login info join!
Forums > Off-Topic Discussion > SF2: Ess Effin Two > Agony aunt me? Search   Reply
Model
Caperucita Roja
Posts: 11,544
Plymouth, England, United Kingdom


My boyfriend's an asshole. He's just not a nice person in general really... but I'm in love and I can't and won't get the balls to leave him despite that knowing it would be for the best anyway.

I'm half tempted to just go out there and fuck the feelings away with someone else. In Spain we say 'La mancha de una mora se quita con otra mora' (the stain from one berry is taken away with another).

I'm sure there are fuckloads of people who've been in my position. How did you get the balls to finally say 'fuck you, I'm gone'?
Jan 14 13 07:27 am  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Andialu
Posts: 14,029
San Pedro, California, US


Caperucita Roja wrote:
My boyfriend's an asshole. He's just not a nice person in general really... but I'm in love and I can't and won't get the balls to leave him despite that knowing it would be for the best anyway.

I'm half tempted to just go out there and fuck the feelings away with someone else. In Spain we say 'La mancha de una mora se quita con otra mora' (the stain from one berry is taken away with another).

I'm sure there are fuckloads of people who've been in my position. How did you get the balls to finally say 'fuck you, I'm gone'?

This is why a lot of guys act like a-holes. It works. Until you decide that you don't like a-holes you'll (most likely) keep making this mistake over and over. I've had a few friends that were girls and no matter what I'd say or how much they realized the guy is a jerk they just couldn't help themselves.

Jan 14 13 07:44 am  Link  Quote 
Model
Caperucita Roja
Posts: 11,544
Plymouth, England, United Kingdom


I didn't fall in love with a jerk, he was different back then.

Now he's depressed and having some sort of weird midlife crisis- but that's no excuse...
Jan 14 13 07:49 am  Link  Quote 
Photographer
SPierce Photography
Posts: 19,711
Amherst, Massachusetts, US


Caperucita Roja wrote:
My boyfriend's an asshole. He's just not a nice person in general really... but I'm in love and I can't and won't get the balls to leave him despite that knowing it would be for the best anyway.

I'm half tempted to just go out there and fuck the feelings away with someone else. In Spain we say 'La mancha de una mora se quita con otra mora' (the stain from one berry is taken away with another).

I'm sure there are fuckloads of people who've been in my position. How did you get the balls to finally say 'fuck you, I'm gone'?

Walk in, pack your things, get the hell out. You and ONLY you is your first priority. If you aren't happy, it ain't working. If he isn't treating you with respect, then respect yourself and leave him so you don't have to deal with that crap anymore. Isit really, truly, love - or does it just feel like it ? It might hurt later, but if that love is only one directional...

Just prepare yourself mentally, say goodbye, get some space WITHOUT a man, and heal.

Jan 14 13 07:49 am  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Andialu
Posts: 14,029
San Pedro, California, US


Caperucita Roja wrote:
I didn't fall in love with a jerk, he was different back then.

Now he's depressed and having some sort of weird midlife crisis- but that's no excuse...

That sucks. I'm sorry to hear that. What do you think the odds are that he'll snap out of it?

Jan 14 13 07:51 am  Link  Quote 
Photographer
L A F
Posts: 8,324
Davenport, Iowa, US


I was sick of my ex a long time before we broke up.  The ending factor?  A fight over laundry.  Seriously.  He had disrespected me for so long that when he promised me he would do the laundry if I ran to the store to pick up quarters and bring him home breakfast, and then he backtracked after I got home with the food and money, I told him I was done and walked out.

We talked that night, I told him it was over, and moved my stuff out the next day while he was at work. 

I didn't have the strength to just decide one day it was done.  We had been together for so long that even though I knew it was over, I felt like I needed an excuse, so that fight over laundry turned into the straw that broke the camel's back.  I was finally made enough to say 'fuck it, I'm out' and I never turned back.

I can't say I turned to the arms of another person, I didn't, I was single for close to 2 months before I even talked to another boy, and I was already over my ex by that point.  (I had been processing a breakup before there even was one)  But I totally understand needing that initial rebound just as long as you recognize it for what it is...a rebound.
Jan 14 13 08:34 am  Link  Quote 
Model
Lily Darling
Posts: 1,299
Lansing, Michigan, US


Oh I feel your pain.
Jan 14 13 08:40 am  Link  Quote 
guide forum
Model
Damianne
Posts: 15,975
Austin, Texas, US


I stopped being a pussy.

Honestly it's like jumping into a really cold pool. You just jump, and although you'll be freaked out and dread it in mid air, once you hit the water it's only a split second of cold and then you start to get used to it. In very short order you don't understand what the problem was.

