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Model
Kanahara23
Posts: 49
Fort Smith, Arkansas, US


I really want to do modeling but my fiance says he doesn't want to.
Is there a way around it?
Feb 02 13 05:10 pm  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Kev Lawson
Posts: 7,162
Las Vegas, Nevada, US


Welcome to Model Mayhem.

To answer your question.... that is difficult.

Dump him? I really doubt you want to do that.
Couples Counseling? Might help.

Only you know your situation and feelings, I really doubt any of us strangers in the interwebs can really help.

Best wishes to you and I hope you work it out. smile
Feb 02 13 05:17 pm  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Mark Salo
Posts: 8,191
Olney, Maryland, US


Kanahara23 wrote:
I really want to do modeling but my fiance says he doesn't want to.
Is there a way around it?

You want to but he doesn't want to?
My wife and I have separate interests.

You want to but he doesn't want YOU to?
You don't do nudes.  What is his problem with supporting you a bit as you try your "wings?" 

Note that there are Christian models, even some doing nudes.

Feb 02 13 05:26 pm  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Nature Coast Lightworks
Posts: 1,858
Spring Hill, Florida, US


Kanahara23 wrote:
I really want to do modeling but my fiance says he doesn't want to.
Is there a way around it?

No. Just quit modeling now and keep your day job and you will have nothing to worry about.

/thread

jf

Feb 02 13 05:36 pm  Link  Quote 
Model
Raven-Lily
Posts: 77
Eastbourne, England, United Kingdom


Do what you want to do, ive been single long enough because men dont like the llamaling, but im not gonna stop because some man tells me not to.
Feb 02 13 05:40 pm  Link  Quote 
Model
Kanahara23
Posts: 49
Fort Smith, Arkansas, US


Thanks I know I just want his support like I support him playing computer games from the time he gets off work until the time he goes to bed.
Feb 02 13 05:55 pm  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Michael Tillack
Posts: 8
Altus, Oklahoma, US


You need to get rid of him. Simple enough. There are many good photographers that can help you build your port. If you ever get near Memphis let me know.
Feb 03 13 08:25 am  Link  Quote 
Photographer
salvatori.
Posts: 3,761
State College, Pennsylvania, US


Kanahara23 wrote:
Thanks I know I just want his support like I support him playing computer games from the time he gets off work until the time he goes to bed.

The two of you sound like you have a wonderful, accepting and loving relationship...

O_o

Feb 03 13 08:28 am  Link  Quote 
Photographer
DMesser Photography
Posts: 1,288
Oceanside, California, US


You sound like you really want to try modeling.  He sounds like he won't support you in this.  Like in the shots you want to do, you have a bikini shot.  I think you would look hot in a bikini, and even in lingerie.  Christian girls do both these types of shoots.  You have to decide if you want to model or if you want to keep him.  Only you can make that choice.  It is too bad he won't support you in what you want to do as you do him.  Don
Feb 03 13 09:22 am  Link  Quote 
Photographer
L Bass
Posts: 955
Nacogdoches, Texas, US


Let me see if I got this right... this guy won't let you pursue what you'd like to do... but he plays video games from the time he gets home from work until it's time to go to bed? And you're OK with that? And this guy is your fiance?

I'm assuming the word 'fiance' means what it did a few years back as in.... this is the guy you are planning on spending the rest of your life with?

Uh...
Feb 03 13 09:29 am  Link  Quote 
Photographer
M Pandolfo Photography
Posts: 12,116
Tampa, Florida, US


Kanahara23 wrote:
Thanks I know I just want his support like I support him playing computer games from the time he gets off work until the time he goes to bed.

Good luck with your marriage and handling conflict through passive aggressiveness.

Maybe you can model, and he can happily play his video games, after the divorce.

Feb 03 13 09:31 am  Link  Quote 
Photographer
M Pandolfo Photography
Posts: 12,116
Tampa, Florida, US


DMesser Photography wrote:
You sound like you really want to try modeling.  He sounds like he won't support you in this.  Like in the shots you want to do, you have a bikini shot.  I think you would look hot in a bikini, and even in lingerie.  Christian girls do both these types of shoots.  You have to decide if you want to model or if you want to keep him.  Only you can make that choice.  It is too bad he won't support you in what you want to do as you do him.  Don

Are you under the impression that either of them support each other's interests? She wants to model...he won't support it. He wants to play video games and she makes passive aggressive comments that clearly indicate his interests annoy her.

This is a clusterfuck of immaturity...on all sides.

