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Model
Celine B
Posts: 1
Victoria, British Columbia, Canada


I'm pretty new to the modeling world, and have already run into quite a big hurdle. My boyfriend does not approve my modeling. It makes him quite upset and jealous. I want to be considerate of his feelings, however.. I feel like this is all very harmless. I'm not posing nude, or in sexually explicit poses. I'm not posing with other male models. I have fun modeling. It makes me happy and gives me an extra confidence boost.
Is it wrong of me to not want to stop? Has anyone ever dealt with this before? What did you do?
Oct 02 12 02:22 pm  Link  Quote 
Model
P I X I E
Posts: 35,267
Toronto, Ontario, Canada


I've had SO's not be super supportive... In the end, you have to decide what's more important to you: your SO or your llamaing? Some people will never change. Trust me, I've come across some of them. What a waste of time.

Thankfully though, my husband is 100% supportive, and even brags to his friends that he's married to a hot nude llama. big_smile
Oct 02 12 02:25 pm  Link  Quote 
Model
Ester Ginzbur
Posts: 128
Edison, New Jersey, US


P I X I E wrote:
In the end, you have to decide what's more important to you: your SO or your modeling?

This!!!

Oct 02 12 02:29 pm  Link  Quote 
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Model
Koryn
Posts: 35,783
Boston, Massachusetts, US


Continuing to be involved with someone who will not support your personal decisions 100% -- is a bad idea, for both you and him.

He does not own your body or likeness. YOU do. Only you should be able to determine what you do with it, and how you present yourself to the world.

A man who will make negative judgements about the things you choose to do with your body, is being controlling --- even if the control problem only seems to manifest through this one thing, by way of jealousy/envy/disapproval.

Doesn't matter. Negativity can be a form of control, and mental manipulation, when it's directed toward someone you are in a relationship with.
Oct 02 12 02:31 pm  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Select Models
Posts: 35,348
Upland, California, US


Jealousy/Disapproval from Significant Other

Anyone who doesn't support your endeavors is definitely NOT significant... tongue
Oct 02 12 02:31 pm  Link  Quote 
Photographer
MesmerEyes Photography
Posts: 2,838
Tyler, Texas, US


P I X I E wrote:
In the end, you have to decide what's more important to you: your SO or your modeling?

+1

Oct 02 12 02:31 pm  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Viral Photo
Posts: 258
Richmond, Virginia, US


P I X I E wrote:
I've had SO's not be super supportive... In the end, you have to decide what's more important to you: your SO or your modeling? Some people will never change. Trust me, I've come across some of them. What a waste of time.

Thankfully though, my husband is 100% supportive, and even brags to his friends that he's married to a hot nude model. big_smile

+ all the numbers and agreement.

Oct 02 12 02:32 pm  Link  Quote 
Photographer
AJScalzitti
Posts: 12,249
Atlanta, Georgia, US


Select Models wrote:
Jealousy/Disapproval from Significant Other

Anyone who doesn't support your endeavors is definitely NOT significant... tongue

+1 Well it's a good thing you found out now, time to cut bait and move on.

Oct 02 12 02:32 pm  Link  Quote 
Model
Babalon Salome
Posts: 3,499
Hamburg, Hamburg, Germany


ShivaKitty wrote:
Continuing to be involved with someone who will not support your personal decisions 100% -- is a bad idea, for both you and him.

He does not own your body or likeness. YOU do. Only you should be able to determine what you do with it, and how you present yourself to the world.

A man who will make negative judgements about the things you choose to do with your body, is being controlling --- even if the control problem only seems to manifest through this one thing, by way of jealousy/envy/disapproval.

Doesn't matter. Negativity can be a form of control, and mental manipulation, when it's directed toward someone you are in a relationship with.

This. Exactly this.

Oct 02 12 02:37 pm  Link  Quote 
Photographer
J Welborn
Posts: 2,552
Clarksville, Tennessee, US


ShivaKitty wrote:
Continuing to be involved with someone who will not support your personal decisions 100% -- is a bad idea, for both you and him.

He does not own your body or likeness. YOU do. Only you should be able to determine what you do with it, and how you present yourself to the world.

A man who will make negative judgements about the things you choose to do with your body, is being controlling --- even if the control problem only seems to manifest through this one thing, by way of jealousy/envy/disapproval.

Doesn't matter. Negativity can be a form of control, and mental manipulation, when it's directed toward someone you are in a relationship with.

Perfect answer

Oct 02 12 02:38 pm  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Toto Photo
Posts: 2,382
Belmont, California, US


By the way, if you choose to ignore the unanimous advice here, do a Search on this topic and see hundreds of similar opinions.