Going out and fucking someone else is weak. Just pull your testicles together, leave him, then you're free to do whatever you want without it being some avoidance technique so you can make it his responsibility to end the relationship.

And it doesn't matter why you want to leave the relationship. It could be because you just don't like his name or he has weird hair or anything, if you want to leave him, that's legitimate. You just don't like him anymore.
Jan 14 13 08:48 am  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Andialu
Posts: 14,029
San Pedro, California, US


Damianne wrote:
I stopped being a pussy.

Honestly it's like jumping into a really cold pool. You just jump, and although you'll be freaked out and dread it in mid air, once you hit the water it's only a split second of cold and then you start to get used to it. In very short order you don't understand what the problem was.

Going out and fucking someone else is weak. Just pull your testicles together, leave him, then you're free to do whatever you want without it being some avoidance technique so you can make it his responsibility to end the relationship.

And it doesn't matter why you want to leave the relationship. It could be because you just don't like his name or he has weird hair or anything, if you want to leave him, that's legitimate. You just don't like him anymore.

Yes, come to the narcissist side of the force.

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/thumb/0/0a/Palpatine_ROTJ.jpg/220px-Palpatine_ROTJ.jpg

Jan 14 13 08:59 am  Link  Quote 
guide forum
Model
Damianne
Posts: 15,975
Austin, Texas, US


Andialu wrote:

Yes, come to the narcissist side of the force.

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/thumb/0/0a/Palpatine_ROTJ.jpg/220px-Palpatine_ROTJ.jpg

Hrm?

Jan 14 13 09:05 am  Link  Quote 
Artist/Painter
Two Pears Studio
Posts: 3,355
Wilmington, Delaware, US


You just find something that you are committed to that having an asshole boyfriend doesn't serve.

If you want any change to occur... find something bigger to focus on and the smaller one will seem less important. That is what that saying also means.

So choose your career... choose family... choose world peace... what ever it is that matters and your bf will join or fall off.

Fucking him out of your life is one way, but you will have nothing to show for it after... where taking on something bigger you might have a new life from it.

Now that I have said all of that... I have to admit I am trying to convince you to not fuck it out because I know it wouldn't be me on the receiving end of your tirade.
Jan 14 13 09:09 am  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Burlap Rats
Posts: 18,942
Riverside, California, US


Just do it. Plain and simple. I am guilty of sticking around with assholes for too long too, but there comes a point where you just say no more.
Jan 14 13 11:51 am  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Caradoc
Posts: 19,634
Scottsdale, Arizona, US


Caperucita Roja wrote:
In Spain we say 'La mancha de una mora se quita con otra mora' (the stain from one berry is taken away with another).

Does that still apply for dingleberries?

Jan 14 13 11:55 am  Link  Quote 
Model
Laura UnBound
Posts: 27,321
Toronto, Ontario, Canada


Make your exit plan and just do it. You dont need to sit down and have a "So Im leaving you..." talk, you dont need to get into a knock-down-drag-out crying fight with him, you just need to get out. Get all your shit in order so you dont find yourself stranded and having to apologize to him and take him back. Have everything ready and then just be done with it all in one fell swoop.

Fucking someone else wont help. I tried that.
Jan 14 13 12:18 pm  Link  Quote 
Artist/Painter
sdgillis
Posts: 2,436
Portland, Oregon, US


Caperucita Roja wrote:
Now he's depressed and having some sort of weird midlife crisis- but that's no excuse...

so the first thing a guy does when mid life crisis is go by a hot car so he can then get a hot girlfriend....

oh.. so he already got the hot girlfriend... well, he's an idiot.

Jan 14 13 12:32 pm  Link  Quote 
Model
Caperucita Roja
Posts: 11,544
Plymouth, England, United Kingdom


Thank you for the support guys... I couldn't cheat on anyone, it's just not in me. I simply said what I did before out of sadness and anger.

I know I'm a total fool. I wish that I could just take that dive into the cold pool...
Jan 14 13 01:28 pm  Link  Quote 
guide forum
Model
Damianne
Posts: 15,975
Austin, Texas, US


Caperucita Roja wrote:
Thank you for the support guys... I couldn't cheat on anyone, it's just not in me. I simply said what I did before out of sadness and anger.

I know I'm a total fool. I wish that I could just take that dive into the cold pool...

You'll get there.

If you're ever in this situation again, you'll be better at figuring it out, too.
It's a fun learning process!


When I was little, I didn't dream of falling in love and being happy forever. I dreamed of falling in love, believing I'd be with someone forever, having the relationship end, then using all of my newfound relationship skills to keep the next person I fell madly in love with, and knowing how to avoid pitfalls. Seemed more reasonable to me.
This might just be guy #1, and everything crappy is just helping you keep guy #2 and be happier later.

