remember wat happened wen u and dominic weretalking to that car guy trying to get your car out and u were tryna negotiate with him and the clock wasnt on
yea i left the club drove his car to drop me off after my brother dropped me off but i dont remember wat happened on the steps i think i was injected with heroin
the ghost wants to know if that was you blasting your music all the time driving from city to city in 06 and if you walk in and out unconsicouly out of concoisous even though its there like a rose from the grave someone fucked up your destiny?
i remember when i worked at the 20s in 0506 i was so pretty that i felt other bitches were sad? so i would always talk alot about random things and i was always high but never off drugs something else but now my vibe is so dead i see bloody doves in a bathtub but my vibrancy was very high i was full of light
So I was driving with my Acura Integra from Burbank like 7 years ago and my fuel was on e and I couldn't find a gas station that night and I don't know I sensed snakes coming up in the tan grass? And thank God there was one gas station open before my car broke down then I saw the exorsism of Emily rose or Rosemarys baby? In the store and something really scary about the trucks like weird like I was about to die that night and that lil wayne songs and the one where he's taking about Michael Jackson and Bruno Mars those are snake-like beats but I think I was going through hell that nightStrippers looking at other strippers in mirrors hating on the presence spirit it can be such an evil dark shade the vibe is shady tho or was too silentSometimes it's wat we don't see that kills us sometimes you feel like there's nothing left to give because you are a generous person your open but the enemy has intruded on your mind and you want to get it out of your mind but the evil guy won't stop hacking your brain for information sometimes it's too much of that dude for you to handle I hope God spirits angels see this post

david cook come back to me:[Bridge]
I can't get close if you're not there
I can't get inside if there's no soul there
I can't fix you, I can't save you
It's something you'll have to do
something like 48hr mystery that was once me in the snow at the photoshoot like a dear in the headlights I didn't know you had a gun, fawn and reminds me of the paul wall oh girl beat...in some kind of trance
Sometimes you're mind is gone....where r u at??mentally? Wen you come back to the present u can proceed
my mom use to date this hells angels guy wen i was younger she couldnt handle my diabetes diagnosis so we went out to oregon for a minute and there was a dummy salan doll in the bathroom some things you dont forget
in the book ants have sex in your beer it says lets pretend were in a tunnel I got that many years ago
Sometimes mad love u show comes from within a deep place and your emotions are free and I will always express my luv regardless if I'm already wit someone I can't help it sometimes my hearts too big but I can be coldLauren Ortisi
October 5 ·





Anti psychotics don't work and turn u into a zombie

So a year ago I was robbed at a hotel I was left in a hotel and this chick ran off with the cash and I had to give this white dude a back massage and that same day I was fckd and robbed at a hotel and left wit nothing in my early 20s I was raped and held hostage last year I was gangbanged twice by blk dudes and white dudes they left me with no ride if I didn't get dwn also wen I was younger I was gangbanged in a vaStrippers looking at other strippers in mirrors hating on the presence spirit it can be such an evil dark shade the vibe is shady tho or was too silent
Is faith without works undead? Sometimes its good to vent your emotions through writing even if noone hears maybe god is there dont let people trick u into not believing god he will never leave or forsake u even if ur mom abandoned u wen u were young and ur relatives u can't locate ur not allone god u are worth more to anyone because he values u most sometimes u feel a cold feeling that comes and goes like u are not loved for who u are inside just people like wat they see but not ur real self inside is destroying u slowly and u are now broken and unsaved try to not go down a dark path life is scary and sad and fast at times it just isnt the sameSometimes I feel or experience feelings of pain and I see the hourglass with the black ink in my mind but there's still something unexplainable is to wat I'm saying
So a year ago I was robbed at a hotel I was left in a hotel and this chick ran off with the cash and I had to give this white dude a back massage and that same day I was fckd and robbed at a hotel and left wit nothing in my early 20s I was raped and held hostage last year I was gangbanged twice by blk dudes and white dudes they left me with no ride if I didn't get dwn also wen I was younger I was gangbanged in a vanIthis is my current boyfriend herm he laughs for no apparent reason every like 10 seconds and now its causing me to laugh weird i guess yea like 30 year age difference frown emoticont seems no matter how hard I try my man wants to darken dullen my bright outlooks on life feeling like it is rainbows and butterflies don't kill my spirit
Sometimes I feel or experience feelings of pain and I see the hourglass with the black ink in my mind but there's still something unexplainable is to wat I'm saying
Sometimes you're mind is gone....where r u at??mentally? Wen you come back to the present u can proceed
Its interesting how in this movie I seen this widow in all blqck that went crazy and started taking hella notes and cutting herself some things aren't the same
So there's a part in the crew song where it says but I live in the hills and I think of Lauren Conrad but I'm a different Lauren Haitian Sicilian Cherokee Mexican Puerto Rican and french
Sometimes people are here for a reason and god gives them a second chance to live because they are here to convey get across a message
I was content until I discovered some new music videos idk if its the song people vibe but reality is cold feeling disturbed and discontent can't sleep and a little more gone
Sometimes u feel as though no one can feel the feeling of being a body, your just another bitch worthless thirsty? I have no self worth that's why my actions show it...sometimes I feel like I am dead weight...things aren't the same... Different vibes...cold energy....

the problem is im too trusting but ive learned that its better to build barriers and keep to myself because you can confide in someone and then they know all your weaknesses and try to use it against u

never let some hating ass hoe devalue you can talk all u want about me but it stems from real jealously wen god sees your true potentiontial the devil will loose but u can continue trying to phase someone that doesent acknowledge ur exsistence


