Hunter Wald wrote:
Being kept in the dark is an alternative.  You may find you like that less. 

You can always be his escort at a shoot.  Help with lights, get in the way, steal his lenses. 

Piss off the models he books because you've turned their professional shoot into a game of who has his attention, ruin his reputation as a photographer.... All good ideas

I walk out of a shoot if the photographers partner was fighting for his attention and dragging a shoot through the mud because she can't handle her issues like an adult

California Girls Skate wrote:

For years and years, I never had jealous girlfriends. I used to tell myself this was a good thing because it meant my girl trusted me and believed in me.

Then I realized that's a load of crap.

See, in the end, all those girls broke up with me. So the fact they weren't jealous didn't mean they were strong and secure. It meant they didn't give a darn!

When I finally got myself a jealous girlfriend, it was fantastic! Because I knew she actually gives a damn about me.

Keep being jealous and insecure. Doesn't mean that you don't trust your man. It means that you don't want to lose him, and that makes you an awesome girlfriend.

That might be the worst advice I've read in these forums, and I've been here a while

"keep having personality issues that make neither of you happy and ultimately jeopardize your relationship"

You'd make an awesome relationship counselor

California Girls Skate wrote:

For years and years, I never had jealous girlfriends. I used to tell myself this was a good thing because it meant my girl trusted me and believed in me.

Then I realized that's a load of crap.

See, in the end, all those girls broke up with me. So the fact they weren't jealous didn't mean they were strong and secure. It meant they didn't give a darn!

When I finally got myself a jealous girlfriend, it was fantastic! Because I knew she actually gives a damn about me.

Keep being jealous and insecure. Doesn't mean that you don't trust your man. It means that you don't want to lose him, and that makes you an awesome girlfriend.

huh?

Melanieana wrote:
If so, how do you handle any jealousy, or feelings of insecurity that might arise? Thanks in advance for your input, and suggestions.

The only way to ease that sort of insecurity and jealousy is to communicate with your partner. Be honest with your emotions, but don't demand that he give up his art to accommodate those feelings. Not saying that you would, but I have seen many a lover put that sort of demand on their partner. That does not heal the insecurity or jealousy - it just sweeps it under the rug until another opportunity arises when it can emerge.

You are the only one that can raise your self-esteem - be good to yourself, repeat mantras over and over again until you can feel their truth in your veins, remind yourself of every single reason why he loves you and the unique things he brings into your life, why you chose each other rather than any of the other billions of people on this planet. Have frank and honest discussions. Maybe have him write you a love letter about what he adores in you, which you can read over and over again during your times of shadows. Maybe arrange a ten-minute cuddle session on days in which he does those shoots, afterwards of course, a time when you can reconnect with each other.

I used to be a jealous creature in my youth, but a strange thing helped... Even though I am not polyamorous, I read a lot of articles about dealing with jealousy in poly relationships, which all gave some really good advice at breaking down jealousy and realizing its triggers and how to avoid it. The situation doesn't apply here, but I  would suggest looking it up. Even though you guys aren't in that sort of relationship, I have found more HELPFUL articles about overcoming jealousy in that topic than any others I have researched.

*hugs* Good luck!

Laura UnBound wrote:
I don't get feelings of jealousy. I trust my partner. And if I don't trust them, then they have no buisness being my partner.



It's that easy.

+1

It's just that easy.

Melanieana wrote:
He doesn't mind it when I model, and as a photographer myself, although I don't shoot men scantily clad (I don't shoot nudes as he does) he says he is not jealous.
I do trust him. Its my lack of self confidence I guess, or low self esteem. Even though I know I have a pretty face, and people compliment me, somehow it doesn't stick when I see him work.

So...do you trust him, or not?

Laura UnBound wrote:
I don't get feelings of jealousy. I trust my partner. And if I don't trust them, then they have no buisness being my partner.



It's that easy.

Exactly

Melanieana wrote:
He doesn't mind it when I model, and as a photographer myself, although I don't shoot men scantily clad (I don't shoot nudes as he does) he says he is not jealous.
I do trust him. Its my lack of self confidence I guess, or low self esteem. Even though I know I have a pretty face, and people compliment me, somehow it doesn't stick when I see him work.

So you don't trust him is what you're saying.

When you're in a relationship and it's really right and the other person is your split apart and you really truly belong together you'll never have this conversation.

You can tell yourself that it's your fault and that you do trust him but deep inside you don't and that's a problem. If you did we wouldn't be having this discussion.

model emily  wrote:
No photographer I know of or have ever worked with has ever been interested in the nudity.  Too busy messing around with the lights and camera and making sure the shot is perfect.  The process quickly becomes very desexualized -- in my own experience.

If he's just in it to take pictures of boobs -- next photographer, and next boyfriend.

