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Model
Gabrielle Heather
Posts: 10,064
Middle Island, New York, US


And no matter how much we try facilitate helping someone, if their desire isnt there to grow, or to learn it just isnt going to happen. It starts to feel like groundhog day. It depends on the circumstances and situation how we respond to these things. How do you respond to these things? Do you feel the same? that in the end you are ultimately responsible for your own actions?
Feb 08 13 10:00 am  Link  Quote 
Model
Autumn Rose Brightly
Posts: 1,063
Charlotte, North Carolina, US


Agree 100%
Feb 08 13 10:01 am  Link  Quote 
Model
Jules NYC
Posts: 15,510
New York, New York, US


Agree on all points.
Feb 08 13 10:02 am  Link  Quote 
Photographer
ontherocks
Posts: 22,177
Salem, Oregon, US


you can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink
Feb 08 13 10:03 am  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Paolo Diavolo
Posts: 8,146
Pleasant Hill, California, US


Not sure entirely what this is about?
but I feel the same:

If someone is beyond wanting to help themselves, at some point you just have to walk away. Its pointless to exhaust yourself over trying to help someone like that.
Feb 08 13 10:04 am  Link  Quote 
Model
Gabrielle Heather
Posts: 10,064
Middle Island, New York, US


Paolo Diavolo wrote:
Not sure entirely what this is about?
but I feel the same:

If someone is beyond wanting to help themselves, at some point you just have to walk away. Its pointless to exhaust yourself over trying to help someone like that.

and if its your job? just throwing that in there as a twist

Feb 08 13 10:06 am  Link  Quote 
Model
Gabrielle Heather
Posts: 10,064
Middle Island, New York, US


twoharts wrote:
you can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink

Agreed.

Feb 08 13 10:08 am  Link  Quote 
Photographer
In Balance Photography
Posts: 3,370
Boston, Massachusetts, US


These are really broad statements. Is there something specific you are referring to ?
Feb 08 13 10:08 am  Link  Quote 
Model
Gabrielle Heather
Posts: 10,064
Middle Island, New York, US


in your personal lives, how do you guys handle stuff like this?
Feb 08 13 10:09 am  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Caradoc
Posts: 19,484
Scottsdale, Arizona, US


twoharts wrote:
you can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink

But if you can get him to float on his back, people will buy tickets to see those shenanigans.

Feb 08 13 10:09 am  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Caradoc
Posts: 19,484
Scottsdale, Arizona, US


Gabrielle Heather wrote:
in your personal lives, how do you guys handle stuff like this?

I don't deal well with people who choose not to grow or learn, so I cut 'em loose.

And, yes, that includes blood relations.

Feb 08 13 10:10 am  Link  Quote 
Model
Gabrielle Heather
Posts: 10,064
Middle Island, New York, US


In Balance Photography wrote:
These are really broad statements. Is there something specific you are referring to ?

several things. Not just one. But if you can relate it to something in your life, I am asking how you deal with things.

Feb 08 13 10:10 am  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Andialu
Posts: 14,029
San Pedro, California, US


Gabrielle Heather wrote:
in your personal lives, how do you guys handle stuff like this?

I think you need to be more specific. Handle stuff like what?

Feb 08 13 10:10 am  Link  Quote 
Photographer
S W I N S K E Y
Posts: 24,315
Saint Petersburg, Florida, US


Gabrielle Heather wrote:
And no matter how much we try facilitate helping someone, if their desire isnt there to grow, or to learn it just isnt going to happen. It starts to feel like groundhog day. It depends on the circumstances and situation how we respond to these things. How do you respond to these things? Do you feel the same? that in the end you are ultimately responsible for your own actions?

agreed...

http://i.imgur.com/m8TQi.png

Feb 08 13 10:11 am  Link  Quote 
Model
Autumn Rose Brightly
Posts: 1,063
Charlotte, North Carolina, US


I try my best to make peace with it. I've found the Serenity Prayer a great source of strength on this and other issues. "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; the courage to change the things I can; and the wisdom to know the difference."
Feb 08 13 10:12 am  Link  Quote 
Model
Gabrielle Heather
Posts: 10,064
Middle Island, New York, US


Caradoc wrote:
I don't deal well with people who choose not to grow or learn, so I cut 'em loose.

And, yes, that includes blood relations.

I have a very hard time with it as well. I try to accept all types of people and understand that everyone has issues. I know I do. I know that I try and understand WHERE my issues come from and WHY and try to work with them and move in SOME direction. It is extremely frustrating when people get stuck and arent able to see that they are.

Feb 08 13 10:13 am  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Erlinda
Posts: 7,036
London, England, United Kingdom


If it was my job, I would never give up... Because I would not only be failing myself but also my client.

