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Forums > Model Colloquy > Models: Do you have a jealous boyfriend?

Model

Megan Tomas

Posts: 92

New York, New York, US

I've been modeling for much longer than my boyfriend and I have been dating (1 year) and his jealousy still can't seem to simmer down.... Btw, I am VERY serious about modeling.

NO, I do NOT allow him to come to shoots with me, so photographers don't worry!!  It seems as if EVERY single time I get a great modeling opportunity, instead of congratulating me,  he gets so mad!

He doesn't support me, and it sucks!
I wanted to know if any of you models have dealt with this before!

Aug 04 11 11:31 am Link

Photographer

Kaouthia

Posts: 3153

Wishaw, Scotland, United Kingdom

Can't speak from a model's perspective, but I'd tell him to get over it or get lost. smile

Aug 04 11 11:33 am Link

Model

Faith EnFire

Posts: 13514

Milwaukee, Wisconsin, US

Kaouthia wrote:
Can't speak from a model's perspective, but I'd tell him to get over it or get lost. smile

yup
if this is what you'd like to be doing (seriously), he either needs to get behind it or get out.
now if this is just something you are trying out, maybe you decide you are done, but if he is controlling here-chances are he is going to be controlling in general

Aug 04 11 11:37 am Link

Photographer

Invalid user

Posts: 500

Las Vegas, Nevada, US

my g/f's ex was the same way. didn't support her at all. they broke up obviously, and on our end, it's the complete opposite. but i think me being a photographer makes it's a bit easier for me to accept.

also another thing could be his age. i'm assuming he's young as well? with time will come confidence and security. if it does not, there is always others. if it does, then you will grow together. your young, enjoy life, if others are weighing you down find a way of resolving the issue, or get rid of the issue.

Aug 04 11 11:38 am Link

Model

Er00

Posts: 282

Royal Leamington Spa, England, United Kingdom

My boyfriend dislikes some of the stuff I do, but whatever. The only thing that bugs me about him disliking it is that when I'm really happy with a photo or anything I want to show him but he just doesn't get it. I think he's slowly coming around to it though, through seeing how much I enjoy it and get out of it. smile

Aug 04 11 11:39 am Link

Model

Vaudeville

Posts: 888

Richmond, Virginia, US

I'm about to sound like an asshole, because I'm not all that much older than you, but:

You're sixteen. Statistically, this boy is not going to be the man you end up spending your life with, especially if he's getting angry over modeling gigs.

Have you guys sat down and talked about this? Have you asked him why he gets angry about something that (I assume) you enjoy?

To answer your question: I don't put up with jealous men. Our personalities would clash horribly. My boyfriend is massively supportive and adores my work (yes, even my nude work). IMO, a healthy relationship is one where you communicate openly and support your partner. When that stops it's time to reevaluate your relationship.

Aug 04 11 11:43 am Link

Model

K I C K H A M

Posts: 14689

Los Angeles, California, US

Does he tell you WHAT hes jealous of? You're young, maybe it's something you can work out just through understanding.

Is he jealous of/ paranoid of the photographers? The people viewing your picture? Thinks you're smart but models are stupid so why are you wasting your time being so vain? (I've heard such things...)

I think determining the reason for the anger is important if you're planning on keeping modeling and your boyfriend both in your life.

Aug 04 11 11:46 am Link

Photographer

Fotografica Gregor

Posts: 4126

Alexandria, Virginia, US

Vaudeville wrote:
I'm about to sound like an asshole, because I'm not all that much older than you, but:

You're sixteen. Statistically, this boy is not going to be the man you end up spending your life with, especially if he's getting angry over modeling gigs.

Have you guys sat down and talked about this? Have you asked him why he gets angry about something that (I assume) you enjoy?

To answer your question: I don't put up with jealous men. Our personalities would clash horribly. My boyfriend is massively supportive and adores my work (yes, even my nude work). IMO, a healthy relationship is one where you communicate openly and support your partner. When that stops it's time to reevaluate your relationship.

Well, since a model said it first....

