So I shot with someone over a year ago. Anyway, they were a little inappropriate to me and for several months now have been messaging me nonstop about shooting again, to which I've always given polite excuses.
Anyway, I was contacted again. They have changed their name on MM several times. And I was contacted this morning by another account entirely that I am fairly sure was this photographer.
Any ideas what to do? I'm very concerned. I've blocked both accounts but I'm not sure if there are any other steps to take.
In a polite way, tell them the truth. Simply say that you were uncomfortable with the last session, tell them why, that you would prefer not to shoot with them again, and that you would appreciate it if they would not contact you anymore. Also, let them know that, aside from an apology, if they do contact you again, that any message will be documented and sent to the authorities.
CRIMSON REIGN wrote: In a polite way, tell them the truth. Simply say that you were uncomfortable with the last session, tell them why, that you would prefer not to shoot with them again, and that you would appreciate it if they would not contact you anymore. Also, let them know that, aside from an apology, that you don't want them to contact you anymore.
This seems pretty logical to me in addition to CAMing them if you feel the need to take it there.
Sybil Vein wrote: So I shot with someone over a year ago. Anyway, they were a little inappropriate to me and for several months now have been messaging me nonstop about shooting again, to which I've always given polite excuses.
Anyway, I was contacted again. They have changed their name on MM several times. And I was contacted this morning by another account entirely that I am fairly sure was this photographer.
Any ideas what to do? I'm very concerned. I've blocked both accounts but I'm not sure if there are any other steps to take.
This is one of those that it would have been easier to have just said no once they started to ask for a second shoot. If they live close to you, then just say no and start to keep a record. At some point, after you ask them to stop contacting you, it becomes harassment.
I wish you All the Best in resolving this satisfactorily!
Sybil Vein wrote: ^because I feel it would be impolite and cause unnecessary drama. Plus it is not a good idea to piss off someone who has nudes of you.
It blows, I think a polite "thanks but no thanks" would suffice in most cases. I hope all goes well and wish you much success. Totally off topic: you are a doll I'd love to a shoot with you as Sally, from the Nightmare before x-mas.
MoRina
Posts: 5,170
Palm Beach Gardens, Florida, US
Sybil Vein wrote: ^because I feel it would be impolite and cause unnecessary drama. Plus it is not a good idea to piss off someone who has nudes of you.
That makes no sense. Telling little lies every time he asks you to shoot is better than being honest? You don't owe anyone a second shoot. You don't owe them a reason why you don't want to shoot. Trust me, he'll get over it and move on a lot faster if you say "no" than if you keep saying "yes, but not now."
That makes no sense. Telling little lies every time he asks you to shoot is better than being honest? You don't owe anyone a second shoot. You don't owe them a reason why you don't want to shoot. Trust me, he'll get over it and move on a lot faster if you say "no" than if you keep saying "yes, but not now."
MoRina wrote: Is there a particular reason that you are unable to say "I'm am no longer interested in shooting with you?"
AYC Photo wrote: Say no. If that doesn't work then ignore them.
Alabaster Crowley wrote: Just say you're not interested in shooting, or no thanks. You don't have to say why. That's not impolite. Leave it at that.
If he keeps asking, block and ignore. Or CAM if needed.
I believe the OP has stated she has blocked thise person several times and they make new accounts. Which means they are actively going around her attemps to prevent them contacting her and has effectively told them "no".
I doubt a message saying no is suddenly going to work, nor is blocking, which she has already done and has proved to be ineffective, hence why she is here asking for advise on what should be her next step of action.
To the OP, your first 4 responses were probably the most sensible and effective. Contact the moderators, gather documentation, and then if necessary use this documentation to support a harassmant complaint to the police.
That makes no sense. Telling little lies every time he asks you to shoot is better than being honest? You don't owe anyone a second shoot. You don't owe them a reason why you don't want to shoot. Trust me, he'll get over it and move on a lot faster if you say "no" than if you keep saying "yes, but not now."
Put unpleasant things to rest ASAP. Just listen to Mo on this one.
Sybil Vein wrote: ^because I feel it would be impolite and cause unnecessary drama. Plus it is not a good idea to piss off someone who has nudes of you.
Just make sure your family and everyone in your life, that you are afraid if your nudes come out, know that you took them and clear the air of fear! Don't let this guy run you! Good Luck!
MoRina wrote: Is there a particular reason that you are unable to say "I'm am no longer interested in shooting with you?"
AYC Photo wrote: Say no. If that doesn't work then ignore them.
I believe the OP has stated she has blocked thise person several times and they make new accounts. Which means they are actively going around her attemps to prevent them contacting her and has effectively told them "no".
I doubt a message saying no is suddenly going to work, nor is blocking, which she has already done and has proved to be ineffective, hence why she is here asking for advise on what should be her next step of action.
