I recently wrote a blog post about this, reminiscing about the many times someone has said something at a shoot and I've wanted to reply in a certain way, but didn't, for the sake of politeness and possible future work.
Here are a few that I remembered, and feel free to add your own (both llamas and photographers!):
Photographer: "Wow, your feet are really dirty."
What I thought: "If you swept the floor in your studio once in a while, maybe I wouldn't be trudging through a sand dune worth of dirt."
What I said: "Oh, you're right, let me go get a baby wipe and clean up."
Photographer: "Is this all the wardrobe you brought?"
What I thought: "Yes, and if I tried to fit anything else in this suitcase, it would weigh more than a small African elephant, and I would need servants to lift it into my car. If you want different wardrobe, go buy some, you cheapskate."
What I said: "Yes, this is all I could carry, but I'm sure we can create a good look out of this selection."
Photographer (after saying he wanted a natural makeup look): "It's missing something. Do you have any bright red lipstick?"
What I thought: "Oh, by natural, you meant you wanted me naked. Let me go get my clown makeup, and those giant fake eyelashes that feel like bags of cement on my eyelids."
What I said: "Sure, I have tons of colors. Want to pick one from my palette?"
Photographer: "I want you to imagine the most sensual experience you ever had, so the images can be genuine and visceral."
What I thought: "What was on my shopping list again? Oh, right, bananas! I like bananas."
What I said: "I'm going to a very personal place right now." (This, as a side note, is absolutely true. What can be more personal than a grocery list?)
Photographer: "Wow, that's amazing! I can tell that you're not faking the sexuality in these images. See what happens when you trust me? Those visualization techniques that my photography class told me to use really work."
Photographer (in an email, after the shoot): "Here are some images that I took from our last shoot together. I hope you like them!"
What I thought: "Lord of all that is holy...how on earth did he make me look chubby? And where did that filter come from that made everything over saturated AND flat? Who would want to use that? Why?!"
What I said: "Thank you very much for taking the time to send these images to me. I always learn something from looking back at past shoots." Yeah, like we are never doing a trade shoot. Ever.
keep in mind that some of us can see right through you when you say that stuff (at least in person) but maybe we're too polite to say anything. tone of voice, body language says a lot.
we feel what we feel but we don't always have to say everything that's on our mind. some people are brutally honest but maybe they don't wind up having many friends. lol. women are always saying "tell me how you are feeling" honestly ladies maybe you're better off not knowing!
twoharts wrote: keep in mind that some of us can see right through you when you say that stuff (at least in person) but maybe we're too polite to say anything. tone of voice, body language says a lot.
we feel what we feel but we don't always have to say everything that's on our mind. some people are brutally honest but maybe they don't wind up having many friends. lol. women are always saying "tell me how you are feeling" honestly ladies maybe you're better off not knowing!
Haha, you're right, sometimes we have to be careful what we wish for...
Emily Hayworth wrote: I recently wrote a blog post about this, reminiscing about the many times someone has said something at a shoot and I've wanted to reply in a certain way, but didn't, for the sake of politeness and possible future work.
I hope for the sake of that they don't read your blog.
From the time that I learned not to allow boyfriends as escorts:
Boyfriend: "Stop jawing with the guy and start posing so he can shoot you. We have to go soon."
What I thought: "#$%$$@#^%$#@! %%%$^@^$#$ %$%$ @# %$#$!!!!"
What I said: "Oh, did you set an appointment for right after our shoot? Are you in a rush? Well okay, let's take care of you and get you out of here."
*click*
*click*
*click*
"Okay, great, got it. Take it easy!"
I hope for the sake of that they don't read your blog.
From the time that I learned not to allow boyfriends as escorts:
Boyfriend: "Stop jawing with the guy and start posing so he can shoot you. We have to go soon."
What I thought: "#$%$$@#^%$#@! %%%$^@^$#$ %$%$ @# %$#$!!!!"
What I said: "Oh, did you set an appointment for right after our shoot? Are you in a rush? Well okay, let's take care of you and get you out of here."
*click*
*click*
*click*
"Okay, great, got it. Take it easy!"
LOL. What a class act. I don't blame people for hating escorts when I hear about stuff like that.
Thankfully, this is not my only job, so I can afford to write what I actually think these days.
salvatori. wrote: Not sure what you're thinking, but what you're saying is that photographers are douchebags?
No, absolutely not. I'm always the first person to say that 99% of my experiences as a model have been good.
