login info join!
Forums > Off-Topic Discussion > Kids leaving home :( Search   Reply
Model
Stormee
Posts: 2,463
San Antonio, Texas, US


Oct 10 12 08:49 pm  Link  Quote 
Photographer
C.C. Holdings
Posts: 594
New York, New York, US


http://www.emmauscounseling.net/hot_topics/empty%20nest.jpg

thats how the story goes
Oct 10 12 08:55 pm  Link  Quote 
Model
Stormee
Posts: 2,463
San Antonio, Texas, US


Oct 10 12 09:01 pm  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Gianantonio
Posts: 7,712
Minneapolis, Minnesota, US


Kelly Anne-Marie wrote:
I have been pretty emotional about my 20yr. old son that moved out and is living with his girlfriend/future wife and not really keeping in contact with me.
We had a great relationship when he was younger and he says we still do but it's like "pulling teeth" to even have a phone conversations with him nowadays. sad   Any advice?

Give him space. Not many people like having their teeth pulled...

Oct 10 12 09:17 pm  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Damon Banner
Posts: 85,249
Hayward, California, US


let him go.  He's an adult now.  You don't need to call him to talk to him every day.
Oct 10 12 09:18 pm  Link  Quote 
Model
Stormee
Posts: 2,463
San Antonio, Texas, US


Oct 10 12 09:27 pm  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Becks
Posts: 31,792
Atlanta, Georgia, US


Guys kinda need a little bullying when they first leave home, they're not like girls that call there moms twice a day to talk about the new shoes or new guy they're into.  Guys are allllll about the newfound freedom from parents and being adults and making their own rules. Just allow him space, BUT I would make a point to call him once a week and don't complain to him that he's not calling enough, because he might just get pissy and be even more resistant. Just try to call once a week and talk, and depending on how far away his is (physically) make plans once a month or so to visit, even if it's just to go out for lunch for 30 minutes. smile Be consistent but not overbearing.
Oct 10 12 10:03 pm  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Laurence Moan
Posts: 7,663
Huntington Beach, California, US


Don't worry... he'll be back.
Oct 10 12 10:04 pm  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Karl Blessing
Posts: 30,853
Grand Rapids, Michigan, US


Be glad, some parents have to literally shove their kids out of the house.
Oct 10 12 10:31 pm  Link  Quote 
Model
J Jessica
Posts: 2,020
Palm Beach Gardens, Florida, US


Kelly Anne-Marie wrote:
I have been pretty emotional about my 20yr. old son that moved out and is living with his girlfriend/future wife and not really keeping in contact with me.
We had a great relationship when he was younger and he says we still do but it's like "pulling teeth" to even have a phone conversations with him nowadays. sad   Any advice?

I have a nonamerican background in which human offspring commonly have a close relationship with their parents for life. smile

Perhaps he's busy to call, talk, and visit often... Maybe he has loads of paperwork/is a business man? o_O

Or maybe he just doesn't feel like calling. BUT, it's probably the first. smile

Oct 10 12 11:24 pm  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Damon Banner
Posts: 85,249
Hayward, California, US


Becks wrote:
Guys kinda need a little bullying when they first leave home, they're not like girls that call there moms twice a day to talk about the new shoes or new guy they're into.  Guys are allllll about the newfound freedom from parents and being adults and making their own rules. Just allow him space, BUT I would make a point to call him once a week and don't complain to him that he's not calling enough, because he might just get pissy and be even more resistant. Just try to call once a week and talk, and depending on how far away his is (physically) make plans once a month or so to visit, even if it's just to go out for lunch for 30 minutes. smile Be consistent but not overbearing.

If my mom called me once a week, I'd send her direct to voicemail.

Oct 10 12 11:53 pm  Link  Quote 
Model
J Jessica
Posts: 2,020
Palm Beach Gardens, Florida, US


Damon Banner wrote:

If my mom called me once a week, I'd send her direct to voicemail.

Awww.
But that could hurt her feelings. sad

Oct 10 12 11:55 pm  Link  Quote 
Model
hygvhgvkhy
Posts: 2,092
Chicago, Illinois, US


Damon Banner wrote:

If my mom called me once a week, I'd send her direct to voicemail.

Damon! Mean...

Oct 10 12 11:56 pm  Link  Quote 
Model
Stormee
Posts: 2,463
San Antonio, Texas, US


Oct 11 12 12:01 am  Link  Quote 
Model
Stormee
Posts: 2,463
San Antonio, Texas, US


Oct 11 12 12:02 am  Link  Quote 
Model
hygvhgvkhy
Posts: 2,092
Chicago, Illinois, US


Kelly Anne-Marie wrote:

He attends Collage.

