login info join!
Forums > Model Colloquy > Boyfriends and Husbands Search   Reply
123last
Photographer
Majestic Quarterly
Posts: 32
Long Beach, California, US


I know there are a couple other forum posts about boyfriends and husbands being escorts, or models specifically saying that they have a boyfriend (in their bio/ad), but I've come across a couple models who say their boyfriend or husband is also a photographer, so they demand crazy things.

Anyone else have an encounter like that? How do you deal with it? I mean I've even shot with models who took photography class in school and tried to make me shoot a certain way (let me do my thing!) but models who say something along the lines of
"Don't try to _________ with me" or
"I expect a certain level of professionalism during the shoot" or
"I want to be shot like ____________ and paid $_______" and "by the way, I know the ins and outs because my boyfriend/husband is also a photographer"

I hope this makes sense, thanks!
Mar 30 13 02:16 pm  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Will Snizek Photography
Posts: 1,387
Beckley, West Virginia, US


Generasean Photography wrote:
I know there are a couple other forum posts about boyfriends and husbands being escorts, or models specifically saying that they have a boyfriend (in their bio/ad), but I've come across a couple models who say their boyfriend or husband is also a photographer, so they demand crazy things.

Anyone else have an encounter like that? How do you deal with it? I mean I've even shot with models who took photography class in school and tried to make me shoot a certain way (let me do my thing!) but models who say something along the lines of
"Don't try to _________ with me" or
"I expect a certain level of professionalism during the shoot" or
"I want to be shot like ____________ and paid $_______" and "by the way, I know the ins and outs because my boyfriend/husband is also a photographer"

I hope this makes sense, thanks!

Red flags and I move on.  I personally don't like the whole my boyfriend is an escort thing especially in my case where I only shoot in public places.  If their husband or boyfriend was a great photographer, what would they need you for?  There's a lot of wacky people online.  If someone sounds like a pain in the ass to me, the conversation doesn't go far.

Mar 30 13 02:21 pm  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Will Snizek Photography
Posts: 1,387
Beckley, West Virginia, US


Also ideas are always great, but never let someone demand that you shoot a certain way.  It's your art and you have to be happy with it at the end of the day.
Mar 30 13 02:23 pm  Link  Quote 
Model
Heather LeStabbityDeath
Posts: 22,608
Des Moines, Iowa, US


Just like any other shoot negotiation--if they make requests or represent themselves in a way that you find unpleasant, don't work with them.  If you think their demands are weird but reasonable, and they are perfectly nice, just naive or misinformed, and you're willing to work with them anyway, go for it.
Mar 30 13 02:25 pm  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Loki Studio
Posts: 2,893
Royal Oak, Michigan, US


"How do you deal with people with crazy demands?" ignore them. end of drama.
Mar 30 13 02:37 pm  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Looknsee Photography
Posts: 20,883
Portland, Oregon, US


Generasean Photography wrote:
I know there are a couple other forum posts about boyfriends and husbands being escorts, or models specifically saying that they have a boyfriend (in their bio/ad), but I've come across a couple models who say their boyfriend or husband is also a photographer, so they demand crazy things.

Anyone else have an encounter like that? How do you deal with it? I mean I've even shot with models who took photography class in school and tried to make me shoot a certain way (let me do my thing!) but models who say something along the lines of
"Don't try to _________ with me" or
"I expect a certain level of professionalism during the shoot" or
"I want to be shot like ____________ and paid $_______" and "by the way, I know the ins and outs because my boyfriend/husband is also a photographer"

I hope this makes sense, thanks!

No, not a lot of sense, as in -- I'm not sure what you are asking of us. 

So, I'll just ramble for a bit...

...  A model has the right to ask for whatever terms & conditions she wants.

...  A photographer has the right to accept, decline, or make a counter offer.

...  For me, defensive profiles (as in "I expect a certain level of professionalism
     during the shoot"
(and your other examples) is a minor turn-off.  I believe
     that the objective of our profiles is to make a good, positive first impression,
     thereby initiating further dialog (during which terms & conditions can be
     discussed).

...  I check references before I contact a model, and I expect models to do the
     same thing for me.  I am happy with any model checking me out by talking with
     any model who has worked with me, and I do believe that each of these models
     would say nice things about my conduct.  (They might not like the picture we
     made, but they will say that they were treated well & with respect during our
     time together).

...  I don't need extraneous info in a profile.  I don't care if a model has a boyfriend,
     is married, has a degree in geography, or what-have-you.  I only need to get a
     sense about what the model looks like, how she moves, and whether she is
     reliable & experienced & professional.