To the OP, your first 4 responses were probably the most sensible and effective. Contact the moderators, gather documentation, and then if necessary use this documentation to support a harassmant complaint to the police.
This.
And also I agree with telling him one last time once and for all, in as polite a way as you can, that you are not interested in working with him anymore and any further attempts to contact you will be considered harassment, documented, and submitted to the police. Maybe something like,
"Thank you for the offer to shoot again but I am not interested in a second shoot. The first time we worked together you made me uncomfortable and I am not willing to put myself in that situation once more. Your messages to me also make me uncomfortable and therefore I wish to end all contact with you from now on. Please do not make any further attempts to contact me. If you do so I will consider it to be harassment and I will have no choice but to show your messages to the police."
(I've had to send one or two like this in the past. Usually a message like this is enough to scare them off for good.)
Probably the reason why he keeps having to make new accounts is because he's doing it to other models too, and they are CAMing him and he makes a new account every time his account gets taken down. If he is threatening to post your nude pics or do something with them that you don't want, that is blackmail. Print any and all record you might have of your correspondence and tell the police about the photos and the blackmail. Chances are you aren't the first girl he's been bothering in this way. The police might not be able to do anything more than issue a restraining order but its better than nothing.
What is it with women who will do anything but assert themselves? Tell him to F off and call the police. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting a different result. If you are so worried about nudes, check references ALWAYS BEFORE you shoot with someone new.
Stop rationalizing unacceptable behavior. That is low self esteem. Stand up for yourself and put this ass hat in his place and be done with it.
I've CAMed and if I get any more messages from any other accounts I'm going to send a message saying that I'm documenting his messages as harassment.
Thank you.
Also, it's not about me being "a woman who can't assert herself." It's not about my gender...it's the fact that I am a nice person who avoids confrontation and drama.
Sybil Vein wrote: I've CAMed and if I get any more messages from any other accounts I'm going to send a message saying that I'm documenting his messages as harassment.
Thank you.
Also, it's not about me being "a woman who can't assert herself." It's not about my gender...it's the fact that I am a nice person who avoids confrontation and drama.
That has unfortunately found herself wrapped up in Confrontation and Drama! :-(
Sybil Vein wrote: ^because I feel it would be impolite and cause unnecessary drama. Plus it is not a good idea to piss off someone who has nudes of you.
Jami Lea wrote: What is it with women who will do anything but assert themselves? Tell him to F off and call the police. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting a different result. If you are so worried about nudes, check references ALWAYS BEFORE you shoot with someone new.
Stop rationalizing unacceptable behavior. That is low self esteem. Stand up for yourself and put this ass hat in his place and be done with it.
Sybil Vein wrote: I've CAMed and if I get any more messages from any other accounts I'm going to send a message saying that I'm documenting his messages as harassment.
Thank you.
Also, it's not about me being "a woman who can't assert herself." It's not about my gender...it's the fact that I am a nice person who avoids confrontation and drama.
How is saying "no thanks" confrontation and drama?
You can still be a "nice person" and assert yourself.
Sybil Vein wrote: I've CAMed and if I get any more messages from any other accounts I'm going to send a message saying that I'm documenting his messages as harassment.
Thank you.
Also, it's not about me being "a woman who can't assert herself." It's not about my gender...it's the fact that I am a nice person who avoids confrontation and drama.
No, that is a cop out. This has nothing to do with your conscious choice to avoid confrontation. This is about the fact that youre making yourself a target because of your fear of what someone will do with your nude photos. He has probably already done those things that you fear.
This is also about not having respect for yourself. Nice does not equal having a lack of boundaries.
Im glad you sent that message. Listen, Im not being hard on you for the reasons you think that I am. The fact that you didnt know how to handle this is a clear illustration of a deeper issue. But hey, if you dont want to look at it, be self aware, or grow, I cant make you.
Just ask yourself this, if your best friend came to you and said what you said in your OP and asked for your advice, would you tell her to be nice and polite? Are you going to tell her that she should avoid the confrontation because she isnt worth it? Because thats basically what you are telling yourself. Stop making excuses.
Sybil Vein wrote: So I shot with someone over a year ago. Anyway, they were a little inappropriate to me and for several months now have been messaging me nonstop about shooting again, to which I've always given polite excuses.
Anyway, I was contacted again. They have changed their name on MM several times. And I was contacted this morning by another account entirely that I am fairly sure was this photographer.
Any ideas what to do? I'm very concerned. I've blocked both accounts but I'm not sure if there are any other steps to take.
You shot with someone who wants to shoot again.
You make excuses, and they're still interested.
Have you actually said "I don't want to shoot with you, please don't contact me."??
If not, I can't see the issue. And, some models constantly change their usernames; I'm pretty sure it's allowed for photographers as well.
MoRina wrote: Is there a particular reason that you are unable to say "I'm am no longer interested in shooting with you?"
