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Photographer
David Desoer
Posts: 148
Cayuga, Ontario, Canada


Oct 03 12 07:19 am  Link  Quote 
Photographer
David Desoer
Posts: 148
Cayuga, Ontario, Canada


Oct 03 12 07:21 am  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Ed Woodson Photography
Posts: 2,644
Savannah, Georgia, US


Ashley Graham wrote:
Now to play devils advocate, if you started after dating he didn't sign up for this. He has every right to disapprove and you have every right to quit or leave. If my boyfriend suddenly started spending numerous nights working at a strip club, I'd probably leave.

This is a good point as well.

Oct 03 12 07:25 am  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Peach Jones
Posts: 6,228
Champaign, Illinois, US


Celine B wrote:
I'm pretty new to the modeling world, and have already run into quite a big hurdle. My boyfriend does not approve my modeling. It makes him quite upset and jealous. I want to be considerate of his feelings, however.. I feel like this is all very harmless. I'm not posing nude, or in sexually explicit poses. I'm not posing with other male models. I have fun modeling. It makes me happy and gives me an extra confidence boost.
Is it wrong of me to not want to stop? Has anyone ever dealt with this before? What did you do?

1. This is not about being considerate of his feelings. It is about you doing something that is a confidence booster and your BF being considerate of that.

2. He suffers from lack of self esteem. Today he will want you to give up modeling. tomorrow your guy friends. Next week all your friends......the week after, who knows? Get the picture? It is up to you if you stay with him or not. But in the end the only person who will be "missing out" is you.

Oct 03 12 07:43 am  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Bravoscape
Posts: 259
Frederick, Maryland, US


I think everyone dealt with this previously. My "problems" are that nude photos (art nudes/glamour) were some how pornography. It never clicked in her head I didn't want anyone but her. Not to mention nude does not automatically equal porn.

As someone said before...if they aren't willing to support your decisions (assuming you are taking their side into account, as I did)...cut them loose. It's a disservice to you and him.
Oct 03 12 08:17 am  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Carlos Occidental
Posts: 10,546
Glendora, California, US


P I X I E wrote:
In the end, you have to decide what's more important to you: your SO or your modeling?

Yup.  Historically speaking, you're going to have to choose between your SO or modeling.  Usually, the SO gets kicked to the curb.

Oct 03 12 08:17 am  Link  Quote 
Model
Brianna Banana
Posts: 7
Tempe, Arizona, US


Many other people have hit the nail on the head. I would factor in how long you've been dating when deciding what I would ultimately do, but his jealousy raises a red flag for me.

I started dating a new guy. He knew I modeled on occasion, said he was very jealous and insecure, but that it was "cute." He said he wouldn't have a problem with it, but still didn't last long.

I don't deal with jealousy well. As others mentioned, it speaks to something more deeply rooted that will likely cause problems later. If this is a long-term, serious relationship and this is the only warning sign you've seen from him, I might be willing to can the modeling to make him happy. As someone else mentioned, springing it on him after you've been dating for a while might make him feel like he has reason to be concerned. But I would take a deeper look at your relationship, because jealousy isn't an attractive quality.
Oct 03 12 04:03 pm  Link  Quote 
Photographer
DOBA Photography
Posts: 1,039
Joliet, Illinois, US


Jersey Kelly wrote:
This!!!

+1

Also, on a more in depth psychological analysis....he's probably either insecure or controlling.  Possibly both I guess.  Controlling is usually a long lasting personality trait not easily fixed or changed.  If he's insecure it can be sometimes be fixed when he has no doubts about your devotion to him....other times it's just him and he alone has to fix it.
   I had a friend have this problem...not due to modeling....but told his girlfriend that he will stop doing the thing that bothered her if it really bothered her that much....in the end she said "no, that's ok....you don't have to stop"....all she needed to hear is that she mattered.

(I'm not a trained psychologist, but I did stay at a holiday inn express)

Oct 03 12 04:16 pm  Link  Quote 
Photographer
john_ellis
Posts: 4,375
Spokane, Washington, US


"I don't want you to do something because I don't like the way it makes me feel... even though I know it's important to you." 

