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Model
AmieS
Posts: 438
Dallas, Texas, US


So what do you do when you have been modeling for years, and your just got married and the guy wants to go with you to shoots, know how much your paid.. and if you get travel etc.. you understand as the model but they guy is totally clueless and because of that he says no you cant do it.... what then?
Apr 02 13 10:16 am  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Cherrystone
Posts: 35,966
Columbus, Ohio, US


AmieS wrote:
So what do you do when you have been modeling for years, and your just got married and the guy wants to go with you to shoots, know how much your paid.. and if you get travel etc.. you understand as the model but they guy is totally clueless and because of that he says no you cant do it.... what then?

One doesn't find this all out, AFTER one gets married?

Was this someone who you met in Vegas on Friday, and got married in Reno on Saturday?

Apr 02 13 10:18 am  Link  Quote 
Photographer
PDF IMAGES PHOTOGRAPHY
Posts: 4,585
Jacksonville, Florida, US


wow should have known spouse better by that time ??? what's the marriage/ husband worth vs. llamaing career ?............good luck
Apr 02 13 10:20 am  Link  Quote 
Photographer
JonPhoto
Posts: 700
Robertsdale, Alabama, US


Pretty simple. You decide if you want a marriage or modeling career. This should have been decided way before getting married.
Apr 02 13 10:23 am  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Ron Spackman
Posts: 209
High River, Alberta, Canada


He has every right to say "no". But you have every right to ignore him. If he is so rigid and controlling that he can't handle what you choose to do, it says some very bad things about him. Your life will be hell if you always give in.
Apr 02 13 10:23 am  Link  Quote 
Model
Jordan Bunniie
Posts: 1,618
Los Angeles, California, US


Looks like you have two choices. Quit modeling and focus on your marriage.
Or Tell him to fuck off. You're an adult, you make your own choices.
Apr 02 13 10:24 am  Link  Quote 
Model
K I C K H A M
Posts: 14,489
Los Angeles, California, US


Decide where your priorities lie.

But, really, if my boyfriend told me what I could or could not do, I would see that as a serious flaw in our relationship. He doesn't make my decisions for me, and I don't make his for him. Any sort of controlling behavior like that would set me off pretty quickly.

I would sit him down and tell him exactly how you feel. Explain what your job is, why you like it, and why it's important to you. Let him voice why he thinks it's a bad idea.

If he has logical concerns, consider them. If there is a place to come to a compromise, consider it.

But, really, it wouldn't be the fear of losing modeling that would bother me in this situation, it would be the fact that my spouse thinks he can decide what hobbies and/or jobs I participate in. Unless he is funding them or they are getting in the way of my ability to support myself/ my share of bills/ and my ability to be a good spouse, it's really not his decision.
Apr 02 13 10:26 am  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Looknsee Photography
Posts: 20,824
Portland, Oregon, US


AmieS wrote:
So what do you do when you have been modeling for years, and your just got married and the guy wants to go with you to shoots, know how much your paid.. and if you get travel etc.. you understand as the model but they guy is totally clueless and because of that he says no you cant do it.... what then?

As I see it, your choices are...

...  Educate him,
...  Divorce him,
...  Sneak behind his back (which will lead to divorce),
...  Give up modeling.

Apr 02 13 10:28 am  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Top Gun Digital
Posts: 1,190
Las Vegas, Nevada, US


Seems like something that should have been discussed long before you were married.  The question about how much money you make also seems odd since finances is also something that should have been discussed before marriage.

Looks like you have to choose between your modeling and your husband unless you can get him to work through his insecurities.
Apr 02 13 10:29 am  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Erlinda
Posts: 7,036
London, England, United Kingdom


What did he do? Wait till he put a ring on it before he said how he felt about your modelling? So sneaky! yikes
Apr 02 13 10:36 am  Link  Quote 
Photographer
JonPhoto
Posts: 700
Robertsdale, Alabama, US


K I C K H A M wrote:
Decide where your priorities lie.