QFT, and as a man...kinda sucks. It carries into personal life.

Avonelle wrote:
The only way to ease that sort of insecurity and jealousy is to communicate with your partner. Be honest with your emotions, but don't demand that he give up his art to accommodate those feelings. Not saying that you would, but I have seen many a lover put that sort of demand on their partner. That does not heal the insecurity or jealousy - it just sweeps it under the rug until another opportunity arises when it can emerge.

You are the only one that can raise your self-esteem - be good to yourself, repeat mantras over and over again until you can feel their truth in your veins, remind yourself of every single reason why he loves you and the unique things he brings into your life, why you chose each other rather than any of the other billions of people on this planet. Have frank and honest discussions. Maybe have him write you a love letter about what he adores in you, which you can read over and over again during your times of shadows. Maybe arrange a ten-minute cuddle session on days in which he does those shoots, afterwards of course, a time when you can reconnect with each other.

I used to be a jealous creature in my youth, but a strange thing helped... Even though I am not polyamorous, I read a lot of articles about dealing with jealousy in poly relationships, which all gave some really good advice at breaking down jealousy and realizing its triggers and how to avoid it. The situation doesn't apply here, but I  would suggest looking it up. Even though you guys aren't in that sort of relationship, I have found more HELPFUL articles about overcoming jealousy in that topic than any others I have researched.

*hugs* Good luck!

What a kind and thoughtful reply, thank you!

Melanieana wrote:

MyrnaByrna wrote:
Relish that you are beautiful and groovy.

Can you tell I enjoy this phase? I do!
Jen

LOL, I love that....I'm groovy. Que Simon and Garfunkel right?

Well, thank you dear, but I do feel chewed up and spit out the past couple years, but I know only I can give myself self esteem, not my dear. I just know I will keep getting older and his models will keep getting younger, well, you know, figuratively speaking.

It is OK...if you have been chewed up a bit and spit out, JUST WAIT and perservere. I did and a year after being a bit spit out. WOWSA. IT is so super good. Your grooviness will eminate even stronger.

Then, you can REALLY bring it on.

In the meanwhile if you care about your mate, then you are doing a good thing to soulsearch. This is really your insecurity, do not feel bad for having it, you are working on it. I like that you are trying to avoid giving him drama over it too.

Self help books aren't bad. A group of women friends that support and know you are GREAT!! too.

I look forward to seeing you grow through and past this.
Jen

Melanieana wrote:
He doesn't mind it when I model, and as a photographer myself, although I don't shoot men scantily clad (I don't shoot nudes as he does) he says he is not jealous.
I do trust him. Its my lack of self confidence I guess, or low self esteem. Even though I know I have a pretty face, and people compliment me, somehow it doesn't stick when I see him work.

I think you've hit the nail on the head, not only for yourself but for all other SO's no matter which side of the camera or even where there's no camera involved.

My wife and I are fortunate in that we are both actors, so we had to deal with the reality that we would both work with attractive desireable people of the opposite sex on a regular basis who would be attracted to us and to whom we would be attracted.  Not unlike the relationship between photographers and models, but with the added burden of needing to synthesize emotional relationships with them. 

A part of how we dealt with it was to face it head on and discuss these attractions.  We quickly developed an attitude of "I would if I could, but I can't so I shan't," and made a point of meeting and where possible, working with each other's scene partners.  Familiarity breeds friendship in most cases, and that helps to diffuse most problems before they become problems.

Since you're a photographer too, you have the perfect opportunity to meet and work with the same young women as he does.  My guess is that instead of competeing with them, you'll find yourself teaming up with them to push the poor sucker around.  That's how it generally worked in my case. 

Melanieana wrote:
....I suppose the better or more constructive question is how does one maintain self esteem as you approach the big half-a-century mark.

I have approached and passed the half century mark lol. My S/O is also a photographer. he has shot nudes and adult for models websites. It is easy for me most of the time. He is with me because he loves ME. Out of all the shoots he has done I can only remember feeling inadequate once. Not because I think I am prettier than the models he has worked with I am not near in most cases. But because He is who he is and I trust him completely. Trust Trust Trust. If you have it, it works!

Melanieana wrote:
Now that we are quite serious, it has started to bother me, where it did not bother me much before.

California Girls Skate wrote:
For years and years, I never had jealous girlfriends. I used to tell myself this was a good thing because it meant my girl trusted me and believed in me.

Then I realized that's a load of crap.

See, in the end, all those girls broke up with me. So the fact they weren't jealous didn't mean they were strong and secure. It meant they didn't give a darn!

When I finally got myself a jealous girlfriend, it was fantastic! Because I knew she actually gives a damn about me.

Keep being jealous and insecure. Doesn't mean that you don't trust your man. It means that you don't want to lose him, and that makes you an awesome girlfriend.

