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Koryn
Posts: 36,102
Boston, Massachusetts, US


When is it appropriate to "suggest" you see someone again, if you already socialized with them once, had a lot of fun and THEY suggested a variety of activities to do together for the future during that outing, but never directly followed up with you immediately afterward?

Specifically: I met someone for lunch and coffee last Sunday afternoon. We ended up spending something like 5 hours together. It was sort of like some holy power had extracted the essence of all the sex fantasies of my youth, poured them into a bottle, then alchemied that bottle of fantasies into a human form, gave it a degree from MIT, and handed it to me last Sunday.

During the time we were together, he asked if I wanted to go sailing this summer, and proposed a couple of other things we could do together at some point in the future. They were all fucking awesome. I was pretty much thinking over and over in my head, for five hours, "omgomgomg i-can't-believe-this-is-real-and-this-person-exists-anywhere-outside-of-my-imagination." Then, he sort of disappeared all week, so I sent him a link to an article about some mind-blowing black hole shit, with a crazy star orbiting around it -- even though I'm pretty sure he's already read every bad-ass science article of epic awesomeness I could ever send. He responded the next morning, and sent me his gmail chat name thing, said I "should have it," and approved my facebook friend request. Never mentioned meeting up for a second time, so I've had a sad since yesterday.

I realized that, maybe, the reason this person does not have a girlfriend, or five, or ten, is because he is not very ... aggressive in pursuit. He came across as pretty quiet and mild-mannered, and so I guess that turns it over onto me now - which I fucking hate, because I don't really like to take charge of anything.

It will be one week tomorrow; would it be too soon to send a message asking something, really goofy, along the lines of, "So, when are we going to go to the Museum of Bad Art that you mentioned? I can't wait to have my eyes opened, my aesthetic senses honed, my very soul left breathless by a significant dose of the most unfortunate creative renderings humankind has to offer." I figured he would laugh at that, and it wouldn't sound too serious.

There is always the possibility of this being a case of, 'They're just not that into you,' and I really misinterpreted everything.
Mar 23 13 03:43 pm  Link  Quote 
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Lawrence Guy
Posts: 17,651
LAKE PEEKSKILL, New York, US


It's never too soon to say "I think you're amazing and I want to hang out with you again." I don't think very many people have ever objected to someone saying that to them in a non-creepy non-pesty way.
Mar 23 13 04:34 pm  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Wicked Photos
Posts: 7,562
New York, New York, US


if you want to see him, just tell him that.

i'd be happy if a girl took initiative and asked me out.
Mar 23 13 04:36 pm  Link  Quote 
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Koryn
Posts: 36,102
Boston, Massachusetts, US


Lawrence Guy wrote:
It's never too soon to say "I think you're amazing and I want to hang out with you again." I don't think very many people have ever objected to someone saying that to them in a non-creepy non-pesty way.

I told him I thought he was real fabulous and great and stuff on Sunday, when he gave me a hug good-bye, and then gave me another one, which made me turn red and awkward. I tripped over his foot moving from the hug, to unlocking the doors of my car, and sort of fell into the seat. My face was red for like 45 minutes.

Mar 23 13 04:40 pm  Link  Quote 
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Lawrence Guy
Posts: 17,651
LAKE PEEKSKILL, New York, US


Koryn Locke wrote:

I told him I thought he was real fabulous and great and stuff on Sunday, when he gave me a hug good-bye, and then gave me another one, which made me turn red and awkward. I tripped over his foot moving from the hug, to unlocking the doors of my car, and sort of fell into the seat. My face was red for like 45 minutes.

That's pretty damn awesome. I would have split my face grinning if I'd been him.

Mar 23 13 04:50 pm  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Vintagevista
Posts: 10,699
Sun City, California, US


Wicked Photos wrote:
if you want to see him, just tell him that.

i'd be happy if a girl took initiative and asked me out.

^^^^ yup

As long as you don't end up hanging outside his window late at night -  with a machete and a jar of Vicks Vapor Rub. smile

Mar 23 13 04:53 pm  Link  Quote 
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Koryn
Posts: 36,102
Boston, Massachusetts, US


Vintagevista wrote:

^^^^ yup

As long as you don't end up hanging outside his window late at night -  with a machete and a jar of Vicks Vapor Rub. smile

ahahahhaha

Nope, I'm not likely to do that any time soon.

Mar 23 13 04:56 pm  Link  Quote 
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Koryn
Posts: 36,102
Boston, Massachusetts, US


Lawrence Guy wrote:

That's pretty damn awesome. I would have split my face grinning if I'd been him.