+1000

Aug 04 11 11:47 am Link

Model

P I X I E

Posts: 35440

Toronto, Ontario, Canada

My fiance is my biggest fan and supporter. He's far from being jealous and possessive. He's also a fetish model.

Aug 04 11 11:47 am Link

Model

Vaudeville

Posts: 888

Richmond, Virginia, US

K I C K H A M wrote:
Does he tell you WHAT hes jealous of? You're young, maybe it's something you can work out just through understanding.

Is he jealous of/ paranoid of the photographers? The people viewing your picture? Thinks you're smart but models are stupid so why are you wasting your time being so vain? (I've heard such things...)

I think determining the reason for the anger is important if you're planning on keeping modeling and your boyfriend both in your life.

This, too. smile

Aug 04 11 11:48 am Link

Model

cameryn coxxx

Posts: 369

Delray Beach, Florida, US

No, my fiance isn't jealous in the LEAST. He supports me in my choices and in modeling, finding a guy who is totally secure with himself, and the relationship makes a huge difference.

Aug 04 11 11:51 am Link

Model

P I X I E

Posts: 35440

Toronto, Ontario, Canada

Heather Honey wrote:
No, my fiance isn't jealous in the LEAST. He supports me in my choices and in modeling, finding a guy who is totally secure with himself, and the relationship makes a huge difference.

So very very true!!!

Aug 04 11 11:57 am Link

Photographer

Extreme Photo

Posts: 215

Des Moines, Iowa, US

Why would you allow someone like that to be close to you?
If your best friend had someone treating her like that, what would your advise to her be?

Aug 04 11 11:57 am Link

Model

Megan Tomas

Posts: 92

New York, New York, US

Thank you guys so much for responding..

Well, he's 18. I guess he's kinda young too? But age really doesn't have anything to do with this. I've asked him what he's jealous of... he doesn't care about the photo views, photographers or anything like that. He gets mad (and this is going to sound crazy) because he thinks HE should be the only thing in my life?

Uh, no. It's either he's okay with me modeling, or I'm done with him.

I am EXTREMELY serious about modeling. It's what I plan to be my future.. It's what I want to do with my life.

Thanks for helping guys =]

Aug 04 11 11:57 am Link

Model

K I C K H A M

Posts: 14689

Los Angeles, California, US

While I agree with what most people are saying, I'll throw out there that some patience and understanding may be in order for the boy. He may just not fully understand.

At my age, someone wants to get in the way of what I want to do in life, you're old enough, grow up or get out.

But for a 16 year old, I'm going to venture out to say he's either probably a) a normal 16 year old who doesn't get it yet. or b) a genuinely jealous and controlling type who's going to go from "not knowing" at 16 to be a genuine dick in about 5 years.

Aug 04 11 12:00 pm Link

Model

Vaudeville

Posts: 888

Richmond, Virginia, US

Megan Tomas wrote:
Thank you guys so much for responding..

Well, he's 18. I guess he's kinda young too? But age really doesn't have anything to do with this. I've asked him what he's jealous of... he doesn't care about the photo views, photographers or anything like that. He gets mad (and this is going to sound crazy) because he thinks HE should be the only thing in my life?

Uh, no. It's either he's okay with me modeling, or I'm done with him.

I am EXTREMELY serious about modeling. It's what I plan to be my future.. It's what I want to do with my life.

Thanks for helping guys =]

Age somewhat does. Not always, but it plays a hand a good amount of the time. Maturity usually comes along with time and life experience; there are a lot of kids in our generation who are very immature emotionally. Many of them are older than both of us.

You sound like you have your act together; he sounds like an little boy who doesn't want to share. IMO, his saying that he wants to be the only thing in your life should be a major red flag, modeling or no. That wreaks of controlling behavior, and that simply isn't healthy for a relationship.

Aug 04 11 12:01 pm Link

Model

Rachel Jay

Posts: 20439

Nashville, Tennessee, US

Snip:

Megan Tomas wrote:
He gets mad (and this is going to sound crazy) because he thinks HE should be the only thing in my life?

Right.  The next thing he gets jealous of?  Your friends.  And he'll stop you from hanging out with them.  I lost a VERY good friend that way, and when she dumped him and started hanging out with us again, our relationship was never the same.