Then he's definitely just too busy. College+Girlfriend?  its not personal, im sure hes just trying to figure out how to manage time right now.

Oct 11 12 12:05 am  Link  Quote 
Model
J Jessica
Posts: 2,020
Palm Beach Gardens, Florida, US


Kelly Anne-Marie wrote:

He attends Collage.

That could explain it.

My only other advice is to bribe him with homebaked/homecooked favorites.
big_smile

Oct 11 12 12:06 am  Link  Quote 
Model
Stormee
Posts: 2,463
San Antonio, Texas, US


Oct 11 12 12:07 am  Link  Quote 
Model
Stormee
Posts: 2,463
San Antonio, Texas, US


Oct 11 12 12:08 am  Link  Quote 
guide forum
Model
Anna Adrielle
Posts: 18,762
Antwerp, Antwerp, Belgium


Kelly Anne-Marie wrote:
I have been pretty emotional about my 20yr. old son that moved out and is living with his girlfriend/future wife and not really keeping in contact with me.
We had a great relationship when he was younger and he says we still do but it's like "pulling teeth" to even have a phone conversations with him nowadays. sad   Any advice?

give it some more time, I'm sure he's figuring out a lot of stuff at the moment.

secondly, give him space. if your relationship with him is good, it will work out

thirdly, you're still his mother. there's nothing wrong with wanting to stay in touch with your son. if it really gets out of hand, tell him that you understand he's really busy and that you don't expect a call every day, but that you would appreciate it if he made time for you a bit more often.

just like that: no guilt, no pushing.

after all, what kind of call would you like most:
one where he feels he has to call you because it's obligatory but he doesn't really want to, or one where he wanted to call his mom because he had something to tell her and wanted to hear how she's doing?

Oct 11 12 12:25 am  Link  Quote 
Model
ChaiNoir
Posts: 345
Adelaide, South Australia, Australia


Aww bless you!! You need a little time to get into things smile

I left home at 15!! I had my first taste at shared accomodation and have done just the same for 7 years now. An excellent learning experience. My Mother was upset but really wanted to allow me to grow into a strong educated young woman and she has. Tough love for sure!!
Oct 11 12 05:25 am  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Digital Photo PLUS
Posts: 5,503
Lorton, Virginia, US


Kelly Anne-Marie wrote:
I have been pretty emotional about my 20yr. old son that moved out and is living with his girlfriend/future wife and not really keeping in contact with me.
We had a great relationship when he was younger and he says we still do but it's like "pulling teeth" to even have a phone conversations with him nowadays. sad   Any advice?

When my daughter moved out it really screwed me up. I was a single father and single. Almost everything I did was was about her life. I remember thinking that I had no clue what to do next. That was four years ago. Things get better, now I would not want to go back to being a full-time dad. Been there, done that. I learned to think about myself and my future.

As to staying in touch, I think you should insist that he calls. Things will probably change when he has children. How long has it been since he moved out?

BTW: the best way to find out what my daughters are up to from Facebook and Instagram. Judging by the pictures it looks like their lives are all about their cats and parrots.

Oct 11 12 05:39 am  Link  Quote 
Retoucher
Angela Perez
Posts: 340
Orlando, Florida, US


I talk to my mom like once a month
Oct 11 12 05:55 am  Link  Quote 
Model
Little Queenie
Posts: 6,213
Indio, California, US


I didn't talk to my parents a lot when I first left the house. I was busy being independent. Now that I'm older, we talk much more often tha. We did.

I wouldn't take it personally.
Oct 11 12 06:58 am  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Damon Banner
Posts: 85,249
Hayward, California, US


J Jessica  wrote:

Awww.
But that could hurt her feelings. sad

my mom wouldn't do anything that silly, so no need for her feelings to get hurt. 

parents need to learn to let go.  you aren't going to be the number 1 woman in their life (especially men).  It's just not going to happen.   So you just need to find a comfortable space with your children when they move out....

Oct 11 12 07:50 am  Link  Quote 
Photographer
ArtisticPhotography
Posts: 7,699
Buffalo, New York, US


Txt him.  That's what all the kids are doing nowadays.
Oct 11 12 08:52 am  Link  Quote 
Model
Eryn G
Posts: 6,457
Toronto, Ontario, Canada


Little Queenie wrote:
I didn't talk to my parents a lot when I first left the house. I was busy being independent. Now that I'm older, we talk much more often tha. We did.