Seems we're conditioned as a society to accept and expect control/jealousy/insecurity issues in relationships.  In 40 years from now, would your modeling "now" be a big deal "then?"  Or is he just being a bit emotional?

I'm not a fan of just disposing of a relationship without trying to resolve the issues first.  Instead of looking at this as a choice between your SO and modeling, try to fix the problem first.  Help him understand that he's being really selfish and jealous.  Ask him why this makes him feel so insecure and see what he can do to get over it.
Oct 03 12 04:21 pm  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Connor Photography
Posts: 6,460
Elkton, Maryland, US


Celine B wrote:
I'm pretty new to the modeling world, and have already run into quite a big hurdle. My boyfriend does not approve my modeling. It makes him quite upset and jealous. I want to be considerate of his feelings, however.. I feel like this is all very harmless. I'm not posing nude, or in sexually explicit poses. I'm not posing with other male models. I have fun modeling. It makes me happy and gives me an extra confidence boost.
Is it wrong of me to not want to stop? Has anyone ever dealt with this before? What did you do?

Whenever this topic comes along.  Someone will go thru the stage of the  beginning of the end of the relationship". 

If you don't leave him now, when?  If you give up modeling, what else will he want you to give up years from now.  He wont change. 

Sorry and good luck.  There are plenty GOOD fish out there.

Oct 03 12 04:42 pm  Link  Quote 
Photographer
curiosa des yeux
Posts: 1,458
Seattle, Washington, US


Some people consider their SO as a model (and also as photographer) to be violating the trust of their relationship to wish to pursue this as a hobby. They see it similar to cheating on them, since the relationship between photographer and model is seen by some as more intimate than it is by others, even if it is conducted entirely professionally. Even the most professional photographers, professional in every possible sense of the word, can see their subjects as a muse, and often that will provide the inspiration for better work than if it were conducted as a robot. But there is definitely a connection that transcends the normal interactions between co-workers that could be considered intimate by those who don't understand the artist/muse relationship. What kind of work would be produced if that wasn't the case? Since models are professional muses who, if successful, will provide the means for that connection, it is easy for me to imagine that there are many people who misunderstand.

It's not necessarily that the person is controlling or insecure, but perhaps has a value set that does not include this perceived photographer/model relationship as one that is normal, but rather deviant and improper. It's entirely too judgmental on the part of those here to determine that he is controlling or jealous. For all we know he feels that his relationship is being violated by an outside improper relationship, based on his values.

Our values are the fundamental factor by which we conduct our lives, but the problem is that we all have different values which we hold dear. Also, some people are more flexible about things that do not fit within their values and will adjust them to accommodate the needs of others, while others are view their values as obligatory and not to be adjusted under any circumstance.

We all just don't have enough information or knowledge of the actual relationship or persons to make any realistic comment as to what the problem is or how the OP should handle it.
Oct 03 12 04:48 pm  Link  Quote 
Photographer
James Crafford
Posts: 63
Carmel, New York, US


Bad news.  Very.  I have run into this from time to time and the brutal truth is: he is not the guy for YOU.  The end.
Oct 03 12 04:57 pm  Link  Quote 
Model
Melissa Drew
Posts: 189
Oceanside, California, US


Talk to your boyfriend and come to an understanding. When I first started dating my boyfriend, he was very jealous of my modeling as well, but after much talk about it, we've come very far, and now he is very supportive.
Oct 13 12 01:04 am  Link  Quote 
Model
_ Robyn Elizabeth _
Posts: 436
London, England, United Kingdom


Melissa Drew wrote:
Talk to your boyfriend and come to an understanding. When I first started dating my boyfriend, he was very jealous of my modeling as well, but after much talk about it, we've come very far, and now he is very supportive.

Indeed, the first and most important thing you have to do is talk to him.  Explain what you do, why you like it and that it's not a threat to him.  He may just be scared that people are going to exploit you. Talk to him, he may come round.

If not and he is just too insecure (jealousy stems from insecurity) to trust you to model then it does sound like you have a problem.

