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Koryn
Posts: 36,353
Boston, Massachusetts, US


Got broken up with... I didn't really know that was possible, considering we'd only known each other a few weeks, but.... If I was younger, and had an extra $50, I would probably go get shit-faced later. For better or worse, that's not an option until the weekend.
Apr 23 13 10:42 am  Link  Quote 
Photographer
L A F
Posts: 8,324
Davenport, Iowa, US


Koryn Locke wrote:
Got broken up with... I didn't really know that was possible, considering we'd only known each other a few weeks, but.... If I was younger, and had an extra $50, I would probably go get shit-faced later. For better or worse, that's not an option until the weekend.

I can speak from experience.  I've had long relationships that ended much easier in my mind than short relationships.  Sometimes it was the connection, sometimes it was the shock, sometimes it was both.

So sorry you're going through this.  Go out this weekend with friends.  I'm not talking get shitfaced, just surround yourself with friends and try to have fun.

Apr 23 13 10:55 am  Link  Quote 
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Model
Koryn
Posts: 36,353
Boston, Massachusetts, US


We hit it off immediately, and I really had fun getting to know the person. I think it's more awkward, just because it felt like the beginning. Things did move very quickly though...like very quickly.  He reminds me so much of what you would get if you took my best friend, and my exhusband, and combined their personalities, that it feels like I've known him my whole life. I'm pretty sure the friendship possibility is strong still, and that matters more than anything to me, ultimately.
Apr 23 13 11:04 am  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Star Child
Posts: 39,276
Nashville, Tennessee, US


Rebound
she's available
here's my chance
Apr 23 13 11:18 am  Link  Quote 
Photographer
L A F
Posts: 8,324
Davenport, Iowa, US


Koryn Locke wrote:
We hit it off immediately, and I really had fun getting to know the person. I think it's more awkward, just because it felt like the beginning. Things did move very quickly though...like very quickly.  He reminds me so much of what you would get if you took my best friend, and my exhusband, and combined their personalities, that it feels like I've known him my whole life. I'm pretty sure the friendship possibility is strong still, and that matters more than anything to me, ultimately.

Been there, done that.  Hopefully you guys can have a great friendship.  smile

Apr 23 13 11:48 am  Link  Quote 
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Koryn
Posts: 36,353
Boston, Massachusetts, US


I did just finish editing the first article, for a vegan lifestyle blog I will be contributing to though, and that is something to look forward to. I haven't had any writing projects since I left North Carolina in 2008. Editing stuff used to be something I lived and breathed. It's been awhile.
Apr 23 13 01:49 pm  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Marc Damon
Posts: 6,562
Biloxi, Mississippi, US


Star Child wrote:
Rebound
she's available
here's my chance

Get in line behind me and about 1,000,000,000 other men she can keep as her own forever with only a smile and flip of her hair. I mean, neither one of us probably has an ice cube's chance in hell but you and everyone else is still behind me in line and I'll start WWIII to stay there. tongue

Apr 23 13 01:57 pm  Link  Quote 
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Model
Koryn
Posts: 36,353
Boston, Massachusetts, US


Marc Damon wrote:

Get in line behind me and about 1,000,000,000 other men she can keep as her own forever with only a smile and flip of her hair. I mean, neither one of us probably has an ice cube's chance in hell but you and everyone else is still behind me in line and I'll start WWIII to stay there. tongue

damn, you kids give me too much credit. lol.

Apr 23 13 02:05 pm  Link  Quote 
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Photographer
Robb Mann
Posts: 10,245
Baltimore, Maryland, US


TFHH?
Apr 23 13 02:30 pm  Link  Quote 
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Model
Koryn
Posts: 36,353
Boston, Massachusetts, US


Robb Mann wrote:
TFHH?

Trade for Hell Hole?

I've already lived in one of those. 2006. Once was enough.

Apr 23 13 02:41 pm  Link  Quote 
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Photographer
Robb Mann
Posts: 10,245
Baltimore, Maryland, US


Trade For Happy Hour?

Pessimist. :-P
Apr 23 13 02:45 pm  Link  Quote 
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Model
Koryn
Posts: 36,353
Boston, Massachusetts, US


Robb Mann wrote:
Trade For Happy Hour?

Pessimist. :-P

Yeah, dude, that would be awesome.

Like 5 martinis. I might puke, but I wouldn't remember it the next day, so it's okay.

Apr 23 13 02:53 pm  Link  Quote 
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Koryn
Posts: 36,353
Boston, Massachusetts, US


To put a positive spin on things, I drink a lot more beer when he's around, because he always has fancy beer. I've incidentally been working on building a muffin top over the past month. That should shrink back down real fucking fast now.


