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Forums > Model Colloquy > Models: Do you have a jealous boyfriend?

Photographer

Danny DD

Posts: 347

Baarle-Hertog, Antwerp, Belgium

No one should try to force you to make a choice where no choice should be made.

Aug 06 11 12:54 am Link

Photographer

Drew Smith Photography

Posts: 5214

Nottingham, England, United Kingdom

To generalise:

His attitude will probably not be confined to your modelling. If you haven't seen it already then it is most likely that he will have a 'problem' with you doing anything that threatens his 'security'.

Aug 06 11 12:55 am Link

Photographer

Eye of the World

Posts: 1383

Corvallis, Oregon, US

K I C K H A M wrote:
So what happened? I let things slide, and the relationship built and built, with him wanting to get married and still not making any progress in supporting me in what I wanted to do, thinking I would just "outgrow" it. When I could take the jealousy issues anymore, I broke it off.

Great post, but I think you meant "couldn't" take the jealousy.

Aug 06 11 10:21 am Link

Photographer

Jay Farrell

Posts: 13408

Nashville, Tennessee, US

Danny DD wrote:
No one should try to force you to make a choice where no choice should be made.

Great post, true enough!

Aug 06 11 10:26 am Link

Model

GeekySock

Posts: 5

Chicago, Illinois, US

I just got out of a nearly year-long relationship with an extremely jealous and controlling man. He also wanted to be the only thing in my life...but he also wanted to "show me off" so other men knew I was his. He'd get so angry that it took time away from him to go to a shoot or dance rehearsal, but once the pictures came out or it was the night of a show, he was suddenly Captain Supportive. Which is why I tolerated his behavior for so long. In the end, he isolated me from my friends and would lose his mind if I left the houses for anything but work. He wound up beating the shit out of me and holding me at gunpoint for 3 hours.

My personal policy for guys showing possessive tendencies: GTFO. Immediately.

Aug 06 11 10:37 am Link

Model

Morgan AB

Posts: 6505

London, England, United Kingdom

GeekySock wrote:
I just got out of a nearly year-long relationship with an extremely jealous and controlling man. He also wanted to be the only thing in my life...but he also wanted to "show me off" so other men knew I was his. He'd get so angry that it took time away from him to go to a shoot or dance rehearsal, but once the pictures came out or it was the night of a show, he was suddenly Captain Supportive. Which is why I tolerated his behavior for so long. In the end, he isolated me from my friends and would lose his mind if I left the houses for anything but work. He wound up beating the shit out of me and holding me at gunpoint for 3 hours.

My personal policy for guys showing possessive tendencies: GTFO. Immediately.

Holy shit. yikes I'm so glad you got out and are okay!!

Aug 06 11 10:46 am Link

Model

cameryn coxxx

Posts: 369

Delray Beach, Florida, US

GeekySock wrote:
I just got out of a nearly year-long relationship with an extremely jealous and controlling man. He also wanted to be the only thing in my life...but he also wanted to "show me off" so other men knew I was his. He'd get so angry that it took time away from him to go to a shoot or dance rehearsal, but once the pictures came out or it was the night of a show, he was suddenly Captain Supportive. Which is why I tolerated his behavior for so long. In the end, he isolated me from my friends and would lose his mind if I left the houses for anything but work. He wound up beating the shit out of me and holding me at gunpoint for 3 hours.

My personal policy for guys showing possessive tendencies: GTFO. Immediately.

BTDT, soooo glad I finally found a true love that supports and appreciates ALL of me, and never tries to control or hurt me.

Aug 06 11 10:54 am Link

Model

GeekySock

Posts: 5

Chicago, Illinois, US

Morgan Barbour wrote:
Holy shit. yikes I'm so glad you got out and are okay!!

Thank you. Going to court on Monday to make the Order of Protection permanent, then hopefully this can be put behind me... I just feel a little responsible to speak up when other women are describing similar traits in their boyfriends. hmm

Aug 06 11 10:54 am Link

Photographer

Kaouthia

Posts: 3153

Wishaw, Scotland, United Kingdom

GeekySock wrote:
Thank you. Going to court on Monday...

