Remarcable ImagingPhotographer Male King of Prussia, Pennsylvania, US
Mayhem # 638221
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Your entertainment for the day: A man's Top 10 list to women on modeling (2nd revision).
Men and women are different. No surprise there. I'm not even going to get into why either of us are better or worse than the other. I know my mailbox will be flooded with responses to which I don't want to respond. But as a service to all the ladies out there, here are some helpful tips for you when modeling for a male photographer, many of which can be applied to any situation, with every guy.
1. Be on time. Let's get the boring one over with first. There is no humor associated with this. This is just common courtesy and professionalism. When I schedule a shoot, that then becomes my #1 priority for the day, and I arrange everything else around it. Thus far, I have never missed a shoot, and don't intend to unless an emergency arises. If you CAN'T make a shoot or are going to be late, CALL, even if you have to make up some lame-ass excuse! Trust me, you'll have a lot better chance to reschedule if you call to say you can't make it. Completely flaking will ruin any chance of shooting with that photographer again (and earn you a spot on my Wall)!
-- The Wall of Shame (a.k.a. The Flake List) --
-- May 2, 2008 - Hilayna Starr (MM#602629) --
-- June 16, 2011 - Britney Corbin (MM#1940382) --
2. Outfits. If you're shooting TFP, then bring a few outfits in which YOU would like to be photographed. That's why it's called a "trade" shoot. You get some things you want, we get some things we want. Everybody's happy. Don't bother asking us what outfits we want you to wear. Let me tip you off to how us guys think regarding what you wear: LESS and/or TIGHTER IS BETTER! The more skin that's showing, the better the outfit. Or if it's not showing much, then at least give us something to fantasize about by wearing something form-fitting to your curves. We have great visual imaginations, trust me. Men don't give two shits that you spent $2000 on an elegant, name-brand evening gown at Neiman Marcus. Sure, we'll probably still tell you that you look nice, but that's only because most of us know better and we want to get laid later. But let me tell you how to save some money here. Instead, go out to Target, spend $19.99 on a cute little low-cut sun dress, and we'll think you look absolutely amazing! Let see here...your boyfriend is happy because you look hot, you're happy because he thinks you look hot, there's now $1980 more sitting in your bank account, and he's still going to get laid later. It's a win-win-win-win situation for everybody!
3. Colors. This is related to outfits. I'm sure all your girlfriends know exactly what "teal" and "mauve" look like, but guys DO NOT. Don't tell us you have a "teal" dress you want to be photographed in. We don't know what the hell you're talking about. I'm 43, I have a master's level college education, and I still have no fucking clue what the hell color "mauve" is. Any guy who does is gay, and if he says he isn't, then he's probably lying. The solution is quite simple. Instead, use these descriptive colors, and NO OTHERS: black, gray, white, yellow, orange, red, green, blue, pink, purple, tan, or brown. That's all we know. If that isn't good enough for you to accurately describe the color of your attire, then add "light" or "dark" appropriately, or try combining two (i.e. bluish-green). To tell you the truth, we really don't even give a rat's ass what color your clothes are anyway. Hello, did you read #2 above? For all we care, you can wear a puke green dress with pink polka dots. Is it short? Tight? Are your tits hanging out? GREAT!
4. Escorts. I really do not have a problem with bringing an escort to a shoot (exceptions to this involve shoots where discretion is important, and thus the fewer involved, the better). But I think doing your homework prior to a shoot will ensure your safety just as well, if not better. There's a dozen girls on my portfolio, ALL of whom did their first shoot without an escort, who will vouch that I don't molest or murder models after the shoot, nor do I ever plan on starting. (I can't help but wonder, do you girls who REQUIRE an escort for every shoot also bring someone along on a first date? If so, that MIGHT just be the reason you're single in the first place!) I will be more than happy to meet up with you prior to the shoot at a neutral place, at which time I will gladly welcome you to bring anyone you want. However, during the shoot, leave your jealous boyfriend/fiance/husband at home, and bring a friend instead (leave your parent at home, too, please). I generally will not do a shoot if your significant other is there. This situation rarely works to your benefit. As much as he'll tell you that he won't interfere, there will often be that unspoken jealousy going on, which you'll be able to sense and it will show in the photos. He won't say anything to you at the shoot because he knows better and wants to get laid later. Know how the shoot's going to turn out? Well, let's just say you can't spell jealousy without "lousy."
5. Shoes. Why do you women need so many damn shoes? With the possible exception of a guy who's got a foot fetish, we don't give a flying fuck what's on your feet! If you've got more than a dozen pairs of shoes, you're wasting your money. Instead, go out and buy us some more skimpy outfits! And just think how much time you'd save, too. Don't know what I mean by that? Come on...I can't tell you how many HOURS upon HOURS I've wasted waiting for a chick to get done standing in front of that full-length mirror trying on shoe, upon shoe, upon shoe, in an attempt to assemble the perfect ensemble. Then after about the 20th pair, she changes the whole outfit, and begins the entire process over again.
