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Forums > Off-Topic Discussion > SF2: Ess Effin Two > A nice, fresh plate of perspective. Search   Reply
Photographer
Laura Ann - Fashion
Posts: 8,276
Davenport, Iowa, US


I have a friend who has been a bunch of sour grapes for the past few months.  She's had quite a few failed relationships (that have been primarily her fault), and now she's been on this downward spiral of constant FB updates about how her life is hell.  Outside of the job she loves, her supportive family, her good friends, and a multitude of opportunities she receives on a daily basis...her life is an absolute hell that no one could possibly understand.  Yesterday she went as far as saying she doesn't want to hear from people who are in relationshps because they couldn't possibly understand her pain.  Really?  Tell that to my very recent year of being single and constantly being dumped for other people.  I remember, quite well in fact.

:sigh:

What I wouldn't give to have her life.  Her bills are paid for, her family basically houses her and feeds her, she pockets all of her work money, she's beautiful and has no trouble finding a decent guy (though she doesn't realize how good they are when they're buying her dinner and showering her with adoration), and at the end of the day, she still wants more...it's still not enough.

I have never, ever seen someone sabotage themselves so incredibly well.  And it's time for me to distance myself because her inability to see the good in things has made me realize that I need to see more good in things.  She's not helping me in that, outside of this little bit of perspective.

I mean, I have my off days, we all do.  I get stressed with my grandparents constant chore list, and that I'm hardly home and when I am, I'm working.  Work isn't always steady, but bills are, so that isn't the best.  And it stinks that my boyfriend works so far away and I maybe see him a few hours a week.

But then again, when I'm getting groceries for my grandparents, I also get to purchase a few things for myself...on their dime.  And yeah, I'm not thrilled with never being home, but would I rather be bored?  And if work would pick up, that would be great, but in the meanwhile I have wonderfully supportive clients that help me build my business every day.  And the boyfriend?  He tries, he really does, and whenever he can see me he makes it a point.  Plus, he could be working 8 hours away instead of only 3.

Time to kick the Debbie Downer out.  Watching people constantly try to lift her up (me being one) only to have her spit in their face is no good for my morale whatsoever.
Nov 05 12 12:52 pm  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Kincaid Blackwood
Posts: 23,293
Atlanta, Georgia, US


Sounds like your friend has emotional issues.  If you're not emotionally well, it doesn't matter how good your life is; you won't see it.  There are probably some people on this site who are "that girl" (or guy, as it were) though they may or may not admit it.

I'm sure that it will help you to put some distance between the two of you but just remember that she may get on track one day.  Also, you could provide that prompt for her.  You never know.  On the one hand, you could argue that isn't your place but on the other you could argue that it's exactly your place, even as you get some distance.

Something to think on…
Nov 05 12 01:03 pm  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Laura Ann - Fashion
Posts: 8,276
Davenport, Iowa, US


Kincaid Blackwood wrote:
Sounds like your friend has emotional issues.  If you're not emotionally well, it doesn't matter how good your life is; you won't see it.  There are probably some people on this site who are "that girl" (or guy, as it were) though they may or may not admit it.

I'm sure that it will help you to put some distance between the two of you but just remember that she may get on track one day.  Also, you could provide that prompt for her.  You never know.  On the one hand, you could argue that isn't your place but on the other you could argue that it's exactly your place, even as you get some distance.

Something to think on…

I realize that, I do.  I'm not backing away entirely, but I can't be there as much as I have been because it's a very real drain on me at this point.  There's only so many crying phone calls I can handle a week without going into total bitch mode.

I've talked to her, explained that I think her actions on FB need to change, that the expectations she has for guys may be a bit overwhelming, and that she needs to start seeing the positive because she'll never be happy if she only sees the bad in every situation.

I mean, she's the kind of girl that if she doesn't get a text witin ten minutes of receiving one, she's leaving an angry voicemail about the guy not caring enough, that they're obviously not as invested as she is, that she's done and deserves better and they'll regret the day they didn't text her because no one else could ever be as awesome.  Hell, one guy texted her before getting on a plane and said there'd be radio silence for a few hours.  She flipped when she sent him a text 20 minutes later and he didn't respond right away...

She does need help.  She doesn't see or understand how she's sabotaging herself even when it's being pointed out to her by all her friends.  At this point, she needs real professional help, but she won't seek that help just by friends and family telling her.  Otherwise she would have by now.

I just need to back off a bit so her instability doesn't start rubbing off on me and I start thinking I need certain things to be happy.  And so I'm not as annoyed by FB posts that I really should hide from my newsfeed...

Nov 05 12 01:10 pm  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Laura Ann - Fashion
Posts: 8,276
Davenport, Iowa, US


P.S.  Awesome new avatar.  Nom!
Nov 05 12 01:10 pm  Link  Quote 
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