My bottom line:  A model's profile is her business & not mine, and unless a model asks me for feedback on her profile, I just accept it as is.  I don't pass judgment on models with unusual terms or conditions -- I'm only concerned whether I want to accept the proposed terms.

A famous music executive once told me that sometimes, the best deal you can make is to walk away.  There's no shame in saying, "no, thank you".

Mar 30 13 02:46 pm  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Larry Quick
Posts: 117
Royal Palm Beach, Florida, US


Boy Friends and Husbands at a shoot is not usually a great idea. Bring your BFF or anyone else is ok with me.
Mar 30 13 02:46 pm  Link  Quote 
Photographer
PDF IMAGES PHOTOGRAPHY
Posts: 4,602
Jacksonville, Florida, US


Had one of those this weekend.....room-mate/ boyfriend/ESCORT handles her bookings and financial affairs ????...no exp. and newbie ??? NEXT PLEASE tonguesmile
Mar 30 13 02:57 pm  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Top Gun Digital
Posts: 1,211
Las Vegas, Nevada, US


If there is drama before the shoot there will be more drama during the shoot.  Next model please.
Mar 30 13 03:04 pm  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Majestic Quarterly
Posts: 32
Long Beach, California, US


Thanks for the replies! Some I can fortunately avoid because they mention it before a shoot. Others, it happens during the shoot and hits me by surprise. Though it seems like everyone can be a "photographer" these days as long as they have a DSLR. For all I know, I could probably fall into this category in the eyes of the professionals here tongue
Mar 30 13 03:10 pm  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Mike Adams Photos
Posts: 1,217
Cleveland, Ohio, US


Top Gun Digital wrote:
If there is drama before the shoot there will be more drama during the shoot.  Next model please.

+1

Really that simple.

Mar 30 13 03:17 pm  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Will Snizek Photography
Posts: 1,387
Beckley, West Virginia, US


Generasean Photography wrote:
Thanks for the replies! Some I can fortunately avoid because they mention it before a shoot. Others, it happens during the shoot and hits me by surprise. Though it seems like everyone can be a "photographer" these days as long as they have a DSLR. For all I know, I could probably fall into this category in the eyes of the professionals here tongue

I'm a very easy going person and never had that problem come up at a shoot.  I like all details ironed out before the shoot.  I definitely don't like surprises and will not change the deal of a shoot on the spot.

Mar 30 13 03:19 pm  Link  Quote 
Model
Laura UnBound
Posts: 27,006
Toronto, Ontario, Canada


Nobody is making you work with them. Either accept their craziness or don't shoot them
Mar 30 13 03:26 pm  Link  Quote 
Photographer
ontherocks
Posts: 22,215
Salem, Oregon, US


if it's a positive collaboration where the team is getting along and getting good results that's fine. but if people are just being difficult then not so much. if i book a model then it's my shoot. i'm the photographer, she's the model. i have a right to take bad shots if i want. that's partly how i learn. plus it's all subjective.

i shoot live into a TV and generally instead of getting negative feedback what i get is some enthusiasm once we start getting into shots they really like. if i don't hear anything then i figure it's only so-so.
Mar 30 13 03:27 pm  Link  Quote 
Photographer
John David Studio
Posts: 1,719
Fort Myers, Florida, US


I had two instances where models brought their boyfriends and then I found out that they are aspiring photographers or in one case a very experienced photographer.

One of the models was always looking to her friend for approval of what I was trying to do.  My visual style was different than what she usually did with her boyfriend. The other was okay but in the end I was providing him training for a free photographic technique session.  I guess I should have told him I charge $150 per hour for mentoring.

My attitude now is to only work with the model, makeup artist, assistant and myself.  Anything else is unnecessary complexity.
Mar 30 13 03:32 pm  Link  Quote 
Model
Dani-Mae
Posts: 59
Bladenboro, North Carolina, US


Sounds like they don't know what they're talking about.  If their boyfriend/hubby is a photographer then why doesn't he shoot her?  Sounds like a boyfriend/hubby making unreasonable demands on his girl because he really doesn't want her modeling but still wants to seem like he's being supportive. 

That being said my Husband or my sister-in-law is my escort.  If my Hubs is busy with his own work then my Sis is always available.  I completely understand photogs not wanting the boyfriend/husband there cause they get a lot of jealous guys that want to nitpick and start drama. 