...and it is a good excuse to stew in my own misery for a few days, and listen to Opeth's Damnation album over and over, on repeat.
Apr 23 13 02:55 pm  Link  Quote 
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Robb Mann
Posts: 10,245
Baltimore, Maryland, US


Beer is evil. And good beer is delishious. And great at making buddah bellies.
Apr 23 13 03:36 pm  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Marc Damon
Posts: 6,562
Biloxi, Mississippi, US


Koryn Locke wrote:

damn, you kids give me too much credit. lol.

Kids? I've got 15 years on ya, but I can still keep up. wink And I don't want more kidz. I have 3 of them. They're all grown and take care of themselves. Is that a deal breaker? Should I give up that #1 spot in line to someone else? lol

As for credit given to you... I personally think you're fantastic (smart, compassionate, funny, etc.), along with many many other people here. Don't believe me. Back up and read a few of the supportive and complimentary posts you get on MM. Start giving yourself some of the credit you deserve!

Apr 23 13 03:50 pm  Link  Quote 
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Koryn
Posts: 36,353
Boston, Massachusetts, US


Marc Damon wrote:
Kids? I've got 15 years on ya, but I can still keep up. wink And I don't want more kidz. I have 3 of them. They're all grown and take care of themselves. Is that a deal breaker? Should I give up that #1 spot in line to someone else? lol

As for credit given to you... I personally think you're fantastic (smart, compassionate, funny, etc.), along with many many other people here. Don't believe me. Back up and read a few of the supportive and complimentary posts you get on MM. Start giving yourself some of the credit you deserve!

I'm generally pretty okay with myself. What I envy is the sort of "swagger" that my good female friend has; she's totally cool with posting sexy pictures of herself on Facebook, and she's in really good shape now, and is all about showing it off in public, and being super confident. I admire her ability to be comfortable with having overt swagger; it makes her very attractive to people, and they like her a lot.

I'm pretty much exactly the opposite. I don't have self-esteem problems or anything, but I'm so terrified of someone thinking that I'm cocky, or overly self-confident, that I think I come across as sort of dumpy and boring a lot of the time. Also, people paying a lot of attention to me, at least in any very personalized way, is overwhelming. I get extremely weirded out by it; if "attention whore" has a polar opposite, I'm that.

It probably sounds bad, but I'm actually weirded out by the thought of wearing make-up to work, or styling my hair, because I have this awkward fear that people will think I'm "showing off" and it will seem unprofessional or something.

Apr 23 13 04:33 pm  Link  Quote 
Photographer
scrymettet
Posts: 31,930
Quebec, Quebec, Canada


science boy ?
Apr 23 13 05:19 pm  Link  Quote 
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Model
Koryn
Posts: 36,353
Boston, Massachusetts, US


scrymettet wrote:
science boy ?

No. I pretty much established that science boy is not physically interested in me, though we get along well, and like each other.

Apr 23 13 05:34 pm  Link  Quote 
Photographer
scrymettet
Posts: 31,930
Quebec, Quebec, Canada


Koryn Locke wrote:

No. I pretty much established that science boy is not physically interested in me, though we get along well, and like each other.

nothing is perfect but me.

Apr 23 13 05:49 pm  Link  Quote 
Photographer
SPierce Photography
Posts: 19,662
Amherst, Massachusetts, US


Sorry to hear sad

Try to enjoy your freedom, though. You will find someone!
Apr 23 13 05:51 pm  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Marc Damon
Posts: 6,562
Biloxi, Mississippi, US


Koryn Locke wrote:

I'm generally pretty okay with myself. What I envy is the sort of "swagger" that my good female friend has; she's totally cool with posting sexy pictures of herself on Facebook, and she's in really good shape now, and is all about showing it off in public, and being super confident. I admire her ability to be comfortable with having overt swagger; it makes her very attractive to people, and they like her a lot.

I'm pretty much exactly the opposite. I don't have self-esteem problems or anything, but I'm so terrified of someone thinking that I'm cocky, or overly self-confident, that I think I come across as sort of dumpy and boring a lot of the time. Also, people paying a lot of attention to me, at least in any very personalized way, is overwhelming. I get extremely weirded out by it; if "attention whore" has a polar opposite, I'm that.

It probably sounds bad, but I'm actually weirded out by the thought of wearing make-up to work, or styling my hair, because I have this awkward fear that people will think I'm "showing off" and it will seem unprofessional or something.