I sincerely hope he finds himself a possessive boyfriend while he's inside.

Aug 06 11 10:57 am Link

Model

GeekySock

Posts: 5

Chicago, Illinois, US

Kaouthia wrote:
I sincerely hope he finds himself a possessive boyfriend while he's inside.

Unfortunately in Tennessee, he won't do any time for this. While the south has come along a lot in the last 20 years, and all the police were very helpful and kind during this, in the end, the mentality is "boys will be boys." I'll be leaving Tennessee before the year is out.

Aug 06 11 11:02 am Link

Photographer

Kaouthia

Posts: 3153

Wishaw, Scotland, United Kingdom

Wow, I don't blame you.  Hopefully you can put all this in your past soon and forget he ever existed. smile

Aug 06 11 11:05 am Link

Photographer

Demeter Photography

Posts: 550

Calgary, Alberta, Canada

If the person you are with doesn't support what you do why be with them? 

I see here stories of bfs getting mad, models wanting to share photos they are proud of but feel they can't.   

Its crazy.  That isn't love and never will be.  Sorry to be so cut and dry but man I have seen so many guys and girls waste so much time, energy, emotion on relationships that suck.  I see a lot of people "settling" too.   Its depressing.

Ok, I'm off my mini rant and will close by saying that any partner that isn't supportive of what you do will always hinder you from getting everything good out of it.  Choice is yours to make.  I'm not suggesting everyone go on a dumping spree, but really look at what is important to you.  I hope in the journey that being with someone that is happy to see you happy doing things you love fits in somewhere.  Then you have to prioritize against other things.

Aug 06 11 11:06 am Link

Model

GeekySock

Posts: 5

Chicago, Illinois, US

No worries there. I'm well on my way...
And thanks for the kind words. big_smile

Aug 06 11 11:07 am Link

Model

Morgan AB

Posts: 6505

London, England, United Kingdom

GeekySock wrote:
Thank you. Going to court on Monday to make the Order of Protection permanent, then hopefully this can be put behind me... I just feel a little responsible to speak up when other women are describing similar traits in their boyfriends. hmm

Hopefully things will be resolved soon.

And putting your story out there is good. I know one woman whose husband did something 10x worse than your boyfriend and you know what she did? She forgave him because he "loves" her. He, too, is a classic case of an extremely possessive/controlling partner. hmm

Aug 06 11 11:09 am Link

Photographer

Demeter Photography

Posts: 550

Calgary, Alberta, Canada

Megan Tomas wrote:
Update:

He doesn't understand how important modeling is to me.
I have a huge shoot in NYC tomorrow, and apparently modeling is "more important" than him because I'm going to the shoot instead of seeing him.

Apparently I don't care about him and only about modeling.
Okay, modeling is VERY important to me, but I do care about him too.

Instead of supporting me and wishing me luck, he's making me feel horrible for going.

Yay.

That ain't going to change.  So YOU are in control of changing that.  smile

Aug 06 11 11:17 am Link

Model

Megan Tomas

Posts: 92

New York, New York, US

GeekySock wrote:
I just got out of a nearly year-long relationship with an extremely jealous and controlling man. He also wanted to be the only thing in my life...but he also wanted to "show me off" so other men knew I was his. He'd get so angry that it took time away from him to go to a shoot or dance rehearsal, but once the pictures came out or it was the night of a show, he was suddenly Captain Supportive. Which is why I tolerated his behavior for so long. In the end, he isolated me from my friends and would lose his mind if I left the houses for anything but work. He wound up beating the shit out of me and holding me at gunpoint for 3 hours.

My personal policy for guys showing possessive tendencies: GTFO. Immediately.

I'm so glad you're okay! Omg I'd be terrified.

Thank you all SO much for the advice. You're all 1000% right.
But now he decided to support me? yikes
Maybe this is for real, idk, I surely hope so.