Not all of them are like that though.
Mar 30 13 04:46 pm  Link  Quote 
Photographer
pullins photography
Posts: 5,877
Troy, Michigan, US


Generasean Photography wrote:
I know there are a couple other forum posts about boyfriends and husbands being escorts, or models specifically saying that they have a boyfriend (in their bio/ad), but I've come across a couple models who say their boyfriend or husband is also a photographer, so they demand crazy things.

Anyone else have an encounter like that? How do you deal with it? I mean I've even shot with models who took photography class in school and tried to make me shoot a certain way (let me do my thing!) but models who say something along the lines of
"Don't try to _________ with me" or
"I expect a certain level of professionalism during the shoot" or
"I want to be shot like ____________ and paid $_______" and "by the way, I know the ins and outs because my boyfriend/husband is also a photographer"

I hope this makes sense, thanks!

yeah, it's called "pass."

Mar 30 13 04:55 pm  Link  Quote 
Photographer
L2Photography net
Posts: 2,504
University City, Missouri, US


I have had a few try to tell me want they want and thats okay before the shoot once we start I tell them they person with the camera is now in charge.. lol
L2
Mar 30 13 04:56 pm  Link  Quote 
Photographer
B R U N E S C I
Posts: 25,319
Bath, England, United Kingdom


NEXT!






Just my $0.02

Ciao
Stefano

www.stefanobrunesci.com
Mar 30 13 04:59 pm  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Keddy Davis
Posts: 187
Birmingham, England, United Kingdom


I've had models come to shoot accompanied by a female friend which I'm generally fine with. If they were to come with their partner, I'm not sure if I'd be too thrilled about the idea to be honest... Especially if their Boyfriend/Husband is a photographer themselves. I don't think I'd be able to relax knowing that some dude is watching me like a hawk either checking out my photographic techniques, or what I'm getting his girlfriend to do.

Maybe meet up with them for a coffee or something first to get an idea of what they are really like and then decide from there. Either that or don't bother smile
Mar 30 13 05:28 pm  Link  Quote 
Model
M A U I
Posts: 1,587
Harare, Harare, Zimbabwe


Just move on and find someone who you think fits your critieria.

People who waste their time criticising conditions of other people that don't fit them makes them look unprofessional.
Mar 30 13 05:34 pm  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Wolfy4u
Posts: 1,079
Grand Junction, Colorado, US


"Don't try to _________ with me" or
(Good photography requires cooperation and trust)

"I expect a certain level of professionalism during the shoot" or
(Trying to indicate that you are not professional, she is)

"I want to be shot like ____________ and paid $_______" and "by the way, I know
(She wants you to pay her, but shoot what she wants, Obviously, she'll expect
edited images from a pay shoot)

the ins and outs because my boyfriend/husband is also a photographer"
(Here she proves that she's not the professional that she indicated she was
above, and shows that she doesn't understand photography by indicating that you need another photographers help.)

I hope this makes sense, thanks!
(Here she tries to justify the unjustifiable).

I believe in the three strike rule. There's already four strikes here.
It looks like to me that you'll get a demanding, un-cooperating, unprofessional
diva that you have to pay and give free images to. If that appeals to you, hire her.

Mar 30 13 05:47 pm  Link  Quote 
Photographer
norm la coe photography
Posts: 2,058
Naples, Florida, US


if you don't like the model before you shoot, don't shoot.  i allow chaperone now and then, provided he is silent, invisible, out of sight, and says and contributes nothing.  the shoot is my shoot, and getting a model to open up with her feelings is impossible with a censor standing around.  norm
Mar 30 13 06:06 pm  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Jay Farrell
Posts: 12,999
Nashville, Tennessee, US


I don't do escorts. But from my experience, husbands usually are cooler. It's younger boyfriends that are insecure ass hats. Forget that noise.
Mar 30 13 07:25 pm  Link  Quote 
Model
Dekilah
Posts: 4,869
Detroit, Michigan, US


I took a photography class in college. I shot slide film in a Pentax K1000. My instructor was kind of jerk and really did not help my already negative experiences with photographers (mainly the portrait studio kind). I think all of the stress over him at the end of the semester probably made me forget most of what I learned tongue

My fiance is a photographer. I have a ton of friends who are photographers. I am a self portraitist now. I would never push my ideas on a photographer or try to "teach" them the "right" way to do things. I see photography as an art form and I work with the photographers I do because I like their style. While I have no problem with drawing inspiration from the work of others, if I really wanted them to shoot a style that someone else I know shoots I would like just shoot with the other person.

Now, there have been times when a photographer asked me for advice or thoughts on lighting or angle, etc. In those cases I might offer a little bit of guidance, but never in a pushy way.