Sybil Vein wrote: ^because I feel it would be impolite and cause unnecessary drama. Plus it is not a good idea to piss off someone who has nudes of you.
Section 008 wrote: call the police??
Yeah, that's going to bring out the SWAT teams.
"Hello, officer, I'm a model and someone keeps asking me to do a photo shoot. No, I have't told him not to ask again, I just tell him I'm busy each time. Please arrest him."
Darren Brade
Posts: 1,564
London, England, United Kingdom
Jami Lea wrote:
No, that is a cop out. This has nothing to do with your conscious choice to avoid confrontation. This is about the fact that youre making yourself a target because of your fear of what someone will do with your nude photos. He has probably already done those things that you fear.
This is also about not having respect for yourself. Nice does not equal having a lack of boundaries.
Im glad you sent that message. Listen, Im not being hard on you for the reasons you think that I am. The fact that you didnt know how to handle this is a clear illustration of a deeper issue. But hey, if you dont want to look at it, be self aware, or grow, I cant make you.
Just ask yourself this, if your best friend came to you and said what you said in your OP and asked for your advice, would you tell her to be nice and polite? Are you going to tell her that she should avoid the confrontation because she isnt worth it? Because thats basically what you are telling yourself. Stop making excuses.
you do need to assert yourself and verbalize your feelings/thoughts (without being confrontational).
as for your nude shots:
did you sign a model release / if you did, what are the stipulations ? you and the photographer are bound by the model release form.
Jay Farrell
Posts: 12,522
Nashville, Tennessee, US
Jami Lea wrote: What is it with women who will do anything but assert themselves? Tell him to F off and call the police. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting a different result. If you are so worried about nudes, check references ALWAYS BEFORE you shoot with someone new.
Stop rationalizing unacceptable behavior. That is low self esteem. Stand up for yourself and put this ass hat in his place and be done with it.
Jay Farrell
Posts: 12,522
Nashville, Tennessee, US
Sybil Vein wrote: I've CAMed and if I get any more messages from any other accounts I'm going to send a message saying that I'm documenting his messages as harassment.
Thank you.
Also, it's not about me being "a woman who can't assert herself." It's not about my gender...it's the fact that I am a nice person who avoids confrontation and drama.
Jay Farrell
Posts: 12,522
Nashville, Tennessee, US
Jami Lea wrote:
No, that is a cop out. This has nothing to do with your conscious choice to avoid confrontation. This is about the fact that youre making yourself a target because of your fear of what someone will do with your nude photos. He has probably already done those things that you fear.
This is also about not having respect for yourself. Nice does not equal having a lack of boundaries.
Im glad you sent that message. Listen, Im not being hard on you for the reasons you think that I am. The fact that you didnt know how to handle this is a clear illustration of a deeper issue. But hey, if you dont want to look at it, be self aware, or grow, I cant make you.
Just ask yourself this, if your best friend came to you and said what you said in your OP and asked for your advice, would you tell her to be nice and polite? Are you going to tell her that she should avoid the confrontation because she isnt worth it? Because thats basically what you are telling yourself. Stop making excuses.
Sybil Vein wrote: So I shot with someone over a year ago. Anyway, they were a little inappropriate to me and for several months now have been messaging me nonstop about shooting again, to which I've always given polite excuses.
Anyway, I was contacted again. They have changed their name on MM several times. And I was contacted this morning by another account entirely that I am fairly sure was this photographer.
Any ideas what to do? I'm very concerned. I've blocked both accounts but I'm not sure if there are any other steps to take.
I think some people on here are not really helping you very much.
If we look back to your original thread, it seems that he was inappropriate to you during the shoot, and now he is basically harassing you.
My advice is to make people around you who care for you, either friends or family aware of the situation. Start to keep a log of the harassments, request MM to help you and to provide you with details of this guys attempts to contact you. Make sure other people have the photographers' details.
If the harassment continues than see the police. There is not much they can do, but if they become aware of it they will have to act. This means a quick visit to the photographer. At this stage he will possibly run scared and leave you alone.
Remember you have done nothing wrong and this photographer should respect your wishes.
I am sorry that now day any idiot can pick up a camera.
Sybil, "polite" is just pissed off lightly...
You should first and foremost, just tell the guy ( I am assuming its a Guy)
NO.
Not interesting in shooting with you ever again.
Thank you for your interest.
Genie Cruz
Posts: 22
Central Falls, Rhode Island, US
TBH i think i'd be in the same boat as you. it's not that I'm afraid to say no and stand my ground, its just saying no and then the photog getting upset and having your nudes in his possession with an agreement that you most likely signed when you did your shoot.
can you call the police if he has proof that you gave him permission to use your photos?
Moderator Note!
I'd love to a shoot with you as Sally, from the Nightmare before x-mas.
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