Model Mayhem #:
Last Activity:
May 25, 2017
Very Experienced
Depends on Assignment
Jun 23, 2005

About Me

I did my best. It wasn't much. - Leonard Cohen

My name is Timm Bundies. I immortalize life to film. I was born with a piece of J.C. Penny stainless steel flatware in my mouth, and I scratched and clawed my way out of the upper middle class ghetto of Kenosha, Wisconsin to become the feared yet loved pariah that I am today. I am a dynamic figure, often seen scaling buildings and crushing ice. I photograph fuzzy ducks and puppies, and translate ethnic slurs for Polish immigrants. I can pilot bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed, and I can cook two-minute eggs in less than a minute. I have been known to remodel subway stations on my lunch breaks, making them more efficient in the area of heat dispersion. Occasionally, I trade ribald jests with heads of state.

I have won many awards, but never an addy. I am an expert in glass bricklaying, a veteran in love, and an outlaw in Brazil. I breed prize-winning clams. I pay my bills on time. I don't perspire. Using only a hoe and a glass of water, I once single-handedly defended a small village in the Amazon Basin from an attack of ferocious army ants. I read ancient Egyptian manuscripts in the original Sanskrit.

I am an abstract sculptor, a master archer, and a ruthless bookie. I have met and photographed many jazz greats, including Arturo Sandoval, who flipped me off. I own every recording ever made by Bob Marley and periodically annoy the neighbors by playing them at a high volume. I sleep only fifteen minutes a night and do so standing up. It is not true that I performed covert operations for the CIA, yet I am a certified card carrying founding member of the vast right wing conspiracy. I am an unselfish lover, an investor in the Chinese stock market, a rabble-rousing herdboy, and an inspiration for freedom fighters everywhere. I am named the way I am because my mother stutters. Children trust me.

I can make extraordinary four course meals using only a spatula and a toaster oven. I have played minor league baseball, and I have spoken to Elvis.

As you can tell, I take life very seriously.

I shoot models for fun, art for love and toilet parts for big bucks. If you want to model for me, you need to be beautiful and be able to make me laugh. Life's too short.

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Credit Notes

I have none. I am not even sure if I am a credit to the human race.

However, if you want to see samples of my published work, just go to my website. I have tons.

Never mind. Don't bother. It all sucks.

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