Aug 06 11 06:45 pm Link

Photographer

Tom Rinard Photography

Posts: 78

Waco, Texas, US

Here is my take on jealous, obsessive, possessive, controlling, mean, psycho and vindictive (or any combination of the above) boyfriends.  I have had a few of the most beautiful and awesome models have to give up their passion to model because of some "guy"!!!  I would tell you the very same thing that I would tell my gorgeous blond daughter.  You are young.  You are beautiful.  You only live once and life is short.  While you have the looks, the talent, the ability and the desire.....  GO FOR IT!!! 

A relationship with a controlling mate is not a relationship at all!!!  It's all about control and it will suffocate you!!  That is not love.  It is about control.  If you really love someone you will let them be free and allow them to do what they love to do and are passionate about doing.  So you have to be open and you have to truly loving relationship.  It is NOT worth being "loved" by someone who is not willing to let you live your life as you would like and be free to do as you want.

My wife is very loving and laid back.  She allows and encourages me to shoot all of these beautiful ladies that I have had the incredible privilege to work with.  A jealous and controlling wife would definitely not allow this.  In fact, her coworkers cannot believe that she allows me to shoot all of these beautiful ladies!!!

I have a gorgeous model friend from Ukraine.  Her husband supports her modeling 200% and has even encouraged her to undertake a little more revealing attitude toward her modeling but she is a little hesitant to do so.  So I told her that she doesn't realize how fortunate she is to have such a loving relationship and a husband that is so supporting of her love of modeling.  And she admitted that she sometimes takes that for granted and I advised her otherwise.

So that is my two cents.   And my daughter doesn't model but both I and her husband would not hesitate to support her in doing so.  So before your relationship with this person gets any deeper or lasts any longer, think about your future and where you want to be five years from now.

You are definitely a very beautiful young lady and I wish you the very best of everything!!!  Take care.

Tom

Aug 07 11 06:28 am Link

Photographer

ontherocks

Posts: 23575

Salem, Oregon, US

i think you should make your partner feel important and special but that doesn't mean you should base your whole life on them (unless they're rich and they put a ring and a very favorable prenup on it. lol)

you might find this article interesting:
http://www.healthcentral.com/schizophre … us-of-you/
(10 Signs You May Be in an Emotionally Abusive Relationship)

what about getting him a camera and doing some shoots with him? then maybe he'd feel like he was getting to participate in this modeling thing of yours.

are you hoping to make a living from modeling at 5'-5"? i've worked with some traveling nude models who do it but i think they have to work pretty hard at it.

Megan Tomas wrote:
He gets mad (and this is going to sound crazy) because he thinks HE should be the only thing in my life?

Aug 07 11 07:09 am Link

Photographer

Lumigraphics

Posts: 32780

Detroit, Michigan, US

GeekySock wrote:
I just got out of a nearly year-long relationship with an extremely jealous and controlling man. He also wanted to be the only thing in my life...but he also wanted to "show me off" so other men knew I was his. He'd get so angry that it took time away from him to go to a shoot or dance rehearsal, but once the pictures came out or it was the night of a show, he was suddenly Captain Supportive. Which is why I tolerated his behavior for so long. In the end, he isolated me from my friends and would lose his mind if I left the houses for anything but work. He wound up beating the shit out of me and holding me at gunpoint for 3 hours.

My personal policy for guys showing possessive tendencies: GTFO. Immediately.

The point here ladies- don't date jealous, possessive men. It takes two to tango, and if you dance with the devil...its gonna get ugly.

I have no sympathy for someone who is foolish enough to stay in a bad situation. There are plenty of decent guys out there. Wise up and date one, not a jealous loser.

Aug 07 11 07:13 am Link

Photographer

Jay Farrell

Posts: 13408

Nashville, Tennessee, US

GeekySock wrote:
I just got out of a nearly year-long relationship with an extremely jealous and controlling man. He also wanted to be the only thing in my life...but he also wanted to "show me off" so other men knew I was his. He'd get so angry that it took time away from him to go to a shoot or dance rehearsal, but once the pictures came out or it was the night of a show, he was suddenly Captain Supportive. Which is why I tolerated his behavior for so long. In the end, he isolated me from my friends and would lose his mind if I left the houses for anything but work. He wound up beating the shit out of me and holding me at gunpoint for 3 hours.

