don't want to be saying 'I wish'. In fact, don't just kick them. Jump them in an alley, beat 'em with a lead pipe and go through their pockets in case they've still got any of the tme and happiness they stole from you lying around Oct 02 12 01:28 pm Link You know, the prettiest girls always see something that they don't like in themselves, all those things that are not visible for the others. Self-critique is a normal thing, everyone gets there time to time:) You are a stunning, unique model and a simply beautiful girl! If you love modelling, if you enjoy it, keep doing it! Oct 02 12 02:40 pm Link Kitty LaRose wrote: This. Oct 02 12 02:42 pm Link Shilo Suicide wrote: Get into what exactly? Oct 02 12 02:48 pm Link I almost never shoot anymore but I certainly would with you You are fantastic Oct 02 12 03:54 pm Link You're awesome. A lot of alt models can look up to you and hope to be as good. If you really do love this, keep doing it. If you're having doubts because you don't know if it's what you WANT to do, then really think about that. But if the only reason you're having doubts is because you don't think you're good and can't go anywhere with it, that's only your self criticism, which we all do. Oct 02 12 04:17 pm Link Shilo Suicide wrote: That would be a "Yes" Oct 02 12 04:46 pm Link Shilo Suicide wrote: Well first off I see 2 things. 1. You're doing very well in specific categories but then you're looking for agency representation which is a different category. 2. Most of the successful models I know out there don't think much of themselves. Oct 02 12 04:46 pm Link want the truth? your nose IS big, and you are short, and i am NOT a suicide fan nor are the agencies, BUT, you have great legs and a killer body AND best of all, you are amazing and i mean amazing in front of the lens... i would so make you my muse if you lived here and i never thought i would say that about a suicide gal...but your presence in fornt of the camera is THAT good.. .. as to the year of experience....whoopie shit.. your just a beginner and look how great your images are... so move to atlanta! Oct 02 12 05:22 pm Link You can go all over the place with your modeling or rule (specialize in) a specific theme. I can see where you are best at. Be the one everyone calls when they need "The One". I specialize in one area. I was asked to be involved in a video game (hopefully to be released this month for the iPad). I just received a message today for my involvement in a movie. Yes, stick with it. It takes time. But once you find your niche, you'll be golden. -Koa- www.borikenwarrior.com www.facebook.com/borikenwarriorstudiosmodels Oct 02 12 07:14 pm Link Thank you to everyone who has replied very much. I appreciate it very much. I guess my main problem stems from my issues with myself--that I'm not overly fond of my appearance (and not looking for compliments at all, just stating a fact.) I am hoping to have rhinoplasty when I can afford it/have began paying off other loans I have so I can take one out for this. It just hurts me in a way to know that agency llamaing, which I guess is seen as the most "professional" is so far out of my reach. I want to do alternative, which I am doing, but there is no real "alternative" agency...which really sucks. I guess I'm just wondering how to get out there like some of the really amazing alternative llamas and really be respected. Oct 02 12 11:20 pm Link Shilo Suicide wrote: OMG you are BEAUTIFUL, CHECK out my pics, I had a huge issue with my nose when I was younger and my mom fortunately was a big participate for me NOT to get it. Not that there is anything wrong with it... But really it can eff u up for life.. You are already amazing. And if you do decide to get it, to a test... look at everyone who has a "perfect " nose and try and see if it is real or done ... do a countdown of who has fake noses vs. real noses and witch noses came out good and witch nose jobs you could tell where fake. By the way in Mexico City there are tons of models from all over the world and its a great place to start modeling, sometimes you need a place where they dont have many girls of your type like Mexico or China etc etc... Then when you have a portfolio you can have them kiss your ass. Oct 02 12 11:33 pm Link Unless you are a sociopath... self doubt will creep into the minds of everyone from time to time. Rejection and the word no is a big part of this industry... most often it is not so much about you, but about what they like or want. I find the best tool is to have some sort of guiding thought or principle to follow... that way when the mental coyotes start barking all you have to do is remind yourself what is important. So maybe this is about self exploration or joy of modeling... or it is about financial gain. For me it is about solving visual problems and enjoying beauty. (That is why I am broke... lol) so find that thing for you and keep reminding yourself every time you get down... Oct 03 12 06:13 am Link I say keep at it. I get discouraged because I dont know where I quite fit in in this industry and I've been doing this for 5 years. Oct 03 12 10:25 am Link btw - before you get your nose done, do yourself a favor and google "jennifer grey nose job" what people think of as normal is not always better . . . Oct 04 12 03:25 pm Link I'm always down on myself, too. I see everyone around me getting EVERYTHING handed to them, and I'll be lucky if I get any recognition at all, EVER. Life just seems to shit on me- so much so that sometimes, I feel like packing it in. Honestly, when I saw your avatar photo, I was like "Ohhh, I need to add this girl in case she ever comes to Boston/I go to Chicago so we can shoot". Like I said, I'm usually down on myself a lot, too, so coming from me, that may not mean much- but for what it's worth, I think youre doing well. Don't be afraid to put your foot down and start charging people. Trust me, it's not always about being tall, or "glamorous", or whatever the fuck people SAY you should be- I know plenty of models getting paid a fuck-ton because they have CHARACTER. Oct 04 12 03:38 pm Link Jules NYC wrote: +1 Oct 04 12 03:40 pm Link |