In my opinion ShivaKitty nailed it.
Oct 02 12 02:41 pm  Link  Quote 
Model
P I X I E
Posts: 35,267
Toronto, Ontario, Canada


ShivaKitty wrote:
Continuing to be involved with someone who will not support your personal decisions 100% -- is a bad idea, for both you and him.

He does not own your body or likeness. YOU do. Only you should be able to determine what you do with it, and how you present yourself to the world.

A man who will make negative judgements about the things you choose to do with your body, is being controlling --- even if the control problem only seems to manifest through this one thing, by way of jealousy/envy/disapproval.

Doesn't matter. Negativity can be a form of control, and mental manipulation, when it's directed toward someone you are in a relationship with.

You said it so much better than I could. smile

Oct 02 12 02:43 pm  Link  Quote 
Photographer
AWHill Photography
Posts: 147
New York, New York, US


Agree with all the posters above. Look - you are only young once - I have seen and personally experienced deferring my own dreams, ambition, and art due to the feelings of significate others. Life is to short and if he can't create with you or support your art you may be in for years of future beer guts, ball scratching, and talk of those glorious high school days. I wish I had kept up with modeling when I was 18 and everyone was telling me to do fashion but instead I listened to my gf at the time who didn't want me around all those models. Now my lady and I create together. She styles my shoots and I take the pictures. It is bliss and wouldn't trade her for the world.
Oct 02 12 02:44 pm  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Cold Hotel
Posts: 160
Washington, District of Columbia, US


There's a certain lack of nuance to the discussion here, I think.  I'd like to put in a plug for jealousy.  It's a natural mammalian feeling that humans are born with, like hunger or anger - you see jealousy in little kids all the time.  It's neither a perversion nor a weakness; rather it's one's natural, greedy DNA saying "I want that [woman/car/money/etc] all for myself!"  The question is, is your SO willing to work with you on this?  I.e., it's also natural to want to hit someone if you're very angry with them, but you don't act on impulses like that - or at least, you shouldn't. 

So I would say, don't kick your SO out the door for simply *feeling* jealous - do kick him/her out if he/she won't work to trust you, or doesn't care about the good things it does for you, or won't understand that this has no bearing on how you feel about him/her.

I would venture to say that most of the people making comments here are quite familiar with the feeling of jealousy.
Oct 02 12 02:59 pm  Link  Quote 
Photographer
JORDAN MICHAEL ZUNIGA
Posts: 383
Los Angeles, California, US


You cant escape it.
Decide what is more important to you and decide wisely.

You just cannot change people very quickly, and this industry moves fast.
Think wisely, and follow your heart.
Oct 02 12 03:07 pm  Link  Quote 
Model
V Nixie
Posts: 2,045
Los Angeles, California, US


ShivaKitty wrote:
Continuing to be involved with someone who will not support your personal decisions 100% -- is a bad idea, for both you and him.

He does not own your body or likeness. YOU do. Only you should be able to determine what you do with it, and how you present yourself to the world.

A man who will make negative judgements about the things you choose to do with your body, is being controlling --- even if the control problem only seems to manifest through this one thing, by way of jealousy/envy/disapproval.

Doesn't matter. Negativity can be a form of control, and mental manipulation, when it's directed toward someone you are in a relationship with.

This times a million.

Oct 02 12 04:49 pm  Link  Quote 
Photographer
T Brown
Posts: 2,136
Traverse City, Michigan, US


If he can't support you in this what else is he not going to support you on?
Oct 02 12 04:54 pm  Link  Quote 
Model
Gorgeous_Harmony
Posts: 138
BOISE, Idaho, US


Im kinda going through something like this too...My husband is 50% supportive but at the end of the day he realizes that Im a totally different person. Like he notice Im more confident and that I have the biggest smile in the world. Me and my husband came to an agreement that I would not do nudity, erotic and pose with other men.
Oct 02 12 04:55 pm  Link  Quote 
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Model
Koryn
Posts: 35,783
Boston, Massachusetts, US


Jamil Nasir wrote:
There's a certain lack of nuance to the discussion here, I think.  I'd like to put in a plug for jealousy.  It's a natural mammalian feeling that humans are born with, like hunger or anger - you see jealousy in little kids all the time.  It's neither a perversion nor a weakness; rather it's one's natural, greedy DNA saying "I want that [woman/car/money/etc] all for myself!" ...

Jealousy says A LOT more about the personality of the individual who is feeling it, than it does about the person it's directed toward.

