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12last
Photographer
Sedition
Posts: 273
Buffalo, New York, US


A model that disappeared last Thursday after we had a super cool TF shot set for Friday posted this on her Facebook last night.

"I seriously want to model again .. I don't care about the money or anything it's just fun .. I wish my bf would let me:/"

I feel kind of sad for her but really glad the shoot didn't happen since apparently her BF was supposed to escort her...

*edited for clarity...
Jan 07 13 08:50 am  Link  Quote 
Photographer
ontherocks
Posts: 22,345
Salem, Oregon, US


on the flip side we have models where the boyfriend picks out an outfit for her to wear at the shoot or buys her some new shoes. some are supportive while others are not. if the modeling is important to the lady then i'm guessing the supportive ones last longer.

the good news is boyfriends tend to come and go so maybe you can shoot her after this one moves on.
Jan 07 13 08:54 am  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Sedition
Posts: 273
Buffalo, New York, US


twoharts wrote:
on the flip side we have models where the boyfriend picks out an outfit for her to wear at the shoot or buys her some new shoes. some are supportive while others are not. if the modeling is important to the lady then i'm guessing the supportive ones last longer.

the good news is boyfriends tend to come and go so maybe you can shoot her after this one moves on.

Yeah, from the sound of her post, moving on will happen sooner rather than later...

Jan 07 13 08:59 am  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Good Egg Productions
Posts: 15,328
Orlando, Florida, US


Not your problem.

There are lots of women who are big girls who wear big girl panties and don't need their boyfriends to approve or accompany them to shoot.

Schedule with one of them next time.
Jan 07 13 09:00 am  Link  Quote 
Model
Brianne L
Posts: 279
OTTSVILLE, Pennsylvania, US


That sucks, but her boyfriend shouldn't be "letting her" do anything. She doesn't need his approval or permission.
There are plenty of models with significant others that are actually supportive of their modeling, so I'm sure you'll be able to find someone else who isn't being dragged down by their boyfriend or girlfriend.
Jan 07 13 09:02 am  Link  Quote 
Photographer
KonstantKarma
Posts: 2,513
Hickory, North Carolina, US


Been there, done that.

My response: "That's unfortunate, for the both of you." and moved on.
Jan 07 13 09:09 am  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Top Gun Digital
Posts: 1,229
Las Vegas, Nevada, US


Sedition wrote:
A model that disappeared last Thursday after we had a super cool TF shot set for Friday posted this on her Facebook last night. I feel kind of bad for her but really good the shoot didn't happen since apparently her BF was supposed to escort her...
"I seriously want to model again .. I don't care about the money or anything it's just fun .. I wish my bf would let me:/"

You're lucky the shoot never took place.  If her boyfriend is so controlling he probably would have caused a problem at the shoot if he was her escort.

Jan 07 13 09:09 am  Link  Quote 
Model
Cynthia Serrano
Posts: 12,466
Newark, New Jersey, US


Brianne Crystal wrote:
That sucks, but her boyfriend shouldn't be "letting her" do anything. She doesn't need his approval or permission.
There are plenty of models with significant others that are actually supportive of their modeling, so I'm sure you'll be able to find someone else who isn't being dragged down by their boyfriend or girlfriend.

This 100% The fact that she is actually listening to him is sad

Jan 07 13 09:13 am  Link  Quote 
Model
angel emily
Posts: 1,020
Boston, Massachusetts, US


Good Egg Productions wrote:
Not your problem.

There are lots of women who are big girls who wear big girl panties and don't need their boyfriends to approve or accompany them to shoot.

Schedule with one of them next time.

+100

I don't understand the whole "he/she won't let me" thing.  Doesn't sound like a very good relationship to me!

Just move on!

Jan 07 13 09:13 am  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Gogar
Posts: 135
Göteborg, Västra Götaland, Sweden


And the next boyfriend can cause all new problems of his own not being happy with gf being a model. And the emails starts pouring in with requests of "take down this and take down that" because boy is not happy.....
Jan 07 13 09:14 am  Link  Quote 
Photographer
M Pandolfo Photography
Posts: 12,116
Tampa, Florida, US


I don't feel bad for anyone who, not only allows and thinks it's acceptable to let a bf control them, but then thinks it's a good idea to post it for the world. Why would you feel bad for someone who is a willing victim?

Unless the model is 14 it's absolutely pathetic.
Jan 07 13 09:17 am  Link  Quote 
Photographer
ontherocks
Posts: 22,345
Salem, Oregon, US


but how can a relationship work if you don't listen to your partner? if both of you are free to do as you please even if it upsets the other person that doesn't even sound like a relationship. just f*ck buddies.