The purpose of the original post was to encourage some lighthearted fun. So what if the floor is dirty, or if the photographer doesn't like the wardrobe I bring? That doesn't mean he's a douche, it just sometimes sets off an internal dialogue that is very different from how I actually respond. I talk to other models at shoots very often who say the same thing.
lol those were funny!!! sometimes i want to say something when photographers are constantly critiquing me while shooting and try to help me out by saying "if you want to be a professional model you have to..." i just wanna be like "dude, i'm 5'6 and fat and don't shoot nudes, i only do this to have pretty pictures to post on facebook and show the grandchildren" lol. but i know they are only trying to help me out, so i feel bitchy even thinking that because i do actually appreciate the tips.
Evie_Wolfe
Posts: 653
Nottingham, England, United Kingdom
Hah! Those made me laugh Thanks for the pick-me-up!
It's true, some people have absolutely no manners, but I think I've come across a few folks who were being deliberately rude on set because they thought they could get away with it. I say I think because I obviously don't know what is going on in their heads, but I guess there are some people who enjoy behaving like that when they are in a position of power. Kind of a bummer really, since everyone works better in a nice environment
I think there are ways of being assertive about what you think and still being polite. One needn't come at the complete destruction of the other. If I were one of those photographers I'd want you to be more authentic. What's the impact of being fake? In the short term, you don't rock the boat and can make some money. In the long term you help to ruin what may have worked out to be a perfectly good relationship because your passivity didn't assist to negotiate change.
Also, remember your responses aren't necessarily a reflection of objective reality either. They are colored by your subjectivity, your experiences and assumptions as well.
Jackson frontier photos wrote: Also, remember your responses aren't necessarily a reflection of objective reality either. They are colored by your subjectivity, your experiences and assumptions as well.
Absolutely true. I recognize that no matter how valid the question or comment (coming from the photographer), my internal dialogue shifts with my mood, and could be entirely colored by the fact that I had to get up at 6 am for the shoot, my hair wasn't doing what I wanted, etc etc. That's why I always respond politely, no matter how I actually feel.
Honestly, I want the photographer to tell me if my feet are dirty. Dirty feet ruin photos. Gross!
Joking aside, I had a client who walked into my office once and said, "your hair looks like shit today." First thing she said. This was a very trouble young lady but what she said was in some ways healthier than my socially refined coworkers who may well have walked around all day thinking it, telling each other, but never having the integrity to tell me directly.
twoharts wrote: we break out the baby wipes if the model has dirty feet, especially if it's a foot fetish shoot where she'll be sucking on her own feet.
I always bring my own baby wipes for my feet. It drives me nuts when the bottom shows in pictures, and it's all black.
I haven't sucked on my own feet since I was probably a few months old, but I can't imagine that baby wipe juice tastes very good. Maybe we should invent flavored ones! That's a million dollar idea right there, and I'm throwing it out for free...
Absolutely, in any business there are times when you must say something polite when what you are thinking is anything BUT polite.
Yours are pretty funny. (By the way, I am amazed that anything so pretty or interesting exists in Banning, I have judged the place wrong apparently)
Sometimes I think of clients who are throwing a $50k+ party and want me to adjust my rates downward by $200. What I SAY is, "I'll look at my budget, and see what I can do" what I THINK is "You cheap SOB, you will spend more than that getting a crappy pedicure this week, that money was going to pay my groceries next week!"
If I said any of those things and the model fired back with the responses that you were thinking, I think I would immediately fall in love lol.
Those are fantastic and I would laugh my ass off if you responded that way (the inner dialogue way...not the polite, PC way). Then again, I don't think I'd ever be so rude to comment so bluntly on a model's dirty feet so maybe it's a moot point.
Though I might say, "Did you just come from the 7-11?"
Nate Wood wrote: Friends and coworkers think I am really funny. But, I’m actually not funny. I’m just really mean and people think I’m joking.
I absolutely LOVE this lol. Maybe because it rings so true for me. I used to be a morning show dj and had a gf tell me "You're not funny...you're just mean." Saw right through me lol.
Emily Hayworth wrote: I always bring my own baby wipes for my feet. It drives me nuts when the bottom shows in pictures, and it's all black.
I haven't sucked on my own feet since I was probably a few months old, but I can't imagine that baby wipe juice tastes very good. Maybe we should invent flavored ones! That's a million dollar idea right there, and I'm throwing it out for free...