Feb 03 13 09:34 am  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Aaron Lewis Photography
Posts: 5,083
Catskill, New York, US


There are plenty of thread here on this situation. The bottom line in all cases is

Jealousy is a terrible thing and will ultimately destroy a relationship.If chasing llamaing work is your dream and he or anyone is preventing you from doing so, it's time for a new fiancé.

It sounds like you're not very compatible anyway. One thing I can say with 100% certainty is the problems don't go away when you get married, they get worse.

A true soul mate will support you in your ventures rather than selfishly prevent you from them.
Feb 03 13 09:37 am  Link  Quote 
Photographer
M Pandolfo Photography
Posts: 12,116
Tampa, Florida, US


L Bass wrote:
Let me see if I got this right... this guy won't let you pursue what you'd like to do... but he plays video games from the time he gets home from work until it's time to go to bed? And you're OK with that? And this guy is your fiance?

I'm assuming the word 'fiance' means what it did a few years back as in.... this is the guy you are planning on spending the rest of your life with?

Uh...

I'm curious why his interest in playing video games is any more selfish than the OP's interest in modeling? Each is for their own self-satisfaction. And there's nothing wrong with either. Both activities should be acceptable in a healthy relationship.

The fact that they already both have communication and trust issues and are already resentful of the others' activities is a really bad sign. Both sound equally selfish to me.

Feb 03 13 09:39 am  Link  Quote 
Photographer
L Bass
Posts: 955
Nacogdoches, Texas, US


OK.... my wife read this and had to chime in... Are you two living together out of wedlock? Does your preacher know this?

Oh yea... and she wanted to remind you that everything you read on the internet is true. They can't put it on the internet unless it's true wink
Feb 03 13 09:39 am  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Aaron Lewis Photography
Posts: 5,083
Catskill, New York, US


L Bass wrote:
Oh yea... and she wanted to remind you that everything you read on the internet is true. They can't put it on the internet unless it's true wink

ROFL

Feb 03 13 09:41 am  Link  Quote 
Photographer
M Pandolfo Photography
Posts: 12,116
Tampa, Florida, US


L Bass wrote:
OK.... my wife read this and had to chime in... Are you two living together out of wedlock? Does your preacher know this?

Oh yea... and she wanted to remind you that everything you read on the internet is true. They can't put it on the internet unless it's true wink

So you're saying he's a french male model?

Bonjour!

Feb 03 13 09:44 am  Link  Quote 
Photographer
L Bass
Posts: 955
Nacogdoches, Texas, US


Michael Pandolfo wrote:

So you're saying he's a french male model?

Bonjour!

Exactly!

Feb 03 13 09:45 am  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Skydancer Photos
Posts: 21,905
Santa Cruz, California, US


Moderator Warning!
Please stop trolling and stay on topic.

Thanks.
Feb 03 13 09:54 am  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Carl Blum Photography
Posts: 544
Las Vegas, Nevada, US


UltimateAppeal wrote:
Welcome to Model Mayhem.

To answer your question.... that is difficult.

Dump him? I really doubt you want to do that.
Couples Counseling? Might help.

Have given that advice on Many occassions, I have not been wrong yet.

Feb 03 13 11:22 am  Link  Quote 
Photographer
JHager
Posts: 2
New York, New York, US


I have to echo much of what has already been said. If you want to go into modeling, then he has to support you if he loves you. If he's willing to marry you, then he must accept you  and your interests. You cannot divide the two. Otherwise, he will grow to resent you if he can't reconcile any unfounded jealousy that he'll inevitably harbor. Some men flaunt their pretty wives like a trophy, others hide them away. I hope you find that middle ground where you're not a man's social status, nor barefoot and pregnant with no friends other than your husband. Maybe find a compromise and do JCPenny catalog modeling. wink JK, but seriously, talk it over with him and good luck.
Feb 03 13 12:37 pm  Link  Quote 
Model
Kanahara23
Posts: 49
Fort Smith, Arkansas, US


We actually have a very good relationship but he has made me choose either him or modeling. He says people that are models in relationships dont work. He thinks that I will have to constantly travel, but I just wanting to modeling as hobby for right now and if I do modeling he says he wont be here to have anything to with it and will make me leave instead of supporting him. I support his gaming because he helps him with his programming degree by making programs for the games. I just dont understand why he will support anything else I do but modeling....
Feb 03 13 04:20 pm  Link  Quote 
Photographer
PDF IMAGES PHOTOGRAPHY
Posts: 4,603
Jacksonville, Florida, US


Kanahara23 wrote:
Thanks I know I just want his support like I support him playing computer games from the time he gets off work until the time he goes to bed.

my honest opinion, seek relationship Counselor , seems like more than he doesn't want you to model, and you are in control (or should be) of your own life's choices.

