login info join!
Forums > Off-Topic Discussion > Having standards when choosing a date. Search   Reply
12345last
Photographer
Mad Hatter Imagery
Posts: 1,314
Buffalo, New York, US


What does it mean for most people to have standards? Is this what someone feels they deserve or more what they feel is their type?

If I had lots of money, a good job, was good looking, cultured, had lots of free time, charming, and every conceivable good quality does this mean that I should have the highest standards imaginable, and the girls that I date are objectively the creme de la creme? Or does "high" standards mean more that I simply don't settle for those that I am certain would make me unhappy no matter how awesome I might be?

I hear women say they have high standards all the time, but honestly I think if their "high" standards were "different" standards they would come a lot closer to the best of the best for themselves than what I see them ending up getting.
Feb 07 13 09:37 pm  Link  Quote 
Artist/Painter
Alexandre Lafortune
Posts: 48
Montreal, Quebec, Canada


I feel like "high standards" are, at first relative to your taste. To me, in a case of "not high standard" it would mostly mean that I think that X person is not absolutely the one, but still date-able, laid-able, et cetera. And for the "high standard" person, she would have my admiration and total respect, which brings me back painful memories.

But, meh... I am clearly not a reliable source for that.
Feb 07 13 09:49 pm  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Little Ginger Lamb
Posts: 62
Atlanta, Georgia, US


In the case of my friends, having high standards means they want 1. An attractive boyfriend or girlfriend, and 2. Some modicum of intelligence.

I have a friend with extremely high standards (Basically, she wants to date someone as attractive as Chris Hemsworth), but unfortunately, she's extremely overweight and will probably not attract someone who goes to the gym every day. She refuses to date someone unless he's really attractive, and surprisingly, she hasn't dated someone in a very long time.

I have high standards, too, but somehow I ended up with a tall, dorky-looking everyman, and I'm completely fine with it.

Incidentally, a guy like Chris Hemsworth probably has his choice of women, if he were ever to get divorced. He's good-looking, has an accent, and comes across as extremely charming. If you were in his station, you would have every right to be choosy.
Feb 07 13 10:48 pm  Link  Quote 
Model
hygvhgvkhy
Posts: 2,092
Chicago, Illinois, US


Mad Hatter Imagery wrote:
What does it mean for most people to have standards? Is this what someone feels they deserve or more what they feel is their type?

If I had lots of money, a good job, was good looking, cultured, had lots of free time, charming, and every conceivable good quality does this mean that I should have the highest standards imaginable, and the girls that I date are objectively the creme de la creme? Or does "high" standards mean more that I simply don't settle for those that I am certain would make me unhappy no matter how awesome I might be?

I hear women say they have high standards all the time, but honestly I think if their "high" standards were "different" standards they would come a lot closer to the best of the best for themselves than what I see them ending up getting.

High standards depend on what you see as high standards. When I thought I had high standards it wasnt because of the requirements, it was because there were so many. So many things I needed in a person for them to be worth even giving a chance. It's that stereotypical neverending female list..
Good looks
Rich
Amazing in bed
Good with your family
Shares your values
Has a secure job
Car
House
Loves animals
And whatever else. I don't know I don't have requirements anymore:P but I see high standards as someone searching for everything in a person, and usually missing out on something amazing because of it.

Feb 07 13 11:26 pm  Link  Quote 
Photographer
DougBPhoto
Posts: 38,379
Portland, Oregon, US


Female
Breathing
Over 18
Able to give consent

Those are pretty much the non-negotiable things tongue


Sorry, the rest of your post is not processing through my migraine.
Feb 07 13 11:28 pm  Link  Quote 
Model
SuperMary
Posts: 1,294
Culver City, California, US


Has ambition, has good hygiene, has their own friends and goals, is proud of themselves and their family, has control over their own life (which includes their eating habits and weight) and has finished high school and preferably furthered their education past that. I've had interests in men who haven't finished school or gone to University and basically I just had a lot less in common with them.
Feb 07 13 11:39 pm  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Cherrystone
Posts: 36,635
Columbus, Ohio, US


With some exceptions.....standards are stupid & limiting.
Feb 08 13 12:09 am  Link  Quote 
Photographer
-The Dave-
Posts: 8,626
Las Vegas, Nevada, US


I was told by one girl that my standards were too high and that I should lower them.