I didn't model when I was with my ex, but he didn't used to like my amount of male friends (I'm an engineer - everyone I know is male) or being too dressed up and getting attention.  I didn't mean to, but I did end up changing for him - it destroyed my self confidence and made me misserable. My current fiancee lets me be the person I want to be.  I tend to discuss potential shoots with him as I like to get his opinions.  The fact that he is happy for me to do this just makes the relationship so much freer as there is no resentment or restriction.

So good luck, talk to him. I hope you can work it out, but don't let someone else make you give up something you enjoy.

Oct 13 12 03:05 am  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Virtual Studio
Posts: 5,617
Toronto, Ontario, Canada


Celine B wrote:
I'm pretty new to the modeling world, and have already run into quite a big hurdle. My boyfriend does not approve my modeling. It makes him quite upset and jealous. I want to be considerate of his feelings, however.. I feel like this is all very harmless. I'm not posing nude, or in sexually explicit poses. I'm not posing with other male models. I have fun modeling. It makes me happy and gives me an extra confidence boost.
Is it wrong of me to not want to stop? Has anyone ever dealt with this before? What did you do?

It's pretty wrong of one person in a relationship to want to control the actions of the other.

Swap genders and change "modelling" to "going fishing" in your question - if you'd be saying "dump the controlling idiot" after you've read it - and I suspect you would - then you know what to do.

Oct 13 12 03:15 am  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Geoff Jones
Posts: 1,505
Canberra, Australian Capital Territory, Australia


Celine B wrote:
Is it wrong of me to not want to stop? Has anyone ever dealt with this before? What did you do?

Yes it's wrong that you don't want to do as he says. You are his possession/property; Therefore, you must obey his commands and cater to his insecurities, while ignoring your own desires and dreams.

No it's not wrong. Tell him to get over it.

Oct 13 12 03:24 am  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Eric Jackson
Posts: 1,290
Dayton, Ohio, US


Lose him...You've got a control freak on your hands.
Oct 13 12 03:43 am  Link  Quote 
Model
Julia Francesca
Posts: 2,357
Maumee, Ohio, US


he's insecure. if you want to stay with him you'll have to find some other way to make him feel important and validated. be very open with him about what you're doing and don't keep anything from him. don't give him any reason not to trust you, even though keeping it from him to keep the peace might be a tempting option. if possible, maybe he could tag along to a shoot if it's okay with the photographer. then he could see that what you're doing is a professional endeavor and not a bunch of evil men with cameras trying to bang you.
Oct 13 12 06:14 am  Link  Quote 
Photographer
ontherocks
Posts: 22,322
Salem, Oregon, US


i had one model who complained her boyfriend no longer cared what she did. at least yours still cares. it seems like everbody these days wants to be able to act single but with benefits. but relationships aren't always like that. sometimes you have to make your man feel like he's the most important thing. men can be a lot about ego and confidence. a male with no confidence just takes up space but sometimes we get that confidence from a woman.

he may not be worried that you'll have sex with the photographer, just jealous of the time you guys are spending together, especially if you spend more time on modeling than on him (unless it's your career) and especially if you get more excited about the shoots than about him.

maybe get him a camera and let him shoot you. something you guys can have fun doing together. or drag him along on a couple shoots (photographers willing) so he can see it's not all that. or shoot with some female photographers.

if he puts his foot down then you have to decide what's more important. your independence or this man. and then next time maybe go find someone who think it's cool that you model and likes to show you off to the other guys. whereas the one you have now seems like maybe he wants you all to himself (or he watches too much TV and is freaked that you'll wind up in a dumpster).
Oct 13 12 09:46 am  Link  Quote 
Model
LizzyB
Posts: 2,178
Rochester, New York, US


Jamil Nasir wrote:
There's a certain lack of nuance to the discussion here, I think.  I'd like to put in a plug for jealousy.  It's a natural mammalian feeling that humans are born with, like hunger or anger - you see jealousy in little kids all the time.  It's neither a perversion nor a weakness; rather it's one's natural, greedy DNA saying "I want that [woman/car/money/etc] all for myself!"  The question is, is your SO willing to work with you on this?  I.e., it's also natural to want to hit someone if you're very angry with them, but you don't act on impulses like that - or at least, you shouldn't. 

So I would say, don't kick your SO out the door for simply *feeling* jealous - do kick him/her out if he/she won't work to trust you, or doesn't care about the good things it does for you, or won't understand that this has no bearing on how you feel about him/her.