I do hope you work it out and seek professional help from a relationship Counselor, and or even your local priest/ pastor, best wishes.

Feb 03 13 04:45 pm  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Winston Image
Posts: 48
San Jose, California, US


I think he does not want you to model as he seems to have a set of unsubstantiated perceptions regarding model's behaviors that somehow got implanted into his brain (constant traveling and relationship issues), which he is afraid of seeing happen to you. (Though there are traveling models, but you don't need to travel if you don't want to ;-)
I wonder if you can find a local and good photographer through your friends' circle and set up a shoot on a trade basis, and ask your fiance to go to the shoot.  Once he sees the actual shoot, I'm sure that he will realize that his perception about modeling was not what it actually is.

Winston
Feb 03 13 05:04 pm  Link  Quote 
Model
Kanahara23
Posts: 49
Fort Smith, Arkansas, US


I wish I could set up a shoot but if I were to even mention it he would be like I thought you chose me and if you go do this I am done.


I'm afraid to bring it up because I dont want him to leave...
Feb 03 13 06:03 pm  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Image K
Posts: 23,366
Las Vegas, Nevada, US


Kanahara23 wrote:
Thanks I know I just want his support like I support him playing computer games from the time he gets off work until the time he goes to bed.

I guess I will go to my grave wondering why people are in relationships with people that will not support them.

Feb 03 13 06:07 pm  Link  Quote 
Photographer
PDF IMAGES PHOTOGRAPHY
Posts: 4,603
Jacksonville, Florida, US


Kanahara23 wrote:
I wish I could set up a shoot but if I were to even mention it he would be like I thought you chose me and if you go do this I am done.


I'm afraid to bring it up because I dont want him to leave...

I'm not getting it you see this in so many relationships of why would people stay with someone who are negative and holds you back from achieving your hopes and desires, I've even to a point of abuse (physical) that they stay and don't want to lose the the one who is abusing them , they just stay ????
How is your self-esteem, how do you feel about yourself ?

Feb 03 13 06:16 pm  Link  Quote 
Model
Kanahara23
Posts: 49
Fort Smith, Arkansas, US


I have cousin thats a model and I found some of her lingerie pics and he keeps calling her a stripper. I have told him it would be hard but I could do modeling without doing lingerie and nude but he doesnt want me doing any type of modeling.
Feb 03 13 06:26 pm  Link  Quote 
Photographer
salvatori.
Posts: 3,761
State College, Pennsylvania, US


OP,

After reading all your replies (and please understand that the MM fora is no place for medical, legal, or any other type of 'expert' advice), I think your best course of action is to talk to your Pastor. I would recommend you do this alone first, and if the Pastor feels it important, with your fiance on another visit.

IMHO, I don't believe you have a level of maturity to wade these waters at this time in your life. This comment from you: "We actually have a very good relationship but he has made me choose either him or modeling..." is most troubling. The two halves (before and after the word 'but') completely contradict one another.

I'll give you a comparison. I am Christian as well, but if I said that 'I believed Jesus was my Savior but I just liked Satanic worship a couple of days a week' what would you think?

Totally illogical, right? PLEASE, consider talking to your Pastor or someone that specializes in relationship counseling. And I do hope there is no potential for any type of abuse from your boyfriend - he sounds like he has a very serious control problem.
Feb 03 13 06:38 pm  Link  Quote 
Model
Kanahara23
Posts: 49
Fort Smith, Arkansas, US


He is no way abusive and we will be starting marriage counseling as a requirement for our pastor to marry us.

I just don't how a preacher would react to modeling and the fact my fiance would say no even then probably.

Like I said before this is the only thing he has ever told me no on.
Feb 03 13 06:45 pm  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Brianmyersphotography
Posts: 12
Lewes, Delaware, US


Sounds to me that if he cant support you in what you want to do, then he has no right to be your fiance and you need to kick his butt to the curb. He comes home, and sits on his butt and plays video games while you work hard. Um.... no. you do what makes your heart happy and if he has a problem with it, then he can leave. Another model had mentioned that she has been single for quite awhile bec the men she knows wont support her in modeling. same goes with you. you dont need to have someone. you can be single... as long as you are doing what makes you happy.
Feb 03 13 06:53 pm  Link  Quote 
Model
Jamie Kristin
Posts: 10
Marlborough, Massachusetts, US


I guess I have been lucky to have a supportive boyfriend and mostly supportive friends and family. I can tell you straight up that there is plenty of photoshoots you can do without showing skin. Will you get paid? Probably not.

