DougBPhoto wrote:
A friend of mine posted a link to this article earlier today.

I found it interesting in general, and then I thought more about the relationship between depression and activity (while considering the article's position on happiness and activity.)

While there are many reasons for depression (and suicidal thoughts by extension) and there are obviously no easy fixes, I thought it was something worth reading and worth sharing.

http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles … ifferently

As far as I am concerned, we all can use every possible tool at our disposal, our situations are all complex, and for any one person there is no telling what things might help any of us.

I agree this is a very interesting article, and it takes a lot of the people to heal themselves, but trying the smaller things every day really do brighten things up a bit.

Amanda Lauren wrote:
why thank you. I haven't talked to a therapist or anything because of financial reasons and also because I feel like someone analyzing my life might be thinking its the wrong thing when it isn't that makes me depressed and that wont fix anything lol if that makes any sense. Ive just been trying to find what makes me happy and try handling things the best I can for now, and reading books about others with the same issues. Hell, with all the issues people have nowadays, they almost all coincide with each other under depression/anxiety/ocd/bipolar. Pretty much whatever isn't considered "normal" mentality. I guess that's why so many people, including myself, have hidden for so long.

A therapist is not necessarily someone analyzing your life. A lot of it is someone with professional knowledge about the mental health conditions that you're dealing with who listens to you.  The therapist listens and may provide suggestions and/or ideas to help you figure it out and work on things. 

It's kind of like having someone with you in your car when you're trying to get someplace through streets that you've never been on.  They might understand the neighborhood and be able to recognize the signs and landmarks.
That's just one analogy.

All therapists are not alike just like all treatments are not alike.  The point of seeking these out is understanding that we are struggling issues that we may not be able to handle on our own.  The battle is with ourselves.  It's like arm wrestling with your left arm against your right arm.  Just trying to configure that can be overwhelming.

A lot of times we might have friends who are struggling with mental health concerns, too and they can be of help when it comes to talking with someone who relates, but not always.  Their battles can leave them unable to relate or talk with anyone else much. It really just depends on the situations and people involved.

One thing for certain, there isn't an easy fix.  Our society wants us to believe in such things, but no.

Depression Rollercoaster

It’s surprising how quickly depression can get you. It’s almost as if, you’re going along feeling pretty good and then WHAM, depression slams into you and says, “Now, now… you have chronic depression, remember? You’re not allowed to feel too good.”

That’s the depression roller coaster.

Star Child wrote:

That is a perfect description of how my life has been going.

Chris Rifkin wrote:
definitely need this thread near the top this time of year...as like every year in my life since probably 1989 I feel like shit because yet again I will be spending at least Christmas lonely...
yet again I watch people hook up in probably the most fetile time of the year to meet someone
(christmas/holliday parties are some of the most proven ways to meet someone in an enviroment of festiveness and joy ) while as usual I have no parties to go to because I know nobody that is having one or would invite me to one...

the bullshit advice I will surely get from the know it alls(no..volunteering will not make me feel good because I don't want to be volunteering on Christmas,I want to be with people I love and love me back)

Wish I could just pass out and wake up Feb 15th

Maybe we arent know it alls, but are in similar situations. Ever think of it that way? We "celebrate" Hannukah, and by that I mean my parents do still get me some gist and hand it to me, unwrapped on any random day and say its for Hannukah. It could be months before, during, after, it doesnt matter, there is no sense of togetherness. For years, we used to all go together down to Florida as a family when I was little to visit my mother's parents, but that stopped about hmmmm , when did my grandmother pass away? well a good 10 years ago, and even before that we werent all going at once for some years before that. Everyone had their schedules changed a bit. We used to all go for the New year and for the Christmas break. Now, my parents go to Florida and keep the tradition alive, and my brother is married and lives in the city, and I am here on the island, alone, watching the dogs. I dont celebrate Christmas, so that leaves me out, and everyone is with family. It's great fun. I get to hear people sharing stories about putting up their trees and decorating and all the stuff I wish to have in the future if I ever meet someone. (and they celebrate Christmas).