I would venture to say that most of the people making comments here are quite familiar with the feeling of jealousy.

+1
i always feel like people here are quick to judge jealousy, forgetting that this industry has a lot of mystique and misinformation for non-industry people.



OP do you know why the bf has an issue? does he not want other people seeing pics of you? (which would be silly, as fb is just like that.)  is he worried about the photographer trying something? if that's the case, then he has a misconception of what most photographers are like. it may help if he could try befriending a photographer...taken a step further, he could attend a photoshoot to see what REALLY goes on, but that can ONLY be done if the photographer is completely comfortable doing it. encouraging your bf to give modeling a try himself may also help him learn that photographers aren't evil.

i hope he is willing to try to conquer this issue of his, since this is important to you.  if you aren't even doing sexual or implied/nudes, he has even less cause to worry.

Oct 13 12 09:57 am  Link  Quote 
Model
LizzyB
Posts: 2,178
Rochester, New York, US


Why does this have to be a lack of trust for the gf?? Couldn't it be a lack of trust of photographers?
Yes most of us know the vast majority of photographers aren't pervs, but look at the news stories of the sketchy ones.  The media has distorted the perception of most photographers...non-industry people may not know any trustworthy photogs, so they don't have anything to compare against.
Oct 13 12 10:02 am  Link  Quote 
Photographer
M Pandolfo Photography
Posts: 12,116
Tampa, Florida, US


It's never about llamaing. It's about the inadequacies of the "significant" other. It's about control...and that doesn't go away.

Respect and trust goes both ways if the relationship is successful. In this case, he wants you to respect his wishes...while he doesn't respect yours.

Caving in isn't being respectful of his feelings, it's enabling it in all future scenarios.

And we all know this isn't an isolated incident. We all know he's also controlling in other areas and perhaps only in this case has it really manifested...when it's something you truly enjoy.

I'm going to bet my next paycheck that you've already seen signs of the jealousy in other areas but just brushed over it with some justification (oh, he must love me so much; he's just worried about my safety, etc.)

What if you wanted to be a bartender? What if you wanted to be an actress? What happens when you want to go out with your girlfriends? What happens when you're a "little too friendly" with the waiter.

Let's face it. The guy is a controlling tool and there is one thing we can ALL agree. It will only get worse.

You can choose to see this as a huge indicator of his future behavior and find a mature adult...or you can live your life according to what he deems appropriate, by his rules.
Oct 13 12 10:12 am  Link  Quote 
Photographer
M Pandolfo Photography
Posts: 12,116
Tampa, Florida, US


Lizzy Borden wrote:
Why does this have to be a lack of trust for the gf?? Couldn't it be a lack of trust of photographers?
Yes most of us know the vast majority of photographers aren't pervs, but look at the news stories of the sketchy ones.  The media has distorted the perception of most photographers...non-industry people may not know any trustworthy photogs, so they don't have anything to compare against.

"Oh, I do trust YOU baby...it's OTHER people I don't trust."

Yes, the passive aggressive reasoning of the controlling douchebag. Are you really making this argument? You really think his issue is only with photographers and that this type of person is fine in every other scenario? His issue is with males in general...not photographers.

Flabbergasted that people (especially females) can be that naive.

Oct 13 12 10:14 am  Link  Quote 
guide forum
Photographer
Giacomo Cirrincioni
Posts: 21,130
New York, New York, US


ShivaKitty wrote:

Jealousy says A LOT more about the personality of the individual who is feeling it, than it does about the person it's directed toward.

Sure, it's natural --- but it's also natural to want to punch a mall employee in the face when they are rude, and/or provide bad service. That does not mean it's acceptable behavior, or that we should just look for ways to rationalize our own personality flaws if we frequently feel we need to punch people's faces.

When you (the "every man") experience feelings of jealousy, it should be like a big red Stop Light in your brain, telling you that you have some emotional issues coming to the surface, things that need to be worked through.

Not necessarily.  While I agree with much of what you written, I think it also depends on what kind of life each individual wants.