Cynthia Serrano  wrote:
This 100% The fact that she is actually listening to him is sad

Jan 07 13 09:17 am  Link  Quote 
Photographer
M Pandolfo Photography
Posts: 12,116
Tampa, Florida, US


twoharts wrote:
but how can a relationship work if you don't listen to your partner? if both of you are free to do as you please even if it upsets the other person that doesn't even sound like a relationship. just f*ck buddies.


You're right. But I'd say "listening" might have been a less than idea choice of words. She isn't listening, she's obeying. Listening, as in give and take, is necessary. Obeying is severely dysfunctional.

Jan 07 13 09:20 am  Link  Quote 
Model
angel emily
Posts: 1,020
Boston, Massachusetts, US


twoharts wrote:
but how can a relationship work if you don't listen to your partner? if both of you are free to do as you please even if it upsets the other person that doesn't even sound like a relationship. just f*ck buddies.

Because it's not about listening and obeying (i.e., "I don't like it, so don't do it") -- it's about communicating those issues through and hopefully finding a compromise.
Or, leaving if it can't be met.

If the agreement they made was she stop modeling because it upsets him and she was willing to do that, then it makes the girl look bad to be posting it as "he won't let me".

Sounds like they need to communicate more.

Jan 07 13 09:22 am  Link  Quote 
Photographer
KonstantKarma
Posts: 2,513
Hickory, North Carolina, US


I've been a nonsupportive boyfriend in the past. My ex (won't share her MM#) was stupid enough to get herself killed way too quickly. Fell for every scam.

I've also been a supportive boyfriend, to a smarter model.


Point is, not everyone should try to be a model. The boyfriend is not always the bad guy.
Jan 07 13 09:22 am  Link  Quote 
Model
Cynthia Serrano
Posts: 12,466
Newark, New Jersey, US


twoharts wrote:
but how can a relationship work if you don't listen to your partner? if both of you are free to do as you please even if it upsets the other person that doesn't even sound like a relationship. just f*ck buddies.

If I want to do something career wise and my boyfriend "forbids it" I will move on I will not stand for someone forbidding me to do something although I agree somethings can be compromised but for him to straight out forbid it thats a red flag in my book

Jan 07 13 09:23 am  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Sedition
Posts: 273
Buffalo, New York, US


I ended up doing the shoot with a friend I have known since high school who's husband I went to grade school with. Photos of it are here...
http://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set= … 4d6be5c3b7
Jan 07 13 09:23 am  Link  Quote 
guide forum
Model
Koryn
Posts: 36,372
Boston, Massachusetts, US


twoharts wrote:
but how can a relationship work if you don't listen to your partner? if both of you are free to do as you please even if it upsets the other person that doesn't even sound like a relationship. just f*ck buddies.

...because, hopefully, your values and needs are closely enough matched to your mate's values and needs, that these things will not be a problem.

Otherwise, you're a poor match for each other, and going to have a rocky future, filled with arguments and misery.

Jan 07 13 09:25 am  Link  Quote 
Model
V for Victory Modeling
Posts: 436
Roseville, California, US


I know many would scoff at this, but my husband is usually my llama herder and he does not get involved with outfit selection or interfere with the shoot. Often the photographer has needed help with holding equipment, which he readily helps with. There was only one instance where he insisted we finish the shoot as we were both freezing our butts off and the photographer wanted to keep shooting despite the fact that my feet were nearly numb and I was visibly uncomfortable.
Jan 07 13 09:29 am  Link  Quote 
Photographer
ontherocks
Posts: 22,345
Salem, Oregon, US


yeah some of these girls seem really prone to falling for whatever BS a guy throws at them. seems like they could get talked into all sorts of things. maybe the boyfriend has good reason to be concerned.

KonstantKarma wrote:
Point is, not everyone should try to be a model. The boyfriend is not always the bad guy.

Jan 07 13 09:30 am  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Good Egg Productions
Posts: 15,328
Orlando, Florida, US


vbabe wrote:
I know many would scoff at this, but my husband is usually my escort and he does not get involved with outfit selection or interfere with the shoot. Often the photographer has needed help with holding equipment, which he readily helps with. There was only one instance where he insisted we finish the shoot as we were both freezing our butts off and the photographer wanted to keep shooting despite the fact that my feet were nearly numb and I was visibly uncomfortable.

If you can't make those types of decisions for yourself without your husband stepping in and making them for you, you might be involved in the wrong hobby/profession.