Or maybe their leaving you had nothing to do with jealousy or insecurity but rather something to do with your logic...or lack thereof.

Please tell me this was a joke simply to or play Devil's Advocate.

By your logic the offenders of domestic abuse use must REALLY love their victims. "I only hit you baby because I love you SO MUCH."

Absolutely speechless.

D S P wrote:
I've been with my wife for 30 years. I've been shooting nude women for 26 years. She's never had a problem with it. Our female friends have the biggest problem with it. My wife has always said "those gals get the photographs, I get the photographer."

twoharts wrote:
D S P wrote:
I've been with my wife for 30 years. I've been shooting nude women for 26 years. She's never had a problem with it. Our female friends have the biggest problem with it. My wife has always said "those gals get the photographs, I get the photographer."

LOVE this

twoharts wrote:
imagine if it weren't photography. if your partner said "hey, i met this really cute chick at work and we're going to spend all day hiking to a waterfall and then she's going to take her clothes off and frolic for a bit" how would you feel?

yet somehow if you add a camera to the mix it's suddenly ok. even if the people aren't having sex they are having fun together. i guess that's where you need a solid bond in your relationship so you can both still be allowed to have fun with the opposite sex. or decide that it's not in the best interest of the relationship to be having so much fun with the opposite sex!

i can see it both ways. i guess it just comes down to the two people involved and how they feel about it. if your SO works in an office they will be spending more time with their co-workers than with you, just not zipping off to frolic in waterfalls.

i'm guessing sometimes it comes down to attention more than sex. if your partner wants to spend all their down-time doing the photography rather than doing stuff with you ...

for my part all my models have been very professional. no one has offered or suggested anything unprofessional. i guess i just don't have it anymore. sigh. on the plus side i have made some new friends.

and this thing about photographers being totally focused on lights and technical stuff. that may be true for some (especially at first) but once you get good at it your mind can wander. and if you are shooting sexy glamour there's a certain way males have of knowing if you've hit the right pose. it's a good thing we can't read each other's minds! still if i were a woman i'd much rather my man be off in the woods with a nude model than buying friction dances from a stripper! even if the nude model is a stripper they are totally different when modeling than stripping. i've never had a model mention dishes that weren't listed on the menu. lol.

Why the balls would you just suddenly get naked with your hiking buddy? At least nudity actually has a purpose in modelling, and not in photography.

And yes, while its great to have fun on a shoot, it's ridiculous to equate the fun had on a photoshoot to the fun a person has when they fuck. My shoots are NOTHING like having sex. I've never thought about one of my boyfriends photoshoots and went "well, it's SORTA like he's having sex with his models because they're naked and hes laughing and having fun, HE'S CHEATING ON ME"

It sounds like the OP is jealous because she's equating doing his job as a photographer (shooting nude models) with engaging in sexual activity with other women ("I know he's professional but there're naked and sensual and erotic (also them just doing their job) and that bothers me" )

And it sounds like you agree. Ridiculous and sad. Especially when coming from two people from inside the industry. It's usually outsiders who come up with crazy notions like 'photographing a naked women is kinda like having sex with her'

Aaron Lewis Photography wrote:
Jealousy is not healthy. If you have any reason to be jealous you're probably with the wrong person.

Jealousy = insecurity and if you're insecure there's a reason. That reason will eventually destroy an otherwise good relationship

Find a new partner

This is very valid. I've had jealous girlfriends and a jealous wife. In all instances, it drove a wedge between us and damaged the relationship. I admire you for wanting to change but as you know by now (now that you have life experience (over 40)) - people dont change. We are who we are and while we all might try to change and make good attempts ..it never seems to last.  The stress will wear on you, if it hasn't already.

Hotel Room Shooter wrote:

This is very valid. I've had jealous girlfriends and a jealous wife. In all instances, it drove a wedge between us and damaged the relationship. I admire you for wanting to change but as you know by now (now that you have life experience (over 40)) - people dont change. We are who we are and while we all might try to change and make good attempts ..it never seems to last.  The stress will wear on you, if it hasn't already.

Aww, I don't agree with this. Everyone is capable of change. I have changed myself drastically in the decades I have been alive, and I don't think that will ever stop. Problems can be fixed, wounds can be healed, and everyone has the ability to change (for the better or worst). You just gotta have the determination and the drive to do so! If you don't believe it, it won't ever happen. Cliche, but true.

Sometimes there are setbacks, but I have seen MANY people do the hard work to make change stick.

Melanieana wrote:
Does any other model have the situation where their husband, boyfriend, or significant other is a photographer and shoots beautiful women scantily clad, and nude? If so, how do you handle any jealousy, or feelings of insecurity that might arise? Thanks in advance for your input, and suggestions.

'Man' and 'Woman' have always been very egoistic in relationships.