Tell him to take a long walk off a short pier.

Aug 04 11 12:01 pm Link

Model

Vaudeville

Posts: 888

Richmond, Virginia, US

K I C K H A M wrote:
While I agree with what most people are saying, I'll throw out there that some patience and understanding may be in order for the boy. He may just not fully understand.

At my age, someone wants to get in the way of what I want to do in life, you're old enough, grow up or get out.

But for a 16 year old, I'm going to venture out to say he's either probably a) a normal 16 year old who doesn't get it yet. or b) a genuinely jealous and controlling type who's going to go from "not knowing" at 16 to be a genuine dick in about 5 years.

He's 18. He's old enough to know better. tongue

Aug 04 11 12:01 pm Link

Model

K I C K H A M

Posts: 14689

Los Angeles, California, US

Megan Tomas wrote:
Thank you guys so much for responding..

Well, he's 18. I guess he's kinda young too? But age really doesn't have anything to do with this. I've asked him what he's jealous of... he doesn't care about the photo views, photographers or anything like that. He gets mad (and this is going to sound crazy) because he thinks HE should be the only thing in my life?

Uh, no. It's either he's okay with me modeling, or I'm done with him.

I am EXTREMELY serious about modeling. It's what I plan to be my future.. It's what I want to do with my life.

Thanks for helping guys =]

Woah. No.

IMHO, the jealousy about modeling I can sometimes get, to an extent...

At the point he's supposed to be the only thing in your life? Yeah, I don't want it to be that way when I'm 40 and married, let alone when I'm 23 and focused on what I want to do in life.

And you, 16? Trying to juggle school, social life, possibly work, and modeling, and your boyfriend thinks he should be the only thing in your life?

I would doubt he's going to be any less controlling in the future.

Aug 04 11 12:02 pm Link

Model

whitneyrenae

Posts: 21

Stark, Kansas, US

My boyfriend for the most part is very supportive. Though he gets a little on edge when it comes to bikinis. I am also sure when I get older he would for anything that shows off a lot of skin, but he still supports me.

I don't think he would like me doing nudes, but I really don't plan on doing nudes anyways so no worries there


For me and many girls I know. It depends on who or what came first. Modeling? He should be okay with every aspect of modeling though I might take inconsideration what they say.

Boyfriend. I will have much more consideration for his words, but if I am to be serious about this. Which I might. I will do it whether he likes it or not

Aug 04 11 12:02 pm Link

Model

K I C K H A M

Posts: 14689

Los Angeles, California, US

Rachel Jay wrote:
Snip:


Right.  The next thing he gets jealous of?  Your friends.  And he'll stop you from hanging out with them.  I lost a VERY good friend that way, and when she dumped him and started hanging out with us again, our relationship was never the same.

Tell him to take a long walk off a short pier.

I just had the same situation with a close friend, except he recently, after shutting her off from her friends, attacked and almost killed her. sad

Aug 04 11 12:03 pm Link

Model

K I C K H A M

Posts: 14689

Los Angeles, California, US

Vaudeville wrote:

He's 18. He's old enough to know better. tongue

yeah, I just read the response...

Aug 04 11 12:04 pm Link

Photographer

Kaouthia

Posts: 3153

Wishaw, Scotland, United Kingdom

Megan Tomas wrote:
But age really doesn't have anything to do with this.

You may change your mind about that statement in a few years. wink

Megan Tomas wrote:
I've asked him what he's jealous of... he doesn't care about the photo views, photographers or anything like that. He gets mad (and this is going to sound crazy) because he thinks HE should be the only thing in my life?

Then I'd say that the modeling isn't specifically what he's got an issue with.  He just wants to control you and for you to be his possession.  Talk to him like the others above said, tell him he's got one chance to learn to deal with it or he can find somebody else who's willing to be his trophy and stick to your guns! If he doesn't change, you know what to do. smile

Aug 04 11 12:10 pm Link

Photographer

Scottsworld71

Posts: 3587

Mount Vernon, Ohio, US

Megan Tomas wrote:
Thank you guys so much for responding..