And I have also had people try to sell me some nonsense like "Oh, you should be a fashion model!" or "Have you talked to agencies?" or on the more negative end "Well, any photographer who says/does ________ must not be a real photographer!" And in those cases I will either smile and nod or gently correct them.

I have been doing this for a while now and I have done a lot of shoots, but the biggest thing I know to be true is that I need to always be professional and polite. I am there to model and sometimes to collaborate, but I am not there to run the show or be demanding or act as if I know everything about everything. I think most professional-acting models, even those who model as a hobby feel similarly.
Mar 30 13 07:43 pm  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Gloria Budiman
Posts: 1,683
Indianapolis, Indiana, US


A bondage model once brought her husband to my shoot.

Me: 'Could you look at your husband, and give some erotic expression?'

It worked charm.
Mar 30 13 09:59 pm  Link  Quote 
Photographer
ontherocks
Posts: 22,215
Salem, Oregon, US


i had a female model today who only really lit up when gazing upon her man. i've had that happen before. i take advantage of it.

Gloria Budiman wrote:
A bondage model once brought her husband to my shoot.

Me: 'Could you look at your husband, and give some erotic expression?'

It worked charm.

Mar 30 13 10:02 pm  Link  Quote 
Photographer
ontherocks
Posts: 22,215
Salem, Oregon, US


what i've seen from some experienced models is a lot of stress about having bad pictures of themselves in the world. so they try to control the outcome maybe more than they should, especially with less experienced photographers who are still in the trial & error mode. they act more like my paying clients than models sometimes.

Dekilah wrote:
I have been doing this for a while now and I have done a lot of shoots, but the biggest thing I know to be true is that I need to always be professional and polite. I am there to model and sometimes to collaborate, but I am not there to run the show or be demanding or act as if I know everything about everything. I think most professional-acting models, even those who model as a hobby feel similarly.

Mar 30 13 10:04 pm  Link  Quote 
Photographer
AJScalzitti
Posts: 12,286
Atlanta, Georgia, US


Be happy they are telling you to click next right up front.  Seriously there are so many models to choose, any sign of drama or negitive vibe just move on.
Mar 30 13 10:10 pm  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Flex Photography
Posts: 5,088
Sudbury, Ontario, Canada


Wolfy4u wrote:

I believe in the three strike rule. There's already four strikes here.
It looks like to me that you'll get a demanding, un-cooperating, unprofessional
diva that you have to pay and give free images to. If that appeals to you, hire her.

I use the one strike rule. Fool me once...Shame on you! Fool me twice...Shame on me!

Mar 30 13 10:15 pm  Link  Quote 
Photographer
All Yours Photography
Posts: 2,245
Toledo, Ohio, US


Dekilah wrote:
And I have also had people try to sell me some nonsense like "Oh, you should be a fashion model!" or "Have you talked to agencies?"

Surely you believed them on this.  We all know that there is a huge untapped market for fashion models under 5'.  smile

Mar 30 13 10:58 pm  Link  Quote 
Model
Christinare
Posts: 116
Baton Rouge, Louisiana, US


M A U I wrote:
People who waste their time criticising conditions of other people that don't fit them makes them look unprofessional.

Very true! And yet... 90% of the comments on these forums are just that.

Mar 30 13 11:39 pm  Link  Quote 
Model
Rachel-Elise
Posts: 1,650
Grand Rapids, Michigan, US


Generasean Photography wrote:
"by the way, I know the ins and outs because my boyfriend/husband is also a photographer"

This kind of attitude is so classless. Things like this make me wonder about the human race. Why waste such a passive-aggressive threat in such an idle fashion?

The closest I would ever get to anything that's been discussed in the initial post is that yes, my boyfriend is a photographer, and, since in Israel it's deemed acceptable to bring the entire family to a shoot (yes, even professional ones), I sometimes offer to bring him as photographer's assistant, if he would be interested and the photographer seems to be as well. It's something that most photographers actually really appreciate--here--and if they don't, it's no biggie.

Escort, though? Come on. Grow up.