We are always afraid of our partners walking away, try to turn the situation around, for example, you meet this super hansom photographer that makes you re-evaluate your current relationship... Have you ever thought about the fact that  it could be YOU that walked away?

The opposite of love is not hate, it is fear of loss.

The best to both of you!

Melanieana wrote:
Does any other model have the situation where their husband, boyfriend, or significant other is a photographer and shoots beautiful women scantily clad, and nude? If so, how do you handle any jealousy, or feelings of insecurity that might arise? Thanks in advance for your input, and suggestions.

is he photographing scantily clad hot babes for real money or is it a hobby?

Laura UnBound wrote:
I don't get feelings of jealousy. I trust my partner. And if I don't trust them, then they have no buisness being my partner.



It's that easy.

+500

Caustic Disco wrote:

i love that my boyfriend shoots nudes, i actually encouraged him to try it. years ago when i was insecure in myself i would have had a huge problem with it, but after learning to love myself i rarely find myself jealous of anybody. my boyfriend barely even looks at anybody else, but when he does it's to make gorgeous images of lovely women. it makes me happy that he is boosting their self esteem and helping them to feel beautiful with his photography.

Yours is a beautiful relationship!

Melanieana wrote:
I am finding it helpful to hear everyone's input. Thank you so much all.

I do care - a LOT. I guess I am finding it so hard on my sweetie, as I am such a pain in the ass, and high maintenance bc this issue has reared its ugly head....I suppose the better or more constructive question is how does one maintain self esteem as you approach the big half-a-century mark.

Plus, as I come from a more promiscuous background, totally opposite of his, I think he will feel as I do, but he does not. In fact he is the epitome of a faithful partner, devoted to me, and always with others, professional. He never even asks his models to take their clothes off, take off their bra etc, but bc he is so professional and "not a GWC" they all drop their drawers and he ends up shooting very artistically which often means nipple, ass or full nude. Its a compliment to him, but harder for me to handle.

Some men are laid back, confident and actually like a woman that is opposite from them in those respects ... as in hyper, with some insecurities.  Each person is different, each couple is different too.  Communication is key!

Laura UnBound wrote:
Piss off the models he books because you've turned their professional shoot into a game of who has his attention, ruin his reputation as a photographer.... All good ideas

I walk out of a shoot if the photographers partner was fighting for his attention and dragging a shoot through the mud because she can't handle her issues like an adult

Sarcasm, Laura, sometimes helps one find perspective or a laugh at a tough spot.  I even added the damn for clarity, to show sarcasm.

I was serious about her helping on the shoot but she since said she tried being on set and it made her sick then no.

I have so much I could ad to this thread from personal life experiences, but I won't, because it is the forums.  And sometimes the responses a person gets are totally off base, condescending, rude....   Sorry, I won't put myself out there like that.  Maybe I will have to send the OP an email.  I was in MM for months before I really knew about the forums.  The model that told me about them, also told me to stay out of them.  By God, she was right.

OP, you are going to destroy your relationship.

Hunter Wald wrote:
Sarcasm, Laura, sometimes helps one find perspective or a laugh at a tough spot.  I even added the damn for clarity, to show sarcasm.

I was serious about her helping on the shoot but she since said she tried being on set and it made her sick.

I have so much I could ad to this thread from personal life experiences, but I won't, because it is the forums.  And sometimes the responses a person gets are totally off base, condescending, rude....   Sorry, I won't put myself out there like that.  Maybe I will have to send the OP an email.  I was in MM for months before I really knew about the forums.  The model that told me about them, also told me to stay out of them.  By God, she was right.

OP, you are going to destroy your relationship.

Wow, I am shocked and appalled that the above (Laura) write so destructive comments. I would hypothesize that since it is words on a screen here, it somehow gives you all the "balls" to communicate to a stranger with such brashness. If we were all together at a photographer meet and greet or cocktail party and this topic came up, I would hesitate to say or HOPE someone might not speak so harshly, especially when me, the OP is sincerely asking (and quite courageously I might add) for input.

After a couple of days of this I am happy to report we have worked it out, we have both read all these replies, and found them interesting. I do think we have reached a conclusion and are ready to put this to rest. I have asked him to respectfully observe the thread and not comment, and he agreed that was best.

Forum posters: Sure would be best if we all could "play nice" please, (I'm sure some smart ass will say "Yeah, world peace too".... but this was a difficult moment for me, and it was even harder for me to admit my shortcomings, jealousies, etc, and even harder for me to read some of these comments.

My sweetheart and I are together forever and committed to our crafts: modeling, photography, creating art, etc etc, but we both are artists! Highly creative, sensitive, and strong-willed. We are among a community here of other right-brained humanists, and navigating the sea of relationship-mania, right?

Happy Holidays, and again to ALL who were supportive, understanding, and helpful, we both thank you.