But, really, if my boyfriend told me what I could or could not do, I would see that as a serious flaw in our relationship. He doesn't make my decisions for me, and I don't make his for him. Any sort of controlling behavior like that would set me off pretty quickly.

I would sit him down and tell him exactly how you feel. Explain what your job is, why you like it, and why it's important to you. Let him voice why he thinks it's a bad idea.

If he has logical concerns, consider them. If there is a place to come to a compromise, consider it.

But, really, it wouldn't be the fear of losing modeling that would bother me in this situation, it would be the fact that my spouse thinks he can decide what hobbies and/or jobs I participate in. Unless he is funding them or they are getting in the way of my ability to support myself/ my share of bills/ and my ability to be a good spouse, it's really not his decision.

The key here is "boyfriend". This is  "husband". All these things should have happened before getting married.

There is more to this story than is being told. If there were a discussion about this before marriage, what was the outcome? If it was agreed upon that she would continue modeling, then he is being controlling by now changing his mind. However, if she agreed to stop modeling and then after geting married wants to continue, then there are bigger issues here.

I just don't think we are getting the whole story here. Modeling is important for the OP. I just don't see how this wasn't discussed before hand. Someone in this relationship changed their mind about modeling after the wedding.

Apr 02 13 10:36 am  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Andrew Koenig
Posts: 306
Gillette, New Jersey, US


Encourage him to learn about photography.
Apr 02 13 10:38 am  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Erlinda
Posts: 7,036
London, England, United Kingdom


Andrew Koenig wrote:
Encourage him to learn about photography.

Please don't......


Someone as close minded as this is not needed in the photography world

Apr 02 13 10:39 am  Link  Quote 
Model
MichelleGenevieve
Posts: 97
Austin, Texas, US


AmieS wrote:
So what do you do when you have been modeling for years, and your just got married and the guy wants to go with you to shoots, know how much your paid..

And he never did this while you were engaged?  Why all the sudden interest?  Was he waiting until you were in a position where you felt that you had no choice but to agree or otherwise take some drastic legal action (ie: divorce) to counter his objections?

If you can't reason with him and find some common ground then this will not end in a way that is satisfactory to you, regardless of the path chosen.

And it won't end well the next time he pulls this, and the next time, and all of the times after that.

Apr 02 13 10:39 am  Link  Quote 
Model
MB Jen B
Posts: 2,833
Clarksville, Tennessee, US


AmieS wrote:
So what do you do when you have been modeling for years, and your just got married and the guy wants to go with you to shoots, know how much your paid.. and if you get travel etc.. you understand as the model but they guy is totally clueless and because of that he says no you cant do it.... what then?

?

"Because of that he says no you can't do it?" I wouldn't have married that person.

smile What, was he a mail order groom or something? I am not sure how someone can marry such a stranger?

The question is not logically worded.

Jen

Apr 02 13 10:43 am  Link  Quote 
Photographer
retphoto
Posts: 875
Sunbury, Pennsylvania, US


I feel your pain....

as for those who said you should of known before...

I didn't hid any of what I did before I got married...

But right after I said "I DO", I quickly found out everything that was important to me was no longer given first priority, and stuff that I couldn't care less about ended up taking all my time and money.

I am now divorced, and nearly finished converting the home into a studio. I can now use it to do shoots, but looking to where I can open my doors as a full time Wedding Photography Studio...
Apr 02 13 10:44 am  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Silver Mirage
Posts: 1,546
Plainview, Texas, US


AmieS wrote:
So what do you do when you have been modeling for years, and your just got married and the guy wants to go with you to shoots, know how much your paid.. and if you get travel etc.. you understand as the model but they guy is totally clueless and because of that he says no you cant do it.... what then?

I find it hard to believe two people got married without discussing these things beforehand. Your choice now is to work out something acceptable to both of you or to call off the marriage.

On the finances, wouldn't you want to know the same kind of things about him?

As far as the guy being "clueless," you should have clued him in long ago.