If it was my personal life, I would never give up also..... Unless it was putting my life in danger I don't see why I would give up on someone I love and care for.
Feb 08 13 10:15 am  Link  Quote 
Photographer
In Balance Photography
Posts: 3,370
Boston, Massachusetts, US


Gabrielle Heather wrote:

I have a very hard time with it as well. I try to accept all types of people and understand that everyone has issues. I know I do. I know that I try and understand WHERE my issues come from and WHY and try to work with them and move in SOME direction. It is extremely frustrating when people get stuck and arent able to see that they are.

Maybe they aren't stuck?

Feb 08 13 10:16 am  Link  Quote 
Photographer
BlueMoonPics
Posts: 3,888
New York, New York, US


Gabrielle Heather wrote:

I have a very hard time with it as well. I try to accept all types of people and understand that everyone has issues. I know I do. I know that I try and understand WHERE my issues come from and WHY and try to work with them and move in SOME direction. It is extremely frustrating when people get stuck and arent able to see that they are.

I believe if people you are trying to help get stuck, don't get stuck with them.
You can only do so much, then move on.
Life is too short to waste on the wrong people.

Feb 08 13 10:16 am  Link  Quote 
Model
Jules NYC
Posts: 15,510
New York, New York, US


Can't resist the lol

lol

http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lsspazI1ZD1qgecupo1_500.jpg
Feb 08 13 10:17 am  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Erlinda
Posts: 7,036
London, England, United Kingdom


Jules NYC wrote:
Can't resist the lol

lol

http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lsspazI1ZD1qgecupo1_500.jpg

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! lol

Feb 08 13 10:18 am  Link  Quote 
Model
Gabrielle Heather
Posts: 10,064
Middle Island, New York, US


Erlinda wrote:
If it was my job, I would never give up... Because I would not only be failing myself but also my client.

If it was my personal life, I would never give up also..... Unless it was putting my life in danger I don't see why I would give up on someone I love and care for.

Of course you never want to give up on anyone. Thats not in my nature. I also though never told you the context of the relationship. I am asking the opinions of you guys and how you react to these situations.

I also though did mention about it potentially being a job. It is a field you would go into because you have a passion for it. Its challenging. But I would prefer to go back to the personal stuff for now. One topic at a time if that is ok.

Feb 08 13 10:20 am  Link  Quote 
Model
Gabrielle Heather
Posts: 10,064
Middle Island, New York, US


In Balance Photography wrote:
Maybe they aren't stuck?

sadly, I assure you

Feb 08 13 10:21 am  Link  Quote 
Model
Gabrielle Heather
Posts: 10,064
Middle Island, New York, US


Jules NYC wrote:
Can't resist the lol

lol

http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lsspazI1ZD1qgecupo1_500.jpg

perfect

Feb 08 13 10:21 am  Link  Quote 
Photographer
In Balance Photography
Posts: 3,370
Boston, Massachusetts, US


Gabrielle Heather wrote:

sadly, I assure you

Do they say they are stuck?

Feb 08 13 10:23 am  Link  Quote 
Model
Gabrielle Heather
Posts: 10,064
Middle Island, New York, US


In Balance Photography wrote:
Do they say they are stuck?

they dont need to. Are you going to answer any of the questions in the op? or just ask me questions

Feb 08 13 10:25 am  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Paolo Diavolo
Posts: 8,146
Pleasant Hill, California, US


Gabrielle Heather wrote:
and if its your job? just throwing that in there as a twist

i dont care what it is, i can only give so much of my soul to something before it sucks me dry.

either i let it become unhealthy for me (which is a hopeless situation for both parties), or i walk away and live another day knowing i did the most i could (to help) in that situation.

Feb 08 13 10:25 am  Link  Quote 
Model
Gabrielle Heather
Posts: 10,064
Middle Island, New York, US


Paolo Diavolo wrote:
i dont care what it is, i can only give so much of my soul to something before it sucks me dry.

either i let it become unhealthy for me, or i walk away and live another day knowing i did the most i could in that situation.

do you think the other person is aware that they are draining?

Feb 08 13 10:27 am  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Erlinda
Posts: 7,036
London, England, United Kingdom


Gabrielle Heather wrote:

Of course you never want to give up on anyone. Thats not in my nature. I also though never told you the context of the relationship. I am asking the opinions of you guys and how you react to these situations.

I also though did mention about it potentially being a job. It is a field you would go into because you have a passion for it. Its challenging. But I would prefer to go back to the personal stuff for now. One topic at a time if that is ok.

Okay sure, no problem.

Personally I wouldn't give up on anyone... I have been on the other end of the stick and if my loved one had given up on me when I pushed, kicked, scream and went nuts I wouldn't be where I am now. I am very grateful for that.

The thing is, people don't become this way out of thin air... There is something that chips at them for awhile some times many many years till they lose it and can no longer fight it.

