Koryn wrote:
I start training with a veteran figure competitor, with the goal of adding five more pounds of lean mass on my 5 feet tall body.

I'm terrified. The "connect" woman at the gym who chatted with me had to work her ass off to pull out of me what I wanted.

I'm scared as shit, and have no idea why.

I feel like I'm being a pretentious douchebag just by wanting that, and that I should feel totally grateful just for being not overweight (at least not anymore).

How are some people able to just set their sights so high, talk about it openly, go after it, without feeling a bit of guilt? I think a lot of it was how I was raised - if I expressed dissatisfaction with anything, my mom would always go on a rampage about how I was ungrateful, and didn't appreciate anything. It's been hard to overcome.

Careful there. You do know that there is such a thing as too much exercise ( which is unhealthy for your body and mind ), right ?

Bobby C wrote:

Careful there. You do know that there is such a thing as too much exercise ( which is unhealthy for your body and mind ), right ?

Over training? Yeah, I've over trained myself in the past. Many times. I know exactly what it feels like, and when it's happening.

Bobby C wrote:
I don't believe in being grateful. I do subscribe to the idea of being satisfied with what you are/have and finding peace and happiness.

My body is my sport and my life, even my livelihood. My greatest fear is being in some type of accident that would impair mobility. I'd have no job, no reason, no sense of who I was anymore. I'm a very physical person, in every sense of the term. I actually have nightmares about it.

I'm attractive and okay with myself in general. I had an injury back in the spring that's taken six months to fully heal. I've gained some fat, and lost some muscle, and that's maddening. Now that I'm basically pain free again, I want to wake up for lost time.

Koryn wrote:
My body is my sport and my life, even my livelihood. My greatest fear is being in some type of accident that would impair mobility. I'd have no job, no reason, no sense of who I was anymore. I'm a very physical person, in every sense of the term. I actually have nightmares about it.

It's great that you have a passion in life and even greater that it provides you with livelihood.
But I think we need to be philosophical in life if we are to find peace and happiness. There are no guarantees in life. In reality, bad things or nothing happen more than good things.That does not mean that we should give up or do nothing. The path to peace and happiness is to not be attached to who we are, what we do, what we have etc.
IMO, having nightmares because of anxiety in life is not a fun and healthy way to live.
Everyone and everything eventually ends. make the best of what is.
Sermon of the day from Yogi Bobby.

Koryn wrote:
My body is my sport and my life, even my livelihood. My greatest fear is being in some type of accident that would impair mobility. I'd have no job, no reason, no sense of who I was anymore. I'm a very physical person, in every sense of the term. I actually have nightmares about it.

I'm scared something will happen to my hands. Both my parents have degenerative hand injuries (different kinds), and can't do many things anymore. I'm a maker. My hands are everything.

Alabaster Crowley wrote:

I'm scared something will happen to my hands. Both my parents have degenerative hand injuries (different kinds), and can't do many things anymore. I'm a maker. My hands are everything.

It's a legitimate concern for a lot of people.

I feel like I'm being a pretentious douchebag just by wanting that, and that I should feel totally grateful just for being not overweight (at least not anymore).

How about thinking of it simply as goal setting. No one would think you a pretentious douche if you had a goal of wiping out your credit card debt, saving for a car, or going back to school to get an advanced degree.

You're trying to better yourself and doing something you enjoy at the same time. I don't see any pretentiousness in that at all.

JQuest wrote:

How about thinking of it simply as goal setting. No one would think you a pretentious douche if you had a goal of wiping out your credit card debt, saving for a car, or going back to school to get an advanced degree.

You're trying to better yourself and doing something you enjoy at the same time. I don't see any pretentiousness in that at all.

I appreciate that. I really do.

Koryn wrote:
I start training with a veteran figure competitor, with the goal of adding five more pounds of lean mass on my 5 feet tall body.

I'm terrified. The "connect" woman at the gym who chatted with me had to work her ass off to pull out of me what I wanted.

I'm scared as shit, and have no idea why.

I feel like I'm being a pretentious douchebag just by wanting that, and that I should feel totally grateful just for being not overweight (at least not anymore).

How are some people able to just set their sights so high, talk about it openly, go after it, without feeling a bit of guilt? I think a lot of it was how I was raised - if I expressed dissatisfaction with anything, my mom would always go on a rampage about how I was ungrateful, and didn't appreciate anything. It's been hard to overcome.

Striving to be the best you can be at something is never anything to feel guilty about. Your friends are the people who want you to excel, not the people who criticize you for being excellent.

Vintagevista wrote:
*Puts on his tweed jacket and offers a couch*

Does not sound pretentious at all - it just sounds like you are looking to better something that is already pretty awesome  (Your figure)  Honing an already damned sharp knife.

And perhaps that is a bit of a trap - and that is one source of worry? Finding that at some point, the knife is as sharp as practical?

Not being the person I want to be physically has held me back mentally. I acknowledge that.

Shadow Dancer wrote:
But fuck it, humans were meant to struggle and strive or else we would still be eating sticks and dirt and living in holes in the ground. And stuff.

Like possums?

Alabaster Crowley wrote:

I'm scared something will happen to my hands. Both my parents have degenerative hand injuries (different kinds), and can't do many things anymore. I'm a maker. My hands are everything.

I just found out my mother was diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis in 1974. Because of that I just had 4 vials of blood taken to test for that and a whole slew of other things. It's a scary thought that what I was told was simple osteoarthritis might be something that could disfigure me.

Koryn wrote:

Like possums?

Isis22 wrote:
I just found out my mother was diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis in 1974. Because of that I just had 4 vials of blood taken to test for that and a whole slew of other things. It's a scary thought that what I was told was simple osteoarthritis might be something that could disfigure me.

I'm actually just as worried my knee is going to go first. I have bouts of bursitis. I'm a dancer (in heels when I'm actually on stage), so I use it quite a bit. It's just going to wreck it some day.

Alabaster Crowley wrote:
And because I didn't give my input before, there's no pretension or douchebagery about it. You are incredibly dedicated; when you want something, you go get it. There's pride in that.

Thank you. I appreciate that.

I'm going to have to pick up extra bar shifts every week, and probably limit my fall travel schedule this year, in order to commit to getting the results I want, and to actually be able to pay for the trainer, but by January 1st, when everyone else is bloated and yucky from eating too much through Christmas, I'm going to feel awesome, so it's totally worth it.

Alabaster Crowley wrote:

I'm actually just as worried my knee is going to go first. I have bouts of bursitis. I'm a dancer (in heels when I'm actually on stage), so I use it quite a bit. It's just going to wreck it some day.

Stripping for years, in those big platform heels, is what caused me to get bursitis. I don't hardly have it at all anymore, thank god.

If you're young enough, I think a lot of that will gradually heal once you stop dancing.

I worked with some women who'd danced for 20 years. I can't even imagine the physical agony they must have had in their knees.