Fight nite bad bitch make it clap let me know ya...but sometimes you don't open up to people and try to stay closed off
As time goes on I start to gravitate away from the dude and to the female for support because I feel too smothered closterphobic and manipulated lied to and bfs be controlling I will always try to find a way to break free even if I stay with my current boyfriend I need more ventilation I need to fly like a dove
Psychologist can't fix me some even make me more irritated wen they try to talk to me I'm not an easy person to talk to I'm withdrawn hostile and they wonder why ppl end up killing themselves
Strippers looking at other strippers in mirrors hating on the presence spirit it can be such an evil dark shade the vibe is shady tho or was too silent
lyrics mariah carey wish u well it says Pray for those who mistreat you because one wants to be above everybody so u get mistreated
Someone was telling me about some of these satanic white people having a sayonce and taking someone's body this is why I say wen I die bury me in the Louis vuiton sto please
I really have a good connection with cats I like to take pictures with them but I would never catnap more sometimes I communicate with the dead because they understand
And I noticed some hoes picture placed right where I use to dance at the 20$ on Broadway dressed as some fake ass nurse like why you gotta put her picture where I danced so disrespectful she can get that shimmy puff because I guess I leave a little bit of glitter errywhere I go
so currently my minds just not clicking with my bf something isnt aligned my spirit keeps hiding so you try to distance yourself mentally but you feel like sex consumes you so u just avoid sex my mind isnt here im always saying you lost me wanting 2b somewhere else but even wen I go other places its like im still trying to escape running to free my mindSo why did they name a mac lipstick hang up sometime it is too late to hang up with someone we your stuck in a room with your boyfriend screen your calls just a warning bitch
theres so many ways you can die you can get into a car accident a plane crash get hit by a car,,,,I meet this lady at the mental hospital one time and she was in there for walking on a freeway she reminded me of that lady from the carpenter song weve only just begun...she told me she knows alot of murderersIn passenger seat listening to childish gambino the song makes me feel like the black part of me is still trapped and I want to get a gun and shoot myself in the head I willSo if you are dressed like a goddess and still feel like you are not good enough you are devaluing yourself modeling agency should be responsible for women killing themselves to stay thin I won't make it in your magazine but your model is hatin on me or my pictures



So I was in burbank five years ago to take naked pics and my x took me out there and I was at this porn director photographer house named rose and we went to some rocker dudes house and the red bottle of Cologne he had reminded me of satin or Charles manson that night I walked out of a hotel naked jumped in the swimming pool idk wtf but that scent triggered a strong memoryThey had a casting call for Americas next top Model wen I was like a c cup anyways it was at a hotel and they would video tape us and we were supposed to ineract with the other models so I was too shy or nervous to talk so maybe that's why I didn't get selected?

In lilboosies song why does it say soulful but he sounds like he's being sarcastic one year for Xmas I worked at hustler and this old black guy gave me change
sometimes things captivate enough of my attention my mind seems to wander from rime to time because your body cant escape out, your mind you can take to another place if you really dont want to be lying in bed sometimes I feel like im always chained to a hotel bed
Drinkng alchohol last night feeling free bur god knows i am not free jesus save me...you finally realize wat happened I will be gone on the inside although it will not look that way you will feel lost.....there's too much on my mind I can't sleep....feeling withdrawn....feeling gone
what to post about myself im a free spirit I listen to nirvana I listen to lauryn hill erykah badu sade common I listen to it all
flashbacks of my leather so soft mess up my thoughts I was at peace once and now the leather couaches hookers and filthy street depresses me to a point where I cant explain oh the cold cold nights its sad I view my feeling as sad

as the wind passes me by I feel invisible pretending like its not pitch black outside

initiating a conversation so I want to write about my beliefs I have a voice that wasn't heard and a mind of my own its as if I have so much to say but im illiterate

im a fragile woman i need to be held in his arms but dropped me

other then the emotional psychological and physical pain or disturbances im fine good night sweet dreams

and I will always be a strong woman with my head held up high

the vibes I get are currently cold but I try to be warm and friendly in lala land I can think about brighter days brighter ways and I would have to problem getting to my destination but it seems as though I cant go on stage
I don't have any insight but I t confuses me and I feel l as though I have used this sentence before and I don't know where im going with this but somedays are longer then others sometimes im here but when im gone im in lala land where no one can harm me and I can feel free to dream and be alive

reflecting back on my blog
im just fine and I will always be fine I have enough strength to confront my enemies im not a coward

Princess Lauren I look forward to another brighter day
Princess Lauren they tell me the other side is a minute away and I cant complete some questions without breaking down but I am so numb I cant cryI sense followers I never cared
bringing up topics you would like to discuss on facebook is not that easy when you feel you've lost your mind and you feel vacant and gone
I dont have depth im just a little disappointed my dreams were shut down
I have nothing to complain about im a quiet conservative introverted s
as a matter of fact I want to protest my rights outside of centerfolds and hustler because in my eyes it was not just or civil
the stage is my home there is nothing as exhilarating to me then following my dreams and seeing the art in stripping not the nudity

and I want to add to this its a shame when someone doesent even consider your point of view or have any sympathy for you but I mean me

sometimes when its dim the light follows you and shines a glimmer of hope

when im on stage and listening to music it seems as if life is limitless and the sky keeps opening

the stage is my home there is nothing as exhilarating to me then following my dreams and seeing the art in stripping not the nudity

getting back to the relevant topics of the day hmm & once again nothing comes to mind except. That is all



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