Wow. I guess imho all that makes you is um... normal. Do you know how many guys would KILL to be in a relationship with a girl who is attractive, smart, funny, etc without the high maintenance and vanity drama? Like I said, you can have your pick of the all male litter. You just don't know it because you're not pretentious enough to think you're better than anyone else.

Apr 23 13 05:52 pm  Link  Quote 
Photographer
scrymettet
Posts: 31,930
Quebec, Quebec, Canada


SPierce Photography wrote:
Sorry to hear sad

Try to enjoy your freedom, though. You will find someone!

there is that girl who tries to hint her very discreetly

Apr 23 13 05:53 pm  Link  Quote 
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Koryn
Posts: 36,353
Boston, Massachusetts, US


Marc Damon wrote:
Do you know how many guys would KILL to be in a relationship with a girl who is attractive, smart, funny, etc without the high maintenance and vanity drama?

Apparently, not that many, because this one said a lot of that same stuff to me two weeks into seeing each other, and even stated he was going to change his online profile status to "seeing someone," then it lasted another week and a half after that before whatever we discussed last night was discussed, and I guess it was all pointless to get my hopes up.

People say a lot of shit, but when it really comes down to it, most people don't know what they want. They BELIEVE they want one thing, but when it's offered to them, (or in this case, handed to them on a silver platter) they don't know what to do with it, and reject it.

Apr 23 13 06:10 pm  Link  Quote 
Model
Wynd Mulysa
Posts: 8,597
Berkeley, California, US


Koryn Locke wrote:
People say a lot of shit, but when it really comes down to it, most people don't know what they want. They BELIEVE they want one thing, but when it's offered to them, (or in this case, handed to them on a silver platter) they don't know what to do with it, and reject it.

That has been a lesson for me.

I couldn't understand how my ex manipulated me until I understood how he manipulated himself.  He told me he was someone else, and he thought he could be that person.

Apr 23 13 06:18 pm  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Kincaid Blackwood
Posts: 23,348
Atlanta, Georgia, US


Why?
Apr 23 13 06:57 pm  Link  Quote 
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Koryn
Posts: 36,353
Boston, Massachusetts, US


Kincaid Blackwood wrote:
Why?

That there was a really intense "chemistry" when we first met, that had faded for him over the past week. It's only been four weeks, so I'm not sure how you determine that. I had a really shitty couple of weeks, where I didn't sell anything at work, and was probably kind of quiet and moody because of it. I did say that when work was slow, I just get kind of intense, and apologized for dickish behavior.

I said something kind of mean once, because he isn't exactly the most PC person in the world, and sometimes his jokes are pretty raw. I'm having to get used to that, because I often dated people who were fairly conscious of being very polite and liberal, and they weren't as flamboyant in their behavior, or as comfortable with saying shocking things in public. He just is who he is, and that person has a tasteless sense of humor, albeit really, really funny. I feel ashamed of myself sometimes for laughing at his jokes. I'm not used to that, and ended up feeling kind of offended, and getting hateful with him. But, again, we both talked about that scenario, and apologized to each other.

We are a lot alike, in our emotional construct, and for better or worse, seem to "feed' off each other's emotions. Like I said, his outward persona is EXACTLY what you would get if you took my best friend of almost a decade, and my ex-husband and sort of smushed them together into one person. He even looks like my best friend (who was my on-again-off-again lover for several years), and laughs like my best friend. He likes all the same kitschy, obscure things my ex-husband used to like. I think that probably, because we are so empathetic, that when I'm feeling bad, he picks up on it, and feels bad also and took that week's moodiness to mean the chemistry thing had sort of shut off - when I was just stressed about my job, and probably colder. When I'm burning hot, I'm a fucking nuclear war inside, and when I'm preoccupied, I'm the Berlin Wall pre-1989.

We're pretty emotionally intense when you put us both together, and it's this oddly explosive combination of personalities, what happens when you could either have the *best* relationship in the world, or the *worst,* depending on how you approach it.
Neither of us can balance the other one out, because we're both very angsty, emotional people, who are totally motivated and driven by the things we care about.

He told me during the second week we were seeing each other that he wanted a long-term relationship with someone, and wants to be done with dating; so do I, though I did say that I wanted to just enjoy the next few months, and make sure we were actually sincere, before we rushed into any "official" relationship. Once people meet each others' parents, then shit's serious, and it's not like you can just step away. That's one reason I ended a three year long relationship last year; it was never going to go anywhere and I wanted to start looking for a life partner. Neither of us want children.