Sometimes people fall so deep that they see noway out and thats where we come in... The people that love them and see the potential they have and see the person they could be and we fight that battle for them... I'm not willing to give up not for someone I care and love. I just couldn't do it hmm

Feb 08 13 10:28 am  Link  Quote 
Model
Gabrielle Heather
Posts: 10,064
Middle Island, New York, US


Erlinda wrote:
Okay sure, no problem.

Personally I wouldn't give up on anyone... I have been on the other end of the stick and if my loved one had given up on me when I pushed, kicked, scream and went nuts I wouldn't be where I am now. I am very grateful for that.

The thing is, people don't become this way out of thin air... There is something that chips at them for awhile some times many many years till they lose it and can no longer fight it.

Sometimes people fall so deep that they see noway out and thats where we come in... The people that love them and see the potential they have and see the person they could be and we fight that battle for them... I'm not willing to give up not for someone I care and love. I just couldn't do it hmm

I agree 100% with everything you say. Im not quite sure you are getting what im saying though. Also, sometimes people are the way they are because of genetics, not just experience. Either way, what I am saying is, that person can fall down, and unless they themselves come around with time, and are willing or able to help themselves, along with you, to fight that fight, nothing will change. I hope this makes sense. It is always wonderful to have support, but no one else can make the change, it only feel that way at the time.

Feb 08 13 10:35 am  Link  Quote 
Photographer
In Balance Photography
Posts: 3,370
Boston, Massachusetts, US


Gabrielle Heather wrote:

they dont need to. Are you going to answer any of the questions in the op? or just ask me questions

1. In the end, can we only help ourselves?

Clearly not. Of course we can help others.

2. How do I respond to such situations?

What situation?

3. In the end we are responsible for own actions?

Yes - as individuals we make the choices that we make.  Once of those choices is when we stop trying to influence (aka "help") others.

Feb 08 13 10:37 am  Link  Quote 
Photographer
ontherocks
Posts: 22,177
Salem, Oregon, US


you can give them money, a job, a hug. but you can't just bend them to your will. as in "stop drinking" although i guess faith managed to convince tim mcgraw to get help.

In Balance Photography wrote:
1. In the end, can we only help ourselves?

Clearly not. Of course we can help others.

Feb 08 13 10:39 am  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Erlinda
Posts: 7,036
London, England, United Kingdom


Gabrielle Heather wrote:

I agree 100% with everything you say. Im not quite sure you are getting what im saying though. Also, sometimes people are the way they are because of genetics, not just experience. Either way, what I am saying is, that person can fall down, and unless they themselves come around with time, and are willing or able to help themselves, along with you, to fight that fight, nothing will change. I hope this makes sense. It is always wonderful to have support, but no one else can make the change, it only feel that way at the time.

I agree, in the end the person that is struggling is the only one that can make that final step. But without them seeing someone there caring, loving and fighting for them they wouldn't bother. Sometimes they think they aren't worth it and seeing someone show them that they are is one of the many things that gets them moving again. smile

Feb 08 13 10:39 am  Link  Quote 
Model
Gabrielle Heather
Posts: 10,064
Middle Island, New York, US


moving right along
Feb 08 13 10:45 am  Link  Quote 
Model
Gabrielle Heather
Posts: 10,064
Middle Island, New York, US


Autumn Rose Brightly wrote:
Agree 100%

hope you are doing well darlin

Feb 08 13 10:45 am  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Paolo Diavolo
Posts: 8,146
Pleasant Hill, California, US


Gabrielle Heather wrote:

do you think the other person is aware that they are draining?

not always.
if they do, then they don't admit to themselves that they are just using someone who in enabling their behavior.

Feb 08 13 10:46 am  Link  Quote 
Model
Gabrielle Heather
Posts: 10,064
Middle Island, New York, US


Paolo Diavolo wrote:
not always.
if they do, then they don't admit to themselves that they are just using someone who in enabling their behavior.

a lot of that goes on

Feb 08 13 10:47 am  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Digital Photo PLUS
Posts: 5,503
Lorton, Virginia, US


I disagree. I don't think anyone can really change without motivation from the outside, positive or negative.

Which doesn't mean that a person will change with sufficient help or motivation. We are very resistant to change for good or bad reasons.
Feb 08 13 10:53 am  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Erlinda
Posts: 7,036
London, England, United Kingdom


Gabrielle Heather wrote:

a lot of that goes on

If someone is draining you... That is pretty much sucking the life out of you and in that case endangering your life.

Had that happen. I left them and met my awesome husband who I love dearly and doesn't suck the life out of me! big_smile

Feb 08 13 10:54 am  Link  Quote 
Model
Autumn Rose Brightly
Posts: 1,063
Charlotte, North Carolina, US


Gabrielle Heather wrote:

hope you are doing well darlin

Doing better, if you want to PM me I'll tell you more

Feb 08 13 10:58 am  Link  Quote 
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