Apr 02 13 10:46 am  Link  Quote 
Model
JessieLeigh
Posts: 2,001
Las Vegas, Nevada, US


AmieS wrote:
So what do you do when you have been modeling for years, and your just got married and the guy wants to go with you to shoots, know how much your paid.. and if you get travel etc.. you understand as the model but they guy is totally clueless and because of that he says no you cant do it.... what then?

Sit down and have an adult conversation with him. Explain to him why you enjoy modeling, explain to him what you are compensated for your shoots, and ask him what his concerns are.

Sounds like the two of you are lacking something that is critical to a happy and healthy marriage: Communication.

Apr 02 13 10:50 am  Link  Quote 
Model
AmieS
Posts: 438
Dallas, Texas, US


Basically i modeled up until 2009.. he knew this when we were engaged and was thrilled however when we got engaged he did not want me to take part in anymore Nudes or lingerie etc. He feels my body is for his eyes only now which I respect. However... I got into contact w a photogapher on here I have been really wanting to shoot with over the years and he said we need to talk first I thought you were done... your a mom now you dont need to model anymore. Well... I figure since Ill be 30 next month and I dont look it... I may give it one more shot see where it gets me.. Course this being said I know how modeling goes since Ive done it since i was 21. Some shoots and some photographers dont want the spouse bf or lover there because or the tension or stress on the model of performing... and my husbands questions where...

where is this shoot at?
How much are you being paid and why are you agreeing to free.. you should be paid ( not understanding that sometimes it takes TFP to get to the good paid lol....
and can i come... if my wife is being photographed i want to watch...

personally I think its insecurities that are pulling him away... and its driving me nuts!
Apr 02 13 10:51 am  Link  Quote 
Photographer
NC Art Photos
Posts: 564
Raleigh, North Carolina, US


AmieS wrote:
So what do you do when you have been modeling for years, and your just got married and the guy wants to go with you to shoots, know how much your paid.. and if you get travel etc.. you understand as the model but they guy is totally clueless and because of that he says no you cant do it.... what then?

You say "No - get a life!  would you go with me to an office job or a job in retail?"

Apr 02 13 10:52 am  Link  Quote 
Photographer
John Horwitz
Posts: 2,563
Raleigh, North Carolina, US


If I had a nickel for every thread like this that actually worked out - I'd still be broke
Apr 02 13 10:55 am  Link  Quote 
Photographer
LMG Images
Posts: 673
Nashville, Tennessee, US


You shouldn't give up yourself to make a guy happy married or not.  You should matter.  What you want shld matter.
Apr 02 13 10:55 am  Link  Quote 
Photographer
JonPhoto
Posts: 700
Robertsdale, Alabama, US


AmieS wrote:
Basically i modeled up until 2009.. he knew this when we were engaged and was thrilled however when we got engaged he did not want me to take part in anymore Nudes or lingerie etc. He feels my body is for his eyes only now which I respect. However... I got into contact w a photogapher on here I have been really wanting to shoot with over the years and he said we need to talk first I thought you were done... your a mom now you dont need to model anymore. Well... I figure since Ill be 30 next month and I dont look it... I may give it one more shot see where it gets me.. Course this being said I know how modeling goes since Ive done it since i was 21. Some shoots and some photographers dont want the spouse bf or lover there because or the tension or stress on the model of performing... and my husbands questions where...

where is this shoot at?
How much are you being paid and why are you agreeing to free.. you should be paid ( not understanding that sometimes it takes TFP to get to the good paid lol....
and can i come... if my wife is being photographed i want to watch...

personally I think its insecurities that are pulling him away... and its driving me nuts!

Sounds to me like your husband thought your modeling days were over, or at least the provocative ones were. Did you agree to stop before you got married?

If you chose before you got married to stop, you are now raising trust issues. Modeling  isn't the issue. If there were something about your husband that he agreed to give up to marry you, and then went back to doing it after getting married, would you be happy?

Apr 02 13 11:02 am  Link  Quote 
Photographer
JONATHAN RICHARD
Posts: 620
New York, New York, US


AmieS wrote:
So what do you do ......... what then?

See if you can arrange for a Husband /Wife swap with this poor sap and make a go at it.