I'm not smooth. I'm totally awkward around people I find to be really, really ridiculously good looking.

Mar 23 13 04:58 pm  Link  Quote 
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Zebadiah _MI
Posts: 13,371
Ann Arbor, Michigan, US


I'd say send it, I'd like a message like that.

and if he doesn't reply, you'll get your answer
but if he does, you get to go see bad art.
Mar 23 13 05:09 pm  Link  Quote 
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Koryn
Posts: 36,102
Boston, Massachusetts, US


Zebadiah _MI wrote:
I'd say send it, I'd like a message like that.

and if he doesn't reply, you'll get your answer
but if he does, you get to go see bad art.

I'd heard about the Museum of Bad Art, but I thought it was an urban legend, or some kind of local joke. I had no idea it was a real exhibit of really shitty artwork.

Mar 23 13 05:11 pm  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Carle Photography
Posts: 9,227
Oakland, California, US


Ask him to the bad art place....

& make a sexy move on him so he knows your lustily inclined.

wink
Mar 23 13 05:12 pm  Link  Quote 
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Koryn
Posts: 36,102
Boston, Massachusetts, US


Death of Field wrote:
Ask him to the bad art place....

& make a sexy move on him so he knows your lustily inclined.

wink

I'm so lustily inclined toward this particular individual that the English language does not have a word to adequately capture the intensity of my lustiness.

Is my line about having my "soul made breathless by the most unfortunate creative renderings humankind..." goofy enough? It's pretty obviously meant to sound ridiculous, right?

Mar 23 13 05:17 pm  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Carle Photography
Posts: 9,227
Oakland, California, US


Some things are better shown then said....

Just make a pass at him.

tongue
Mar 23 13 05:19 pm  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Burlap Rats
Posts: 18,942
Riverside, California, US


Just do it. One week is long enough to not be this.
Mar 23 13 05:20 pm  Link  Quote 
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Kincaid Blackwood
Posts: 23,314
Atlanta, Georgia, US


You're killing me, Smalls. Maybe the reason he's not dating anyone seriously is that he doesn't want to. Maybe he just hasn't found anyone. Maybe he's too busy to date. Does any of that even matter? All that matters is that you like him and you're interested in seeing him again; don't make it any more complicated than that.

If you're unsure of whether it's too soon or too late or whatever and whatnot… open up your calendar, look for an even next weekend, tell him you're going and say that you'd like him to be your arm candy. That'll put two weeks between your last sighting and if he wants to catch up with you before that then he can suggest something.
Mar 23 13 05:23 pm  Link  Quote 
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Koryn
Posts: 36,102
Boston, Massachusetts, US


Kincaid Blackwood wrote:
If you're unsure of whether it's too soon or too late or whatever and whatnot… open up your calendar, look for an even next weekend, tell him you're going and say that you'd like him to be your arm candy. That'll put two weeks between your last sighting and if he wants to catch up with you before that then he can suggest something.

That's a pretty wonderful suggestion.

Mar 23 13 05:36 pm  Link  Quote 
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Koryn
Posts: 36,102
Boston, Massachusetts, US


Wander Lost Photo wrote:
Just do it. One week is long enough to not be this.

lol

Mar 23 13 05:37 pm  Link  Quote 
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Koryn
Posts: 36,102
Boston, Massachusetts, US


In all honesty, I haven't "dated" in a long, long time.

I'm having a relearn a lot of the things that seemed "common sense" to me, back when I was 21 or 22 years old.
Mar 23 13 05:38 pm  Link  Quote 
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MMR Digital
Posts: 1,670
Doylestown, Pennsylvania, US


I was playing drums in a recording studio in NYC some 30 odd years ago- a woman was let into the soundstage. She had a guy with her. I looked at her and thought she was my woman. A few weeks later, I met her on the steps of a small concert hall in Manhattan- Pere UBU was playing. I asked if she needed a ride home to Hoboken, NJ. I wanted her, needed her.

Gave her a ride that night. But we lost contact.

30 some odd years later we're married in bliss. I miss the 30 years we could have been together. We talk about not lamenting our loss but what we have together now on occasion.
Mar 23 13 06:08 pm  Link  Quote 
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Koryn
Posts: 36,102
Boston, Massachusetts, US


MMR Digital wrote:
I was playing drums in a recording studio in NYC some 30 odd years ago- a woman was let into the soundstage. She had a guy with her. I looked at her and thought she was my woman. A few weeks later, I met her on the steps of small concert hall in Manhattan- Pere UBU was playing. I asked if she needed a ride home to Hoboken, NJ. I wanted her, needed her.