My personal policy for guys showing possessive tendencies: GTFO. Immediately.

Shit. That's crazy! I'm glad you came out unharmed, and that you kick that quality to the curb......no one deserves that. Yet shit heels like that always get good women they don't even deserve. Odd.

Aug 07 11 07:39 am Link

Model

Deadlynightshade

Posts: 4774

Los Angeles, California, US

This message is for everyone: I know it's hard to leave your boyfriend because you "looooove him so much" but there are so many people in this world and several right people for you that you shouldn't be focusing on just one person and trying to make it work.

How would you feel about letting him control you and stop you from your dream and now you're 5 years older and not with him anymore? You've wasted that chance.

Aug 07 11 08:26 am Link

Photographer

Opportunistic Photog

Posts: 29

Greeley, Colorado, US

The jealous other half is my number one mood killer of great models I have worked with. To let someone curb what you love in such a way that you do not enjoy yourself is just wrong!

Aug 07 11 08:34 am Link

Photographer

New Dawn Photography

Posts: 3015

San Ramon, California, US

Megan Tomas wrote:

I'm so glad you're okay! Omg I'd be terrified.

Thank you all SO much for the advice. You're all 1000% right.
But now he decided to support me? yikes
Maybe this is for real, idk, I surely hope so.

Very unlikely that it's real. You're giving him a chance and that's good but don't keep him around and hope he changes. People often hold on to little changes and the words, "I'm trying" in hope that things will keep getting better. Him wanting to be the only thing in your life is not just a little jealousy, it's pretty much maxed out. The road from where he is to where he should be is very very long and it's not likely that someone with his attitude is going to travel it. So keep your eyes open and don't keep giving him chances. You're giving him one chance and leave it at that. If he blows it, dump him. Quick and perminant.

You haven't lived long enough to experience many relationships but I promise you that there is much better to be found that what you're dealing with. When you meet someone that truly supports you, your views will change. You won't believe that you thought what you have with guy is love. You also won't believe how much stronger you'll become. A boyFRIEND will encourage you and your dreams. He'll support you even when you're down. The difference between someone is actually supporting you and someone who's fighting their true feelings and trying to look like they're supporting you is everything to you. You're driven to be a model. You're going to have bad days that feel like you've been kicked in teeth. When you come home from a shoot that somehow went bad...when you are exhausted and feel like you'll never make it or just can't take it anymore, who do you want to come home to? The guy who listens to you cry about it, holds you and says things like, "Oh baby, it's all going to be fine. It was just one day. It's over and done and there are so many more good days to come." or the guy who listens to you cry about it, holds you and says, "Oh baby, I'm so sorry to hear that. You tried so hard but things don't always work out and modeling is a very tough business. Maybe it's just time to move on with something else."?

Aug 07 11 08:43 am Link

Photographer

Altovenue

Posts: 182

Toronto, Ontario, Canada

Kaouthia wrote:
Can't speak from a model's perspective, but I'd tell him to get over it or get lost. smile

+1

I mean, it's the industry; Models need to look good for someone else's eye. Hopefully the photographers that do shoot you have the professionalism to make it about the work. If the bf is jealous about your art, it's not worth it.

Aug 07 11 09:40 am Link

Photographer

Cascading Falls Photogr

Posts: 743

Rockbridge, Ohio, US

This is the reason I don't let boyfriends come to shoots. They are usually a pain in the butt. I will have to say I recently made an exception with a 21 year old model and was pleasantly suprised. The boyfriend kept himself busy while we shot and seemed to appreciate his girlfriends work.
BUT!!! Generally boyfriends are usually not worth the effort. Husbands seem to be better adjusted and I usually don't have a problem with them coming.

Aug 07 11 01:17 pm Link

Photographer

Patrick Walberg

Posts: 44626

Salinas, California, US

Tom Rinard Photography wrote:
A relationship with a controlling mate is not a relationship at all!!!

You are correct!  It's a one sided relationship.  Those who don't reciprocate are not relating.  One sided relationships are not worth having.