Apr 02 13 11:07 am  Link  Quote 
Model
K I C K H A M
Posts: 14,489
Los Angeles, California, US


JonPhoto wrote:
The key here is "boyfriend". This is  "husband". All these things should have happened before getting married.

There is more to this story than is being told. If there were a discussion about this before marriage, what was the outcome? If it was agreed upon that she would continue modeling, then he is being controlling by now changing his mind. However, if she agreed to stop modeling and then after geting married wants to continue, then there are bigger issues here.

I just don't think we are getting the whole story here. Modeling is important for the OP. I just don't see how this wasn't discussed before hand. Someone in this relationship changed their mind about modeling after the wedding.

That's exactly what I mean.

The point was that I would see it as a flaw in a *dating* relationship, let alone a marriage.

Apr 02 13 11:13 am  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Marin Photography NYC
Posts: 6,605
New York, New York, US


I think he should be more supportive of your career choices. He doesn't understand the business and I am guessing he is more jealous than anything else. Tell him to get over it. Have him go with you and wait for you someplace nearby.
Apr 02 13 11:14 am  Link  Quote 
Model
K I C K H A M
Posts: 14,489
Los Angeles, California, US


AmieS wrote:
Basically i modeled up until 2009.. he knew this when we were engaged and was thrilled however when we got engaged he did not want me to take part in anymore Nudes or lingerie etc. He feels my body is for his eyes only now which I respect. However... I got into contact w a photogapher on here I have been really wanting to shoot with over the years and he said we need to talk first I thought you were done... your a mom now you dont need to model anymore. Well... I figure since Ill be 30 next month and I dont look it... I may give it one more shot see where it gets me.. Course this being said I know how modeling goes since Ive done it since i was 21. Some shoots and some photographers dont want the spouse bf or lover there because or the tension or stress on the model of performing... and my husbands questions where...

where is this shoot at?
How much are you being paid and why are you agreeing to free.. you should be paid ( not understanding that sometimes it takes TFP to get to the good paid lol....
and can i come... if my wife is being photographed i want to watch...

personally I think its insecurities that are pulling him away... and its driving me nuts!

If you agreed not to do lingerie or nudes anymore, and that's what this shoot is, then it's fair for him to be unhappy about it.

If the shoot is not nudes or lingerie, and you never said you were finished modeling, you just stopped doing it as much and he assumed it was a phase you were over, then you need to have a talk.

But in all honesty, I think a grown up conversation with your husband is what you need regardless. There is no clear "right" or "wrong" here, because everything depends on the individuals and the specific relationship.

Figure out what your reasons for wanting to model are. Figure out what his reasons for NOT wanting you to model are. Weigh things out.  Make a decision.

Apr 02 13 11:18 am  Link  Quote 
Model
Anzhelika Yakimenko
Posts: 540
Myrtle Beach, South Carolina, US


As this directly applies to me, perhaps try to make him a part of the photography, part of the creative process.  Let him be involved.  Make him a partner.
Apr 02 13 11:21 am  Link  Quote 
Photographer
John Jebbia
Posts: 27,608
Phoenix, Arizona, US


I think she has a duty to obey her husband.
Apr 02 13 11:22 am  Link  Quote 
Model
AmieS
Posts: 438
Dallas, Texas, US


No the shoot is not nude or lingere its more editorial images and fashion.... i told him i was not looking anymore but never said I was 100% done just had not worked in it for a while. Im going to sit and have a talk tonight and see what or were we can come to an agreement on it. I do think because of his past he is VERY jelouse of it, but then again its something I have wanted to do since a kid and he knows that... i wouldnt stop him from being a firefighter Ems because its his dream... so unless im spreading nudes or something like that we agreed on Im not sure what the big deal is.
Apr 02 13 11:23 am  Link  Quote 
Model
AmieS
Posts: 438
Dallas, Texas, US


Anzhelika Yakimenko wrote:
As this directly applies to me, perhaps try to make him a part of the photography, part of the creative process.  Let him be involved.  Make him a partner.

That is a possibility, depending on what the photographer is comforatable with as well.