I wouldn't take it personally.

This.

The one way my mom and I connected was we both always watch survivor. So on Wednesdays she would call me and we would chat every commercial to gossip and laugh together. We were spending time together even though we were far away from each other.

My mom and I talk like a million times a day. Sure it gets annoying sometimes, but once you realize they won't be around forever, your perspectives change. smile at least for me it did.

Damon is just a meanie weenie

Oct 11 12 09:09 am  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Damon Banner
Posts: 85,249
Hayward, California, US


Eryn G wrote:

This.

The one way my mom and I connected was we both always watch survivor. So on Wednesdays she would call me and we would chat every commercial to gossip and laugh together. We were spending time together even though we were far away from each other.

My mom and I talk like a million times a day. Sure it gets annoying sometimes, but once you realize they won't be around forever, your perspectives change. smile at least for me it did.

Damon is just a meanie weenie

you are a girl.  I imagine your dynamic with your mom is different than a boys would be. 

Sure, she can take the advice of the women in this thread, who suggest she call her son every hour, on the hour.  Show up unannounced and so forth.  But when he puts a restraining order on her, she'll know who to thank!

Oct 11 12 09:28 am  Link  Quote 
Model
JessieLeigh
Posts: 2,001
Las Vegas, Nevada, US


He is 20. Let him live his life.

Do you have other kids? If not, perhaps you need something else to nurture and care for. When my husband's youngest sibling left home, my mother in law got a puppy.
Oct 11 12 09:36 am  Link  Quote 
Model
modeled
Posts: 9,334
San Diego, California, US


^True
Oct 11 12 10:27 am  Link  Quote 
Model
Stormee
Posts: 2,463
San Antonio, Texas, US


Oct 11 12 11:31 am  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Looknsee Photography
Posts: 20,830
Portland, Oregon, US


Kelly Anne-Marie wrote:
Any advice?

Other than "nurture patience", no -- no advice.

At that age & at that stage in his life, it'll be important to your son to prove to you and to himself that he's ready to join adult society and to be able to stand on his own.  Therefore, he's spreading his wings & stepping away.

Insist on the big holidays.  Ask for visit during birthdays.  Don't cling.  If he's any good, he'll get to come back when he becomes confident in his adulthood.

But what do I know?

Oct 11 12 12:04 pm  Link  Quote 
Model
modeled
Posts: 9,334
San Diego, California, US


Kelly Anne-Marie wrote:
he has had a serious health issue. sad

I could see how that kind of changes things a little.  You are naturally more concerned for his well being in general.

Oct 11 12 02:30 pm  Link  Quote 
Photographer
SillyEddy
Posts: 2,246
Coventry, England, United Kingdom


I went to university...

...My father went off to Spain for a few weeks... And my mother went on a trip to Italy lol


Take a leaf out of their books... Enjoy your time alone for a while. I've only been here for 3 weeks and I'm already too busy to take visitors. I might try and get home in a few weeks, but it'll just be to sit on the sofa and do coursework there.
Oct 11 12 02:38 pm  Link  Quote 
Model
Stormee
Posts: 2,463
San Antonio, Texas, US


Oct 11 12 08:13 pm  Link  Quote 
Photographer
R A V E N D R I V E
Posts: 15,867
New York, New York, US


now that the name of the lake has been outted, I'd be staying at a random hotel out of dodge too


JAYYYKAYYY
Oct 11 12 08:15 pm  Link  Quote 
Model
Stormee
Posts: 2,463
San Antonio, Texas, US


Oct 11 12 09:33 pm  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Instinct Images
Posts: 22,464
San Diego, California, US


Kelly Anne-Marie wrote:
I have been pretty emotional about my 20yr. old son that moved out and is living with his girlfriend/future wife and not really keeping in contact with me.
We had a great relationship when he was younger and he says we still do but it's like "pulling teeth" to even have a phone conversations with him nowadays. sad   Any advice?

The tighter you try to hold they more he'll pull away.

Oct 11 12 09:41 pm  Link  Quote 
  Search   Reply



main | browse | casting/travel | forums | shout box | help | advertising | contests | share | join the mayhem

more modelmayhem on: | | | edu

©2006-2014 ModelMayhem.com. All Rights Reserved.
MODEL MAYHEM is a registered trademark.
Toggle Worksafe Mode: Off | On
Terms | Privacy | Careers