Aug 07 11 01:57 pm Link

Photographer

Patrick Walberg

Posts: 44626

Salinas, California, US

Megan Tomas wrote:
Update:

He doesn't understand how important modeling is to me.
I have a huge shoot in NYC tomorrow, and apparently modeling is "more important" than him because I'm going to the shoot instead of seeing him.

Apparently I don't care about him and only about modeling.
Okay, modeling is VERY important to me, but I do care about him too.

Instead of supporting me and wishing me luck, he's making me feel horrible for going.

Yay.

So in other words, he would want you to give up what you love doing to do as he wants you to?  That sounds just like slavery, doesn't it?   I've never understood why someone would want to make another person their slave.   It's your choice, and I hope you choose to feel happy and good about yourself over feeling "horrible!"   
Best wishes to you!

Aug 07 11 02:02 pm Link

Model

GeekySock

Posts: 5

Chicago, Illinois, US

Lumigraphics wrote:

The point here ladies- don't date jealous, possessive men. It takes two to tango, and if you dance with the devil...its gonna get ugly.

I have no sympathy for someone who is foolish enough to stay in a bad situation. There are plenty of decent guys out there. Wise up and date one, not a jealous loser.

Yeah - the problem with this is that abusive partners don't show that side of themselves until they believe they are firmly "in" with their victim. Only once they know they've got you, do they show their true colors. Because they are abusers, and that's exactly how they do it. And you may think it's easy to get out of that situation, but it isn't. There's the legal side: mine won't be prosecuted for anything. I'll be lucky to just get the Order of Protection made permanent (which does NOT serve as an eviction, in this state). Then the personal side (my personal experiences, but typical for the situation): the constant death threats, showing up unexpectedly, stalking, causing problems at my job, lies, threats (I'll burn your house down, I'll kill your family, I'll kill your friends, I'll make you watch while I kill your pets), sending pics of him slashing himself up with a knife, and my personal favorite - him holding a .45 handgun above his head by the barrel saying, "Have you ever been pistol whipped? No? Well, I'll make sure no one ever thinks you're beautiful again." Before swinging the gun down to 3" from my face, then punching me. It causes a very deep and real fear of leaving the psycho. I have a very extensive selection of wonderful friends who helped me plan and ultimately helped me get to the police. But what do you do when you can't get to the police? (He took my phone and car keys by force.)  How about when he's completely separated you from your friends and family? 

If you're referring to not getting into a relationship with someone who is jealous from the get go, then I absolutely agree with you, however, typical abusers would never show that side of themselves in the initial stages of a relationship. I'm not trying to be a bitch, and this is in no way meant to be a personal attack, but I think you're oversimplifying abusive relationships. The fundamental attribution error rears its head, again. (The belief that bad things happen to you because of bad luck or circumstance, but bad things happen to other people because they are stupid/lazy/weak/etc.) 

Understand that the man I fell in love with was kind, funny, charming, supportive, adoring, and more. He was a fictional construct designed to lure me in. So not only do I have to deal with the violence of the situation, but my heart is broken because the man I loved never existed.

Aug 07 11 02:04 pm Link

Model

Lil Cat

Posts: 245

Ann Arbor, Michigan, US

jealousy can ruin a relationship.maybe he just loves you and is not comfortable 'sharing' you with the rest of the world to see.being jealous doesnt make him a bad guy automatically.it all comes down to what is more important to you.do you care enough about him that you would give up modeling if it would make him happy or does posing in front of a camera for various strange men more important than your relationship?you will NEVER make your boyfriend change his feelings about you modeling so yall need to figure out whats the most important choice for both of you or else just move on without him if you plan on making modeling a career


Cat

Aug 07 11 02:15 pm Link

Photographer

Patrick Walberg

Posts: 44626

Salinas, California, US

Read or find documeanaies about Ronnie Spector. Here is something posted today;

http://www.spinner.com/2011/08/02/ronni … k3%7C83959

She is quoted as saying that she felt like a "prisoner" in her marriage to Phil Spector.  That is what women who marry controlling, and possessive men have to look forward to.