If you dont want to volunteer with people, maybe hang with animals. They ALWAYS love you back and appreciate what you do for them. Tons of people feel crappy around this time of year so know that you are not alone, I promise you this. It may not make you feel better, and I am sorry you are hurting. If someone offers to invite you over, go for it. If you can come up with plans, make them. I tend to do the opposite and hibernate, and make things worse for myself. Never do as I do, only do as I say I have been trying to start an art project for months now.

Chris Rifkin wrote:
If the right people invite me over(and I would even fly somewhere even overseas)I would in a heartbeat if it didn't mean I was intruding I felt that I was nothing more than a sympothy guest..

I mean I always have elements of my family invite me..but this is a souce of my unhappiness,whether its my Stepmom making it impossible to be around my father,my sister making me feel like shit in a passie agressive manner because I have not grown up(ie,cut my hair and stop listening to heavy metal )and don't have a family..or other elements (who have since basicly disowned me)who used to try to force the Jesus Penis up my ass)

I truly want to be around people,but people that will make the experience worth while and not make me go into surf facebook/mm making depressing posts mode that day

Perhaps try to change your outlook on being a "sympathy" guest. Maybe both parties need to shift their outlook on inviting and being invited. I know what your "overseas" suggestion relates to, and it would be best for you to let that go, no matter how much that hurts. Try to keep only positive people and things in your life and learn to weed out people who may hurt you and or arent truthful. Doing that is painful. It's why I keep to myself a lot.

Dont allow people to make you feel uncomfy. Be direct and ask questions and clarify things for YOURSELF. Dont allow people to walk all over you. Take the power back. If you enjoy your hair long and your music, great, do it for you, not to piss people off. That is teenage angsty shit. I have been there and done that too. I like my loud stuff, but I have grown into appreciating slower stuff in my 30's. I appreciate all kinds of stuff. I wont ever let go of my roots though. There is a time and place for everything. It all depends on my mood. You can never go wrong with Alice in Chains or Radiohead for me. As for religion? I would just tell someone thanks but no thanks. I appreciate others views, but not as my own. What works for others does not work for me. They are entitled to their beliefs though, just don't try and shove them down my throat. If that gets them through tough times, then I am happy it works for them. I wish I had something that consistently worked for me. It wont be god, I can promise you that. It is going to be myself.

Patrick Walberg wrote:
This is the time of year when this thread is most important! 

I usually post something, but it's buried.

I have FINALLY started to work on an art project!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Lumen Sky wrote:

I have FINALLY started to work on an art project!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

and I have been belly dancing

Phane wrote:
and I have been belly dancing

ooooh fun! do you have special outfits?

Lumen Sky wrote:

ooooh fun! do you have special outfits?

Haha! not yet when I get a job sure  would be awsome

Phane wrote:

and I have been belly dancing

Dancing of any kind is a great way to ward off depression! 

I love to photograph dancers.  It's a fact that my first photo assignment was to photograph a belly dance troupe on a regular basis, thus why dancers are my favorite models. 

Patrick Walberg wrote:

Dancing of any kind is a great way to ward off depression! 

I love to photograph dancers.  It's a fact that my first photo assignment was to photograph a belly dance troupe on a regular basis, thus why dancers are my favorite models. 

Yea!

Danielle Reid wrote:
Thanks for the bump in this thread. I've been going through a lot either by my own fault or issues I can't control. Either way, it seems I'm running out of people to talk to/yell at. Not saying I'm blaming anyone, but sometimes yelling and crying works as a release and after I catch my breath I'm fine. I guess I'd rather cry in a controlled situation than alone in my bed randomly because a happy thought turns into terror in an instant with no warning or provoking.

I know one thing is for sure, I'm not cut out to be a military girlfriend/fiance/wife. At least not until I get the medical help I need.