If I meet a woman and she doesn't like that I photograph women, often nude, then she needs to go.  It's who I am and it's who I am when I met her.  Most women who don't like that activity won't give me the time of day.  In that regard, if they still want to be with me, but change me in the process, then yes - you are 100% correct.

But if I was married to someone for 30 years and then all of a sudden decided I needed to do this, she might decide "who, this isn't what I signed up for".  And that's perfectly valid, just like I don't want to be like some suburban soccer parent, I can understand how they don't want to be like (or with) me.

Oct 13 12 10:15 am  Link  Quote 
Photographer
M Pandolfo Photography
Posts: 12,116
Tampa, Florida, US


Paramour Productions wrote:
Not necessarily.  While I agree with much of what you written, I think it also depends on what kind of life each individual wants.

If I meet a woman and she doesn't like that I photograph women, often nude, then she needs to go.  It's who I am and it's who I am when I met her.  Most women who don't like that activity won't give me the time of day.  In that regard, if they still want to be with me, but change me in the process, then yes - you are 100% correct.

But if I was married to someone for 30 years and then all of a sudden decided I needed to do this, she might decide "who, this isn't what I signed up for".  And that's perfectly valid, just like I don't want to be like some suburban soccer parent, I can understand how they don't want to be like (or with) me.

So, the only way it works is for everything in the relationship to stay the same until the end of time? One partner isn't allowed to develop new activities, interests or beliefs and expect the support of their partner?

Status Quo or You Gotta Go?

Oct 13 12 10:19 am  Link  Quote 
Model
LizzyB
Posts: 2,178
Rochester, New York, US


Michael Pandolfo wrote:

"Oh, I do trust YOU baby...it's OTHER people I don't trust."

Yes, the passive aggressive reasoning of the controlling douchebag. Are you really making this argument? You really think his issue is only with photographers and that this type of person is fine in every other scenario? His issue is with males in general...not photographers.

Flabbergasted that people (especially females) can be that naive.

So if someone gets assaulted and raped, you blame the victim too?  Because that's what i'm getting at..something *could* happen to the model that she doesn't want; in that case it would be not trusting others rather than the gf. It's not common but may be a fear a bf may have, however irrational it may seem.

Oct 13 12 10:47 am  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Dannielle Levan
Posts: 12,857
New Westminster, British Columbia, Canada


Celine B wrote:
I'm pretty new to the modeling world, and have already run into quite a big hurdle. My boyfriend does not approve my modeling. It makes him quite upset and jealous. I want to be considerate of his feelings, however.. I feel like this is all very harmless. I'm not posing nude, or in sexually explicit poses. I'm not posing with other male models. I have fun modeling. It makes me happy and gives me an extra confidence boost.
Is it wrong of me to not want to stop? Has anyone ever dealt with this before? What did you do?

Drop the insecure boyfriend, they don't get better

Oct 14 12 01:42 am  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Farenell Photography
Posts: 17,954
Albany, New York, US


Celine B wrote:
Is it wrong of me to not want to stop? Has anyone ever dealt with this before? What did you do?

This may simply be an issue of him not knowing how boring shoots can be. Cause think about it, whenever the outside media, talks about it its about something taudry like some photographer rapes & kills the model (which gets so much play because taudry ratings brings in more money).

Either have a sitdown w/ him & address his concerns. It may be nothing or it may be something of a wider issue that you should keep in the back of your mind (like a overally controlling boyfriend/spouse). A person can know about what their S.O. does but do not necessarily need to know the nitty-gritty details entailed. Y'know?

Oct 14 12 06:03 am  Link  Quote 
Model
Selina Lee
Posts: 75
Scottsdale, Arizona, US


He's insecure. 99% of the time, the dude is insecure with himself and doesn't want you getting the attention of other males, be it the photographer or your male friends if you post the pictures on Facebook.

I would suggest kindly talking to him, try to explain that you're careful about who you shoot with (you are, aren't you?) and no funny business is going on. Try to make sure you pay a little more attention to him otherwise, just to reassure him that you're not going anywhere. If it's just a little bit of jealousy, that should be a reasonable route to take.