Its really down to you- what do you value more? llamaing or your man?

Maybe he'll warm up to it smile
Feb 03 13 07:25 pm  Link  Quote 
Model
E e v a
Posts: 1,724
Nashville, Tennessee, US


Kanahara23 wrote:
We actually have a very good relationship but he has made me choose either him or modeling. He says people that are models in relationships dont work. He thinks that I will have to constantly travel, but I just wanting to modeling as hobby for right now and if I do modeling he says he wont be here to have anything to with it and will make me leave instead of supporting him. I support his gaming because he helps him with his programming degree by making programs for the games. I just dont understand why he will support anything else I do but modeling....

It sounds like you're letting him walk all over you. My husband had an issue with my modeling for a bit. I told him "Its my thing, and it does not mean it will affect our relationship. My body and time are still yours. But this makes me feel confident and it lets me express myself in art". And he understood and supports me. You need to stand your ground with him.

Honestly, your relationship has a lot of red flags. Him making you choose between a passion and him is idiotic. It'd be like a guy trying to make me give up painting or my cats for them. Hell no! You do your passions and don't let others dictate your life.

Feb 03 13 10:14 pm  Link  Quote 
guide forum
Photographer
GPS Studio Services
Posts: 35,411
San Francisco, California, US


Kanahara23 wrote:
We actually have a very good relationship but he has made me choose either him or modeling. He says people that are models in relationships dont work. He thinks that I will have to constantly travel, but I just wanting to modeling as hobby for right now and if I do modeling he says he wont be here to have anything to with it and will make me leave instead of supporting him. I support his gaming because he helps him with his programming degree by making programs for the games. I just dont understand why he will support anything else I do but modeling....

Any time your fiance' gives you an ultimatum (do as I ask or I will leave), there is something wrong with your relationship.

Feb 04 13 05:01 am  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Aaron Lewis Photography
Posts: 5,083
Catskill, New York, US


Kanahara23 wrote:
He is no way abusive and we will be starting marriage counseling as a requirement for our pastor to marry us.

I just don't how a preacher would react to llamaing and the fact my fiance would say no even then probably.

Like I said before this is the only thing he has ever told me no on.

Everyone here has given you solid advice. If you don't want to listen then don't. We are not relationship counselors but it's pretty clear to see that your relationship has issues.

We've all stated our case from experience.


GPS Studio Services wrote:
Any time your fiance' gives you an ultimatum (do as I ask or I will leave), there is something wrong with your relationship.

This is exactly right. Take off the rose colored glassed and look at your relationship for what it is, not what you want it to be.

Feb 04 13 07:14 am  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Paul Waring-Photography
Posts: 9
Chichester, England, United Kingdom


If I were you, I would pray about it, preferably with your fiance.
Feb 04 13 09:37 am  Link  Quote 
Photographer
ontherocks
Posts: 22,322
Salem, Oregon, US


a couple thoughts:

* invite him along to some shoots (if the photographer is willing)
* train him up as your photographer
* tell him you will only do clothed shoots (and stick to that)
* if you had fun on the shoot don't tell him that (some guys don't want their girl having fun with other men)

you'll probably get advice to dump him but is modeling something worth losing your man over? depends on the man i suppose.
Feb 04 13 09:44 am  Link  Quote 
Photographer
KonstantKarma
Posts: 2,513
Hickory, North Carolina, US


He sounds like a shithead.

Sorry.

First it's modeling, okay - Let's give in and not do that.

What then? That won't be the last thing you're interested in he won't support. It sounds like you're in for a lot of trouble over the years.

The Bible says as a Christian, it's your job to keep silent and let your man handle all your affairs. In which case, you might be more careful when choosing a man. smile

Just my 2 cents.
Feb 04 13 10:46 am  Link  Quote 
Model
Kanahara23
Posts: 49
Fort Smith, Arkansas, US


He keeps telling me it cant be a hobby its a life style change that he is not willing to support...
Feb 04 13 12:42 pm  Link  Quote 
Model
E e v a
Posts: 1,724
Nashville, Tennessee, US


Kanahara23 wrote:
He keeps telling me it cant be a hobby its a life style change that he is not willing to support...

Tell him he doesn't know jack about modeling. Did he ever model? No. Was he ever in the industry? No. He is not an expert on the subject, so maybe its best he doesn't voice his opinion.

But regardless you'll excuse his actions anyway and my advice will go unheeded.

Feb 04 13 12:52 pm  Link  Quote 
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