I refused, told her to step up her game, 6 years later, we are still together. smile
Feb 08 13 12:34 am  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Chris Rifkin
Posts: 24,604
Tampa, Florida, US


IMO standards are which one judges another in whether they will be happy with that person in a relationship over the long haul...
Some people have high superficial standards(looks.wealth,status)and those are people who generally don't last very long in relationships because those are the ones who will get bored and want to find the next shiny object..
Some people who have low standards looks wise,ect,are usually in situations where they have really no choice(either ecenomicly,socially,or looks wise themselves) and end up settling,and while these relationships last longer...one or both parties are miserable)
The problem occours when one person has unrealisticly high standards for their situation
(Ie,a woman who is borderline obese living in a trailer park who will only want to date
C.E.O:s that look like Vin Diesel,the dude who barely passed HS with no career at the age of 40 workinga string of dead end jobs living in his parent's basement with hygene issues who will only date women that look like the models in my port)....one has to always evaluate and re evaluate their situations..

I personally have high standards because I know for me what I like and know what kind of person I would have the best chance of having a permanent relationship with,and know what kind would lead to disaster,and the women I have had the most success with are the reasons my standards are so high,which in a way sucks because I know I would not be happy lowering them
in any way(as it is,liking metal,prog rock,non comercial music is no longer something that is a must for me,but is in the "added bonus" category because very few women I would be into basicly despise anything heavier than Nickleback)
But at the same time,I know for a fact if I hold out,and actually by some miracle I find someone up to my standards(and vice a versa,though being an OTR trucker and a heavy metal musician knock me down a few pegs)she will be the one I die with 50+ years from now...

As said here and other places....water finds its own level,
But its up to the person to create their own water level if they feel its too low
Feb 08 13 02:22 am  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Mad Hatter Imagery
Posts: 1,314
Buffalo, New York, US


Little Ginger Lamb wrote:
He's good-looking, has an accent, and comes across as extremely charming. If you were in his station, you would have every right to be choosy.

Every "right" to be choosy? That implies that people of good character but bad circumstance do not deserve to have something good.

Feb 08 13 10:57 am  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Mad Hatter Imagery
Posts: 1,314
Buffalo, New York, US


DougBPhoto wrote:
Female
Breathing
Over 18
Able to give consent

Those are pretty much the non-negotiable things tongue


Sorry, the rest of your post is not processing through my migraine.

lol. A friend of mine has the same standards. He's gay, but he opened his standards to women as well. I don't recall if he jokingly said he'd consider dead people as well. lol.

Feb 08 13 10:59 am  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Mad Hatter Imagery
Posts: 1,314
Buffalo, New York, US


Mary Thomson wrote:
Has ambition, has good hygiene, has their own friends and goals, is proud of themselves and their family, has control over their own life (which includes their eating habits and weight) and has finished high school and preferably furthered their education past that. I've had interests in men who haven't finished school or gone to University and basically I just had a lot less in common with them.

I think perception of commonality is a thing of debate. One could say that I went to college, and because someone else did not go to college we do not have that in common, which in and of itself would be true. But the question would be, what makes college important for a relationship, and how different would it really make a person other than that they simply didn't need college for what they were doing.

Feb 08 13 11:01 am  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Erlinda
Posts: 7,137
London, England, United Kingdom


my standers used to be

Funny, cute, chubby, have hair, have a job, treat me well and interesting.

Don't think I was too picky lol lol
Feb 08 13 11:03 am  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Digital Photo PLUS
Posts: 5,503
Lorton, Virginia, US


Mad Hatter Imagery wrote:
What does it mean for most people to have standards?

For me when I was young and tried to date it meant no dates.

Feb 08 13 11:10 am  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Little Ginger Lamb
Posts: 62
Atlanta, Georgia, US


Mad Hatter Imagery wrote:

Every "right" to be choosy? That implies that people of good character but bad circumstance do not deserve to have something good.

It's not that someone unattractive and/or uneducated won't have a good relationship. They're just not likely to get what they want without settling. Most people want an attractive mate, despite what they say. If a man is extremely unattractive and doesn't have anything else going for him (money and/or fame), he is NOT going to end up with "a 10." The world does not work that way.

Let's face it: You're not going to date someone famous unless you're famous yourself or you have a job that regularly puts you in contact with someone famous.