Jan 07 13 09:32 am  Link  Quote 
Photographer
ontherocks
Posts: 22,345
Salem, Oregon, US


relationships are hard even if you are a good match for each other. a lot of things happen that are beyond your control. i think you either decide to stick with it and keep working it out or move on and be single or find someone who will be a good fit for the current phase of your life (but maybe not the next phase).

when i meet people who've been married for 30, 40 years i'm always very impressed. those are some stubborn people! they wouldn't give up even though maybe the big dog got off the porch a few times. or maybe they just didn't have other options. lol. the wife and i are at 22 or something like that. but we have wanted to kill each other a few times.

Koryn Locke wrote:
Otherwise, you're a poor match for each other, and going to have a rocky future, filled with arguments and misery.

Jan 07 13 09:33 am  Link  Quote 
Photographer
ontherocks
Posts: 22,345
Salem, Oregon, US


some people are a team. the wife and i have worked together since 1995. i've never done a people shoot without her. heck i can't even find anything without her. lol.

now maybe being a team for modeling doesn't go over so well with some photographers but others might be ok with it.

Good Egg Productions wrote:
If you can't make those types of decisions for yourself without your husband stepping in and making them for you, you might be involved in the wrong hobby/profession.

Jan 07 13 09:37 am  Link  Quote 
Model
V for Victory Modeling
Posts: 436
Roseville, California, US


Good Egg Productions wrote:
If you can't make those types of decisions for yourself without your husband stepping in and making them for you, you might be involved in the wrong hobby/profession.

He wasn't stepping in, he simply just said what I had already voiced when he clearly did not listen when I said "we need to wrap this up" and just kept saying "one more photo" like five or six times.

Jan 07 13 09:38 am  Link  Quote 
Model
Melodye Joy
Posts: 542
Rancho Cucamonga, California, US


I'm far too independent to let a man dictate what I can or can not do. My ex wanted me to stop modeling, he referred to my mother as "Godzilla" and he hated my friends...he's my ex for many a reason but those were high on the list. You don't disrespect my family, friends or ME!

Am I perfect? Am I great? No....but I enjoy doing what I enjoy doing and I refuse to let anyone tear me down.

Hopefully that young lady learns that if he loved her, he would allow her to do what she enjoyed, paid or unpaid.

For a man (or woman) to take away someones joy...its not love, its jealousy, its control, its verbal/mental abuse (not always, but sometimes it can go that far)...
Jan 07 13 09:39 am  Link  Quote 
Model
V for Victory Modeling
Posts: 436
Roseville, California, US


twoharts wrote:
some people are a team. the wife and i have worked together since 1995. i've never done a people shoot without her. heck i can't even find anything without her. lol.

now maybe being a team for modeling doesn't go over so well with some photographers but others might be ok with it.

Love your logic!

Jan 07 13 09:39 am  Link  Quote 
Photographer
ontherocks
Posts: 22,345
Salem, Oregon, US


after my wife's mother passed (she was a calming influence on everybody), i told my wife she had to choose between the remaining part of her family and me. if she had chosen them i would have helped her pack. they were the ones disrespecting her, disrespecting me and most importantly disrespecting our marriage. having an alcoholic in the family (even if it's just the extended family) is a nightmare.

my mom tried to talk me into not marrying my wife. so they've never had the best of relationships. but when it's date night it's the wife wearing the slinky lingerie. she wins!

it's just sometimes i think people want everything to be rainbows and unicorns and it's not always like that. there has to be flexibility and compromise. but maybe some just aren't cut out for that which is fine. no law that says you have to be in a long-term relationship.

Melodye Joy wrote:
You don't disrespect my family, friends or ME!

Jan 07 13 09:52 am  Link  Quote 
Model
Melodye Joy
Posts: 542
Rancho Cucamonga, California, US


twoharts wrote:
after my wife's mother passed (she was a calming influence on everybody), i told my wife she had to choose between the remaining part of her family and me. if she had chosen them i would have helped her pack. they were the ones disrespecting her, disrespecting me and most importantly disrespecting our marriage. having an alcoholic in the family (even if it's just the extended family) is a nightmare.

my mom tried to talk me into not marrying my wife. so they've never had the best of relationships. but when it's date night it's the wife wearing the slinky lingerie. she wins!

it's just sometimes i think people want everything to be rainbows and unicorns and it's not always like that. there has to be flexibility and compromise. but maybe some just aren't cut out for that which is fine. no law that says you have to be in a long-term relationship.

I'd love to be in a long term relationship and get married, but it was far more than an ex disliking my friends or my family. The constant walking on edge, never knowing when the bomb (him) would go off...

