Agency represented.
Internationally published.
Insane in the membrane.
How Do I Book A Shoot With You?
You don't. I'm off work until further notice.
Seriously. Go away, or I'll throw up on your shoes. Morning sickness is fun!
Do You Shoot TFP??
No. Thank you, but no. Of course there are exceptions, but you probably aren't one. Bribe me with shoes.
Do You Ever Travel To My Area?
Instead of asking me "Hey, do you ever come to (fill in the blank)?" arrange for it to happen.
If you wait until I happen to already be traveling to your town/state/country/planet for other reasons, chances are very good that you'll either be waiting for a very, very, very long time, or else I'll have other plans (i.e. the reason I'm there in the first place) that will make shooting with you impossible.
Will You Get Nekkid For Me?
I only do nude work for a few people. If you have to ask, you are not one of those people.
Do You Bring An Escort To Shoots?
I don't need an escort...if some photographer is going to rape me, kill me, and then chop me into little bite sized pieces so he can store me in his freezer to eat later, why would I bring an escort with me that would suffer the same fate?
What Body Modifications Do You Have?
I have a tattoo of a dragonfly on my back, and a cat on my left foot. I also have both of my ear lobes pierced twice. The piercings are removable. The tattoos are not. Deal with them, or find a different model.
Will You Be My Friend?
Will you be my mommy?
Will You Be My Friend On MySpace?
I don't have a MySpace account. Never have, never will!
(I did cave and opened a Facebook account, but only after having several people threaten to stab me to death with toothpicks if I didn't.)
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My rates:
Nude Cake Baking in your Kitchen - $500/cake, recipe is my choice (send list of allergies ahead of time)
Ball Stomping - $1,000/30 minutes (you may be charged more for extras, such as requesting specific shoes, etc.)
Midget Porn - $5,000/midget (up to 5 midgets, for 6+ midgets ask about discount)
For promo shoots, I cannot ethically promote almonds,
near-beer, Velveeta, Teletubbies, or 80's fashions.
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