You should link to the original reddit, it's MUCH more hilarious-- http://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comme … est_thing/
When I was about 3 we had a cat that had still born kittens. I asked my father if we could make crosses for them, which he did. As he was making them I asked:
"aren't those too small?",
Dad: "What do you Mean?"
Me: "aren't we going to nail them to them?"
Dad: (after several moments silence) "we're not going to do that"
Not a parent, but a few years ago I was babysitting my 4yr old nephew and his 2yr old brother. Had a nice spaghetti dinner, watched some Thundercats on TV, put the boys to bed and went to the computer room to play some WoW.
After about a half hour I hear something rush past the outside of my door. I turn to look, stare for a few seconds, and then go back to gaming after deciding it was nothing. About 5 minutes later I hear it rush past the door again, going the opposite direction this time. At this point, I'm thoroughly startled so I standup and walk to the doorway. Outside the doorway is a dark hallway leading to the boys' bedroom. I instinctively whisper-shout "Gabe!" into the darkness, assuming the older nephew had gotten out of bed to use the restroom or something. What happens next still haunts me.
A toy ambulance to my left suddenly lights up and the siren starts blaring. I desperately feel along the hallway wall for the light switch. Siren turns off, ambulance lights are still flickering on and off, dimly lighting the hallway. Silence. Still can't find the light switch. "Gabe?!" I whisper-shout desperately. In the distance I hear "Come on vamanos, everybody let's go". A talking Dora doll has just answered me.
Now I'm freaking out, slamming my hands against the wall in the darkness, looking for the light switch. I step forward-onto a hotwheels car, which sends me crashing onto my ass. I look up to see a 3 foot tall dark silhouette, with long mangled appendages creeping every so slowly toward me in the distance.
At this point I'm convinced that the kids are dead and I'm next. Not wanting to go out without a fight, I scream profanities at the being, launch the hotwheels car in its direction, and run past the being towards the kids bedroom, hoping they can still be saved. I make it to what I believe is Gabes bed, reach into the sheets and feel a warm, sticky, soft squishy mass. I look at my hands and they're covered in red. I instantly sink to my knees, look over to the bedroom doorway to see the creature standing there, staring at me, gangly appendages jiggling at its sides.
"WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?!" I shout at it, tears in my eyes.
......"Doodles?" the creature responds.
What. The. Fuck?
The light comes on, standing in the doorway is my eldest nephew Gabe, one hand on the bedroom light switch and the other hand holding a fist-full of spaghetti noodles in a death grip.
"Doodles uncle Justin, See?" He says, holding his noodle-hand toward me. I look away from him and to his bed, where he had amassed a sizable mound of left-over spaghetti.
"Doodles for Xavier and me, uncle Justin".