Mar 31 13 03:06 am  Link  Quote 
Photographer
John Malloch Caldwell
Posts: 2,553
Hastings, England, United Kingdom


Any drama before = no shoot. Next please

My shoot My rules

Rule 1 - The boss is always right
Rule 2 - When the boss is wrong Rule 1 applies
Mar 31 13 03:18 am  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Image Works Photography
Posts: 2,890
Orlando, Florida, US


No drama queen zone here. I had enough with my ex wife.

http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8401/8606006681_e87198d881_o.png
Mar 31 13 10:24 am  Link  Quote 
Photographer
R Byron Johnson
Posts: 767
Norman, Oklahoma, US


Generasean Photography wrote:
I know there are a couple other forum posts about boyfriends and husbands being escorts, or models specifically saying that they have a boyfriend (in their bio/ad), but I've come across a couple models who say their boyfriend or husband is also a photographer, so they demand crazy things.

Anyone else have an encounter like that? How do you deal with it? I mean I've even shot with models who took photography class in school and tried to make me shoot a certain way (let me do my thing!) but models who say something along the lines of
"Don't try to _________ with me" or
"I expect a certain level of professionalism during the shoot" or
"I want to be shot like ____________ and paid $_______" and "by the way, I know the ins and outs because my boyfriend/husband is also a photographer"


I hope this makes sense, thanks!

The first seems more than a bit confrontational, though perhaps the model just had some bad experience that they're trying to avoid repeating.  However, the fact that the model doesn't seem to care about coming across as confrontation may itself be a deal-breaker.

The second just goes without saying....or at least it should.  I think what they're mainly trying to imply with that line is, "Don't try to grab my boobs or anything!"

The third....fuck that.  My style and taste are what they are.  I'll ask a model if she wants to do fashion, lingerie, nudes, etc...but that's it.  Not a huge fan of the models who will show you other photos and demand that they want the photos I take to look like that.  Creativity doesn't work that way and the fact that the model is completely unaware of that obvious fact indicates to me that they're not very bright.  I mean, you wouldn't demand that a romance writer do a horror novel or that a caricature artist do cubism.

Mar 31 13 11:18 am  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Will Snizek Photography
Posts: 1,387
Beckley, West Virginia, US


R Byron Johnson wrote:

The first seems more than a bit confrontational, though perhaps the model just had some bad experience that they're trying to avoid repeating.  However, the fact that the model doesn't seem to care about coming across as confrontation may itself be a deal-breaker.

The second just goes without saying....or at least it should.  I think what they're mainly trying to imply with that line is, "Don't try to grab my boobs or anything!"

The third....fuck that.  My style and taste are what they are.  I'll ask a model if she wants to do fashion, lingerie, nudes, etc...but that's it.  Not a huge fan of the models who will show you other photos and demand that they want the photos I take to look like that.  Creativity doesn't work that way and the fact that the model is completely unaware of that obvious fact indicates to me that they're not very bright.  I mean, you wouldn't demand that a romance writer do a horror novel or that a caricature artist do cubism.

Not a big fan of the whole "I want a photo like this..." thing.  If you want something uncreative, get your pictures done at Wal Mart or Sears.  There's nothing less creative in my mind than intentionally trying to copy someone else's work.

Mar 31 13 11:25 am  Link  Quote 
Photographer
JOEL McDONALD
Posts: 608
Portland, Oregon, US


How about the newbie model that signs a release, enthusiastically poses/models, including nudes, posts a thank you tag and then a day or so after the shoot ends she txts/emails asking that the images not be used/posted because her fiance (bf/husband/family) does not know and/or would be upset. hmm
Mar 31 13 11:26 am  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Vintagevista
Posts: 10,596
Sun City, California, US


Generasean Photography wrote:
I've come across a couple llamas who say their boyfriend or husband is also a photographer, so they demand crazy things.

The underlined is all that matters - they demand crazy things.  Work with the ones that don't demand crazy things. 

photographers/escorts/husbands/etc are irrelevant - I've worked successfully with boyfriends/husbands/escorts.

But none had hostile crazy things in their communications and terms.

Mar 31 13 12:01 pm  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Will Snizek Photography
Posts: 1,387
Beckley, West Virginia, US


Christinare wrote:

Very true! And yet... 90% of the comments on these forums are just that.

There's nothing unprofessional about someone ranting about something in general in a forum.  That's what people do.  I think it's only unprofessional if you use it to attack a specific person.  Sure anyone can ask for whatever conditions they want from a shoot, but their conditions are often not professional in nature.

Mar 31 13 12:16 pm  Link  Quote 
123last   Search   Reply



main | browse | casting/travel | forums | shout box | help | advertising | contests | share | join the mayhem

more modelmayhem on: | | | edu

©2006-2014 ModelMayhem.com. All Rights Reserved.
MODEL MAYHEM is a registered trademark.
Toggle Worksafe Mode: Off | On
Terms | Privacy | Careers