On a brighter note, it seems my modeling career is picking up.

that is a good thing to be aware of. Since you can acknowledge that, now its tine to start taking the steps necessary to handle that. One day at a time, start making things easier for yourself. In all honestly, when I read a lot of your posts on here, you seem to contradict yourself a lot and it makes me feel like you are a bit lost at what to do and so you grasp on to whatever is happening int he moment and do not think abut things in the longer term. It's great that modeling is occupying your tie for now, but make sure that you also are focusing on just some YOU time and sorting out what needs to be in order to gather your thoughts and clear your head so that you can slowly start to move forwards and make decisions you need to in order to move forwards. Talking with people is always better than yelling at them, even though the yelling may feel better at the time.

Lumen Sky wrote:

that is a good thing to be aware of. Since you can acknowledge that, now its tine to start taking the steps necessary to handle that. One day at a time, start making things easier for yourself. In all honestly, when I read a lot of your posts on here, you seem to contradict yourself a lot and it makes me feel like you are a bit lost at what to do and so you grasp on to whatever is happening int he moment and do not think abut things in the longer term. It's great that modeling is occupying your tie for now, but make sure that you also are focusing on just some YOU time and sorting out what needs to be in order to gather your thoughts and clear your head so that you can slowly start to move forwards and make decisions you need to in order to move forwards. Talking with people is always better than yelling at them, even though the yelling may feel better at the time.

I already talked to him about it. Deployment is one of the reasons I said I would never get involved with a military guy. But I took a chance and found out I shouldn't have. But he's not just a military guy, he just happens to be enlisted. His contract is up once he steps foot on American soil again in July anyway and as of now he's not even sure he wants to reenlist. Whatever happens we'll deal with it.

Danielle Reid wrote:
I already talked to him about it. Deployment is one of the reasons I said I would never get involved with a military guy. But I took a chance and found out I shouldn't have. But he's not just a military guy, he just happens to be enlisted. His contract is up once he steps foot on American soil again in July anyway and as of now he's not even sure he wants to reenlist. Whatever happens we'll deal with it.

right. People in the military are enlisted for lengths of time. How long has he been? July will be here sooner than you know.  Besides, you have lots of stuff going on Ms. Danielle! You do share your business around here. And if you share it, people are going to listen,:shifty eyes: or read it and retain it. Hopefully things pan  out for the better...... and this is not meant as a criticism........ but I feel like you are very used to being involved in constant chaos and may not really know any other way......... so you may come across as in a state of attack.

How do you react if someone behaves really calmly around you. Does it freak you out? Like to the point of making you uncomfy?

Lumen Sky wrote:

right. People in the military are enlisted for lengths of time. How long has he been? July will be here sooner than you know.  Besides, you have lots of stuff going on Ms. Danielle! You do share your business around here. And if you share it, people are going to listen,:shifty eyes: or read it and retain it. Hopefully things pan  out for the better...... and this is not meant as a criticism........ but I feel like you are very used to being involved in constant chaos and may not really know any other way......... so you may come across as in a state of attack.

How do you react if someone behaves really calmly around you. Does it freak you out? Like to the point of making you uncomfy?

I think this is his 6th year. I'm not always in chaos, most of the stuff I say is normal life for me. My "normal" life I can deal with, it's just when things change I get lost. I don't handle change well.

I like calm, calm is good. It doesn't freak me out or make me feel uncomfortable.

Danielle Reid wrote:
Thanks for the bump in this thread. I've been going through a lot either by my own fault or issues I can't control. Either way, it seems I'm running out of people to talk to/yell at. Not saying I'm blaming anyone, but sometimes yelling and crying works as a release and after I catch my breath I'm fine. I guess I'd rather cry in a controlled situation than alone in my bed randomly because a happy thought turns into terror in an instant with no warning or provoking.

I know one thing is for sure, I'm not cut out to be a military girlfriend/fiance/wife. At least not until I get the medical help I need.

On a brighter note, it seems my modeling career is picking up.

Long distance relationships, ... and especially military ones, are difficult!  All relationships take work, but long distance ones more than others. 

