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The funniest e-mail in the history of mankind!
Hello: I saw your website and it is terrific. It is an honor to satisfy any desires the women may posess. I am contacting you to see if you are receptive to the suggestion for me to serve as their slave for their enjoyment in a video production. My interests are- 1. Smothering-anal and vaginal 2. Bondage-light, medium, and heavy 3. Trampling-I will try even though it is hard on my chest; I do not want broken ribs 4. Cock And Ball Torture-I never tried it but will experiment 5. Anilingus-lick and ream out the anus; hopefully, my tongue will massage the sphincter muscle 6. Cunnilingus-lick and ream out the vagina; hopefully, my tongue will bring the clitoris and G-Spot to ecstasy 7. Body Worship A. Armpit-smelling B. Breast-sucking C. Foot-licking the sole and each toenail 8. Toilet Slave A. Brown Shower-squat onto my face and have a bowel movement in my mouth B. Gold Shower-squat onto my face and urinate in my mouth C. Invisible Shower-squat onto my face and pass gas in my mouth 9. Video-I have acted out the story with 25 dominatrixes. They all say this is the most unique roleplaying they have ever conducted. This theme can either be for fantasy or reality. I am shipwrecked on a deserted island that has been struck with a famine. It is inhabited by female cannibals. After discovering the village when I am looking for water, I am captured by the 200+ amazon warriors because I have trespassed. The High Priestress Birthday is in several days; to honor her a feast had been planned. But, when the famine left the island with little livestock, the plans were going to be canceled, until I arrived. I am prepared as the Dinner's Guest Of Honor. The main course being served is Hawaiian Longpig-me! The 4 page script can be e-mailed to you or it can be printed and brought with me. This can be videotaped and sold on the Internet. There are several hundred websites dealing with cannibalism. Yahoo Groups exist that deal with this subject. There are many men that will pay for your video and you would become WEALTHY. 10. Open-minded to try an idea you suggest so there are no stones left unturned. Whenever I do anything academic, athletic, and social, I give 110% effort so I will be a "blue-chip" investment for your video productions. I am a library manager and have an M.B.A. in Human Resources. I am white, handsome, 100% healthy, no drugs, non-drinker and non-smoker, 5'10" and 235 pounds with blond hair and blue eyes. I am single and have no children. I will not pay for any of these interests, but in exchange for a modeling fee, I will perform in a video for FREE! If you are satisfied, we can talk about money at a later date since I am easy to work with and I am not a prima donna. Thank you for your consideration and I look forward to a favorable reply, if not, I will not contact you again. Jun 24 05 11:49 pm Link I had my doubts at first, but the MBA in human resources convinced me. Jun 24 05 11:51 pm Link Saw it or wrote it? I could not resist too fnnn easy it was, easy it was too. Jun 25 05 12:17 am Link ummm yeah.....can we say weirdo?? Jun 25 05 12:26 am Link Posted by Israel Colon: Who'd have thought? Jun 25 05 01:16 am Link Don't tell anyone, but I love me some cannibals! Jun 25 05 01:39 am Link Lol James......" Fine Young Cannibals " are the best!!! Jun 25 05 01:40 am Link Is - funny thing is I had to spell check it - one of those words that just doesn't "look right" - know what I mean? But I still love me some damn cannibals! Jun 25 05 01:44 am Link I hear you James.......lol! Jun 25 05 02:55 am Link This is just another one of a plethora of "I will gladly perform perverted things with you today for cash in the indefinable future' catagory. I have many dominatrix friends. Much of the stuff he wants is illegal if done for money...but is done at dungeons anyway. However, much of the stuff listed in his interest catagory is premium stuff...any pro worth her work would take several thousand dollars to satisfy all of this guys needs. And he needs several thousand dollars of therapy...whether by his local neighborhood dominatrix, or by a licensed therapist. God, I hate cheap Johns! Jun 25 05 04:13 am Link Posted by Lapis: I say we call Doctor Phil or Oprah or maybe even Maury Povich?{lol}.....kooks I tell ya kooks! Jun 25 05 12:02 pm Link Posted by Israel Colon: How thoughtful of him to do all this work for you for free while you become WEALTHY... Jun 26 05 04:10 am Link I stopped at the "bowel movement in my mouth" part. mann... I need a shower. Jun 26 05 05:45 am Link Posted by Israel Colon: Yeah, but the guy who wrote the letter is almost as creepy as they are. *shudder* Jun 26 05 09:51 am Link I'm surprised he left out "Sever my own penis and eat it on an open faced sandwich." Wimp. Jun 26 05 04:25 pm Link |