Well, he's 18. I guess he's kinda young too? But age really doesn't have anything to do with this. I've asked him what he's jealous of... he doesn't care about the photo views, photographers or anything like that. He gets mad (and this is going to sound crazy) because he thinks HE should be the only thing in my life?

Uh, no. It's either he's okay with me modeling, or I'm done with him.

I am EXTREMELY serious about modeling. It's what I plan to be my future.. It's what I want to do with my life.

Thanks for helping guys =]

A friend of mine gave me this quote once to tell a jealous signifigant other " Youre not my life, youre just a part of it"

Aug 04 11 12:15 pm Link

Model

Phane

Posts: 2063

Rockville, Maryland, US

Megan Tomas wrote:
I've been modeling for much longer than my boyfriend and I have been dating (1 year) and his jealousy still can't seem to simmer down.... Btw, I am VERY serious about modeling.

NO, I do NOT allow him to come to shoots with me, so photographers don't worry!!  It seems as if EVERY single time I get a great modeling opportunity, instead of congratulating me,  he gets so mad!

He doesn't support me, and it sucks!
I wanted to know if any of you models have dealt with this before!

Yes

Aug 04 11 12:17 pm Link

Photographer

Patrick Walberg

Posts: 44603

Salinas, California, US

Megan Tomas wrote:
Thank you guys so much for responding..

Well, he's 18. I guess he's kinda young too? But age really doesn't have anything to do with this. I've asked him what he's jealous of... he doesn't care about the photo views, photographers or anything like that. He gets mad (and this is going to sound crazy) because he thinks HE should be the only thing in my life?

Uh, no. It's either he's okay with me modeling, or I'm done with him.

I am EXTREMELY serious about modeling. It's what I plan to be my future.. It's what I want to do with my life.

Thanks for helping guys =]

No one person can be "the only thing" in another persons life. He sounds naive and selfish.  There is a great thread on this subject, but I'm still searching for it.

My opinion is that he gets mad at the reality that he cannot control another persons life. Found it!  Read some of this 24 page thread!  https://www.modelmayhem.com/po.php?thre … 525&page=1 You are not alone in dealing with jealousy!

Aug 04 11 12:36 pm Link

Model

Alisyn Carliene

Posts: 11756

San Bernardino, California, US

My BF was VERY jealous of me modeling up til I turned 18 for some reason..
Now.. I'm payin' the bills, so he's not complaining. I'm glad things changed because there was serious issues in the beginning.

Aug 04 11 12:38 pm Link

Model

Windy West

Posts: 92

Scottsdale, Arizona, US

Get rid of your boyfriend. Your career should come first. Men are easy to come by...the perfect modeling job is not. Say good bye and take care of yourself.

Aug 04 11 12:39 pm Link

Photographer

Patrick Walberg

Posts: 44603

Salinas, California, US

Aug 04 11 12:41 pm Link

Model

Alisyn Carliene

Posts: 11756

San Bernardino, California, US

Everyone is saying get rid of the boyfriend like it's soooo easy tongue
Here's my advice:
Like Kelli said, TALK to him about what he's so jealous about and make him realize that he's supposed to support you in your endeavours and if he can't do that, then it's not going to work. He needs to trust you. Usually if their insecure, they have their own skeletons in the closet.

Aug 04 11 12:41 pm Link

Model

Vaudeville

Posts: 888

Richmond, Virginia, US

Alisyn Carliene wrote:
Everyone is saying get rid of the boyfriend like it's soooo easy tongue
Here's my advice:
Like Kelli said, TALK to him about what he's so jealous about and make him realize that he's supposed to support you in your endeavours and if he can't do that, then it's not going to work. He needs to trust you. Usually if their insecure, they have their own skeletons in the closet.

Were he simply jealous I'd agree with you. And I still think they should talk, but:

She mentioned that he wants to be the only thing in her life. That goes past simply jealousy and delves into dangerously controlling waters, IMO. That's not a good element to have in what should be a healthy, happy relationship.