Gave her a ride that night. But we lost contact.

30 some odd years later we're married in bliss. I miss the 30 years we could have been together. We talk about not lamenting our loss but what we have together now on occasion.

Why did you lose contact for 30 years?

Mar 23 13 06:13 pm  Link  Quote 
Photographer
MMR Digital
Posts: 1,670
Doylestown, Pennsylvania, US


Her apartment had been robbed so she just got up and left. No forwarding phone calls- just doDeDOdo- the number you have dialed blahBlahBlah...

I got a message one day from an email that's titled, "Do you remember me?"

I opened the email and it asked do you remember me and if I was so-and-so.

My answer was, "How could I forget you"!
Mar 23 13 06:28 pm  Link  Quote 
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Koryn
Posts: 36,102
Boston, Massachusetts, US


MMR Digital wrote:
Her apartment had been robbed so she just got up and left. No forwarding phone calls- just doDeDOdo- the number you have dialed blahBlahBlah...

I got a message one day from an email that's titled, "Do you remember me?"

I opened the email and it asked do you remember me and if I was so-and-so.

My answer was, "How could I forget you"!

'


awwww.... that's wonderful! big_smile

Mar 23 13 06:34 pm  Link  Quote 
Photographer
MMR Digital
Posts: 1,670
Doylestown, Pennsylvania, US


I wish you the best.

Mark
Mar 23 13 06:36 pm  Link  Quote 
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Damianne
Posts: 15,973
Austin, Texas, US


So he suggested a bunch of future activities and then you said "sure" and after all this effort from him, you're confused by his not asking you on a specific set activity where he plans out everything for it?
He's probably just waiting for you to express interest in something specific, rather than just all-around agreeableness.

Find someone going on along the lines of what you talked about, see if he wants to go with you, or ask him to go to coffee with you.


It's never too soon to anything. You could have set a second date during the first one.
Mar 23 13 06:39 pm  Link  Quote 
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Koryn
Posts: 36,102
Boston, Massachusetts, US


Damianne wrote:
So he suggested a bunch of future activities and then you said "sure" and after all this effort from him, you're confused by his not asking you on a specific set activity where he plans out everything for it?

Yeah, I guess that's exactly what I'm confused about. Like I said, I'm not really a "take charge" kind of person. I'm actually really submissive in dating/relationship contexts.

Damianne wrote:
He's probably just waiting for you to express interest in something specific, rather than just all-around agreeableness.
....

Okay, so you get free tickets to the Museum of Bad Art if you go see a movie at a particular independent theater, so I'm going to find something playing there I want to see, and ask if he wants to go...

... so, it sort of gives me an opportunity to have second, and indirectly, a third date with this person.

I might have this under control now. Maybe.

Mar 23 13 06:53 pm  Link  Quote 
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Damianne
Posts: 15,973
Austin, Texas, US


Koryn Locke wrote:

Damianne wrote:
So he suggested a bunch of future activities and then you said "sure" and after all this effort from him, you're confused by his not asking you on a specific set activity where he plans out everything for it?

Yeah, I guess that's exactly what I'm confused about. Like I said, I'm not really a "take charge" kind of person. I'm actually really submissive in dating/relationship contexts.


Okay, so you get free tickets to the Museum of Bad Art if you go see a movie at a particular independent theater, so I'm going to find something playing there I want to see, and ask if he wants to go...

... so, it sort of gives me an opportunity to have second, and indirectly, a third date with this person.

I might have this under control now. Maybe.

Yeah you don't even have to be manipulative about it.
"Hey, this theatre offers free tickets to this museum, I think that sounds awesome, want to come see a movie with me and then we can get tickets for the museum?"

Or even just "Hey look awesome *link offer details* and they're showing *thing playing you want to see* we should totally do this ohmygod"

Mar 23 13 06:56 pm  Link  Quote 
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Zebadiah _MI
Posts: 13,371
Ann Arbor, Michigan, US


Koryn Locke wrote:
I might have this under control now. Maybe.

There you go.

Mar 23 13 07:02 pm  Link  Quote 
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Koryn
Posts: 36,102
Boston, Massachusetts, US


Damianne wrote:

Yeah you don't even have to be manipulative about it.
"Hey, this theatre offers free tickets to this museum, I think that sounds awesome, want to come see a movie with me and then we can get tickets for the museum?"

Or even just "Hey look awesome *link offer details* and they're showing *thing playing you want to see* we should totally do this ohmygod"

I just did it... omg omg omg.