Sure, it's natural --- but it's also natural to want to punch a mall employee in the face when they are rude, and/or provide bad service. That does not mean it's acceptable behavior, or that we should just look for ways to rationalize our own personality flaws if we frequently feel we need to punch people's faces.

When you (the "every man") experience feelings of jealousy, it should be like a big red Stop Light in your brain, telling you that you have some emotional issues coming to the surface, things that need to be worked through.

Oct 02 12 04:56 pm  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Michael Kerrek
Posts: 1,389
Orlando, Florida, US


You won't change his mind, it will only get worse.

And when people say "you have to choose one", they don't mean modeling vs this person, they mean living a life of mutual respect vs living with a person who isn't supportive, has no respect for your feelings and goals, and treats you like property to be controlled and fenced in.

Let him fence in someone else's yard.
Oct 02 12 05:01 pm  Link  Quote 
Photographer
T Brown
Posts: 2,136
Traverse City, Michigan, US


A little jealousy isn't a bad thing really at least that means he/she appreciates what they have its when it becomes controlling, resentful, spiteful, or angry then its go time.
Oct 02 12 05:03 pm  Link  Quote 
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Model
Koryn
Posts: 35,783
Boston, Massachusetts, US


T Brown wrote:
A little jealousy isn't a bad thing really at least that means he/she appreciates what they have its when it becomes controlling, resentful, spiteful, or angry then its go time.

Control, resentment, spite and anger are the SOURCES of jealousy.

Some of that stuff already had to be inside someone to even be able to feel jealousy to begin with.

Oct 02 12 05:19 pm  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Ed Woodson Photography
Posts: 2,644
Savannah, Georgia, US


Jealousy is usually sign of lack of trust.  It usually manifests itself in the jealous person due to a lack of trust of themselves.

Models and Photographers must have partners who trust them implicitly.

If the trust isn't there, the relationship is doomed to eventually fail.

Jealousy often becomes rage and rage eventually becomes abuse.

You, the OP, have a very serious decision to make.  I just hope you make the right one.
Oct 02 12 05:21 pm  Link  Quote 
Photographer
T Brown
Posts: 2,136
Traverse City, Michigan, US


ShivaKitty wrote:
Control, resentment, spite and anger are the SOURCES of jealousy.

Some of that stuff already had to be inside someone to even be able to feel jealousy to begin with.

notice I said a little, and there are always extreems in any case and I disagree a a slight or mild case of jealousy.  if your out with your boyfriend and he notices other guys are noticing you and he steps up his game thats a form of innocent jealousy.


there doesn't have to be anger, spite, and resentment.

I know sometimes I get a little jealous when guys pay attention to my wife, but then I pull up my big boy panties and get over it but not before I buy here a bunch of flowers or do something for her.

btw I never get angry, spiteful, resentful, or controlling.

Oct 02 12 05:27 pm  Link  Quote 
guide forum
Model
Koryn
Posts: 35,783
Boston, Massachusetts, US


T Brown wrote:
I know sometimes I get a little jealous when guys pay attention to my wife, but then I pull up my big boy panties and get over it but not before I buy here a bunch of flowers or do something for her.

I'm not sure that would be considered jealousy though.

That's more of a competitive thing - keeping your leading edge in the front of the pack, so to speak - as it relates to your lady.

Jealousy is pretty negative, and hateful.

Oct 02 12 05:39 pm  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Image K
Posts: 23,363
Las Vegas, Nevada, US


ShivaKitty wrote:
Continuing to be involved with someone who will not support your personal decisions 100% -- is a bad idea, for both you and him.

Doesn't get any more sensible than that.

Oct 02 12 05:41 pm  Link  Quote 
Photographer
David Desoer
Posts: 148
Cayuga, Ontario, Canada


Oct 02 12 05:44 pm  Link  Quote 
Model
Ashley Graham
Posts: 26,793
Los Angeles, California, US


Psh! If I enjoy something I'll do it. I've had relationships even an engagement go after modeling. If someone is so mad about my modeling that it makes them jealius then there is the door.

Now to play devils advocate, if you started after dating he didn't sign up for this. He has every right to disapprove and you have every right to quit or leave. If my boyfriend suddenly started spending numerous nights working at a strip club, I'd probably leave.
Oct 02 12 05:54 pm  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Woven Thought
Posts: 329
Petersburg, Virginia, US


Select Models wrote:
Jealousy/Disapproval from Significant Other

Anyone who doesn't support your endeavors is definitely NOT significant... tongue

Exactly that.  He doesn't trust you?  These are HUGE red flags for a relationship.  Truly evaluate what good he does for you.  What kind of give and take do you really have? 