Aug 04 11 12:43 pm Link

Model

Alisyn Carliene

Posts: 11756

San Bernardino, California, US

Vaudeville wrote:

Were he simply jealous I'd agree with you. And I still think they should talk, but:

She mentioned that he wants to be the only thing in her life. That goes past simply jealousy and delves into dangerously controlling waters, IMO. That's not a good element to have in what should be a healthy, happy relationship.

yeah.. sounds like "Let's get married and you be my slave. you're not allowed to work. just make children and do what i want." It is selfish. and thanks for mentioning, I'll be honest I somehow skipped through that part.

Aug 04 11 12:47 pm Link

Model

Eff

Posts: 466

Spokane, Washington, US

My boyfriend and I lived together for a few weeks shy of a year. We broke up about two weeks ago, he said if I wanted to get back together with him, I'd have  to give up modeling.

I told him in the beginning of our relationship that he has to be 100% alright with my modeling.

Now I'm single and living 2000 miles away from him! I love him a lot, but modeling has seniority over him.

Aug 04 11 12:48 pm Link

Photographer

Patrick Walberg

Posts: 44603

Salinas, California, US

Alisyn Carliene wrote:
Everyone is saying get rid of the boyfriend like it's soooo easy tongue
Here's my advice:
Like Kelli said, TALK to him about what he's so jealous about and make him realize that he's supposed to support you in your endeavours and if he can't do that, then it's not going to work. He needs to trust you. Usually if their insecure, they have their own skeletons in the closet.

Good relationships take compromise, and acceptance to work!  I'm talking from BOTH partners! 

Great friendships (relationships) that last a lifetime take acceptance.  Those women in my life who encouraged me to photograph rock stars, beautiful women and fast cars are still my best friends decades later.  Those women who wanted to be my "one and only" didn't accept who I am and therefore are not around.  I'm still photographing the rock stars, beautiful women and fast cars ... and loving life!  smile

Aug 04 11 12:54 pm Link

Model

Ash3

Posts: 5911

Hamilton, Ontario, Canada

Usually I'm all for talking things out with a boyfriend who doesn't understand modeling, and is a bit jealous.

But seriously, he wants to be the only thing in your life? neutral
Tell him he either needs to change his attitude, and fast, or to gtfo. If he's this controlling now, it's probably only going to get worse, because as you said, you take modeling seriously and I doubt that you would stop doing it.

Drop the douchebag. For your age you're very mature and seem like you know what you want to do and where you want to go in life. You don't need someone who is going to try and hold you back from doing what you want to do with your life or what you love.

Aug 04 11 12:57 pm Link

Photographer

LD Out of Focus

Posts: 69

Oakland, California, US

There are plenty of nice supportive guys out there, its better to find one of them now before you end up getting any more serious with a guy who wants to control everything you do.

My one piece of all purpose relationship advice is, "you deserve to be happy."

It sounds like overall this guy isn't going to make you happy.

Aug 04 11 12:59 pm Link

Model

Brandy Madison

Posts: 166

San Francisco, California, US

K I C K H A M wrote:
I would doubt he's going to be any less controlling in the future.

This.
Jealousy can only get worse.

Aug 04 11 01:01 pm Link

Model

Deadlynightshade

Posts: 4774

Los Angeles, California, US

If he's this jealous now, it will only get worse..never better. You will have to decide which you value more because you almost never can have both.

Aug 04 11 01:02 pm Link

Photographer

M Studio Photography

Posts: 964

Santa Clara, California, US

decide which one is more important for you and go with that..you can't have both in this case.

Aug 04 11 01:05 pm Link

Model

Rachel Jay

Posts: 20439

Nashville, Tennessee, US

K I C K H A M wrote:
I just had the same situation with a close friend, except he recently, after shutting her off from her friends, attacked and almost killed her. sad

I found out about 2 years after they broke up that he was abusing her and forcing her to do sexual things she didn't want to do.  She also struggled with breaking up with him, because every time it came up he threatened to kill himself.  Abusive and controlling... and it cost her a lot of friends (not all of us accepted her back into the group after they broke up).  NONE of us knew what was going on, because he'd forced her to totally alienate all of us.

Aug 04 11 01:08 pm Link