If he continues to have a problem with it and it's really important to you, drop him. What's more likely to still be there in 10 years, the dude or the pictures and memories (and maybe still a hobby/career) ?
Oct 14 12 09:00 am  Link  Quote 
Model
Van Burnham
Posts: 89
Portland, Oregon, US


What this usually means is that your boyfriend is insecure and is scared for you to put yourself out there because he thinks he is going to lose you.  In other words, he's not concerned for what is in your best interest, but rather his. You have to do what you want to do and what you feel is right... Otherwise, you will develop resentment against him and the relationship will be over anyway.
Oct 14 12 09:03 am  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Teila K Day Photography
Posts: 1,930
Richmond, Indiana, US


Select Models wrote:
Jealousy/Disapproval from Significant Other

Anyone who doesn't support your endeavors is definitely NOT significant... tongue

Very well put-  in fact I think it's unfortunate that many women can't seem to "get it" that such men should be considered UN-significant in their lives.

I wouldn't stop modeling or doing what I love just because someone doesn't like or appreciate it.  That person can either deal with it in a respectable manner or not... and if they can't act in a respectable manner, then I wouldn't call them a "friend" let alone a boyfriend or significant other.

Live your life and stop worrying about how others feel about your personal business.  Maturity starts with you.  Hopefully he'll learn from your maturity and not your lack of it.

Time for you to decide.  Mature or immature.  wink

Oct 14 12 09:10 am  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Fred Greissing
Posts: 6,326
Los Angeles, California, US


Celine B wrote:
I'm pretty new to the modeling world, and have already run into quite a big hurdle. My boyfriend does not approve my modeling. It makes him quite upset and jealous. I want to be considerate of his feelings, however.. I feel like this is all very harmless. I'm not posing nude, or in sexually explicit poses. I'm not posing with other male models. I have fun modeling. It makes me happy and gives me an extra confidence boost.
Is it wrong of me to not want to stop? Has anyone ever dealt with this before? What did you do?

Jealousy is a complicated thing. There are good things about and bad things about it.
Most people are good at heart and a bit of jealousy is just part of being in love.
Unfortunately it does not take much for jealousy to become uncomfortable or problematic. Many relationships go through bouts of jealousy but go on to be long and great relationships.

It seems that apart from enjoying modelling you are also getting a confidence boost from it. This is the point that you should discuss with you boyfriend.

I was once asked to photograph a young girl who was handicapped. It was an idea of her father and doctor. She had brain damage from birth and was adopted by her parents that knew of her condition. Anyway she grew into a really beautiful young girl. One of her handicaps was that she would often go into bouts of very jerky movements and as she grew into a teenager this would happen more and more in particular when she felt she was being observed... such as when entering a room with lots of people.

Anyway to cut a long story short... both her parents and doctors told me that the photos I had taken of her had given her such a boost of confidence that she was improving by leaps and bounds. The confidence even helped her make the most of her limitations. She was also mentally handicapped.

It was one of my most satisfying moments of my career when her photo was published as the inside cover of Vogue Spain's beauty section. Taking her to the news stand to show her was a real treat for me!

While that was an extreme case I think that taking the boost of confidence you are getting from modelling is a good thing and learning how to carry oneself can help in many aspects of life. A woman needs all the confidence she can get. Just the other day I read that the Republican VP or P candidate voted against a law that would guarantee equal pay to women and men. We still live in a backward society when it comes to women's rights.

My wife went through some phases of jealousy due to my work and that I was photographing some of the most beautiful models often with some nudity (European beauty). Whenever this came up I'd whip out a camera and take some beautiful photos of her and tell her that fine wines come in small bottles wink

Hey .... here is one thing you could try. Ask a photographer you work with if it's OK for you boyfriend to come by at the end of a shoot to take a couple of photos with you. Often it is unfamiliar things that trigger the less pleasant things of jealousy.

I think that many here who have a knee jerk reaction against jealousy may simply be more jealous of their totally unconditional freedom than anything else.