Feb 08 13 11:13 am  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Digital Photo PLUS
Posts: 5,503
Lorton, Virginia, US


Presley ONeil wrote:
High standards depend on what you see as high standards. When I thought I had high standards it wasnt because of the requirements, it was because there were so many. So many things I needed in a person for them to be worth even giving a chance. It's that stereotypical neverending female list..
Good looks
Rich
Amazing in bed
Good with your family
Shares your values
Has a secure job
Car
House
Loves animals
And whatever else. I don't know I don't have requirements anymore:P but I see high standards as someone searching for everything in a person, and usually missing out on something amazing because of it.

I can add:

Likes romantic candlelight dinners
Likes walks on the beach at sunset
Likes to cuddle

But rich, good job, and handsome is always close to the top of the list. Just like it's the case with any other species, females of our species want to pass their genes onto a healthy (handsome) male with a high social status that can provide for the child and the mother (rich with a good job). They do that even if they don't want to have any children. When it comes to sex and reproduction we are pretty much on autopilot.

Feb 08 13 11:21 am  Link  Quote 
Model
Jules NYC
Posts: 16,128
New York, New York, US


Treats me nice.
Handles conflict well.
Has my back.
Only has eyes for me.
More than satisfied with the way I look and my personality equally.
Is honorable and respectful.
Honest.
Has great eyes/face

Can handle stress well.
Logical
Passionate
Responsible
Steady, not fickle
Honest *had to say it twice*

Can verbally express himself well.
Good writer a plus

FUN

Please have good taste

That's the heart of it
Feb 08 13 11:29 am  Link  Quote 
Photographer
BlueMoonPics
Posts: 4,375
New York, New York, US


I used to have high standards, that didn't work.
I then lowered my standards, that didn't work either.

Now I don't date.  I'm so much happier.
Feb 08 13 11:36 am  Link  Quote 
Model
SuperMary
Posts: 1,294
Culver City, California, US


Mad Hatter Imagery wrote:

I think perception of commonality is a thing of debate. One could say that I went to college, and because someone else did not go to college we do not have that in common, which in and of itself would be true. But the question would be, what makes college important for a relationship, and how different would it really make a person other than that they simply didn't need college for what they were doing.

I agree that it seems silly and I have been romantically interested in those who have solid careers without attending university but they could never last. Perhaps because I've never truly committed myself because I'm eternally in love with my imperfect current partner, but it always seemed like their world views were a little restricted. Their views on same sex marriage, or alcohol and drug use, or just their general opinion on places outside Australia. They always seemed less interested in expanding their knowledge which is very different to myself and I find it boring.

Feb 08 13 11:46 am  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Lawrence Guy
Posts: 17,682
Spring Valley, California, US


I've always felt that saying "I have high standards" is just another way of putting people down.
Feb 08 13 11:48 am  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Paolo Diavolo
Posts: 8,670
Martinez, California, US


Lawrence Guy wrote:
I've always felt that saying "I have high standards" is just another way of putting people down.

( ^ excellent point )

my standards are average, its everyone else who is beneath me.

wink

Feb 08 13 11:52 am  Link  Quote 
Model
Jules NYC
Posts: 16,128
New York, New York, US


Lawrence Guy wrote:
I've always felt that saying "I have high standards" is just another way of putting people down.

Good acknowledgment.

People are either compatible or they are not and if both are not on the same page, no need to detail why not.

Feb 08 13 12:02 pm  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Mad Hatter Imagery
Posts: 1,314
Buffalo, New York, US


Jules NYC wrote:
Treats me nice.
Handles conflict well.
Has my back.
Only has eyes for me.
More than satisfied with the way I look and my personality equally.
Is honorable and respectful.
Honest.
Has great eyes/face

Can handle stress well.
Logical
Passionate
Responsible
Steady, not fickle
Honest *had to say it twice*

Can verbally express himself well.
Good writer a plus

FUN

Please have good taste

That's the heart of it

Except for the great face and passionate, I'm your guy. lol.

Feb 08 13 12:41 pm  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Mad Hatter Imagery
Posts: 1,314
Buffalo, New York, US


Mary Thomson wrote:

I agree that it seems silly and I have been romantically interested in those who have solid careers without attending university but they could never last. Perhaps because I've never truly committed myself because I'm eternally in love with my imperfect current partner, but it always seemed like their world views were a little restricted. Their views on same sex marriage, or alcohol and drug use, or just their general opinion on places outside Australia. They always seemed less interested in expanding their knowledge which is very different to myself and I find it boring.