I went off with a sexy 22 year old male model to do a shoot, my husband doesn't bat an eye.  I have a male photographer friend who wants to do a nude session with me, "whatever you want, dear."  He knows I love him only.

Oct 02 12 05:55 pm  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Rob Photosby
Posts: 2,261
Brisbane, Queensland, Australia


Jamil Nasir wrote:
There's a certain lack of nuance to the discussion here, I think.  I'd like to put in a plug for jealousy.  It's a natural mammalian feeling that humans are born with, like hunger or anger - you see jealousy in little kids all the time.  It's neither a perversion nor a weakness; rather it's one's natural, greedy DNA saying "I want that [woman/car/money/etc] all for myself!"  The question is, is your SO willing to work with you on this?  I.e., it's also natural to want to hit someone if you're very angry with them, but you don't act on impulses like that - or at least, you shouldn't. 

So I would say, don't kick your SO out the door for simply *feeling* jealous - do kick him/her out if he/she won't work to trust you, or doesn't care about the good things it does for you, or won't understand that this has no bearing on how you feel about him/her.

I would venture to say that most of the people making comments here are quite familiar with the feeling of jealousy.

That is a particularly valid point.  It all depends on how strong the jealousy is and what you do about it. 

A little jealousy can be a sign of very strong regard. 

A huge amount of jealousy can be a relationship wrecker (but not automatically a wrecker - I have encountered relationships where one party revels in the other's jealousy, other times it has crippled a relationship).

An absence of jealousy can signify a totally trusting, healthy relationship, or it can indicate that the other party really does not give a toss in the first place.

So beware of the black and white advice being offered and try to work it through with your SO - if you are successful, you will probably strengthen your relationship.

Oct 02 12 06:37 pm  Link  Quote 
Model
P I X I E
Posts: 35,267
Toronto, Ontario, Canada


ShivaKitty wrote:

Jealousy says A LOT more about the personality of the individual who is feeling it, than it does about the person it's directed toward.

Sure, it's natural --- but it's also natural to want to punch a mall employee in the face when they are rude, and/or provide bad service. That does not mean it's acceptable behavior, or that we should just look for ways to rationalize our own personality flaws if we frequently feel we need to punch people's faces.

When you (the "every man") experience feelings of jealousy, it should be like a big red Stop Light in your brain, telling you that you have some emotional issues coming to the surface, things that need to be worked through.

Seriously.

Oct 02 12 06:46 pm  Link  Quote 
Model
P I X I E
Posts: 35,267
Toronto, Ontario, Canada


natural beauties of qld wrote:

That is a particularly valid point.  It all depends on how strong the jealousy is and what you do about it. 

A little jealousy can be a sign of very strong regard. 

A huge amount of jealousy can be a relationship wrecker (but not automatically a wrecker - I have encountered relationships where one party revels in the other's jealousy, other times it has crippled a relationship).

An absence of jealousy can signify a totally trusting, healthy relationship, or it can indicate that the other party really does not give a toss in the first place.

So beware of the black and white advice being offered and try to work it through with your SO - if you are successful, you will probably strengthen your relationship.

My husband isn't jealous of my modeling. Doesn't mean he doesn't give a crap about me or my modeling either.

It's called being a grown man. Geez.

Oct 02 12 06:48 pm  Link  Quote 
Photographer
cinema photography
Posts: 4,340
Mission Viejo, California, US


Jealousy is NOT about you, it's about something thats going on with the other person, in this case your SO. Ask yourself this, does this person have ANY feelings of support for your endeavors?  If you give up on something because of a jealous SO, what else will you give up for them that will only lead to you resenting them? A job? A friend? A opportunity to succeed in something?

Jealousy is about control or the lack of it, its about THEIR insecurity, not anything you can help them overcome. If this person has issues, what does he think, the moment you are out of his sight you will cheat? It never makes sense as to the why they feel that way but the fact that they try to make you choose is a giant red flag about them and who they are as a person.

You are 21, being in such a problematic relationship at this age is a very bad thing. This is when you explore the world, try lots of things and have lots of adventures in life, not 'do as somebody else wants" because it makes them feel better.

Be 21. Be willing to choose how your life will go and what you will choose to do and do that without any one person telling you whats acceptable to them along the way so that you bend to their will. its just not rational.
Oct 02 12 06:50 pm  Link  Quote 
Photographer
M BEALS STUDIOS
Posts: 48
Wilmington, California, US


Celine B wrote:
I'm pretty new to the modeling world, and have already run into quite a big hurdle. My boyfriend does not approve my modeling. It makes him quite upset and jealous. I want to be considerate of his feelings, however.. I feel like this is all very harmless. I'm not posing nude, or in sexually explicit poses. I'm not posing with other male models. I have fun modeling. It makes me happy and gives me an extra confidence boost.
Is it wrong of me to not want to stop? Has anyone ever dealt with this before? What did you do?

