TWO COWS ~{Matthias Varga}



SOCIALISM
You have 2 cows.
You give one to your neighbour

COMMUNISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and gives you some milk

FASCISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and sells you some milk

NAZISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and shoots you

BUREAUCRATISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then
throws the milk away

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy
grows.
You sell them and retire on the income

ROYAL BANK OF SCOTLAND (VENTURE) CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by
your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption
for five cows.
The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company.
The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States , leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release.
The public then buys your bull.

SURREALISM
You have two giraffes.
The government requires them to take harmonica lessons.

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one, and force the other to
produce the milk of four cows.
Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why
the cow has dropped dead.

A GREEK CORPORATION
You have two cows. You borrow lots of euros to build barns, milking sheds, hay stores, feed sheds,
dairies, cold stores, abattoir, cheese unit and packing sheds.
You still only have two cows.

A FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You go on strike, organise a riot, and block the roads, because you want three
cows.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce
twenty times the milk.
You then create a clever cow cartoon image called a Cowkimona and
market it worldwide.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows,
but you don't know where they are.
You decide to have lunch.

A SWISS CORPORATION
You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you.
You charge the owners for storing them.

A CHINESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them.
You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity.
You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.

AN INDIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You worship them.

A BRITISH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Both are mad.

AN IRAQI CORPORATION
Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.
You tell them that you have none.
No-one believes you, so they bomb the ** out of you and invade your country.
You still have no cows, but at least you are now a Democracy.

AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Business seems pretty good.
You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.

A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION
You have two cows.
The one on the left looks very attractive...

A MODEL MAYHEM CORPORATION
You have two cows.
They are given full wardrobe and make up treatment and bombarded with flash from GWC Photographers...

.

Ou left out



big A steals both and makes them milk pets

Redneck corporation

You swear you weren't having relations with one cow even though the calf looks like you.

You tip  the other one..

Hmmm...

USA Socialism:
You have two cows
The State takes one and gives it to your neighbor,
and calls it Redistribution of Wealth.  It then taxes the
hell out of what's left.  Then you start looking up places
like Costa Rica.

Haha very good........  I never knew that about New Zealanders?

SOAPBOX
You have two cows.
Your thread gets locked.

I loved the Bank of Scotland one.

I've seen a few of those but not the majority and I'm still chuckling.

Now...about that cute cow on the left.....do you have her number?

THEORETICAL PHYSICS
You have two spherical cows in a vacuum.  To a first-order approximation there is no milk.

TECH STARTUP
You have tucows.com.  You use it to host your social-media milk-sharing app.

Schrödinger's cows??

theres a joke in there somewhere


or is there?

Cut them up, soak in formaldehyde, show them in an art gallery, make a bunch of money and be heralded a genius or douchebag, depending on your perspective.

you have 2 Chainz?

Makes sense.

What else can we do with two cows?

ANARCHISM
The fences will be torn down and the cows will be let out to  roam free.

Anarchy cow.

Cowvanism
It is not through the actions of your cud you are saved but through the grace of the one Holy Cow.

Cowabunganism
Where no comments from the peanut gallery will be tolerated unless surfs up.

Ask James Porto.

You have two Model Mayhem cows. Their limits are up to implied milking.

Model Mayhem Forum Cows:

You have two cows. You tell one cow that you don't allow escort cows, then you have one cow.

Then you come to the forums and whine about it and suddenly there is one cow and many jackasses.

US corporations could also turn the cows into burger meat.. Hooves and all...
export some..and import milk from China

People for the Ethical Protection of Animals

They have 2 cows.
They rescued the two cows from an undercover raid on a factory farm.
They wait for someone to adopt them.
No one adopts them.
They send them back to the factory farm and ask for donations to help rescue more cows.

I have always thought of them as a great software resource...
http://www.tucows.com/downloads

InGen Corporation
You have two cows.
One gets fed to the raptors.
Raptors escape and eat man.
Woman inherits the Earth.

Left out the PC one where you have a cow and a bull and mate them expecting to grow the herd and then find out that they are both bulls but you still expect the same outcome.

McDonalds has two cows, makes pink slime anyway...

Model Mayhem Nation

You have two cows.
Neither of them shows up to be milked because their grandmother cow is sick and at the veterinarian.