That seems reasonable. I myself went to college and to a strong degree am tired of learning stuff I never got to use. Meanwhile a few friends of mine never went to college and are nothing but interested in all info they can get in this world. One of my friends spends his only day off at Barnes and Nobles reading up on physics topics that are beyond most people's comprehension.

Feb 08 13 12:44 pm  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Mad Hatter Imagery
Posts: 1,314
Buffalo, New York, US


Lawrence Guy wrote:
I've always felt that saying "I have high standards" is just another way of putting people down.

+10

Feb 08 13 12:44 pm  Link  Quote 
Artist/Painter
Alexandre Lafortune
Posts: 48
Montreal, Quebec, Canada


Mary Thomson wrote:
Has ambition, has good hygiene, has their own friends and goals, is proud of themselves and their family, has control over their own life (which includes their eating habits and weight) and has finished high school and preferably furthered their education past that. I've had interests in men who haven't finished school or gone to University and basically I just had a lot less in common with them.

I see what you mean there... I know someone who's a total bag full of depression. I can't stand him for more than a few hours. Otherwise, I get depressed.

Feb 09 13 11:53 am  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Chris Rifkin
Posts: 24,604
Tampa, Florida, US


Mary Thomson wrote:

I agree that it seems silly and I have been romantically interested in those who have solid careers without attending university but they could never last. Perhaps because I've never truly committed myself because I'm eternally in love with my imperfect current partner, but it always seemed like their world views were a little restricted. Their views on same sex marriage, or alcohol and drug use, or just their general opinion on places outside Australia. They always seemed less interested in expanding their knowledge which is very different to myself and I find it boring.

Ehh...While I did go to school for a few years,I didn't graduate(band took off and got signed,ect)but I'm always looking to expand my knowledge
I think the biggest(or one of the biggest)negative stereotypes us oTR truckers get is that we are a bunch of uneducated goobers who drive a truck because they can't do anything else,while sadly this is true many of the times...I think people here see my posts about various earth sciences,geology,climate,weather,ect..
(which is what I started to go to school for)
Fact is like someone else said,most of your college curicculums(sp) you are forced to take classes and learn things that you would never use in actual life or have nothing to do with your career in probably 75% of your classes

Feb 09 13 12:41 pm  Link  Quote 
Model
MartaBrixton
Posts: 991
London, England, United Kingdom


I've been told many times that my standards are too low because normally I choose broke, average looking guys. "What you doing with this guy? You can have so much better! Bla bla bla"- I hate this kind of questions and advices, really. I also don't like people who think they are so amazing they deserve a prince/ princess, they have a big head and look at other people from the top.
Why have high standards, what for? Just because somebody isn't great looking, super rich and intelligent doesn't mean he can't make his partner happy.
Feb 09 13 01:00 pm  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Mad Hatter Imagery
Posts: 1,314
Buffalo, New York, US


MartaBrixton wrote:
I've been told many times that my standards are too low because normally I choose broke, average looking guys. "What you doing with this guy? You can have so much better! Bla bla bla"- I hate this kind of questions and advices, really. I also don't like people who think they are so amazing they deserve a prince/ princess, they have a big head and look at other people from the top.
Why have high standards, what for? Just because somebody isn't great looking, super rich and intelligent doesn't mean he can't make his partner happy.

You are one of the more down to earth models I've ever heard from. smile

Feb 09 13 07:33 pm  Link  Quote 
Photographer
RachelReilly
Posts: 1,730
Washington, District of Columbia, US


6'0+ wink
Feb 09 13 07:38 pm  Link  Quote 
Model
SuperMary
Posts: 1,294
Culver City, California, US


Chris Rifkin wrote:

Ehh...While I did go to school for a few years,I didn't graduate(band took off and got signed,ect)but I'm always looking to expand my knowledge
I think the biggest(or one of the biggest)negative stereotypes us oTR truckers get is that we are a bunch of uneducated goobers who drive a truck because they can't do anything else,while sadly this is true many of the times...I think people here see my posts about various earth sciences,geology,climate,weather,ect..
(which is what I started to go to school for)
Fact is like someone else said,most of your college curicculums(sp) you are forced to take classes and learn things that you would never use in actual life or have nothing to do with your career in probably 75% of your classes

I'm speaking from my general experience with men, especially with men my age. I'm at a period of my life where going to university or TAFE or gaining some other kind of tertiary education is a choice.  It's rather easy to get into basic courses (at least here in Australia) and there are many many thousands of dollars that are given out in grants to help those who can't afford to live and study simultaneously. I underestand that that's very different at different ages and in different countries and again I'm not judging them on this or saying they are lesser people etc I'm just saying I seem to have less in common with them or I tend to find their views and goals to be very different from my own.

