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When Family thinks you're pornographer/porn star?
How do you deal? Normally, I don't care what anyone thinks of me. I do not believe myself to be a "pornographer" but even if I were to shoot pornography, so what! Most of my real friends are accepting of my photographing scantly clad women. Heck, photographing women is not all I do! I've got an archive of concert photography going back over 30 years that I'm very proud of! Although I've become somewhat limited in recent years as to how much I can do, I continue to photograph women & musicians. My brother thinks the models I "hang out with" are porn stars & prostitutes. My brother is calling me a "pornographer" and what I do "shameful!" It's his opinion, and I feel helpless to do anything to change his mind. I really do care what my brother thinks. Anyone else relate? I feel like there isn't much I can do about it.  Aug 03 14 04:01 pm Link You have to decide how much their opinion matters to you, enough to put up a fight? There probably isn't anything you can do. You just have to accept it. Aug 03 14 04:07 pm Link I used to care what my brother thought. His opinion mattered most to me. Now, I do not care what he thinks or says. I have my life to live. if he wanted to be part of it, he should have been more understanding to what I felt I needed to do. He should have noticed that his input usually caused me to make changes in my life, to please him. None of these things seemed to matter to him. And to this day, 15 years later, we do not speak. Visit one another, or interact. And while I miss my big brother, I don't miss the bullshit associated with him. Good luck with your dilemma. Aug 03 14 04:13 pm Link Live your life on your own terms and let other people live their lives on their terms. Don't fret much over conflicts unless they're dealbreakers, and then just cleanly cut the connection and move on. It doesn't sound like this is a dealbreaker problem, so just note that your brother is missing a bit of maturity in this area and leave it at that. Aug 03 14 04:39 pm Link Tell your brother he's a great disappointment to you. https://www.modelmayhem.com/po.php?thread_id=229525 Aug 03 14 04:40 pm Link I'd laugh.......and if persistent, tell them to 'eff off. And I have a couple of times. Aug 03 14 05:03 pm Link Lawrence Guy wrote: Well part of the issue where it becomes difficult for me to continue to ignore his harsh critiques is that I am the primary caretaker to our mom. I live with her in the same 3 bedroom house. She is 90 years old, and in good over-all health with the exception that she has short term memory loss for which I am helping her to seek treatment for. So I am her cook and chauffeur among other things. My mom is happy with my care, and that is what counts to me. Aug 03 14 05:13 pm Link I think after a certain age (say 25+) or developmental stage of your life, no one should care what you do with yourself anymore. If you're fully independent, and what you do doesn't hurt anyone, then they shouldn't mind at all. Even if you did do porn, it's something for yourself, not for your family. They shouldn't be checking out your "porn" anyway. No family is that tight or superficial. Aug 03 14 05:16 pm Link If it makes you feel better. I don't care what you shoot. Aug 03 14 05:23 pm Link Everyone in my family is into porn... they think I'm a saint...  ...  Aug 03 14 05:25 pm Link Sorry you have this problem. It's tough one. All I can think of is has your brother ever sat with you through a photo session so he can see what it's like? Aug 03 14 05:37 pm Link So there is more ... I'm cleaning the garage and my younger brother is upset about me giving his weights away, so he tells my older brother that I sold his weights and that it was 700lbs and worth $1,000! My younger brother was a distorted view of things, but I am sorry I didn't get him to move the weights that had been sitting there for 30 years. I was hoping to use the garage as a studio, but my family is against that. Aug 03 14 05:51 pm Link BlueMoonPics wrote: I would love for anyone in my family to do so ... my mom has always been the most supportive of what I do. My siblings and I are very different ... in fact all four of us (I have a sister in Colorado) are very different! Some folks are only interested in being judgemental with only one side of the story. Aug 03 14 05:54 pm Link Aug 03 14 05:54 pm Link Select Models wrote: Honestly, if I were shooting porn, I'd be making a heck of a lot more money!!!!! Aug 03 14 05:56 pm Link Patrick Walberg wrote: The fact that your brother has no idea