Oct 14 12 09:47 am  Link  Quote 
Model
Figuremodel001
Posts: 278
Chicago, Illinois, US


SO can change over time, either the viw of the one in the role, or the actual person in the SO role. If there is something you want to do and SO does not not like you involved it may well be time to move on. Not really enough info here to tell you that is the way to go. You indicate you are new to modeling and wanted to try it. That's cool, you may decide to go one way or another with it and or him. If you and he can't develop a basis communication on the topic, you probably should move on to a new relationship. If he has that much trouble with you doing what you want to try doing, he should move on and let you do the same. If he just wants you to do what he wants you to do, dump him now.
Oct 14 12 11:01 am  Link  Quote 
Model
LizzyB
Posts: 2,178
Rochester, New York, US


Farenell Photography wrote:

This may simply be an issue of him not knowing how boring shoots can be. Cause think about it, whenever the outside media, talks about it its about something taudry like some photographer rapes & kills the model (which gets so much play because taudry ratings brings in more money).

Either have a sitdown w/ him & address his concerns. It may be nothing or it may be something of a wider issue that you should keep in the back of your mind (like a overally controlling boyfriend/spouse). A person can know about what their S.O. does but do not necessarily need to know the nitty-gritty details entailed. Y'know?

exactly, that's more or less what i was saying

Oct 14 12 12:18 pm  Link  Quote 
Model
Van Burnham
Posts: 89
Portland, Oregon, US


George Ruge wrote:
Playboy Playmate Dorothy Stratten had a jealous, controlling BF/Mngr, he ended up blowing her head off with a shotgun!! As someone above so aptly stated, it's time to cut bait and run!

That actually happened to my mom as well.  Her boyfriend was incredibly controlling and manipulative, and when she tried to leave him, he came over to kill her.  He didn't make it into the house though, and instead blew his head off in the front yard with his shotgun.  Everyone but my mom saw this as an inevitable end to their relationship, but instead of listening to us and isolating him, she isolated us.

I strongly encourage anyone who is in a controlling relationship to take a step back, and truly listen to and take to heart the advice of their friends and family.  I'm not saying this is the case with the OP, but if it is, you need to reevaluate what your relationship with him means to you.

Oct 14 12 12:48 pm  Link  Quote 
Model
Jules NYC
Posts: 16,096
New York, New York, US


There is a difference between someone genuinely not appreciating that line of work because of values/morals, etc. and someone who initially accepts it or perhaps is turned on by it...

to only give you grief when they understand the work you do.

I don't blame anyone for their convictions; we are free to have our creed.
What I do have a problem with are people who try to change others.

Change is good for working on weaknesses or say, quitting smoking or some shit like that, not changing the drives and motivations of a human being.

Dumbing it down, it's a typical, 'looks good in a short skirt, but now you're mine, stop wearing short skirts'.
Oct 14 12 05:52 pm  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Ben Hinman
Posts: 596
Westwood, California, US


I think having a healthy relationship is important, especially when most of the talented models i've shot with are either engaged or in a committed relationship. It allows you to put your personal life aside and focus on being professional, modeling can truly become a career and not an outlet for your thirst for approval or a badge of your sexual worth. Most boyfriends / husbands can understand that and are supportive of their woman, some are even helpful to me when they're brought along to a shoot. There should be an understanding between significant others and photographers that their relationship is strictly professional, if the photographer can't understand that you probably shouldn't be shooting with him to begin with and if the significant other can't understand that, then you probably shouldn't be dating him to begin with. Thats just my personal opinion, however i have always prioritized my career over my personal relationships.
Oct 14 12 06:17 pm  Link  Quote 
Model
Jules NYC
Posts: 16,096
New York, New York, US


A real relationship is a meeting of the mind and no one truly changes at heart.
There is an air of flexibility and understanding which is patient, kind and makes love last.

What the hell do I know
wink
Oct 14 12 06:20 pm  Link  Quote 
Model
ChaiNoir
Posts: 345
Adelaide, South Australia, Australia


MichelleGenevieve wrote:

Almost EVERYONE has had to deal with this before.  I solved the problem by giving my boyfriend a new title - EX boyfriend!

+1 big_smile

Oct 14 12 06:26 pm  Link  Quote 
Model
ChaiNoir
Posts: 345
Adelaide, South Australia, Australia


MichelleGenevieve wrote:

Almost EVERYONE has had to deal with this before.  I solved the problem by giving my boyfriend a new title - EX boyfriend!

+1 big_smile

Oct 14 12 06:26 pm  Link  Quote 
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