Everything I did was wrong, "why did you wear that? I don't like that color."... "You can't even walk in those heels!"..."Why'd you try cooking? You know you can't!"..."We are going HERE and NO you can't have a night with your friends because its all about ME! WE are in a relationship, not your friends and me and you..." (referring to friends that came in from out of town for a week, and I wanted ONE girls night out to see a movie. The rest of the time, he was with us or I was with him and they did their own thing)...

Toward the end I was every letter in the cuss word alphabet. Yup...he got one right...I was an idiot for putting up with the abuse for over two years. Blinded by "love" I did as I was told for so long, I stayed miserable, trying to "make it work" and "give" in the relationship. I hid my modeling for three months just to keep doing it when he was at work or I could excuse myself away for a "family thing".
My best friend died in 09 and his comment (at her funeral not less) was, "she's dead. get over it."

The last thing he ever did was backhand me for declaring I was going out that night to dinner with some friends (again, that he didn't like) and I'd be home about 9pm.
...I went home, to my family. I never even went out that night I was far too hurt and mentally exhausted.

Jan 07 13 10:44 am  Link  Quote 
Photographer
DeeEight
Posts: 104
Ottawa, Ontario, Canada


Brianne Crystal wrote:
That sucks, but her boyfriend shouldn't be "letting her" do anything. She doesn't need his approval or permission.
There are plenty of models with significant others that are actually supportive of their modeling, so I'm sure you'll be able to find someone else who isn't being dragged down by their boyfriend or girlfriend.

You apparently haven't ever seen how many models in your local area are also into the BDSM community to the extent that they list themselves as "owned/collared" to another on other websites... and that not only does their "dom" have to give permission for them to do a photoshoot, but generally he/she is the escort they insist upon bringing along.

Jan 07 13 12:12 pm  Link  Quote 
Model
Brianne L
Posts: 279
OTTSVILLE, Pennsylvania, US


DeeEight wrote:

You apparently haven't ever seen how many models in your local area are also into the BDSM community to the extent that they list themselves as "owned/collared" to another on other websites... and that not only does their "dom" have to give permission for them to do a photoshoot, but generally he/she is the escort they insist upon bringing along.

Oh jeez. Well, that's a whole other story...I don't even know where to begin with things like that. To each their own, but...

Jan 07 13 03:40 pm  Link  Quote 
Photographer
MesmerEyes Photography
Posts: 2,945
Tyler, Texas, US


Brianne Crystal wrote:

Oh jeez. Well, that's a whole other story...I don't even know where to begin with things like that. To each their own, but...

In those kinds of relationships most of them want to be controlled. Granted there are some that are being lied to and some that aren't completely there by choice.

Jan 07 13 03:48 pm  Link  Quote 
Model
Kayz-Modelling
Posts: 294
Plymouth, England, United Kingdom


Michael Pandolfo wrote:
You're right. But I'd say "listening" might have been a less than idea choice of words. She isn't listening, she's obeying. Listening, as in give and take, is necessary. Obeying is severely dysfunctional.

1
In a relationship you need to listen to your partner and understand if they're uncomfortable but you shouldn't have to make every decision in your life based on what they tell you!
They are both adults, and they should act like it! He shouldn't be trying (and apparently succeeding) to control her and she shouldn't be allowing him to do so, in a real adult relationship you come to a compromise, if you can't do that then only one of you will ever be happy and that isn't right... although that being said if one partner is trying to control the other then I would guess it isn't a happy relationship anyway.

I'm just thankful my other half is supportive of my modelling.
At first he was slightly dubious of me modelling nude, to which we came to a compromise and things have worked out brilliantly!

DeeEight wrote:
You apparently haven't ever seen how many models in your local area are also into the BDSM community to the extent that they list themselves as "owned/collared" to another on other websites... and that not only does their "dom" have to give permission for them to do a photoshoot, but generally he/she is the llama herder they insist upon bringing along.

In a D/s relationship, like any other, compromise is still a good way to go. Just because the sub is 'owned and collared' by the Dom doesn't mean that they will be told they can not do something they enjoy. As a compromise the Dom may add boundaries instead of flat out refusing to allow their sub to do something. For example they may limit the genres of modelling that the sub can do...
But I could be wrong... 

Just my humble opinion
Kayz

Jan 08 13 03:05 am  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Wolfstar Studio
Posts: 861
Cross Roads, Texas, US


Good Egg Productions wrote:
Not your problem.

There are lots of women who are big girls who wear big girl panties and don't need their boyfriends to approve or accompany them to shoot.

Schedule with one of them next time.

borat

Jan 08 13 09:16 am  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Wolfstar Studio
Posts: 861
Cross Roads, Texas, US


KonstantKarma wrote:
Been there, done that.

My response: "That's unfortunate, for the both of you." and moved on.