See? Silver lining!!!

Jan 14 13 01:55 pm  Link  Quote 
Photographer
DougBPhoto
Posts: 38,229
Portland, Oregon, US


I'm sorry that you're in this predicament.

As your friend, I can confidently tell you that when you're brave enough to end things and move on, you will find the right person for you.

I know you to be a wonderful woman, and when you're ready to make a change, I know things will turn out okay for you.
Jan 14 13 01:56 pm  Link  Quote 
Photographer
PhotographybyT
Posts: 7,641
Monterey, California, US


Caperucita Roja wrote:
My boyfriend's an asshole. He's just not a nice person in general really... but I'm in love and I can't and won't get the balls to leave him despite that knowing it would be for the best anyway.

So you'd rather be miserable for the rest of your relationship to an a-hole then start new either independently or finding real love with someone who will treat you the way you deserve and expect to be treated?

SNAP OUT OF IT, WOMAN!!

~'Moonstruck' Cher slap!~  tongue

Jan 14 13 02:04 pm  Link  Quote 
Artist/Painter
Two Pears Studio
Posts: 3,355
Wilmington, Delaware, US


Caperucita Roja wrote:
Thank you for the support guys... I couldn't cheat on anyone, it's just not in me. I simply said what I did before out of sadness and anger.

I know I'm a total fool. I wish that I could just take that dive into the cold pool...

what is the worst case senerio? So what if you are a fool or it is a cold pool. You will not die. And if you did, at least you died living on your own terms

Jan 14 13 09:12 pm  Link  Quote 
Photographer
California Girls Skate
Posts: 343
Los Angeles, California, US


Caperucita Roja wrote:
I'm half tempted to just go out there and fuck the feelings away with someone else. In Spain we say 'La mancha de una mora se quita con otra mora' (the stain from one berry is taken away with another).

http://cdn.memegenerator.net/instances/400x/25133269.jpg

Jan 15 13 08:19 pm  Link  Quote 
Photographer
DougBPhoto
Posts: 38,229
Portland, Oregon, US


California Girls Skate wrote:

http://cdn.memegenerator.net/instances/400x/25133269.jpg

Not nearly bad enough tongue

Jan 15 13 08:22 pm  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Jerry Nemeth
Posts: 27,667
Dearborn, Michigan, US


You will be much happier when you leave him!
Jan 16 13 06:31 am  Link  Quote 
Model
Fleur du Mal
Posts: 1,437
Derby, England, United Kingdom


Realistically, this relationship will end one of two ways (and it will end, sooner or later): either you will leave him, or he will leave you.  Which would you prefer?  I can guarantee you that no matter how much you'll be hurt by leaving him, you'll be even more hurt if he leaves you.  Because not only will you not have him any more, but you'll be completely out of control.

Also, in my experience, men like that don't just walk out on their girlfriends.  Once the girl realises what he's really like and begins to emotionally check out, they simply move on to the next who'll be blinded by their looks/cool/charm long enough to want to take them on.  Now, I'm not saying this will definitely happen, but I've seen it happen often enough to mention it.  Friends and family who've known they should leave, only to be dumped in favour of the next girl, and who along with their heartbreak, are angry - 'how dare HE say I'M the one who's not good enough!'

One of you will end up walking out, sooner or later.  If you already feel like you should, then do it.  It'll hurt now, but it's way preferable to the alternative.  And you'll have control over your own life to boot
Jan 18 13 08:41 am  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Marc Damon
Posts: 6,562
Biloxi, Mississippi, US


Caperucita Roja wrote:
Thank you for the support guys... I couldn't cheat on anyone, it's just not in me. I simply said what I did before out of sadness and anger.

I know I'm a total fool. I wish that I could just take that dive into the cold pool...

This may sound a bit silly or extreme but go talk to someone at a battered women's shelter. Attend a group meeting for victims of domestic violence. No, just being an asshole isn't the same thing or not even on that level. But these people are experts at telling you how to walk away from a relationship that is bad for you or not serving your needs. You may even learn a few things about yourself in the process and learn to choose men with a more discerning eye.

Jan 18 13 10:30 am  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Andialu
Posts: 14,029
San Pedro, California, US


Marc Damon wrote:

This may sound a bit silly or extreme but go talk to someone at a battered women's shelter. Attend a group meeting for victims of domestic violence. No, just being an asshole isn't the same thing or not even on that level. But these people are experts at telling you how to walk away from a relationship that is bad for you or not serving your needs. You may even learn a few things about yourself in the process and learn to choose men with a more discerning eye.

+1

Jan 18 13 10:56 am  Link  Quote 
  Search   Reply