Mar 23 13 07:12 pm  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Lawrence Guy
Posts: 17,651
LAKE PEEKSKILL, New York, US


Koryn Locke wrote:

I just did it... omg omg omg.

*fingers crossed*

Mar 23 13 07:13 pm  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Zebadiah _MI
Posts: 13,371
Ann Arbor, Michigan, US


Koryn Locke wrote:
I just did it... omg omg omg.

remember your mojo.

good luck!

Mar 23 13 07:20 pm  Link  Quote 
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Koryn
Posts: 36,102
Boston, Massachusetts, US


Zebadiah _MI wrote:

remember your mojo.

good luck!

lol

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8hEYwk0bypY

Mar 23 13 07:22 pm  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Kincaid Blackwood
Posts: 23,314
Atlanta, Georgia, US


Koryn Locke wrote:
I just did it... omg omg omg.
Lawrence Guy wrote:
*fingers crossed*

Okay, FINE, Koryn: I'll go.

This all seems so sudden though. I wish you had given me a couple of weeks. Now it seems weird. Don't expect me to put out unless you buy me dinner, too.

Mar 23 13 07:25 pm  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Kincaid Blackwood
Posts: 23,314
Atlanta, Georgia, US


Kincaid Blackwood wrote:
Okay, FINE, Koryn: I'll go.

This all seems so sudden though. I wish you had given me a couple of weeks. Now it seems weird. Don't expect me to put out unless you buy me dinner, too.

Okay, folks; don't get your knickers in a twist. I was totally joking when I posted this…









…I mean, who am I kidding: I'll put out, dinner or no dinner.

Mar 23 13 07:26 pm  Link  Quote 
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Koryn
Posts: 36,102
Boston, Massachusetts, US


Kincaid Blackwood wrote:

Koryn Locke wrote:
I just did it... omg omg omg.

Okay, FINE, Koryn: I'll go.

This all seems so sudden though. I wish you had given me a couple of weeks. Now it seems weird. Don't expect me to put out unless you buy me dinner, too.

lol

If only I had a panky rang, I'd have that boy agreeing to a second date in about a half second!

Mar 23 13 07:29 pm  Link  Quote 
Model
hygvhgvkhy
Posts: 2,092
Chicago, Illinois, US


Lawrence Guy wrote:
It's never too soon to say "I think you're amazing and I want to hang out with you again." I don't think very many people have ever objected to someone saying that to them in a non-creepy non-pesty way.

Exactly. Odds are if he hung out with you that long and you didn't get a vibe that he might not be into you at all, he would like to hear that(:

Everyone likes to hear that(: I've only ever not wanted to hear that from someone I clearly didn't want around, so this gets a plus 1 from me

*actually reads thread*

*wishes you good luck(-:*

Mar 23 13 09:17 pm  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Honey Stinger
Posts: 6,328
Madison, Wisconsin, US


Damianne wrote:
So he suggested a bunch of future activities and then you said "sure" and after all this effort from him, you're confused by his not asking you on a specific set activity where he plans out everything for it?
He's probably just waiting for you to express interest in something specific, rather than just all-around agreeableness.

Find someone going on along the lines of what you talked about, see if he wants to go with you, or ask him to go to coffee with you.


It's never too soon to anything. You could have set a second date during the first one.

I swear, Damianne is going to replace the Dr. Oz show.

Mar 23 13 09:45 pm  Link  Quote 
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Damianne
Posts: 15,973
Austin, Texas, US


Koryn Locke wrote:

I just did it... omg omg omg.

Tell him you're excited when he agrees, people love to be told they're liked.
Once he's already agreed to the activity, it's not really clingy to be excited to do said activity with him. It's not like "I'm really excited to one day marry you and here's my scrapbook of our outfits for that day" tongue

Mar 23 13 10:02 pm  Link  Quote 
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Damianne
Posts: 15,973
Austin, Texas, US


Mar 23 13 10:02 pm  Link  Quote 
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Vivus Hussein Denuo
Posts: 64,029
New York, New York, US


Koryn, you write charmingly.  I got a feeling you're hot stuff and damn good company.  I think you'll make all the right moves.  smile
Mar 23 13 10:57 pm  Link  Quote 
Photographer
scrymettet
Posts: 31,825
Quebec, Quebec, Canada


fuck the etiquette.
go for it and report.
if you disappear for a week,we will assume you are getting the sweaty sex you deserve.
Mar 24 13 06:11 am  Link  Quote 
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