:rotfl:

Jan 08 13 09:17 am  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Wolfstar Studio
Posts: 861
Cross Roads, Texas, US


You dodged a bullet there my friend. This is one of many reasons I don't allow escorts, ESPECIALLY boyfriends and husbands. I have made one exception to this rule and that's because the llama's sister wanted to shoot, too. I'm all for a two for one deal. But seriously, any girl who allows a guy to run her life like that has zero self-esteem and would likely be nothing but trouble. Sadly, she'll also be with this jackhole for years. No escort policy saves these headaches. I HIGHLY recommend it.
Jan 08 13 09:21 am  Link  Quote 
Model
Avonelle
Posts: 167
Toledo, Ohio, US


Kayz-Modelling wrote:
In a D/s relationship, like any other, compromise is still a good way to go. Just because the sub is 'owned and collared' by the Dom doesn't mean that they will be told they can not do something they enjoy. As a compromise the Dom may add boundaries instead of flat out refusing to allow their sub to do something. For example they may limit the genres of modelling that the sub can do... Kayz

D/s relationships are just like any other relationship, based on communication and compromise. Just because someone gives control to another, it doesn't mean that all aspects of the sub's life are controlled. With many of those relationships, there are things that are off-limits. Those who have no-limits should be with a partner who has proven that they aren't just control freaks - and that they have their sub's best interests in mind, wanting to see them grow into the best person they can be. And their commands should prove this.

Taking away a person's passion is not in their best interest. I'm a pretty submissive person by nature, but there are a few hard limits that I have that I will not compromise on. Finances and work are two of them. No one has ever and will never  have any say over my money or my career and modeling. It's just like any other kind of relationship - if your partner is hindering your life and holding you back and keeping you from growing, then it's time to move on and find someone who does support your dreams and wants to see you happy. smile

Jan 08 13 11:44 am  Link  Quote 
Model
Leone P
Posts: 515
Batley, England, United Kingdom


My Husband is really supportive of my modelling. He is quite happy to give me free reign to buy outfits etc and trusts me judgements. He has never attended a shoot but given the chance, i think he would like to just to see what happens (not alot unless your involved in the shoot lol!).
Maybe this is because i have always been supportive in his career and his dream career (two different things unfortunately.)
If you love somebody, you want them to be happy and folow their dreams.

Of course this is my Husband. For a boy/man who has jus started dating a new girl, they may be more unwilling to listen to their partners needs. Who knows.
Jan 08 13 11:56 am  Link  Quote 
Model
Kayz-Modelling
Posts: 294
Plymouth, England, United Kingdom


Avonelle wrote:
D/s relationships are just like any other relationship, based on communication and compromise. Just because someone gives control to another, it doesn't mean that all aspects of the sub's life are controlled. With many of those relationships, there are things that are off-limits. Those who have no-limits should be with a partner who has proven that they aren't just control freaks - and that they have their sub's best interests in mind, wanting to see them grow into the best person they can be. And their commands should prove this.

Taking away a person's passion is not in their best interest. I'm a pretty submissive person by nature, but there are a few hard limits that I have that I will not compromise on. Finances and work are two of them. No one has ever and will never  have any say over my money or my career and modeling. It's just like any other kind of relationship - if your partner is hindering your life and holding you back and keeping you from growing, then it's time to move on and find someone who does support your dreams and wants to see you happy. smile

I completely agree, I don't think they should be able to control every decision in their subs life. And I certainly wasn't trying to condone that behavior, just pointing out that some may do things like that. As every relationship is different. If it is agreed to at the beginning of a D/s relationship that the Dom will not interfere with anything like work/modelling/etc then they shouldn't interfere with it! A hard limit is a hard limit after all.

In my original post I was mainly trying to point out one aspect of what could happen and what decision they could make, but like I said I don't believe they should have control over any work aspects! At the end of the day both people in these relationships (be it D/s or 'nilla) are adults and they should be able to not only come to a compromise when needed but not attempt to control every aspect of one an others lives...

Just a little clarification on what I meant hmm as I probably didn't word it properly last time... tends to happen when I have my son sat on my lap gargling at me while I'm trying to type...
Sorry.
Kayz

Jan 08 13 03:09 pm  Link  Quote 
Model
LovelyTerror
Posts: 230
Riverside, California, US


mine comes and helps carry camera equipment and brings everyone food ^.^

if photogs really say no one else can come then I normally have someone drop me off and meet the photog... just in case.
Jan 08 13 03:11 pm  Link  Quote 
Model
Anna Kl
Posts: 188
Toronto, Ontario, Canada


thank god my bf is a photographer and knows how it works.
Jan 08 13 03:16 pm  Link  Quote 
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