You are not alone unless you make that choice to be.  Reach out ... and keep reaching out until someone takes your hand (figuratively or literally!)  I used to answer the crisis hotline.  I might actually go back to doing that someday. Someone has got to be there when you call for help!  That is why I believe this thread is so important. 

You say you need medical help?  I hope you are able to get whatever help you need soon.  Don't know if you mean mental or physical health or maybe both?  I've had many physical issues ... most in recent times.  Everything from two bouts with congestive heart failure, breaking my neck, a terrble car wreck, breaking my leg badly ... and in about a month, I'm having surgery on my right eye for a problem with the tear duct.  That last problem is pretty minor compared to the past stuff I've been through.  I also have insomnia along with the aches and pains that come as I grow older from all the past injuries.  But you know what?  It's not that bad.  I tell myself that I am lucky to be alive ... that it could be worse!  Much worse! 

Mentally, I'm ok.  Sure, there are times when I'm hurting and curse the darkness.  I think to myself what a drag it is getting old ... and then I say to myself ... but I'm not "that old!!"  It's not even so much about age, although I wish I had taken better care of myself at times ... I wish I could have my 20 something year old body back.  Not that I was in that fantastic of shape, but then I might take better care!  LOL  Honestly, it is my sense of humor that has saved my life! 

I'm not one to get into a comparison match with others.  I know that there are others worse off than me.  When I was in the hospital being evaluated for a heart transplant ... which I didn't need after all ... I met others who had been there suffering from congestive heart failure longer than myself.  I went to other patients rooms and did my best to maker them laugh or at least put a smile on their face.  I joked with my doctor when I first met him at 1 AM in the morning .... he looked tired.  I asked him if he'd like to switch places, take my bed while I do his rounds?  He knew he had a live one them!  I walked the floor everyday while in the hospital, and would say "Hey, stop talking about me!"  as I walked by!  With the nurses, I'd joke that I was looking for the exit.  It was actually common for laughter to be coming out of my room, even those friends that came to see me! 

The truth is, if not for my sense of humor, I would be dead.  I feel that laughter is as necessary in our lives as love is.  Both laughter and love bring joy to our hearts.  Another thing that makes me happy is music.  Photography makes me happy too, as does writing. 

I'd like to be in something more than a friendship relationship.  It's been a while, and the past realtionships of girlfriends in the past were alright for the time, but not meant to last.  An indication that it was not meant to last was that I didn't stay friends after we broke up.  I have close friends, but not a intimate relationship like I would like to have again someday.  If it's meant to be, then it will happen, but I'm not going to worry about it for now.

You say you're "not cut out" but only you know that for sure.  It seems like you've put a lot of your heart and soul into your relationship with this man who is deployed.  I hope you can find whatever strength to continue in your relationship, or to not fall apart if the relationship does.  Love is worth fighting for.  He is coming back in July!  That is a positive!

Yes, it is a positive when we get more work!  I'm looking forward to a great New Year!

Patrick Walberg wrote:

Long distance relationships, ... and especially military ones, are difficult!  All relationships take work, but long distance ones more than others. 

You are not alone unless you make that choice to be.  Reach out ... and keep reaching out until someone takes your hand (figuratively or literally!)  I used to answer the crisis hotline.  I might actually go back to doing that someday. Someone has got to be there when you call for help!  That is why I believe this thread is so important. 

You say you need medical help?  I hope you are able to get whatever help you need soon.  Don't know if you mean mental or physical health or maybe both?  I've had many physical issues ... most in recent times.  Everything from two bouts with congestive heart failure, breaking my neck, a terrble car wreck, breaking my leg badly ... and in about a month, I'm having surgery on my right eye for a problem with the tear duct.  That last problem is pretty minor compared to the past stuff I've been through.  I also have insomnia along with the aches and pains that come as I grow older from all the past injuries.  But you know what?  It's not that bad.  I tell myself that I am lucky to be alive ... that it could be worse!  Much worse! 