Feb 09 13 07:48 pm  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Image K
Posts: 23,366
Las Vegas, Nevada, US


Presley ONeil wrote:

High standards depend on what you see as high standards. When I thought I had high standards it wasnt because of the requirements, it was because there were so many. So many things I needed in a person for them to be worth even giving a chance. It's that stereotypical neverending female list..
Good looks
Rich
Amazing in bed
Good with your family
Shares your values
Has a secure job
Car
House
Loves animals
And whatever else. I don't know I don't have requirements anymore:P but I see high standards as someone searching for everything in a person, and usually missing out on something amazing because of it.

I'm wondering why a 17 yr old girl requires a potential suitor to have his own car and house, be rich, and be "good in bed"...

Feb 09 13 08:55 pm  Link  Quote 
Photographer
BlueMoonPics
Posts: 4,375
New York, New York, US


Image K wrote:

I'm wondering why a 17 yr old girl requires a potential suitor to have his own car and house, be rich, and be "good in bed"...

They train them early on in life. wink

Feb 09 13 09:15 pm  Link  Quote 
Model
hygvhgvkhy
Posts: 2,092
Chicago, Illinois, US


BlueMoonPics wrote:
They train them early on in life. wink

See, they aren't MY requirements... They're requirements when the one you've trained so well doesn't work out. And then you're just like fuck it, the next one better be a God, I am Not doing all that again!

I don't have requirements anymore. But I'm very lucky to have everything I could ask for in a partner.

Feb 10 13 12:17 am  Link  Quote 
Model
Jules NYC
Posts: 16,128
New York, New York, US


https://sphotos.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-snc6/8055_415419345164009_1903106363_n.jpg

https://i.chzbgr.com/maxW500/5608837120/h3BE69D4E/
Feb 10 13 05:31 am  Link  Quote 
Model
angel emily
Posts: 1,020
Boston, Massachusetts, US


IMO, this is something that should be expected (everyone should have "high standards" for themselves & their partners) and isn't something you say out loud because it's so vague and cliche.

It's more about finding what those values are and what other people value most and seeing if those values align.

I couldn't imagine being on a date and telling the guy "I have high standards"...   that sort of sets him up, instead of just enjoying your time together and seeing how it goes.
Feb 10 13 05:37 am  Link  Quote 
Model
Jules NYC
Posts: 16,128
New York, New York, US


e m i l y wrote:
IMO, this is something that should be expected (everyone should have "high standards for themselves & their partners) and isn't something you say out loud.

It's more about finding what other people value most and seeing if those values align.

I couldn't imagine being on a date and telling the guy "I have high standards"...   that sort of sets him up, instead of just enjoying your time together and seeing how it goes.

This!

A man (or woman) can completely screw themselves out of a fantastic potential relationship by creating an ideal that one might feel they can't live up to.

That's why I have no need to talk about ex boyfriends, standards or detailed physical or emotional preferences.

Feb 10 13 05:42 am  Link  Quote 
Photographer
In Balance Photography
Posts: 3,370
Boston, Massachusetts, US


The funny part about standards is that they change over time. That's the hard part about entering into long term relationships - people change.
Feb 10 13 05:45 am  Link  Quote 
Model
Jules NYC
Posts: 16,128
New York, New York, US


In Balance Photography wrote:
The funny part about standards is that they change over time. That's the hard part about entering into long term relationships - people change.

I agree.
Things that weren't important to me before are important to me know.

These things all come from the same place.

Feb 10 13 05:48 am  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Ash Photographic
Posts: 378
Cirencester, England, United Kingdom


If you set your standards high enough then at least you'll never have to deal with rejection smile
Feb 10 13 05:48 am  Link  Quote 
12345last   Search   Reply