Heres the real deal: its not really about modeling to be truthful. Your SO is using that as a crutch! He is insecure about himself AND your relationship. Sadly this WILL NOT go away if you quit modeling. He will only find another reason to be non supportive of your independance on him. He needs to be given a simple choice its isnt for you to decide to pick him or your career...it HIS choice to let you go OR support your choices. You say its not like you do nudes....well, it shouldnt matter even if you did nudes. If he is unwilling to be a supportive SO, it isnt gonna matter if your a model or school teacher..he wont support you unless your following his orders and choices.

Oct 02 12 06:50 pm  Link  Quote 
Model
Dekilah
Posts: 4,865
Detroit, Michigan, US


When I first started modeling, my bf at the time (now ex) was quite supportive of everything. He even encouraged me a bit to do nudes. But it later became apparent that he was supportive because it gave him something to brag about. That one actually ended our engagement by leaving me for another "model"/photographer/my best friend (oh, yes, that was fun ^_~)

After him I dated something else who felt it was okay, but did seem to take it seriously and treated it more like I was going through a phase or that it was just some little thing I did. He would also talk about his "fashion model" friends who were actually signed and insinuated that since I was not signed, I was not that serious or that good. He also was not crazy about the nude aspect. Basically, with him I just never really talked about it. And honestly, I was unhappy. Modeling was (and is) a big part of my life. It is how I create art, it is how I share myself, and it is at the very least a serious hobby of mine. I took the time and care to support him and his hobbies, but he did not return the favor. We ended up parting ways over other difference.

Now I am with a man who is also a photographer. He also shoots nude models so he understands. I am so much happier being with someone who supports me because I am doing something I enjoy, not so he can brag to his buddies.

I recommend that you explain to your boyfriend that this is something you want to do. Let him know what your goals are. If he is still unsupportive then you may have to decided which is more important to you. Maybe it is him and maybe it is modeling. A lot of people will tell you that you should ditch him because he is being unsupportive, but the issue can be quite a bit deeper. If you need something to chat with further, please do not hesitate to send me a message ^_^
Oct 02 12 08:08 pm  Link  Quote 
Model
MichelleGenevieve
Posts: 97
Austin, Texas, US


Celine B wrote:
Has anyone ever dealt with this before?

Almost EVERYONE has had to deal with this before.  I solved the problem by giving my boyfriend a new title - EX boyfriend!

Oct 02 12 08:18 pm  Link  Quote 
Photographer
GER Photography
Posts: 7,532
Imperial, California, US


Playboy Playmate Dorothy Stratten had a jealous, controlling BF/Mngr, he ended up blowing her head off with a shotgun!! As someone above so aptly stated, it's time to cut bait and run!
Oct 02 12 08:31 pm  Link  Quote 
Model
V Laroche
Posts: 2,745
New Orleans, Louisiana, US


Thank god somebody finally brought this up.
Oct 02 12 10:39 pm  Link  Quote 
guide forum
Model
Anna Adrielle
Posts: 18,762
Antwerp, Antwerp, Belgium


ShivaKitty wrote:
Control, resentment, spite and anger are the SOURCES of jealousy.

Some of that stuff already had to be inside someone to even be able to feel jealousy to begin with.

you forgot insecurity

I get jealous sometimes (my boyfriend still has a lot of contact with his ex girlfriends, and that bothers me sometimes). I don't want to control him (he can go out and have a good time), and no resentment or spite or anger either (why  would I, when he doesn't do anything wrong). just my own insecurity. But I'm working really hard on it, and I like to think I'm quite a wonderful girlfriend besides that, and I'm grateful my partner doesn't think that black and white that as soon as I showed jealousy, he dumped me. people aren't perfect and the world isn't black and white.

I think the only one who knows how good the relationship of the OP is, and how the boyfriend is, and how bad the jealousy is and if the boyfriend is willing to work on it, is the OP.

Oct 02 12 11:54 pm  Link  Quote 
Model
Cole Morrison
Posts: 3,958
Portland, Oregon, US


Select Models wrote:
Jealousy/Disapproval from Significant Other

Anyone who doesn't support your endeavors is definitely NOT significant... tongue

+1 so much emphasis on this point
i love being with artsy people and support how they express themself
in turn, i want my artsy partner to support my artistic outlets

Oct 03 12 12:02 am  Link  Quote 
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