Mentally, I'm ok.  Sure, there are times when I'm hurting and curse the darkness.  I think to myself what a drag it is getting old ... and then I say to myself ... but I'm not "that old!!"  It's not even so much about age, although I wish I had taken better care of myself at times ... I wish I could have my 20 something year old body back.  Not that I was in that fantastic of shape, but then I might take better care!  LOL  Honestly, it is my sense of humor that has saved my life! 

I'm not one to get into a comparison match with others.  I know that there are others worse off than me.  When I was in the hospital being evaluated for a heart transplant ... which I didn't need after all ... I met others who had been there suffering from congestive heart failure longer than myself.  I went to other patients rooms and did my best to maker them laugh or at least put a smile on their face.  I joked with my doctor when I first met him at 1 AM in the morning .... he looked tired.  I asked him if he'd like to switch places, take my bed while I do his rounds?  He knew he had a live one them!  I walked the floor everyday while in the hospital, and would say "Hey, stop talking about me!"  as I walked by!  With the nurses, I'd joke that I was looking for the exit.  It was actually common for laughter to be coming out of my room, even those friends that came to see me! 

The truth is, if not for my sense of humor, I would be dead.  I feel that laughter is as necessary in our lives as love is.  Both laughter and love bring joy to our hearts.  Another thing that makes me happy is music.  Photography makes me happy too, as does writing. 

I'd like to be in something more than a friendship relationship.  It's been a while, and the past realtionships of girlfriends in the past were alright for the time, but not meant to last.  An indication that it was not meant to last was that I didn't stay friends after we broke up.  I have close friends, but not a intimate relationship like I would like to have again someday.  If it's meant to be, then it will happen, but I'm not going to worry about it for now.

You say you're "not cut out" but only you know that for sure.  It seems like you've put a lot of your heart and soul into your relationship with this man who is deployed.  I hope you can find whatever strength to continue in your relationship, or to not fall apart if the relationship does.  Love is worth fighting for.  He is coming back in July!  That is a positive!

Yes, it is a positive when we get more work!  I'm looking forward to a great New Year!

I don't plan to just give up on this relationship. We have problems but we always seem to work through them. It helps that he calls me almost every night even if it's just to say he loves me. It helps with the pain although I keep thinking July is years away.

I always figure I could never be a military wife and each day proves me right. I don't want him giving up his career and it seems that he's decision to be a civilian is based off my feelings. He keeps mentioning that I have no idea how much he sacrifices for me. He was supposed to have left last November but purposely ran his mouth about his back injury to a medical official he knew didn't like him. He knew he would be told to stay home if it was brought up to the right people. For months I wondered why they told him to stay back. He told me one day saying he did it because our relationship was still new and he didn't know if I would still be here when he got back. I felt horrible, like I held him back from something he loves. He loves the army and deployment and all that. Then I come into the picture and ruin it.

I do need mental help though. Feeling like I do isn't just "oh, you're missing him, you'll be fine". It goes a lot deeper than that. I've had problems before I met him. Actually, if I wouldn't have met him I'd probably be locked up in a mental hospital on suicide watch. The same week I met him I was crying to a friend about ending my life. Then this goofy guy came into my life with that goofy smile and I felt weight lift off my shoulder. And now he's gone and I'm stuck pretending like my smiles are real. I shouldn't be crying randomly. I can be in a completely happy situation then a thought runs through my head and all of a sudden I'm in tears.

At the airport a few days ago, I was surrounded by Army and Air Force personnel coming and going through DFW. One SGT had a ring tone that was the exact same one as the ring tone I use for my fiance's US phone and I quickly started searching my purse thinking he was calling. Then I realized that he's probably sleep by this time and his US cell is turned off anyway (and my cell phone was on silent). Then the tears started coming again and I find myself crying in the middle of lunch at TGI Friday's.

My up days are great, but my down days feel like hell is taking over.