Apr 02 13 11:24 am  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Erlinda
Posts: 7,036
London, England, United Kingdom


you are a 29 year old woman. Modelling is pretty much over for you unless you want to do it as a hobby. At your age and hight commercial/fashion modelling is not going to happen but nude etc might. But if your husband is not open minding about you doing nude work and only clothed expect to always be working TFP/hobby.

Have fun but don't think your husband is stoping you from having a career in modelling. It's not him, it's your age and hight. hmm
Apr 02 13 11:30 am  Link  Quote 
Photographer
JonPhoto
Posts: 700
Robertsdale, Alabama, US


AmieS wrote:
No the shoot is not nude or lingere its more editorial images and fashion.... i told him i was not looking anymore but never said I was 100% done just had not worked in it for a while. Im going to sit and have a talk tonight and see what or were we can come to an agreement on it. I do think because of his past he is VERY jelouse of it, but then again its something I have wanted to do since a kid and he knows that... i wouldnt stop him from being a firefighter Ems because its his dream... so unless im spreading nudes or something like that we agreed on Im not sure what the big deal is.

Asking marriage advice in public forums is like asking legal advice. I think there are bigger issues here than just modeling. Here is the key phrase " i told him i was not looking anymore but never said I was 100% done just had not worked in it for a while".

That comes across as manipulative at worst, and misleading at best. I still don't think the issue is modeling for him, but being felt like you were misleading him. It's the old ask for forgiveness, not permission thing.

Apr 02 13 11:31 am  Link  Quote 
Model
Lisa Mae Russell
Posts: 66
Petoskey, Michigan, US


John Jebbia wrote:
I think she has a duty to obey her husband.

Nope.

Apr 02 13 11:31 am  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Image K
Posts: 23,363
Las Vegas, Nevada, US


JessieLeigh wrote:
Sit down and have an adult conversation with him. Explain to him why you enjoy modeling, explain to him what you are compensated for your shoots, and ask him what his concerns are.

Sounds like the two of you are lacking something that is critical to a happy and healthy marriage: Communication.

What if he still says no?

Shouldn't we assume that they have already communicated in this fashion?

Apr 02 13 11:32 am  Link  Quote 
Photographer
John Jebbia
Posts: 27,608
Phoenix, Arizona, US


John Jebbia wrote:
I think she has a duty to obey her husband.
Lisa Mae Russell wrote:
Nope.

Why not?

Apr 02 13 11:33 am  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Image K
Posts: 23,363
Las Vegas, Nevada, US


John Jebbia wrote:

John Jebbia wrote:
I think she has a duty to obey her husband.

Why not?

Not that I'm surprised to see you say that...but why does she have a duty to obey her husband??

Apr 02 13 11:34 am  Link  Quote 
Model
AmieS
Posts: 438
Dallas, Texas, US


Kinda sucks that my modeling is over because of my age... i know some women who are in magazines model into 70s...

im 30 next month and still get carded for alcohol and asked when i gradaute college.... and i thought 5'7 was a decent hight sad
Apr 02 13 11:35 am  Link  Quote 
Photographer
John Jebbia
Posts: 27,608
Phoenix, Arizona, US


John Jebbia wrote:

Why not?
Image K wrote:
Not that I'm surprised to see you say that...but why does she have a duty to obey her husband??

It's in the vows.

Apr 02 13 11:35 am  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Image K
Posts: 23,363
Las Vegas, Nevada, US


AmieS wrote:
No the shoot is not nude or lingere its more editorial images and fashion.... i told him i was not looking anymore but never said I was 100% done just had not worked in it for a while. Im going to sit and have a talk tonight and see what or were we can come to an agreement on it. I do think because of his past he is VERY jelouse of it, but then again its something I have wanted to do since a kid and he knows that... i wouldnt stop him from being a firefighter Ems because its his dream... so unless im spreading nudes or something like that we agreed on Im not sure what the big deal is.

Why are you with someone that will not support you in following your dreams?

Isn't that why we marry people to begin with?

Apr 02 13 11:36 am  Link  Quote 
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