It's a great invention until I go ask a cashier where they keep the Flavored Baby Wipes because I don't like the taste of baby wipe juice and Chris Hansen and the entire cast of To Catch A Predator roll up to my house.
I absolutely LOVE this lol. Maybe because it rings so true for me. I used to be a morning show dj and had a gf tell me "You're not funny...you're just mean." Saw right through me lol.
Yeah most of my relationships with women I have dated start out with them thinking I am funny. They almost always end with them saying you aren't funny you are just a asshole...lol I always warn them but they never listen...
If I said any of those things and the model fired back with the responses that you were thinking, I think I would immediately fall in love lol.
Those are fantastic and I would laugh my ass off if you responded that way (the inner dialogue way...not the polite, PC way). Then again, I don't think I'd ever be so rude to comment so bluntly on a model's dirty feet so maybe it's a moot point.
Though I might say, "Did you just come from the 7-11?"
Funny post I just hope when model look happy about the pictures I give them after the shoot they dont really hate them. Let the photographe know if you dont like the picture so he can improve
Emily Hayworth wrote: Photographer: "Wow, your feet are really dirty."
What I thought: "If you swept the floor in your studio once in a while, maybe I wouldn't be trudging through a sand dune worth of dirt."
What I said: "Oh, you're right, let me go get a baby wipe and clean up."
~ 80 percent of this is a "men vs women-problem"...;-)
Man (sitting in front of the tv) says: "Is there another bottle of beer in the fridge?"
Woman (doing something in the other room) hears: "Bring me a beer, honey! And do it quickly!"
Woman answers: "Couldn't you lousy honk leave the couch and get your beer yourself?? It's just 10 feet away from you."
Man: "Aaargh...?!?!?"
The poor guy just wanted to know whether there is some more beer in the fridge. Because if there is no more beer he could avoid the then senseless strain to leave the couch and go to the kitchen while the tv drama/sports show etc.pp. is running. If he wanted his girl to bring him a beer he just would have said so... Men are that simple and plain. Really. Trust me.
He just thinks "My smart girls always seems to know what is in the fridge and what is not - so I simply ask her instead of looking for myself". And that was about it.
(And now they need a marriage coaching...)
We are no women. We are men. Men are simply build organisms. A question is a question is a question. A statement is a statement is thinking loudly.
Photographer: "Wow, your feet are really dirty." (Read: You have really dirty feet. I noticed this. Smart me, isn't it?)
You: "If you swept the floor in your studio once in a while, maybe I wouldn't be trudging through a sand dune worth of dirt."
Photographer blushes and comes with some lame excuse. Actually he just recognizes for the first time in months that the floor is somewhat dirty...
You: "Oh, you're right, let me go get a baby wipe and clean up."
So what the hell you want him to do? Do you want him to say: "May I clean your feet with a baby wipe?"
A photographer mentions that your feet are really dirty. For the shooting it is not a matter of interest why they are dirty but just that they are dirty.
Now let's clean your feet in an appropriate way and go on shooting...
Male photographer: "Wow, your feet are really dirty."
Male model: "You want they to be clean?"
Male photographer: "Yes/No."
Male model's feet get cleaned. Or not. End of discussion.
Photographer: "Is this all the wardrobe you brought?"
What I thought: "Yes, and if I tried to fit anything else in this suitcase, it would weigh more than a small African elephant, and I would need servants to lift it into my car. If you want different wardrobe, go buy some, you cheapskate."
What I said: "Yes, this is all I could carry, but I'm sure we can create a good look out of this selection."
Exactly the same. A photographer wants to have some information regarding the outfits you bring and you feel assaulted for shortcoming...
PLEASE stop using your "appeal ear" only when communicating with male mammalians. Seriously.
...
Photographer (in an email, after the shoot): "Here are some images that I took from our last shoot together. I hope you like them!"
What I thought: "Lord of all that is holy...how on earth did he make me look chubby? And where did that filter come from that made everything over saturated AND flat? Who would want to use that? Why?!"
What I said: "Thank you very much for taking the time to send these images to me. I always learn something from looking back at past shoots." Yeah, like we are never doing a trade shoot. Ever.
That's simpy the risk of doing Tf... Nothing to do with communication or that men/women-stuff.
I will pee myself in excitement the day all photographers ever stop trying to direct my emotions on a shoot.
"Try and look sad" instead of "I want you to think of the saddest thing that's ever happened to you, really feel it, get into that moment. Oh I can tell you're miserable right now."
Oh yeah, buddy, we really went somewhere together.
Thanks for the pick-me-up!
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