Danielle Reid wrote:
I don't plan to just give up on this relationship. We have problems but we always seem to work through them. It helps that he calls me almost every night even if it's just to say he loves me. It helps with the pain although I keep thinking July is years away.

I always figure I could never be a military wife and each day proves me right. I don't want him giving up his career and it seems that he's decision to be a civilian is based off my feelings. He keeps mentioning that I have no idea how much he sacrifices for me. He was supposed to have left last November but purposely ran his mouth about his back injury to a medical official he knew didn't like him. He knew he would be told to stay home if it was brought up to the right people. For months I wondered why they told him to stay back. He told me one day saying he did it because our relationship was still new and he didn't know if I would still be here when he got back. I felt horrible, like I held him back from something he loves. He loves the army and deployment and all that. Then I come into the picture and ruin it.

I do need mental help though. Feeling like I do isn't just "oh, you're missing him, you'll be fine". It goes a lot deeper than that. I've had problems before I met him. Actually, if I wouldn't have met him I'd probably be locked up in a mental hospital on suicide watch. The same week I met him I was crying to a friend about ending my life. Then this goofy guy came into my life with that goofy smile and I felt weight lift off my shoulder. And now he's gone and I'm stuck pretending like my smiles are real. I shouldn't be crying randomly. I can be in a completely happy situation then a thought runs through my head and all of a sudden I'm in tears.

At the airport a few days ago, I was surrounded by Army and Air Force personnel coming and going through DFW. One SGT had a ring tone that was the exact same one as the ring tone I use for my fiance's US phone and I quickly started searching my purse thinking he was calling. Then I realized that he's probably sleep by this time and his US cell is turned off anyway (and my cell phone was on silent). Then the tears started coming again and I find myself crying in the middle of lunch at TGI Friday's.

My up days are great, but my down days feel like hell is taking over.

Keep in mind that his choices to make sacrifices are his to make regardless of you.  It's actually complimentary of him to do so in thinking of you.  It's a sign that he loves you!  About hearing the ring tone in the restaurant, certainly it's ok to cry!   

I'm sorry you are going through so much with him being deployed, but you are not alone.  There are many significant others and spouses who understand where your feelings are coming from.  I suggest that you check into finding such a support group.  I'm sure there are some!

We all have those up and down days ... but you can get through the down days, because the up days are worth it!  Things "can" and do get better!  Otherwise, I hope that it is helpful knowing that we are supportive of you. HUGS

Patrick Walberg wrote:

Keep in mind that his choices to make sacrifices are his to make regardless of you.  It's actually complimentary of him to do so in thinking of you.  It's a sign that he loves you!  About hearing the ring tone in the restaurant, certainly it's ok to cry!   

I'm sorry you are going through so much with him being deployed, but you are not alone.  There are many significant others and spouses who understand where your feelings are coming from.  I suggest that you check into finding such a support group.  I'm sure there are some!

We all have those up and down days ... but you can get through the down days, because the up days are worth it!  Things "can" and do get better!  Otherwise, I hope that it is helpful knowing that we are supportive of you. HUGS

He does a lot for me that shows he loves me more than anything.

I tried dealing with support groups that he forced me to join and army wives social groups on Facebook and chat rooms, pretty much they are very catty and I don't deal with that. My feelings didn't matter at all. It was all about "our little soldiers". It swings from "Get over it, you're not the only one doll" to "Well, maybe he should find someone that actually supports him since you can't seem to step up".

I rather have support from outsiders

Phane wrote:
Haha! not yet when I get a job sure  would be awsome

I wanna see video

Lumen Sky wrote:
I wanna see video

Sure

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8K4eBKL3ULs


JK

Danielle Reid wrote:
He does a lot for me that shows he loves me more than anything.

I tried dealing with support groups that he forced me to join and army wives social groups on Facebook and chat rooms, pretty much they are very catty and I don't deal with that. My feelings didn't matter at all. It was all about "our little soldiers". It swings from "Get over it, you're not the only one doll" to "Well, maybe he should find someone that actually supports him since you can't seem to step up".