what he's talking about should pretty much define the way the narrative proceeds. When your brother says things like this, the easiest way of redirecting the narrative is to point out that he has no idea what he's talking about. Patrick Walberg wrote: But his opinion is simply based on error. Plain, simple, unambiguously-demonstrable error. Any opinion based on such level of error does not merit any respect, or deference, or accommodation. Its error should be pointed out, plainly and directly, every single time it is expressed. Aug 03 14 07:35 pm Link kickfight wrote: Patrick Walberg wrote: The fact that your brother has no idea what he's talking about should pretty much define the way the narrative proceeds. When your brother says things like this, the easiest way of redirecting the narrative is to point out that he has no idea what he's talking about. +1 Aug 03 14 07:54 pm Link I can relate. Most of my family thinks all I do is "play on the computer" ... that is, until they want or need something. Then they come to me because I "know how to do everything". This includes taking pictures. They don't want to give up 5 cents but whenever there is an event, they want me there to "take pictures" since my camera "does such a good job" of it. They don't or don't seem to realize the camera is by and large irrelevant. They don't see all the time I spend practicing, screwing things up and making a real fiasco out of things. They only see the pictures I let them see. When they do get to see pictures of my "practice" sessions, especially those done with models, I'm all sorts of .... "things". For instance, I "shouldn't shoot models at all" because "someone could accuse me of doing something to them". While that is true, someone could accuse me of doing something to them when I've been at home in bed with blankets pulled up to my eyeballs. Why worry over what's probably nothing? When some saw the pictures of my one swimsuit shoot, that's "terrible", "she needs to put more clothes on", etc etc. So what if my mother used to wear swimsuits that were far skimpier when she was around this model's age or that my sisters and nieces still do. So what that the model chose a 1 piece suit where they all choose 2. They're "always right" and I'm "always wrong" so I should "do as they say". The bottom line is they don't pay the bills, satisfy my curiosity, have a clue or do anything that someone, somewhere might think is offensive ... unless they want to do those things. In that instance, those who might care don't matter because they're just talking to hear themselves talk. So ... if you're being labeled "pornographer" or anything else ... I'd personally accept it and invite them to never look at my work. It has gotten to the point where when they ask me to photograph events, I tell them that I can't because I'm too busy photographing _______ (something they find offensive). Since they're not going to be happy anyway, I may as well live my life the way that I want. They don't own me. Aug 04 14 01:16 am Link Patrick Walberg wrote: When the other person's opinion is THAT extreme, I've found there's no hope in modifying it. Aug 04 14 02:40 am Link If my mother or father or brothers (or friends whose opinion I care about) started referring to my work as pornography I'd be a little upset but would hope they have some rationalization for calling it that besides "naked ladies". That said, I'd happily shoot pornography for pay, but it's not something I'd attach my name too very publicly Aug 04 14 03:17 pm Link Patrick Walberg wrote: Your brother sounds like a small-minded, bitter little fuck. Aug 04 14 03:24 pm Link To him it is. Instead of turning the judgement 180 back at him I would consider what he says briefly. Why do you shoot scantily clad women? Does the shooting of this particular subject impede any of your relationships or ability to form healthy ones? Do you judge your current or potential partner based on the bar set by these models? I don't have a problem with porn at all, even though I don't consider what you're shooting porn, myself. However, any hobby, whether it be snapping photos of women in bikinis or shooting spread shots for hustler, if it impedes aspects of living your life, it can be considered an addiction. So I don't know you like your bro knows you. But maybe consider what he says, and if it doesn't apply to you, don't share your hobby with him anymore and move on. Aug 04 14 07:09 pm Link Patrick Walberg wrote: I'm not seeing the problem here Aug 04 14 09:33 pm Link Patrick Walberg wrote: When that happened to me, my response was... Aug 04 14 09:39 pm Link |