Aug 07 11 02:20 pm Link

Body Painter

Extreme Body Art

Posts: 4938

South Jordan, Utah, US

Lil Cat wrote:
jealousy can ruin a relationship.maybe he just loves you and is not comfortable 'sharing' you with the rest of the world to see.being jealous doesnt make him a bad guy automatically.it all comes down to what is more important to you.do you care enough about him that you would give up modeling if it would make him happy or does posing in front of a camera for various strange men more important than your relationship?you will NEVER make your boyfriend change his feelings about you modeling so yall need to figure out whats the most important choice for both of you or else just move on without him if you plan on making modeling a career


Cat

That is just a horrible way of looking at it..

Why can't it be the other way around.

Is HE going to love you enough and trust you enough to let you do what you enjoy and love.. or is HE going to be selfish enough and not trust you enough to make your own decisions on what you want to do in your life.

Jealousy is ugly.. NOT ONE THING GOOD comes from it... jealousy says "I don't trust you, I have to protect what is mine at all costs".

My (now) ex-wife was jealous all of the time.. I couldn't have friends unless SHE approved, I couldn't tell a joke for fear another girl might find it funny...

Wow.. no... if jealousy ever rears it's ugly head... the relationship is doomed whether you 'love' the person or not.. because that person has zero trust in there ability to say "No".

Aug 07 11 02:22 pm Link

Photographer

Patrick Walberg

Posts: 44626

Salinas, California, US

Lil Cat wrote:
jealousy can ruin a relationship.maybe he just loves you and is not comfortable 'sharing' you with the rest of the world to see.being jealous doesnt make him a bad guy automatically.it all comes down to what is more important to you.do you care enough about him that you would give up modeling if it would make him happy or does posing in front of a camera for various strange men more important than your relationship?you will NEVER make your boyfriend change his feelings about you modeling so yall need to figure out whats the most important choice for both of you or else just move on without him if you plan on making modeling a career


Cat

I think that when we are young, just "a little jealousy" occurs because we are still learning about each other.  As we grow older and get to know each other well, the jealousy should go away.  Have you interviewed older couples who have been married for 25 years or more?  They can be goofy, loving and so comfortable with each other that there is no longer a jealous bone to be found. 

Jealousy might be a symptom to further issues or it may not, but jealousy certainly is not a reason to become controlling and manipulative in a relationship.

Aug 07 11 02:31 pm Link

Photographer

Patrick Walberg

Posts: 44626

Salinas, California, US

Extreme Body Art wrote:
That is just a horrible way of looking at it..

Why can't it be the other way around.

Is HE going to love you enough and trust you enough to let you do what you enjoy and love.. or is HE going to be selfish enough and not trust you enough to make your own decisions on what you want to do in your life.

Jealousy is ugly.. NOT ONE THING GOOD comes from it... jealousy says "I don't trust you, I have to protect what is mine at all costs".

My (now) ex-wife was jealous all of the time.. I couldn't have friends unless SHE approved, I couldn't tell a joke for fear another girl might find it funny...

Wow.. no... if jealousy ever rears it's ugly head... the relationship is doomed whether you 'love' the person or not.. because that person has zero trust in there ability to say "No".

Wow!  You are pretty hardcore against "any" jealousy at all!  I've talked with girlfriends about jealousy.  If it's something we can both discuss in detail as to who and why we are feeling jealous, then I think it can be a good thing.  At that point, it's an open discussion.  When it escalates to something where it's not being discussed without fighting, and the person whom is overly jealous resorts to controlling and manipulating the relationship, then it's time to take some sort of action.  In many cases the person who is in a relationship where the other person is so jealous that they become dangerous needs to escape to save their own life!  Choose freedom!   You'll be happy you did!  wink

Aug 07 11 02:39 pm Link

Model

Leah Michelle

Posts: 2056

Venice, Florida, US

My husband totally supports me modeling and wishes I would quit my job and go modeling full time. LOL.

But he supports my decisions in it.

Now my ex was a little jealous, but mostly supportive. He was there for the beginning of when I was modeling. That was an interesting story ha.