I rather have support from outsiders

You've got some supporters here. 


Bookmark this page.

Patrick Walberg wrote:

You've got some supporters here. 


Bookmark this page.

Thank you, Patrick.

KOLMANS STUDIOS wrote:
Hallo To all here. Been telling my story to all of you,some time ago,and all of a sudden just realize I need to be surrounded by people that understand and live with depression and all the negative things LIFE dish out soemtimes. In most cases,we cope, but then we find out one day,no we cannot cope.
Was now ok for best part opf a year and half, no medication nothing. Actually lots of positive happenings and decisions. slowly loneliness creeped up to me,and I found I push friends away,not delibrately,but unkown. Well, I need to discuss and talk about it,only way I,w be able to cope . And here I am.

hey there buddy,not sure if you remember me from tiny chat or not, but Im here. Sorry to hear that you arent feeling well again. It happens. Life goes in cycles and that is ok. It never feels good to feel like you have shifted backwards, but hold on to your reigns... one day at a time, and you will make it through. Focus on today. Whats going on for you today? Anything you look forward to? Anything specific upsetting you? the New Year is always a hard time for people. It brings up lots of feelings for people, including myself.

KOLMANS STUDIOS wrote:
I think being alone during chrismast and new year, not going out as was suggest by friends. But it started already someitme last year. Business is slow,I can still pay bills,but thats where it begin and end. Seems i,m just going round in circles,instead of going in a straight line,from bad to good.

Well,thank you for the kind words. Must chat someday in the near future. Its only the time diffrence that make it difficult to know who is on chat at what time.

The holidays are always difficult for many of us.  I no longer have high expectations as to Christmas & New Years.  Going out seems like a great idea ... except if it's feeling forced or pushed.  Best wishes to you!

Danielle Reid wrote:

Thank you, Patrick.

You are very welcome. 

Kittelsaa Foto wrote:
I am not sure if anyone remembers this, but a few years ago my girlfriend went through a hard period of self-loathing and suicidal thoughts. It's been up and down since, she's going from very happy to "not worth the air she's breathing".

Yesterday she told me a few things that made me really scared.

1. She has been planning to leave me to make me take her suicide less hard. As in, "if you're used to me not being there, it might be easier to deal with me being gone."
2. She has planned to commit suicide after our trip to Belfast in October, as the trip is already paid by someone else, and it would be to much trouble for them to find someone else to go instead of her. (We are to referee at a roller derby bout).
3. She has been searching for a "nice spot" along the fjord. Not to far away, but not to easy to spot.
4. She is telling me this, so I can prepare, and she is willing to help me pack her stuff before she commits suicide, so it will be less of a problem for me when she's gone.

Today, I did something I haven't done in 15 years. I went to a chaplain (an old army chaplain that I've known since I was 5 years old.) for help. I am not religious, and he respects that. And more importantly, I completely trust him. As he knows me, we didn't talk anything about the religious aspect.Now, I know that she's best off in a hospital, but she doesn't want to go. There are laws in effect that I can use to forcefully hospitalize her, but I know that she'll never trust me again if I do something like that. Her friend, who also suffers from depression of this level, told her that hospital is the only option. She, the friend, was hospitalized for sucidal behaviour a couple of years ago, and has a better life now, so she might be able to persuade my girlfriend to go to the hospital.

Now, my worst fear has always been to not be there for someone who's in pain, and I am at a loss for what to do. I'm on my fifth week of sick leave due to her condition, and the whole situation is dragging me into a depression as well.

If anyone have a few good words, or anything that might help, please PM me.

By the way, as I live in Norway there are a lot of differences when it comes to what's legal, and how it's done, so please keep the US law out of this. (I'm only writing this last paragraph because I know most MM'ers are from the US.)

She sounds bi-polar and with medicine and therapy she can get better. All I can say is she needs professional help immediately. Would you rather she was mad a you for a while or dead? Please get her professional help before it's too late.