But that was pretty much the gist of the past month of my life, and the reasoning behind what I *thought* was a break-up call. I stewed in my misery all day yesterday, hated everything, edited an article, engaged in general disillusioned misanthropy, and 4/20ed it up at 8pm so I could go to sleep early, and not think about anything. Except sometime during the night, at like 2am when I was dead to the world, he sent me a text message saying he missed me, so I don't know wtf I think today.

Apr 24 13 06:55 am  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Eye of Sicari
Posts: 36,931
Toledo, Ohio, US


*licks eyebrows*

How you doin'?
Apr 24 13 01:32 pm  Link  Quote 
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Koryn
Posts: 36,353
Boston, Massachusetts, US


Eye of Sicari wrote:
*licks eyebrows*

How you doin'?

you can lick your own eyebrows? You catching flies? 😉

Apr 24 13 03:32 pm  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Burlap Rats
Posts: 18,942
Riverside, California, US


Eye of Sicari wrote:
*licks eyebrows*

How you doin'?
Koryn Locke wrote:
you can lick your own eyebrows? You catching flies? 😉

So many inappropriate thoughts!

Apr 24 13 03:36 pm  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Damon Banner
Posts: 85,286
Hayward, California, US


it sucks when people don't have the balls to just let you know that they want to break up.  That said, some people just can't deal with that type of conflict, so they'd rather do it by...omission.  That doesn't excuse it, just explains it.
Apr 24 13 05:53 pm  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Damon Banner
Posts: 85,286
Hayward, California, US


Koryn Locke wrote:

you can lick your own eyebrows? You catching flies? 😉

He was licking your eyebrows.

Apr 24 13 05:53 pm  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Kincaid Blackwood
Posts: 23,348
Atlanta, Georgia, US


Okay, so did he actually break up with you and now misses you or did you interpret his actions as a breakup when it really wasn't?
Apr 24 13 07:55 pm  Link  Quote 
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Koryn
Posts: 36,353
Boston, Massachusetts, US


Kincaid Blackwood wrote:
Okay, so did he actually break up with you and now misses you or did you interpret his actions as a breakup when it really wasn't?

At this point, I have no idea --- but it might be the latter. I guess I won't know until the weekend. I don't think he knows what he wants.

Apr 25 13 07:03 am  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Kincaid Blackwood
Posts: 23,348
Atlanta, Georgia, US


Koryn Locke wrote:
I don't think he knows what he wants.

Hahahaa! I'm not really laughing at you as much at laughing at women uttering this phrase. Women say that but after hearing you guys say it and probing for deeper explanation, it seems to translate from Womanese to plain English as "He has not yet said that he wants what I want."

Very different.

Because you've already said that two weeks in he told you that he wants to be done with dating. So you know what he wants. How long has it been? A month-ish? It's unlikely that he knows right now if you're the I'm-finally-done-with-dating woman for him yet. You know what he wants, you just don't know if you're it quite yet. And you're probably not going to really know that for a while; you usually have to see people through some things before you can say that definitively. It sounds like he likes you and that he's feeling you out. You had a bad week or two (out of four or five) which is a big chunk of how long you two have been involved.

You're over-thinking this. Without question. Not everything has a deeper meaning; sometimes things are exactly what they are on the surface. A guy can say "Damn… I'm really tired." and women's minds will go on all sorts of tangents. "What's that supposed to mean?! Does he mean he's tired of me?! Is he tired of our relationship?? What did I do?! Is he seeing someone else? Why won't he just tell me?! What's he hiding?? How come I haven't heard from him all day?? I don't understand this! I don't deserve to be treated this way!! Who does he think he is?! How am I supposed to interpret that?! Why can't he just be a man a say what he really feels?! I'm sick of dating douchebag boys!! I'm through with him!!"

And just like that, you've worked yourself into a angry whirlwind. The guy said he was tired… maybe he's just tired. Maybe it isn't code.

Anyhow, that was a hypothetical. Re-evaluate what he's been saying to you and how he's behaved. Shed any "I'm going to figure this out" pretenses and just take his actions on the surface. If, after you do that, you can honestly say that he doesn't know what he wants, fine. But more likely you'll reach a point at which you say "You know, I'm probably reading way too much into this…"

Apr 25 13 07:20 am  Link  Quote 
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Koryn
Posts: 36,353
Boston, Massachusetts, US


I probably wouldn't jump to conclusions if, in the past, every person who one day said, "damn, I'm tired," didn't just fall of the face of the earth the following week, never to be seen or heard from again, until  I run into them randomly, three months later, at a coffee shop, or laundry mat, cuddling someone else. In my general experience, the first time I start feeling something is different, that's the beginning of the end.
Apr 25 13 09:50 am  Link  Quote 
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