Aug 07 11 02:44 pm Link

Model

j121

Posts: 297

Port Nelson, Rum Cay, Bahamas

Vaudeville wrote:
I'm about to sound like an asshole, because I'm not all that much older than you, but:

You're sixteen. Statistically, this boy is not going to be the man you end up spending your life with, especially if he's getting angry over modeling gigs.

Have you guys sat down and talked about this? Have you asked him why he gets angry about something that (I assume) you enjoy?

To answer your question: I don't put up with jealous men. Our personalities would clash horribly. My boyfriend is massively supportive and adores my work (yes, even my nude work). IMO, a healthy relationship is one where you communicate openly and support your partner. When that stops it's time to reevaluate your relationship.

+1000000000

Aug 07 11 02:47 pm Link

Body Painter

Extreme Body Art

Posts: 4938

South Jordan, Utah, US

Patrick Walberg wrote:

Wow!  You are pretty hardcore against "any" jealousy at all!  I've talked with girlfriends about jealousy.  If it's something we can both discuss in detail as to who and why we are feeling jealous, then I think it can be a good thing.  At that point, it's an open discussion.  When it escalates to something where it's not being discussed without fighting, and the person whom is overly jealous resorts to controlling and manipulating the relationship, then it's time to take some sort of action.  In many cases the person who is in a relationship where the other person is so jealous that they become dangerous needs to escape to save their own life!  Choose freedom!   You'll be happy you did!  wink

I actually agree that jealousy should be discussed.... and in my personal life, I tried it.. she just got worse and worse and more controlling and eventually she finally gave up and realized I'm not going to change, and she isn't either.. so we went separate ways (there is a LOT more to it, but jealousy was a factor in splitting up.)

Aug 07 11 02:53 pm Link

Photographer

Patrick Walberg

Posts: 44626

Salinas, California, US

Extreme Body Art wrote:

I actually agree that jealousy should be discussed.... and in my personal life, I tried it.. she just got worse and worse and more controlling and eventually she finally gave up and realized I'm not going to change, and she isn't either.. so we went separate ways (there is a LOT more to it, but jealousy was a factor in splitting up.)

Yes, there usually is more to it than "jealousy."  The thing is that when a person continues to refuse to discuss their jealousy in a calm rational manner ... they are not likely to change.  At that point, you are best to leave the relationship.

Aug 07 11 03:41 pm Link

Model

Hellz Kittehn

Posts: 4

Rockford, Illinois, US

I'm glad I read this thread! It makes me feel GREAT about my divorce from my abusive control freak husband. He would have NEVER let me model! It took me a good 3 years to recover from that train wreck of a marriage. My bf and love of my life was actually the one who got me to the point where I have enough self-confidence to do this. He is far from jealous as am I. We are secure in our relationship. He's my best friend and lover. His only concern is my safety. He trusts my judgment and supports me. Plus, we have fun doing our own lil photo shoots at home! I agree with most of the posts. That type of jealousy has the potential to be dangerous. A man who lacks self-confidence will often try to take yours away. Don't let that happen. You should be proud of your work and embrace what is special and unique about you.

Aug 07 11 05:48 pm Link

Model

Babalon Salome

Posts: 3499

Hamburg, Hamburg, Germany

GeekySock wrote:
I just got out of a nearly year-long relationship with an extremely jealous and controlling man. He also wanted to be the only thing in my life...but he also wanted to "show me off" so other men knew I was his.

To me, that was the worst part. He said he didn't want me to meet his family because he was ashamed of what I do, because to them me modeling nude for photographers and art classes would be the same as him dating a prostitute, and he'd constantly give me shit about it. Then again he would show all of his guy friends my pictures ("Look at what I am banging!") and loved to parade me around like a prize at parties.

Never. Again.

Aug 08 11 01:07 am Link

Model

Cole Morrison

Posts: 3958

Portland, Oregon, US

seriously. it will never work out so you should dump him now, the sooner the better. the longer you stay together, the harder it will be down the road.

Aug 08 11 01:10 am Link