6. Thongs. If you're doing a shoot and you feel your g-string riding up above the waist line of your pants, for crying out loud, don't shove it back into your pants! Leave it out...we LOVE that! Really, you expect us to think that wearing a piece of dental floss up your ass is either comfortable or practical? You wear them because they're sexy and you want guys to see them, so why not display it with pride! While we're on the subject of thongs, can you please do us guys all a huge favor and wear thongs that contrast in color with your outer garment? This will make things so much easier for us. See, we spend vast amounts of time staring at your asses trying to determine if you're wearing a thong, or better yet, nothing at all. When you walk past men, one of four things is going to happen. If the guy's a pig, he'll just blatantly stare at your ass and not care if you or anyone you're with sees him (more on pigs later). Or if he's whipped, he probably won't stare at all because he wants to get laid later and doesn't want to piss off his girlfriend. Or he stares, but has done it for so long and has become so good at it that neither you, nor anyone you're with, will notice. Or he's gay, in which case that worries me because then he's probably staring at MY ass trying to determine if I wear thongs (I do not). Anyone care to venture a guess as to which category I fall into?
7. Paid shoots. To quote a famous photographer: "If you want me to pay you to model for me, sorry, I don't do that." We invest considerable time both before and after a shoot, long after your modeling work is done, not to mention thousands of dollars worth of equipment. We provide you with a product: (hopefully) great photographs. With a TFP shoot, your time "pays" for these photographs. Photographers pay models when someone else is paying the photographer to photograph the model, which is never the case for me. Do you walk into a clothing store and expect the store to pay YOU to wear their clothes? So why would you go to a shoot and expect a photographer to pay you for him to take pictures of you? I will gladly shoot TFP, because I enjoy it. If you want to be paid for a shoot, I will be happy to negotiate my rates for photographic services and pictures provided.
8. Hard-ons. This is a natural reaction that guys have when they see girls they think are hot. If you're shooting and you see a bulge start forming in his drawers, don't freak the hell out. It doesn't mean he's a perv. He's paying you a compliment without uttering a word. Guys can't hide this excitement like women can. It's like he's saying, "You look great in that cute little outfit, and you're doing a fantastic job. I'm very happy!" So long as it stays IN his pants, you're fine. Keep posing like you've been doing. Now if he yanks it out and starts tossing it around like a fishing pole with a 20 lb trout on the end, it's time to find a new photographer. You have every right to freak out. That is NOT appropriate! Personally, it takes more than a cute girl banging out poses to charm my cobra into doing a dance, but I know this isn't the case for all photographers.
9. Nudity. As you can see, I really don't shoot a lot of nudes. Not that I don't like nekkid girls; it's just not how I wish to portray my portfolio. But I do strive for shoots that are sensual, alluring, seductive, and sexy. I believe that you don't need to remove all your clothes to be sexy. I much prefer the allure of Maxim style work anyway. But for God's sake, nudity isn't that big of a deal. Look at it like this: At last count, there are about 6.7 billion people on this earth. Of them, approximately 3,310,484,000 are women. Each woman has two tits. That means there are 6,620,968,000 tits on this earth. Come on, do you really think your two are so special that we haven't seen any like them before?!? Having said this, I won't ever push a clothed model to get naked, but I sure as hell won't ask a nude model to get dressed, either!
10. Pigs. If you're reading this and think I'm a pig, YOU'RE RIGHT! I am a pig (guess that makes me a "PWC" also). And in 20 years, I'll proudly be a Dirty Old Man, too. But guess what, so is every other guy. We're all pigs. The only difference between me and all the rest of the pigs, is that I admit it! But I'm also probably the nicest pig you'll ever meet. Face it, we do this because we like taking pictures of hot girls like you. If we didn't, our portfolios would be full of boring subjects like babies, cats, flowers and bugs (I will NEVER shoot flowers and bugs...if you shoot with me, ask me why!) Yes, I do shoot other stuff too, but models are what I enjoy the most.
If you're reading this, and I'm pissing you off, then I offer my apology to you. This wasn't meant to offend. It was meant to be taken as playful banter. Believe it or not, I actually do act professionally during shoots (especially the first one!), with a little joking around thrown in for good measure. As much as you may not think so after reading my rhetoric above, I treat EVERY model with the respect that you all deserve, and guarantee to make you feel comfortable.
If you're reading this and laughing your ass off, LET'S SHOOT! We'll probably get along great, and eventually end up with a lasting friendship. My shoots tend to be a blast, with music jamming, and a bottle of wine always available. I bend over backwards for models I connect with. I do this because it's fun, and when we're both having fun, it shows in the photos.
My best to all of you.
"Engineer by profession...photographer by passion"
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